Elusively Yours
by GemmaH
Summary: Edward Cullen has just one rule for his sex life: The moms he picks up in the schoolyard have to be involved with someone else. It's the perfect system, until he meets Bella Swan. He thought that he set the terms, apparently nobody thought to tell Bella.
1. I'm Not the Sort of Guy Who Rises & Shin

**I'm really excited about this story and hope that you will be too, the opening chapters have been sitting in my computer for a couple of months now, waiting to make their debut!**

**It's my first serious attempt at writing an Edward & Bella fic (Jingle Balls doesn't count ;o) ) and I just hope it's well received. **

**I'd love it if you'd take the time to leave a review at the end with your thoughts.**

**If you'd like to read Edward's back story for this fic, it's posted on here as a one-shot that I wrote for the Black Balloon Contest, and is called Unravel Me.**

**Thanks to my beta, Erin for helping with this, and to my friends at Edbrella for their encouragement, suggestions and pre-reading.**

**Chapter 1: I'm Not the Sort of Guy That Rises & Shines**

**EPoV**

I clasped the pillow tightly over my head, as the shrill and unforgiving beeps of the alarm filled the room. I reached out blindly with one hand and hit the button on top of the clock, silencing it. I exhaled in relief and emerged from beneath the pillow. Fuck, my head hurt. I tried to force my unwilling eyes open. I'd only let the slightest sliver of light in through my lids when the brightness sheared in, it felt as though it were slicing my brain cleanly in half. I winced, but even that caused another flash of pain, on my face this time.

I desperately tried to remember what had happened the night before but could only recall flashes of images. Trying to locate information in my painfully hung-over brain was a lot like trying to wade through a pond of syrup, only not as sweet.

I was just considering re-setting my alarm for ten more minutes that I couldn't really afford, when my cell started ringing. I grimaced in the general direction of the sound, then slowly reached down to the floor and fumbled in the pocket of my discarded jeans. I finally managed to pull it out and answer it. My relief at the ringing having stopped was short-lived.

"Edward. Where the hell are you?" I pulled the handset away slightly as my sister-in-law's angry voice assaulted my sensitive ears.

"I…" I tried to speak but my tongue stuck stubbornly to the roof of my mouth. I reached for the bottle of water on my nightstand and put my cell down while I half sat up, opened the bottle and swallowed a mouthful. I winced as the tepid liquid roused a stale taste in my mouth, and quickly took a couple more gulps to try and get rid of it before it made me gag.

I could hear Rosalie's voice getting increasingly irate as the sound drifted up from the phone. I closed the bottle, put the water down and raised the handset to my ear, tentatively.

"Rose, I'm home, calm down," I croaked. "I'll be right down."

I ended the call and threw the phone down onto my bed. I swung my legs gently over the side of the bed and sat holding onto the edge of the mattress for a moment with my eyes closed. I bowed my head and waited for it to stop spinning, swallowing back the bile that kept rising in my throat.

I reached down again for my jeans and pulled them over my feet and up my legs. I stood and yanked them all the way up, stumbling as I did and hitting the wall shoulder-first.

"Fuck," I muttered as I straightened up again.

In the distance I could hear loud and insistent knocking at the front door.

"I'm coming!" I yelled, instantly regretting it as the sound reverberated within my aching head like a giant bell. I lurched down the staircase, leaning one shoulder against the wall for support the whole way down.

As I unlatched the door, it burst open and I staggered back. Rosalie stood in front of me, immaculate as ever and brimming with fury.

"Edward! Where were—" She cut off as she saw me clearly for the first time, her face dropping in shock. "What the hell happened this time?" She suddenly wrinkled her nose and turned her head away in disgust. "Jeez, you reek of whiskey."

She remembered then that we weren't alone and looked down at the nine year old child next to her, so similar to her, save for my brother's dark hair color and his dimples that she'd inherited.

"Hey, Uncle Edward," she greeted me, noticeably subdued by her mother's anger and, I guessed, maybe the state of my face.

"Hey, Gracie," I replied, attempting a smile at my niece.

She turned to Rosalie.

"Can I go watch TV, Mom?"

Rosalie smiled down at her.

"Of course you can, honey. Go ahead, I'll be right through." She held her smile in place until the little girl was out of sight, then it vanished rapidly as she turned her eyes back on me.

She slammed the front door closed and pushed me roughly into the wall behind me, then walked forward until her face was inches from mine. I looked down and to the side, avoiding the venomous look she was giving me. "Don't tell me. Jealous boyfriend again? Or did she have a husband this time?"

I didn't have the energy to argue about this with Rosalie this morning. I raised my eyes to look at her.

"Don't you have to be at work?" I asked, then slid out from in front of her and turned to head for the kitchen. I'd only taken one step when she caught my arm, pulling me around to face her again, looking up at me. She lowered the volume of her voice but the anger was still there.

"I know you think it's none of my business, Edward. And you're right – except when you're taking care of my daughter. Don't think that I don't know that you pick up moms in the schoolyard, because I do know. Everyone knows; including their husbands, judging by the state of you."

I turned to glance in the mirror on the wall behind me. The extent of the damage took me by surprise and I cringed away from the sight.

"If I didn't have that suppliers meeting this morning, I'd be taking Grace out of here right now."

A light bulb went on in my head. Shit, the meeting. That's why she was here early, I'd completely forgotten about it. Rosalie lifted her wrist and looked at her watch.

"Hell, I have to go. I'm going to be late." She strode quickly down the hall to the living room, calling out as she went. "Grace, I have to go to work now sweetheart, come and give mommy a kiss." They met at the living room door and I watched as Rosalie gave Grace a kiss and a hug, then Grace returned to the TV and Rose headed back toward me. She stopped in front of me again, pointing her finger in my face and speaking quietly, yet harshly.

"Edward, this stops now. You lay one finger on another woman in that yard and their husbands will be the least of your worries, trust me." She turned and stalked out of the house, slamming the door harder than necessary behind her and causing me to flinch from the pain it created in my head. I ran one hand through my hair and then headed toward the living room.

Grace was sitting on the black leather couch with her legs folded under her and shoes discarded on the floor. She didn't look comfortable, but then nobody ever did on that damn couch. I don't know why I ever let Tanya talk me into buying the fucking thing.

Oh, wait. Yes I do. It was the blow job she gave me after our trip to the furniture store. Hmm. Well maybe it was just a shame that she didn't just take it with her then, she seemed to take everything that I wanted to keep, like the paintings I'd chosen, and the TV. I frowned as I watched the stubborn flickering line that ran across the top of the screen of the second hand set that Grace was watching. And my self-respect, I thought as another scene from the previous evening flashed through my head. Sadly it wasn't the part that I'd rather remember either.

I was standing at the foot of the stairs with…uh…Clara..Claire? I had no idea which. I'd been on my way out and taken the opportunity to push her up against the wall, pull her silky robe open again and put my drunken hands all over her as I kissed her greedily. All this despite having spent the last two hours in her bed.

I was just sliding my hand between her legs when a sound startled us both. We turned our heads toward the front door at the exact same time, to see her husband standing frozen in the doorway, briefcase in hand and jaw on the ground. He looked so ridiculous that I was unable to not let a snort of laughter escape from my mouth. Not the wisest move when you consider I was in _his_ house with my hands all over his almost-naked wife.

She quickly straightened up and pushed me away, pulling her robe back around herself.

"Steve! Uh…" Her voice dropped to a whisper only I could hear, as she lowered her head. "Shit, this wasn't supposed to happen."

I was unsure whether she meant us fucking, or the fact we just got caught.

"Cullen," he growled as he simultaneously threw his briefcase down and lunged for me. He was sober and full of anger, while I was post-coital and full of his whiskey; it was never going to be an epic battle.

Five minutes later I was lying flat on my back on their front lawn, as the door slammed shut and their argument raged on behind it. I vaguely remembered clambering unsteadily to my feet and staggering away, but everything after I finally reached the road, was a blank.

I looked back at Grace, entranced by some crappy Disney show with annoying kids in it. Rosalie strictly limited her TV time at home. My sister-in-law had so many rules in place that I'd always maintained only one when Grace was with me – there were no rules. She was a good kid and didn't take advantage either, it made for a good relationship.

I glanced up at the clock on the wall. There were still two hours before school was due to start.

"Gracie, I'm going to go shower, ok?"

She looked up at me and smiled, her dimples appearing.

"Ok." She shifted in her seat as she turned back to the TV, crossing her legs in front of her. I smiled and turned, heading out of the room and upstairs to the bathroom.

Inside with the door locked, I pulled my t-shirt off and leaned over the basin to get a good look at myself in the mirror. My bronze hair was even more unruly than usual, sticking up all over the place. My face was a frightening canvas of various shades of reds, browns, and purples. I huffed in annoyance.

I filled the basin with warm water then pulled a clean washcloth from the cabinet on the wall. Wetting it, I began dabbing gingerly at the dried blood. To my relief, most of what I'd assumed to be injuries were in fact just smears of blood.

By the time I was through, I didn't look half so bad. My lower lip was cut and swollen, I had a black eye, and a cut high up on my forehead. The right side of my jaw was tender, but other than a slight purple bruise that you'd miss if you didn't know to look for it, appeared fine.

I showered quickly after that, longing to spend time letting the hot water soothe my aching muscles, but not wanting to leave Grace alone for long. I might be an irresponsible fucker when it came to myself these days, but I always made sure that my niece was taken care of.

I threw on clean clothes then headed back downstairs, feeling almost human again. Grace hadn't moved, still engrossed in the same show. She glanced up as I entered the room.

"You look better," she said approvingly. "You won't scare the other kids now." She giggled and I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Did you already have breakfast?" I asked her, knowing for a fact that there was no way Rosalie would let her set a foot out of the house without a nutritious, yet undoubtedly dull, breakfast inside her.

"Uh-huh," she confirmed. "Raisin bran." She mimed a gagging motion and I smirked.

"That's too bad," I told her. "I was just going to put some strawberry Poptarts in, but if you've already eaten I guess—" I didn't have a chance to finish because she'd already run out past me.

Surprisingly, I did have some respect for Rosalie's dictatorship parenting style, so I didn't do the breakfast thing everyday, but at least once a week I liked to see the simple joy that processed sugary crap could bring to my niece. I always enjoyed seeing her happy, but today it was like therapy for my sorry ass.

The school run had become the highlight of my dull days since I discovered how easy it could be to glean more than a little positive attention from the women stuck in this ground-hog day routine with me. I'd quickly noticed that they had their own groups, their own designated spaces, and they gave suspicious territorial glances to any other women wandering too close to their space. I'd also, almost as quickly discovered that, as a man I could gain a welcome entry to any of these groups with a dazzling smile as I approached. This I'd used to my full and unashamed advantage, accepting invitations for morning coffee after the school bell rang, and reciprocating with enough flirting to win me invitations into bed fairly often.

The single moms did nothing for me; I doggedly avoided them. I'd discovered to my heavy cost, that when commitment failed it took a piece of your heart with it. Well, I wasn't willing to lose another chunk of mine anytime soon, if at all, so my current lifestyle had seemed ideal.

Some slightly less screwed up individuals than myself, might question why I was targeting other men's women, when Tanya had cheated on me and I knew how it felt? The answer was simple. I wanted everyone else to suffer as much as I had; why should anyone else have a happy relationship if I couldn't? If the husband found out, so what? If your woman was going to cheat then I'm pretty damn sure you're better knowing about it. I wasn't going out of my way to make anyone find out, but if they did find out then I certainly didn't have a problem with it. She was the one cheating after all, not me.

Today as I approached the school with Grace at my side, I pulled my cap down low over my shades. I had naively thought that my conquests wouldn't be eager for anyone to know what was going on, with them being in relationships already. From what Rosalie had said though, it sounded as though that wasn't the case at all. And how in hell's name did _she _know about it anyway? There was no time to worry about that now as we walked through the school gates.

I'd turned up with cuts, bruises and dark glasses before today, but never had I received the looks that were sent my way this morning. They all knew. I knew they knew and they didn't seem to care. Some of them didn't even bother to keep their voices down to a whisper, which fucking annoyed me, because the kids didn't need to know. I hoped like hell that Grace didn't get any shit over this, or Rosalie would have my balls for earrings.

I tried to look inconspicuously around for Claire, or whatever her name was, wondering how she would be after the previous night's drama. She wasn't in her usual place, but I recognised her son standing with one of her friends, looking sad and worried. As I watched, the woman bent to say something to him and put her arm around his shoulder. Shit. The kid only looked about seven years old. Was he standing looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders because of me?

I leaned back against the building, my hands in my pockets and decided that Rosalie was right; it was time to stop. It had been fun while it lasted, but maybe enough was enough.

I vowed silently right there, that I wasn't going to touch another of the women in that school yard again, and cynically hoped my resolve didn't fade with my bruises.

**A/N Thanks for reading, please leave a review and let me know what you think of this Edward :o)**


	2. Wings Begin to Unfold

**Many thanks to Becky who stepped in as beta for me so I could get this chapter up, I really appreciate it :o)**

**Here we go, it's time to meet our Bella!**

**Chapter 2 – Wings Begin to Unfold**

"Are you sure you want to do this, Bella?" Jake turned to look at me as he asked the question, one hand on the steering wheel and one on the parking brake. He looked tired and drawn, the familiar sparkle missing from his dark eyes, the colour of which matched the deep circles below them.

"Dad! Come on!" a high pitched voice whined impatiently from the back seat. Jake glanced in the direction of the voice briefly, and then back to me

"Jake," I interrupted him, firmly placing my small hand on top of his huge one on the brake. "We're not going through this again. I want to come along, now let's go."

He pulled his lips into what couldn't quite be described as a smile. I smiled reassuringly back at him and squeezed his hand once before I brought mine back into my lap.

As Jake backed the car out of the driveway, I turned to look at the two small boys in the back seat. They'd been through so much in the past few months; I really hoped that this move could be the turning point that we all needed it to be and not just another upheaval for the children. They'd coped really well so far, children were so resilient. The same couldn't be said for Jake unfortunately, he'd taken it hard and seemed unable to move forward at all. This move was for him. We'd never said as much directly, but we both knew it. And his claims that they would cope just fine alone? Well I knew for a fact that they couldn't. Jake could barely take care of himself right now, let alone look after the boys too.

I looked away from the two little heads in the back seat; Josh concentrating on the driving game he was playing on his DS, and Billy quietly gazing out of the window watching the familiar scenery passing by as we drove toward the edge of town. I glanced at Jake as I turned back to the front, and caught a lone tear sliding gently down his cheek. I swallowed deeply and looked away as my heart ached at the sight. I'd learned from the past few months' experience that he didn't appreciate too much sympathy as it just made him worse. I reached out and rubbed the top of his arm without looking at him again so he'd know that I was there for him. He took one hand from the steering wheel and crossed his arm in front of his chest, placing his hand on top of mine to acknowledge the gesture. After a moment he moved it away again and I pulled my hand away. I wondered if he'd always be in this much pain? Surely it had to start to ease at some point for him?

**2 months earlier**

I stood in the bedroom doorway, my heart breaking for my best friend as I watched him grasping the hand of his wife with both of his, his face resting on top of his hands as desperate sobs racked his whole body. The nurse stood next to his chair, rubbing his shoulders comfortingly as they heaved under her hand. She looked up, and seeing me standing there beckoned me into the room with a tilt of her head. Her face was kindly and reassuring as it always was, and I had no idea how it anyone managed to work day after day with scenes of such intense grief playing out in front of them.

Crossing the room I pulled up the extra chair that stood by the window, pushing it as close to Jacob as it would go, as the nurse stepped away and tactfully left the room with a nod to me.

"Jake, I'm so sorry," I said gently, placing my arm around him, the tears spilling from my eyes now. He lifted his head slowly and looked at me. He lifted his left hand away from hers and wrapped his arm around me. He opened his mouth to speak but was overcome again and leaned his head down to rest on mine instead.

I looked across at the figure in the bed. Now she was finally at peace she looked beautiful again. The serenity that she'd always carried effortlessly in her carefree days had been returned to her, but what a terrible injustice that she'd only regained it because the cancer she'd fought so bravely had won. As I looked at her I was filled with the familiar guilt that I'd felt often these past few months. Why did this cruel illness have to pick on her of all people? It would have been far kinder for it to have claimed me. I had no husband that adored me; no children that would be left without their mother. Ok, so I had parents who'd miss me, but Emma did too.

Since Emma confided in me about her illness I'd done everything I could to help them. I'd helped out a lot with looking after the boys. Emma loved spending time with them, especially once she found out that it was limited time, but she found caring for them tiring. They were still only seven and five and needed help with things, although they were gradually becoming more independent with a lot of basic things. A month before she passed I'd moved in so I could help out more. I was lucky that my job as a freelance writer meant that I could pretty much choose my own hours as long as the work got done. I'd taken to getting some done in the day when Emma was resting and the boys were at school, and the remainder in the evening when Jake was home. He'd cut his hours down as much as he could at work and I knew it upset him that he wasn't able to spend every hour that Emma had left with her, but he had to think about how he would look after the children after the inevitable had happened, if he lost his job.

The kids had handled things far better than we'd expected. Josh's behaviour had been worse for a while; he was showing a lot of anger, but the care team had assured us that this was absolutely normal. Jake and Emma had sat down and talked with him about it, asking him how he felt about the situation, reassuring him that anger was a normal response and that actually, we were all pretty angry at what was happening. Billy was a little younger and didn't seem to have fully grasped what it all meant. We'd all just spent as much time as we could, making sure that they both felt as secure and loved as possible. I'd always been close to them and they seemed to like having me around. I'd thought about the decision to move in with the family carefully. There was no way that I wanted to be in the way at a time like this, but Emma and Jake had insisted that they wanted me there.

I'd always been close to Jake. Our fathers were good friends and we'd quickly become best friends during our childhoods. There had been a time when it had looked like things may go further than friendship between us, but nothing ever really came of it. I think we were both too scared of losing the friendship we'd built to risk taking that extra step. As Jake matured he usually had some doe-eyed girl hanging from his arm. Unfortunately, without exception, they couldn't handle our relationship and it was always the jealousy of his friendship with me that caused things to quickly come to an end. That was until he met Emma at work. She worked in the offices and he was an engineer. They hit it off straight away and to see them together it was as though they'd been made for each other. Truly, the very first time I saw them together I understood completely what a soul mate was. The most surprising thing about it was the fact that she accepted me as part of the deal without question and we soon struck up a good friendship of our own.

Only days before she'd passed away, Emma and I had had a heart to heart. Jake was out at work and the boys were in school. Emma was having quite a good day, which was sadly the exception rather than the rule now. The sun was shining into the room and we had the window open a little causing a gentle spring breeze, and allowing the sound of the birds singing to drift into the room. Emma was sitting propped up on a mountain of pillows and I was lying on my stomach on Jake's half of the bed facing her.

"Bella, I'm worried about Jake," she confided. "He thinks he's coping but I'm pretty sure he's not. I worry about him and the boys when I'm gone."

It still shocked me to hear how matter of fact she could speak of dying when it was so close. She seemed to have accepted it far better than any of us. I wasn't sure I could have been as gracious about it in her place.

I nodded in agreement at her words. It was something that I'd thought too, but I hadn't felt it was my place to say anything; I'd just braced myself for the fallout when we got to that point.

"I think you're right," I told her, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "But try not to worry about them too much. I'm not going to let anything happen to them, I promise."

I'd kept my word. I'd looked after everyone's domestic needs well and done my best to support the boys emotionally alongside Jake. What I hadn't been able to do was support Jake, because he'd fallen apart inside and built a whole new solid wall out of the pieces on the outside. He still looked like Jake as long as you didn't look too closely. For those who didn't know him as well as I did, I was sure that he appeared as he always had, maybe save for the signs of lack of sleep. For me though, I saw that his sparkle had gone. When I looked into his eyes now, I could see that the light had gone out. It hurt to see him like this, so I tried not to look too closely.

Jake was operating on automatic pilot, it was obvious, and it worried me how long this could go on for.

Eventually something had been bound to give, and it happened to be at work. Emma had still worked at the same company as Jake; the very same one where they'd met, up until her illness made working impossible. Because he'd known Emma well, Jake's boss, Jim was probably more sympathetic toward Jake than many would have been, but even he reached a point where he was unable to turn a blind eye any longer, and had to call him into his office to discuss his lack of productivity at work. Jake had broken down and admitted that it was too much imagining Emma at work as well as at home. He could see into her old office and her desk clearly from where he worked and he was struggling to cope.

Jim had listened carefully, then told Jake that there was a position at the firm's sister workshop in Forks, an hour or so away, and it was his if he wanted it. Jake told him that he wasn't sure it would be possible, but that he'd think about it overnight and let Jim know the following day, and then he left for home.

We discussed it all afternoon, broke off once the kids were home from school, then started again after they were in bed. When we finally crawled into our beds in the early hours of the morning, Jake had still not decided for sure. He really wanted the change that was being offered to him, but he didn't want to be working an hour's drive from home and he was worried that moving away would be too unsettling for the boys, having just lost their mom too.

I was just finishing setting the table for breakfast the morning after the offer, when Jake padded in, his feet bare, and sat down at the table, linking his hands behind his head. He sighed deeply and I leaned back against the counter, regarding him sympathetically.

"Still not decided huh?" I asked him, pulling my lips into a tight smile.

"No," he replied, unlinking his hands and bringing his arms down to rest on the table. He picked up a spoon and began twisting it between his fingers. "I'd decided to accept, but then I decided that it just wouldn't be possible to manage away from here, with no support. I can't bring the boys up without back up, not yet anyway."

He looked so dejected that I decided to commit to the idea that had had been prodding at my brain ever since Jake had arrived home and told me the situation the day before.

"I'll come with you," I told him, as though it were a shopping trip he was planning.

He smiled up at me.

"Bella, you've already done more for us than I could ever thank you for. I don't expect you to move away from Port Angeles for us too."

"I know you don't expect me to Jake, but I want to." I pushed off from the counter and pulled out a chair, sitting down around the corner of the table to Jake's right. "I can get my own place and help out with the kids; I don't have to live with you. You're probably getting pretty sick of the sight of me by now."

"Hey," Jake scolded me. "Don't you ever think that, you're a part of the family Bells, you're always welcome in our home."

I glanced down, embarrassed at the intensity in his voice.

"Thanks, Jake, that means a lot," I told him, looking back up at him now. I reached across and gripped his large hand with my much smaller one. "And I mean it. What's to keep me here? I can do my job from anywhere, Charlie'll only be an hour away and I like looking after you and the boys. I consider you my family too. So if you're serious about going and you'll have me, I'd love to come with you."

A huge infectious grin appeared on his face, and for once it actually reached his eyes. He got to his feet where he was, his chair scraping on the floor as he leaned across to wrap his arms around me in a tight hug. Straightening up, he nodded to himself.

"I can do this. I can do this," he chanted to himself. "Ok," he said, looking straight at me now. "Last chance to back out Bella. If you want to change your mind, I swear I won't mind."

"Uh-uh." I shook my head. "I'm in."

"Right, well I guess I'll go to work and tell Jim what I've decided."

He turned and left the room, but a second later was striding back in again. "Crap, I didn't ask the boys how they'd feel about it," he announced.

"Sit down, Jake, you're like a cat on a hot tin roof, if they see how nervous you are they'll never go for it. I'll go and get them."

"Thanks," he said, sitting at the table now, but nervously drumming his fingers on it. I stopped, halfway across the kitchen and glared at him. He stilled his fingers and looked at me sheepishly.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

The four of us were soon sitting around the table. The boys watched us curiously, and eventually Jake cleared his throat.

"Ok, there's something I wanted to talk to you guys about," he began. I watched as Billy's face grew suddenly pale.

"Are you sick, Dad?" he asked in a small voice. Jake looked like he'd been slapped.

"No!" he said quickly. "No, nothing like that. This is something good. Well, I think it is and I'm hoping you will too."

It took approximately five minutes and the promise of a bedroom each in the new house so they no longer had to share, before they were won over to the idea. As usual, the level of adult concern about their reaction was in inverse proportion to the reaction the children actually had.

Things moved fairly quickly from that point on. We dedicated all of our spare time to organising the move, involving Josh and Billy when it came to making sure the school and the house we had found to rent were both suitable. Jake was on a high about the whole thing, and as ever his enthusiasm was infectious, which made it easy for the boys to go along with everything that he proposed. The evenings were a different matter though. We spent time sorting stuff out and boxing things up for the move. Every time we did this, Jake would come across something that held memory's of Emma for him. He'd either break down or stand and silently leave the room, whichever, it hurt me to see him like it. In the end I persuaded him to let me do the job alone and I just packed everything up to move to the new house; he could sort through it all when he felt up to it.

The night before we were due to leave, I'd stayed up later then Jake to finish off an assignment that was due in soon. It was after one in the morning when I passed his bedroom on my way to my own and glanced inside through the gap in the door. In the soft light of the bedside lamp I could see that he was lying on his back, on Emma's side of their bed. His hands were behind his head on the pillow. He stared up at the ceiling as music played quietly inside the room. I paused, then raised my hand and knocked gently on the door. Jake lifted his head slightly and looked over as I pushed the door open and leaned inside

"Hey," I whispered. "I was just going to bed and saw the light on. Are you ok?"

He slid up in the bed until he was sitting with his back against the leather headboard. The covers were bunched at his waist and the definition of his muscles cast shadows in the dim light. For a moment I could totally understand what the girls who had always flocked around him saw in him, but to me he was just Jacob, my best friend.

"Yeah, just thinking," he said, his eyes focusing on the wall next to me. He was silent for a moment, then seemed to remember I was there and looked back at me. "You want to come in? Take a seat." He patted the empty bed to his right. I walked through the door and pushed it until it was almost closed so that our talking didn't disturb Josh and Billy. This wasn't the first time we'd had one of these late-night chats. I picked up the pillows and rearranged them against the head board, then leaned back against them. Jake reached down with his right hand and picked up my left one from where it rested next to me. I turned my head and he looked up from my hand and smiled at me. It was a shadow of the smiles that he used to have for me, but as far as his recent efforts went, it was dazzling. "Bella, I could never thank you enough for what you've done for us up to now and what you've agreed to do with us tomorrow. To have a friend like you to help us through the hell we've been through these past months has been…" He cut off as words failed him, and he shook his head.

"Jake, please don't mention it any more, you're like family to me, there's no way I couldn't _not _have done it for you. I only wish there was some way I could stop your pain, I hate to see you hurting."

He sighed deeply and gazed into space again.

"It's going to be weird leaving this house behind and all of the memories," he said quietly.

"Jake the memories aren't in this house; it's just bricks and mortar. The memories are all up here." I pulled my hand out of his and tapped gently on his temple.

"Sure, sure," he replied, smiling sadly at me. I felt my heart break just a little for him once again.

"Oh, Jake."

I put my arm across the front of his waist and hugged him, my head pressed to his chest. His arm wound around my shoulder and he hugged me back as he sighed deeply. I pretended not to notice, as two heavy droplets fell onto the top of my head.

**A/N I'd love to hear your thoughts, please review.**


	3. Let Me Jump in Your Game

**I know I only updated yesterday, but as the story is in its early stages, I thought I'd share what I have seeing as I have it. Thanks to Becky for beta-ing for me again :o)**

**This chapter is longer than the other two and I'm aiming for them all to be around this length from this point on. I loved writing this chapter and hope you enjoy reading it. Please take a moment to review at the end, I never realised how much they meant to the writers until I started doing this myself!**

**Chapter 3 - Let Me Jump in Your Game**

I sat looking at the newspaper, sipping at the delicious warmth of my first coffee of the day, as Grace sat opposite me drawing. She excelled at art, something that I assumed came from our side of the family, because although Emmett had about as much artistic ability as a gorilla, I had enough talent to have carved a career in the field. I'd never actually aspired to illustrate children's books, it was something I'd stumbled into, but the money was good and getting better as my reputation grew.

"My mom and dad were talking about you last night," Grace said. I glanced up at her and noticed that she hadn't even looked up from the pony she was carefully coloring.

"Oh yeah?" I aimed for nonchalance, hoping that it would encourage her to continue talking, as I wondered exactly what my brother and his wife had been saying about me.

"Yeah, mom was all 'Emmett, your brother was covered in bruises again this morning'." She imitated Rosalie's haughty tone almost perfectly and I couldn't help but smile.

"And what did your dad say?" I asked her; suddenly nervous that maybe it was once too often for Emmett as well. I needn't have worried.

"He laughed and said it served you right. What's a horndog?"

I sputtered and barely stopped myself from spraying the mouthful of coffee I'd just taken all over the newspaper. I managed to swallow it but then started choking. Grace paused and looked up at me curiously. "Are you ok, Uncle Edward?"

I nodded and managed to get the choking under control.

"Yeah, uh, it just went down the wrong way."

Thankfully my coughing fit seemed to have distracted her from her original question. I smirked to myself as I imagined the exchange between Emmett and Rosalie. I could picture the disgust on her face at his reaction to the situation. She should have guessed though, Emmett was such a _guy_. He worked long hours in a manual job, with a completely male workforce, dedicated to humiliating one another with practical jokes. I knew for a fact that their general topics of conversation were enough to make other grown men blush. It stood to reason that such blatantly male behaviour from me would be met with approval from him. He would be living vicariously through me, because even though he talked the talk with the rest of the guys, he was actually so far under Rose's thumb that I was surprised he ever managed to make it out from under there to get to work.

As we made our way to school I was feeling a lot better. My decision to change my behaviour and my promise to Rosalie had given me an extra spring in my step. The bruises were still apparent, but I didn't feel ashamed of them because they signified a new start to me. I had a good night's sleep to buoy me up, and even though I could still feel traces of the hangover from the previous day – the two day hangover was a serious drawback of getting older that nobody ever warned you about – I was in a good mood, the bright sunshine helping to lift my mood even more.

We were a little early today and the yard was mostly empty when we arrived. I settled myself against the wall in a sunny spot and watched as Grace hooked up with one of her friends. They sat on one of the benches and her friend pulled out a magazine which they sat looking at together, pointing and giggling. I rolled my eyes and smiled as I noticed two boys wrestling in another corner of the yard. Even at such a young age the difference between the sexes was obvious and poles apart.

I glanced across just as Claire rounded the corner of the building with one of the other moms. She looked straight at me and gave me a small apologetic smile that I just had time to return before she looked quickly away again. At least her son looked happier this morning, running around with his friends.

"Hey, Edward."

A dark haired woman settled in next to me.

"Hey, Angela," I replied as she maneuvered a stroller in beside her, with a struggling toddler inside.

"Ok, ok," she told the wriggling girl, bending down to unclip the harness and helping her out, then watching as the child ran unsteadily after her older brothers.

"How's Ben?" I asked. I'd been at high school with Angela and her husband Ben. Although I saw Angela here at school now, I hardly ever saw Ben.

"Oh, he's fine. He just heard that he's being promoted."

"Hey, that's great news!" Angela didn't look convinced about it.

"Yeah, I guess," she nodded. "It just means that he has to transfer offices. It'll be longer days. For both of us." She looked across at her kids and sighed.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that. If there's anything I can do to help…"

She turned and grinned mischievously up at me.

"Uh, yeah Edward, I've heard all about your altruistic ways of helping needy housewives."

I gawked, horrified then cringed as I looked away wordlessly. Yep, apparently everyone knew exactly what I'd been up to. Suddenly a wail erupted across the yard and Angela took off to rescue her daughter, who'd fallen and was now crying loudly.

I sighed deeply and cast my eyes around the rapidly filling school yard. As my gaze passed over all of the familiar faces it suddenly stopped at a brand new one. My gaze wasn't the only thing to stop; my heart did too, and my breath hitched as I took in the woman with the long, chestnut brown hair. As I watched, my eyes moved down to the strip of creamy skin that was exposed at the top of her jeans as she crouched down in front of the two nervous looking black-haired boys with her, talking intently to them. I imagined kneeling down behind her, placing my hands on her tiny waist and running my thumbs across that strip of skin, then up, under her shirt and up her back, then….the bell rang suddenly and shrilly, right above my head. I looked up at it in disgust, partly because the noise was so loud, but mostly because it had rudely interrupted my thoughts on the new girl. New girl? I laughed to myself. I knew we were technically in the school yard, but still.

Grace ran up to me and I bent to kiss her on the cheek.

"See you later Gracie, have a good day."

She smiled up at me.

"Bye Uncle Edward!" She half waved as she ran to catch up with her friend. They linked arms and giggled again as they made for the door into school. I watched her go, but as I turned back the yard was half empty and there was no sign of the woman who'd caught my eye earlier. The intensity of the disappointment I felt shocked me, after all, I'd only decided twenty four hours ago that I was never going to hit on another woman in the school yard again. Even by my standards this was far too soon for a relapse.

I headed home, stopping half way to call into my usual coffee shop. I pushed the door open and stepped into the warmth, the delicious smells of the food and drink filling my nostrils. I noticed a small group of moms at a table near the back wall glance in my direction as I waited at the counter. One of them raised her hand slightly in a small wave and smiled at me. I smiled and raised my hand back while I desperately groped in my head for her name. It suddenly came to me. Jessica. We'd shared coffee here a couple of times, then she'd invited me back to her house for coffee there. After a couple of visits we'd ended up making out on her sofa, but a close call when her mother-in-law called round unexpectedly and almost caught us, shook her up and she'd put some space between us. I couldn't say I was sorry; she was a nice enough girl but I really didn't want to have to spend two hours in her understairs cupboard again.

"Hey, Edward! Are you _alone_?" Cathy, the grey-haired proprietor of the coffee shop asked in mock shock.

"Yes, Cathy," I replied, smiling. "I'm alone. Could I have one of your blueberry muffins to take out please?"

I could see her eyeing my bruises with curiosity, but with a smile and without another word she put a muffin in a paper bag for me and took the money that I offered. We said our farewells and I pulled the door open, still with the image of that expanse of creamy skin in the schoolyard fixed in my mind. And then a thought struck me. I hadn't even seen her face. I really was being ridiculous, how could I possibly fantasise about somebody when I didn't even know what she looked like?

I stepped out of the doorway onto the sidewalk and bumped into someone, the impact sending the paper bag containing my muffin flying into the air and landing on the ground.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," the woman I'd bumped into apologised, turned in the direction of my muffin and bent down to retrieve it. And there I was, gazing at that same strip of skin that I'd spent the last ten minutes thinking about. She straightened up and turned to face me, holding the bag out to me as she smiled apologetically. I found myself looking at her face for the first time, and I wasn't disappointed. She was around my age and had deep, chocolate brown eyes and full pink lips, although she was currently chewing on the lower one nervously, which was when I suddenly realised that I was just standing staring at her as she held my bag out to me.

"Uh, thanks," I said, reaching for the bag and smiling hesitantly at her. I silently cursed my bad luck at choosing this week to change my ways. "I noticed you at school, are you new to Forks?" I asked her.

"Yeah, we literally just arrived yesterday," she replied, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

"Oh, well, welcome," I said, before introducing myself as an afterthought. "I'm Edward by the way." I extended my hand to her.

"Bella," she told me as she took my hand and shook it. Her hand was small, soft and warm and a small thrill raced through me as I looked down and saw it inside my much larger hand.

"Would you…" I hesitated, internally shouting at myself not to finish the sentence. I'd always had zero self-control. "Would you like to get a coffee with me?" I gestured to the door of the shop behind me and saw Bella glance at it.

"That's really kind of you Edward, but I'd better be getting back," she nodded her head in the direction she'd been headed. "I've still got a lot of unpacking to do and it's so much easier when the kids aren't around."

I felt my face drop and tried quickly to recover my composure.

"Oh. Of course. Maybe some other time."

"Sure. I'll see you later."

With a quick smile she started walking again. I watched her go and felt my heart lift slightly as she turned and looked back, quickly turning away again when she saw I'd caught her looking.

I made my way home and sat watching some mindless daytime TV show while I ate my muffin, which hadn't been too badly damaged by its fall. My mind ran over everything that had happened this morning, but I was yet to decide how I truly felt about the turn of events. On the one hand I wanted to kick myself for being weak enough to be drawn in so quickly and ask her out when I was trying to behave – at school at least. I was relieved she hadn't accepted, because at least that meant I hadn't done anything I wasn't supposed to do. On the other hand though, I was truly disappointed she hadn't accepted my invitation, she'd have been perfect for a little daytime distraction.

_First things first, Cullen._ I told myself _Just say you _were _going to go against your word, you haven't even made sure that she's involved with anyone_. It was true. It would be just my luck now to go careering into something and end up with a heartbroken woman sobbing all over me when I decided it was time to move on, which I inevitably would.

I pointed the remote at the TV and clicked it off, then stood and brushed the crumbs off my shirt and onto the floor, vowing to myself that I would vacuum later. Making my way to the second floor I pushed open the door to my office, crossing straight over to place my iPod on the dock and setting it to shuffle. Once the room was filled with music, I relaxed. It was an unusually fine morning and the sun shone through the window, throwing a streak of light across one of the blue walls. It highlighted a row of drawings of Grace, as a baby and then older in each one, that I'd framed and hung up.

I slid my swivel chair back on the wooden floor and sat down. Reaching for my notes from my top drawer, I also grabbed a clean sheet of paper and a pencil and prepared to start rough sketching for a new project I'd just been given. I read through the notes, then realised I hadn't taken a word of it in because I'd been replaying my encounter with Bella earlier. I sighed, ran my hand through my hair and started again. This time I did better; I'd only got half way through before I realised that my mind had wandered again.

I leaned back in my chair and looked out through the window at the forest in the distance. I tapped my pencil absently on the desk as I thought of her. This wasn't like me; I usually didn't let myself get distracted by these women, giving them little thought unless I was with them or planning how to get with them. This wasn't like that at all. I realised that I was brooding over this girl, even more ridiculous because I knew nothing about her except for her name. I dropped my pencil onto the desk and leaned forward, resting my elbows on the wooden surface, and sinking my head into my hands. I rubbed my face, picked up my pencil and started to sketch. Every time I drew a curve though it reminded me of her; the curve of her ass as she bent down in her jeans, the gentle wave of her hair as it framed her face, the bow of her full lips.

The rest of the day wasn't much more productive. I finally did manage to focus long enough to get one sketch done, but usually I'd have done more than one, and probably been satisfied with the finished results too.

I'd checked the clock endlessly, willing the hours to pass quickly until it was time to head back to school and pick Grace up. Of course, all this did was make the hands crawl round even more slowly. It was a good job I was home alone, because honestly, I was pissing myself off so I was pretty sure I'd have been unbearable company.

A half hour before I needed to leave, the anticipation of seeing her again had unsettled me further and I grew worse as the minutes ticked by. As I glanced up at the clock yet again, the phone on my desk rang, the shrill sound combining with my agitation causing me to jump. I picked up the handset.

"Hello?" I answered tersely, annoyed at myself more than at the caller.

"Hey man!" Emmett boomed cheerfully down the phone.

"Hey, Em. What's up?" I frowned as I spoke. He should have been in work and I knew he never made phone calls in work time.

"How's the face, bro? Not so pretty now, I hear," he chuckled.

I screwed my eyes shut and ran my free hand through my hair.

"Are you just calling out of brotherly concern or is there some other reason?" I snapped in annoyance.

"Hey, relax, dude," he said and I could tell by the tone of his voice that my less than friendly demeanour had shocked him. "Actually I was calling to say that we've been let off work early for getting ahead with an order, so I'll stop by school and pick Grace up myself."

My heart plummeted in my chest. All day I'd sat here, biding my time until the end of school, and now I'd have to wait until tomorrow morning to see her again.

"Edward? You still there?" Emmett's voice dragged me back to the present.

"Uh, yeah. Hey, listen, there's no need, you know, I mean, I don't mind…"

Emmett interrupted me, laughing loudly.

"What's wrong? Don't feel like sharing those school moms that you love so much? Really Edward, you promised Rosalie, I'm disappointed in you!"

"Fuck you, Emmett," I bit back; he was really starting to get on my last nerve. "I was thinking of you, you have to be tired after being at work all day. Why don't you come here and I'll fetch Grace." I smirked as inspiration hit. "Hell, I might even let you have one of my beers."

I had him.

"That, my bro, sounds like a plan. I'll see you in ten." He ended the call abruptly and I smiled at how easily my plan had worked.

Twenty minutes later I'd left Emmett settled in front of the TV with a beer and I was approaching the school gates. My heart felt as though it were beating faster with every step closer I got. I was early today and there was nobody else about yet. I slowed my pace, but as I rounded the corner to the area near the exit I realised with a start that I wasn't the first here. She was standing with her back to the wall, looking intently at her cell phone. Checking quickly that there was nobody around to see me, I walked over and stood near to her.

"Hi," I said before the butterflies in my stomach got to the vomit-inducing stage. She looked up quickly and had obviously been totally unaware that I was there.

"Oh! Hi, sorry, I didn't see you, I was just…" She waved her cell in explanation before stuffing it into her jacket pocket.

"How was your day?" I asked, finding that actually being near Bella and talking to her made me feel a lot more relaxed.

"Oh, you know. Boxes, stuff everywhere." She cringed. "Not my favourite way to pass time."

I laughed softly at the pained expression on her face and it disappeared as she smiled back at me. Just as I was about to speak again I heard music start playing – a song I didn't recognise. I was still trying to figure out where the sound was coming from when Bella pulled her cell from her pocket again and the music was instantly louder. I watched as she glanced at the display and she rolled her eyes with a smile. She looked back at me.

"Excuse me," she said apologetically to me as she answered the call. "Hey, you," she greeted the caller. I looked away but couldn't help overhearing as she was standing beside me. "No, they're not out yet, I'm just waiting….. No, I'm sure they've been fine Jake, they went in no problem this morning."

I couldn't help analysing what I'd heard so far. The caller was male if his name was Jake, and her tone was familiar, friendly and warm. They were obviously discussing the kids. Their kids, I concluded. My stomach flipped and my heart twisted. _What the fuck, Cullen?_ I said to myself. Usually as soon as I heard that a woman I was interested in was with someone else I felt relief and gave myself the green light to go ahead. This time I felt sick. And jealous, definitely jealous. I ran my hand nervously through my hair, worried at this strange turn of events. Next to me, I was aware of Bella still chatting on the phone, asking about his day, reassuring him about things and laughing enchantingly at something he said. _I want to make her laugh like that,_ I told myself, the thought appearing from nowhere. _No, not want, I _need _to make her laugh like that._ I shook my head, trying to clear it. This wasn't like me at all and it was scaring the shit out of me. The last time I let myself have any kind of real feelings for a woman was with Tanya, and look what that bitch did to me.

I took a step back away from Bella physically, and attempted an emotional step back at the same time. Looking around I suddenly realised that the place had filled with parents and just at that moment the bell that signalled the end of the school day rang out. I glanced at Bella and saw that she was just putting her cell away. I'd missed the end of the conversation, thank God. The way I was feeling right now I'd probably have done something to embarrass myself had I heard an 'I love you too' declaration from her.

The kids came streaming out then, in a noisy, bouncing torrent of bodies. I watched as Bella embraced first one, and then the other of her boys. As I watched, Grace suddenly raced toward me and grabbed my arm. Excitedly she began babbling about an art contest that she'd won in school. Her enthusiasm was infectious, and I was quickly engrossed in congratulations and a discussion about it. I was so proud of her excelling in _my _field that I was just promising to take her along to the art supply store at the weekend and treat her to something when a raised voice caught my attention.

"Edward!"

I turned my head to see who wanted me. I was shocked to see that it was Bella, a child's painting clutched in one hand and her other arm around the smaller boy's shoulders. "We're going to the park, if you want to join us?" She smiled slightly and I returned it, my mood instantly buoyed by the invitation.

"Oh, please, Uncle Edward, we've not been in forever!" Grace was bouncing up and down impatiently on the balls of her feet. I was just about to accept the invitation when I remembered something. My face dropped and I cringed slightly at having to refuse. I huffed out a sigh of frustration.

"Any other day that would be great, but we can't today," I told her with an apologetic look.

"Hey, that's cool. No worries." She smiled brightly at me and rounded the two boys up. "Let's go, team." She looked directly at me as she walked past, and I watched her go, miserably. When she was out of sight I looked down at Grace, who was giving me a look of disgust.

"What?" I asked her.

"Why couldn't we go?" she whined. I loved my niece to death, but there was nothing that grated on me more than the child's whine.

"Because your Dad's at my place waiting to take you home, he got off work early."

"Cooool!" she exclaimed, dragging the word out. I smiled, knowing that her excitement was due to the lack of discipline she'd be privy to between getting home and her mother returning from work. Emmett was a great dad, but unfortunately his skills stopped short of rule setting and enforcement. I suspected that this would change the minute he caught the first teenage boy showing any interest in his daughter. If there was one thing Emmett understood more than anything it was teenage boys, not only had he once been one, he still basically functioned as one most of the time. I pitied any boy who rocked up to see Grace and found the door being answered by Emmett.

We reached my house and Grace dumped her schoolbag just inside the front door. I followed her into the living room and watched as she sat down on Emmett's knee and he ruffled her hair affectionately.

"Hey, shortstuff, you have a good day at school?" he asked her.

"Uh-huh, I won the art contest and Uncle Edward said he's going to buy me something from the art shop as a treat," she told him, excitedly grinning up at me. Emmett grinned too.

"That's great honey, good job! I think that deserves a treat too. You want to go to the park?"

The smile fell from my face and I gawked. Grace was still watching me and started giggling. Emmett turned to see what she was laughing at and looked puzzled.

"What?" he asked me as he took in my expression. Before I could speak, Grace answered for me.

"One of the moms at school asked Uncle Edward if we wanted to go to the park and he had to say no because you were here!"

Emmett guffawed loudly.

"Ooh, bad luck, dude! I think in that case we definitely have to go, Grace, so that I can see what kind of woman makes your uncle look so sick at missing out on spending an hour with her!" He laughed again as he set Grace on her feet and stood quickly. Grace skipped happily out of the door and Emmett followed her, stopping as he drew level with me, and leaning to speak in my ear in a low voice.

"I'd say you had a lucky escape there, man. If Rose found out you were breaking your promise about those moms…" he shook his head and sucked in his breath dramatically. He punched my arm playfully and laughed as he left the room. "See you later, Edward," he shouted as he headed for the front door.

I was shocked at how annoyed I was at Emmett, not only did he ruin my chance of going to the park with Bella, but he'd gone himself. Worse still, I knew for a fact that he'd go out of his way to speak to Bella if he could, just to get at me. He'd been right when he said I looked sick, the thought of him with her made me feel it too, sick to my stomach. I kicked hard at the corner of the sofa that I hated so much and ran my hand through my hair.

"Fucker," I muttered to myself.

I flicked the TV on and lay down on the sofa, more irritated than usual at how unforgiving it was beneath my body. I flicked through the channels before settling on some music video with girls in bikinis gyrating. Even this couldn't hold my attention. Three songs later, I was about to change channels again when my cell bleeped. I reached into the pocket of my jeans and pulled it out. It was a text from Emmett.

Nice! See y u were so pissed now lol!

My finger hovered over the 'reply' option for a moment before I closed the message and slid the phone back into my pocket. It would only encourage him if he realised exactly _how_ pissed I was about it. I flicked over to the news channel instead. Two minutes later the same familiar beep sounded again. I sighed and rolled my eyes, deciding to ignore him. That lasted about half a minute before curiosity got the better of me and I reached into my pocket again. This time it was a picture message. I opened it and my heart leapt. It was a sideways shot of Bella. She was reaching up toward one of her boys and her shirt had ridden up, exposing her skin again. She was smiling widely and her long, chestnut brown hair was blowing back from her face in the breeze. She looked beautiful and I couldn't help passing my thumb across the screen where her creamy flesh was exposed. I noticed the icon flashing at the top to show I'd received another new message. I suddenly came to my senses and was angry as hell with Emmett for taking a picture of her without her knowledge. The guilt I felt for looking at it increased my anger with him further. I opened the new message and it was another picture – this time of her ass as she bent over to pick something off the floor. Her jeans were pulled tight, displaying her perfect curves. I hit reply.

I'm pretty sure this shit is illegal Emmett. If not it should be.

Now stop before I call 911 to tell them there's a pervert in the park.

He replied almost immediately.

Relax, tall dude came & left with his arm around her

Sux 2 b u man :D

This was Jake, it had to be. Now I was _really _not happy. I glanced at the clock on the wall. Four thirty.

"Fuck it," I said to myself as I pushed off the sofa and walked to the kitchen. I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and twisted the top off. I took a long gulp from the bottle then lowered it, gasping for air. "Fuck _her_," I said, flinging the bottle top onto the counter and sauntering out of the kitchen. I grabbed my cell from the sofa where I'd left it and scrolled through the phonebook. Stopping, I smirked as I pressed call.

"Sophie? Yeah, it's Edward. You free now? Great, I'll be right over."

I ended the call, drained the bottle and set it down on the sidetable. I headed into the hallway, grabbed my jacket off the peg and opened the door. Stepping outside, I pulled it closed behind me. "And Rosalie? Fuck you too," I muttered under my breath with a quiet laugh.


	4. When Your Angel's the Devil

**Sorry about the length of time this took to update. I'd aimed to make the chapters longer for this story and spent some time waiting for extra words to write themselves, but apparently it's done; this is just how it's supposed to be!**

**Chapter 4 – When Your Angel's the Devil**

Oh, God. I hated these nights, when my body was so exhausted that I wasn't able to keep my eyes open, yet my brain continued to whirr relentlessly. I couldn't even lose myself in a book or a movie, thanks to my traitor eyelids, which drooped annoyingly every time I tried. I'd given up trying; it was fruitless so what was the point?

I huffed in frustration as I turned over in bed, flipping the pillow over onto the cool side as I reflected on the day. Or more specifically, reflected on Edward. I became aware that I'd hummed appreciatively when I'd thought of him, and a small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. I remembered the flustered look on his face when he'd bumped into me, outside the coffee shop this morning. His face as I'd retrieved the bag that had fallen as we collided was priceless. And beautiful, despite the fading minor cuts and bruises. For some reason they gave him a slight air of danger, and made him even more attractive. I'd had opportunity enough to study him and come to this conclusion as I'd stood waiting for him to stop staring at me and take his bag from my outstretched hand. Bad boys weren't really my thing, but there was something about him that didn't fit with that whole image. I racked my brain to try and work out what it was, exactly, but the answer eluded me. I concluded that it was just something slight in his demeanour that hinted at gentleness.

I did eventually fall asleep, and my dreams were filled with images of him. He was tender and loving, sweet and intelligent, and I had no idea at all how I'd be able to stop myself from blushing when I saw him later that morning.

I walked into the schoolyard, and immediately spotted Edward, as though I'd known instinctively where he was. He was wearing shades, but was smiling at me. My heart leapt; he looked beautiful, the chiselled jaw and the hair sticking up everywhere. Before I'd had a chance to think about it, my mouth broke into a wide, beaming smile and I started over towards him. I noticed a petite blonde woman who was walking in front of me, raise her hand in a small wave at him, and he returned the gesture. It wasn't me he'd been smiling at, it was her. I was mortified and swerved off the course I'd been following, heading quickly to the outskirts of the mingling parents and children with my head down to hide my burning face.

I sneaked a look up at Edward and the woman, and noticed the small, discreet touches and smiles that they exchanged. I watched as he removed his shades and hooked them onto the neck of the white t-shirt he wore under his black leather jacket. He ran his hand through his untidy hair. I was overcome with the desire to do that to him, and watched him closely as I imagined tightening my fingers around two handfuls of it, before I pulled his face closer to mine and…I shook my head to clear the image. It had shocked me how quickly the thought had sneaked up on me; I'd spent so many months now thinking about others and putting them first, that I hadn't even looked at a man, let alone had fantasies of any description.

I came back to the present and realised that I was still staring at him, when he looked up and locked eyes with me. I felt my cheeks burn again, but was unable to yank my gaze away. The woman had her back to me, but was obviously aware that she'd lost his attention. She reached up to touch his arm with her left hand, and a gold wedding band caught my eye as it glinted in the sunlight. I frowned slightly and he glanced down to see what had prompted my reaction. Realization dawned on his face as he looked at the woman's hand still resting on his arm, and he shifted away form her ever so slightly.

I had no idea what he did next, as Billy was suddenly at my side, tugging on my jacket to get my attention. As I looked down, the bell sounded loudly and everyone began to move. I lifted my head to where Edward had been standing, but there were so many bodies in the space between us, that it was impossible to find him through the crowd. Josh found us then, and I began to shepherd both boys through the crowd towards the doors, but then Billy stumbled and fell, dropping his bag, which opened and spilled its contents on the ground, and scuffing his knee a little. By the time I'd made sure he was ok, scooped everything back into his bag and got them both through the doors into the school building, the playground was all but empty. Of the couple of bodies that were left, neither of them was Edward. The small pang of disappointment that I felt was disconcerting.

I was lost in thoughts of Edward and trying to decipher what I'd seen back there before he'd noticed me, when I heard the sound of footsteps hurrying along, then a voice called to me.

"Hey!"

I stopped, and turned to see a small woman with thick, curly brown hair rushing towards me. She caught up to me and we began walking side-by-side.

"Oh my God! Did you see how Edward Cullen was looking at you before? He totally blew Sophie Stenson off, I've never seen her so pissed, it was hilarious!"

I drew to an abrupt halt and turned to look at her, my face showing my confusion. I opened my mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry, I…" I shook my head, unsure of what she was talking about. Who the hell was Sophie Stenson? Unless…the woman with the wedding band?

"Oh, I'm Jessica by the way," she babbled on, seemingly unaware of my confused state.

"Bella," I told her. She grinned at me

"So, you're new in town, Bella?"

She was looking at me closely and was obviously desperate for information. I resolved there and then that I was going to give away as little as possible.

"Yeah, we just moved here."

Jessica raised her eyebrows, and then leaned towards me conspiratorially.

"So, you don't know anything about Edward Cullen?"

I frowned.

"No. Why would I?"

She smirked at me.

"Come to the coffee shop with me and I'll fill you in."

I really didn't want to spend any more time with this woman, who was obviously the local gossip, but my curiosity was piqued now, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to hear whatever it was that she was dying to tell me about Edward.

We spent the five minute walk chatting. Jessica seemed nice, and I decided that as long as I was careful about what I said to her, that there would be no harm in being friends with her. That was one thing that I was definitely short of here. She assumed that Josh and Billy were my sons too, and that Jake and I were in a relationship. I didn't confirm her assumptions, but neither did I deny them.

We got our drinks and sat down at a table half-hidden by the end of the counter. I was facing the door and automatically looked up when the bell above the door tinkled, signalling that somebody had entered. I froze, my cup half-way to my mouth when I saw who it was. His face brightened in a natural smile when he saw me, and I raised my free hand in a small wave. Jessica leaned forward to look around the corner and see who I was waving at. His smile disappeared as soon as he spotted her, and she leaned back quickly, pulling a face as though she had a bad smell under her nose. There was clearly no love lost between the two of them. I wondered what the story there was. I watched as Edward ordered something to go. As he waited, he risked another glance over at our table. When he saw that Jessica was no longer in his line of vision, he offered a tight smile, consternation evident in his eyes. Finally the woman passed him his order and he lifted it from the glass counter top, turned, and left without looking at me again.

Jessica had been silent, but when she heard the tinkle of the bell, she came to life again.

"Did he leave?" she hissed.

"Yes." I turned to look directly at her. "What was that all about? Did you guys used to date or something?" Jessica had already told me that she was no longer with her daughter's father.

"Ha!" she scoffed, unconvincingly. "Apparently none of the single women around here are good-looking enough for Edward Cullen."

I saw it immediately, the reason for her hostility against Edward. Clearly he'd turned her down at some point. She recovered quickly, and glanced surreptitiously around, to see if anyone was listening to her. When she was satisfied, she leaned forward and continued in a quiet voice.

"Edward is only interested in other men's women. Apparently he even got someone's wife pregnant. His fiancée left him because of it." She sat back and looked at me, waiting for my reaction. I didn't react. I wasn't sure why, because I knew that if she'd been talking about any other man, then I'd have been advocating compulsory castration at about this point. At least it offered an explanation for what had happened earlier earlier.

"So, the woman he was with in the schoolyard; the one with the wedding band…"

Jessica nodded eagerly and leaned forward again.

"Sophie Stenson. Not only is she publicly shameless around him, but she'd admit what was going on too if you were to ask her. Not that we need to ask her, did you see them this morning? It was _so _uncomfortable. If I were her husband—"

"So she's not the only one?" I asked, interrupting Jessica's musings. Really, I could care less about that woman's marital issues; apparently it was only her extra-marital issues that I was interested in, specifically those involving Edward Cullen.

"God, no! He's all over the women in that schoolyard like..." She struggled to find a satisfactory simile for him, but came up empty-handed. "Well, like Edward Cullen in a schoolyard full of moms." Then she remembered. "Attached moms, that is," she clarified, with a roll of her eyes, before continuing. "Did you notice the cuts and bruises on his face yesterday?"

"Yeah, they looked nasty," I replied, frowning as I remembered the flaws on his handsome face. Jessica became animated again and gesticulated with her hands as she spoke.

"Well," she began, looking around again to make sure that nobody was listening in. "I heard from Lauren, that Chloe's aunt lives next door to Claire and Steve Holt, and she'd told Chloe, that Steve had come home to find Edward & Claire drunk and having sex in the Jacuzzi, and that he threw Edward out on the front lawn completely naked." She finished with a dramatic nod.

I was appalled, and as the impact of the words faded, I became aware that my mouth was hanging open. Jessica smirked at my aghast expression.

"Trust me, Bella. There's more, and worse, where that came from. If I were you, I'd steer well clear of Edward Cullen.

"Don't worry," I told her, needing no more convincing I raised my cup to my lips. "I intend to."

"Well, he sounds like a world-class jerk, Bella," Jake said as he helped me clear the table after dinner. The boys had gone to watch TV and I'd been telling Jake about my day, recounting Jessica's stories to him. "And as for those women..." He shook his head angrily and threw the cutlery he'd been holding down onto the counter, before leaning his hands against it and hanging his head. I immediately felt guilty.

"Shit, Jake. I'm sorry, I didn't think."

I stepped towards him and placed my hand on his arm. Ever since he lost Emma, infidelity was high on his list of things he hated. I could understand it completely; he'd loved and cherished his wife, and then ended up losing her. It seemed so unfair that other people, who thought little enough of their partners to deceive them, should still have them.

"Yeah, I know; it's fine. It just seems so unfair." He pushed away from the counter and turned towards me, his shoulders sagging a little. The angry man had disappeared, and in his place stood a figure with the face of a hurt & lost little boy. I felt the ever present crack in my heart, widen perceptibly for him. I stepped forward and encircled his waist with my arms, pulling him into a tight hug, wishing that I could do more, something to really take the pain away for him. He hugged me back and I heard him sigh deeply.

The following morning, I was the first in the schoolyard. Edward Cullen was the second. He strolled over to me, all smiles and charm. I felt sick.

"Hi!"

I looked up at him and he was looking back at me, his green eyes dazzling. I shook off the thought.

"Hi," I said, turning away and hoping he got the hint. A few others had arrived now with their children, Jessica amongst them. She caught my eye and a silent message passed between us, which Edward noticed.

"You know, you really shouldn't judge people before you get to know them," he said, irritation evident in his voice.

"Thanks for the advice, but I think I know enough."

"Well, I disagree."

"Well, I don't give a damn. I'm tired of discussing this with you now." I turned away from him and noticed Jessica flashing me an approving smile. I smiled tightly back at her; I hated conflict.

"What exactly did she say?"

I spun back towards him, irritated and ready to insist that he leave me alone, but was stunned into silence. He was glaring at Jessica, his brow furrowed and a muscle twitching in his jaw as he clenched and unclenched it in anger. I felt my traitorous heart leap at how hot he looked when he was riled like this.

_Hot or not, Bella, he's a man-whore and you are _not _going there._

"It was more a case of having enough gaps filled to make sense of what I saw with my own eyes."

"I see."

He stared at me intently, his mouth fixed in a hard line.

"Was there anything else?" I challenged him, tucking a loose strand of hair roughly behind my ear.

"No, I guess not."

"Good."

I walked away, over to where Josh and Billy were playing. The decision not to go to stand with Jessica had been a deliberate one; I wanted him to know that I was my own person, not a part of the crowd, and that I could make my own decisions based on the information I had. He hadn't tried to defend himself at all, so I assumed that my knowledge about his behaviour had been close enough to the mark to be true.

"Bella?"

"Yes, honey?"

Billy was speaking to me, but was looking off across the yard.

"Why's that man staring at you?"

I turned to see where Billy was looking, but already knew who it would be. If I didn't think him to be too arrogant for it, I'd swear Edward's face appeared regretful at that moment. He held my gaze for a long moment, and then looked down at the ground. I felt a pang of guilt; he looked unhappy and I knew it was because of me.

_Toughen up, Bella. Man-whore, remember?_

"Bella?" It was Billy again, reminding me that I hadn't given him an answer.

"Uh, I'm not sure," I told him, hoping that would be enough.

"Duh, Billy! He likes her," Josh joined in, rolling his eyes at his younger brother. I was shocked.

"Excuse me?"

Josh looked up at me from the game he was playing on the ground, and grinned. It was like looking at Jake at the same age.

"He likes you!"

"And what would you know about it, young man?"

"He's Grace's uncle. She told me," he shrugged.

"Yeah, well, I guess that puts me in the majority, rather than the minority here," I said, more to myself than to Josh, who I knew would be clueless about what I meant. I also wondered why the hell the kids were discussing this sort of thing, but decided not to press any further at this point.

The bell rang, signalling the start of the school day. I got the correct boys matched with the correct belongings and ushered them towards the building. As I turned from the door after seeing them inside, I saw that Edward was standing, looking at me again. I knew instinctively that he was waiting for me, and sighed inwardly. I walked forward, knowing that as soon as I got close enough he was going to approach me.

"Bella, I—"

"Mrs Black!" I heard a voice call out behind me.

I looked up at him, wondering why he'd stopped mid-sentence, and noticed that he was looking back, over my shoulder.

"Mrs Black!"

It suddenly dawned on me that it was me who was being shouted, albeit by completely the wrong name. I spun around and saw the school secretary standing waving at me. "Do you have a moment?"

"Sure," I replied, and walked back towards her, leaving Edward standing.

"I have some paperwork that I need you to complete for me," she said, her voice lower now that I was standing next to her.

"No problem," I said, following her back inside the building. I didn't look back at Edward until the door had closed behind me, then I couldn't resist glancing back. He was walking away, his head down. I turned my attention back to the secretary. "Oh, and it's not Mrs Black, it's Miss Swan. I'm afraid Mrs Black passed away recently, I'm a family friend," I explained.

That afternoon Jake had taken some time off work, and so came with me to meet Billy and Josh from school. As we approached the school gates, chatting and laughing a little, I saw Edward entering them just ahead of us. I felt my face drop.

"Hey, what's up, Bells? You look like you've got a bad taste in your mouth," Jake laughed.

"Huh. Yeah, something like that," I replied distractedly.

By the time we got to the schoolyard, Edward was already deep in conversation with one of the waiting moms. I watched as he turned on the charm, laughing, smiling and leaning in close.

I hated it on two levels, firstly because I found the fact that he deliberately sought out married women beyond contempt, and secondly because I realised that I wanted him myself, more than I'd ever wanted any man before. This contrast between my general values and my thoughts about Edward, were making me uncomfortable and I was unsure how to deal with it. I watched as he bent forward and whispered in her ear. I shivered spontaneously.

"Are you cold?" Jake asked, putting his arm around me and pulling me into his side. I smiled up, the contact with my best friend instantly soothing me.

"Thanks, Jake," I said, nudging myself closer to him. He rubbed my arm with his hand.

"Bella, is there a reason why that guy over there is staring at us?" Jake asked quietly.

"Yep," I replied. "It's because you're so huge. You really should be in a sideshow, you know?"

He shoved me playfully with his hip, and we laughed. It was good to hear Jake laugh again, it didn't happen nearly enough these days, but today he seemed in an unusually good mood. No doubt he would crash later on tonight. I risked a glance at Edward; he was still looking over at us. The woman he'd been speaking with had turned to her other side now and was talking to another woman. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jake take his cell from his pocket and begin looking through his messages.

I looked directly at Edward and raised an eyebrow in challenge to his continued stare. I at least expected him to have the decency to look away, but instead he smirked. A spark of anger flashed through my body at his arrogance, and I clenched my teeth to avoid alerting Jake to what was going on. He'd been upset enough when I'd told him about Edward before; I really didn't think he needed to know who he was; although if he paid enough attention I was sure he'd figure it out.

Glancing away, I noticed that the infamous Sophie Stenson was glaring at me. I looked away and sighed quietly; it was evidently much easier to make enemies here, than friends.

**A/N Please read & review, you have no idea how much your reviews mean to me :o)**


	5. And Then the Dark Throws me a Lifeline

**Hi! I apologise for the length of time between updates, unfortunately real life has just been extra busy for a few weeks now. I kept going though, and managed to put this together in the end!**

**Thanks to Becky, for beta'ing for me, and to all of the readers who have been leaving reviews. I love to read what you think of the story, and do try to reply to each review, so please take a minute to stop and leave one when you get to the end, it really does mean a lot.**

**If you want to follow me on Twitter, my name is Edbrella, would love to see you over there!**

**Ok, here we go…over to Edward :o)**

**And Then the Dark Throws me a Lifeline**

Jessica Fucking Stanley. I didn't think a lot of her before, and I knew she was bitter about the time I knocked her back, but now I was totally pissed that she'd turned Bella against me. I wondered exactly which bit of the story had done it, whether it was truth or embellishment that had pushed Bella's morals to override her previous friendliness towards me. Or maybe I'd done it myself.

I thought back. Bella's eyes locked with mine and the whole noisy surroundings fading out, just those rich, chocolate colored pools looking right at me. Then her gaze shifted ever so slightly, and her brow furrowed. I wondered what had caused the change in her expression, and looked down to find Sophie pawing me again. I was immediately irritated and reminded of why I'd stopped calling her. She'd fallen for me; she'd told me so, and I should have known that fucking her again was dangerous territory. I didn't want this, certainly not from her, and definitely not right now in front of Bella. I moved just enough to make Sophie remove her hand from my arm and caught the start of a scowl on her face. As she opened her mouth to speak, I was saved by the bell, and the chaos that always ensued. I took the opportunity to move away from Sophie and lose myself in the crowd as I made sure that Grace got into school safely.

I turned to make my escape and bumped into somebody. It was somebody a lot smaller than me and I had to take a step back to be able to see who it was. _Dammit._

"Edward, I think we need to talk."

I fixed my face and looked over her head, refusing to make eye contact.

"Not now, Sophie. I don't need this shit. I don't want it." I was annoyed and unable to hide it.

"But last night, and just now…" she trailed off and I knew from the tremble in her voice that tears and a scene weren't far off. I looked furtively around and noticed that we hadn't caught anybody's eye so far, but I knew it couldn't last. I saw Bella emerge and leave. I grabbed Sophie's arm and dragged her back towards the building where it set back slightly and would hide us from view a little.

"Sophie, I shouldn't have called you last night and I _really_ shouldn't have come to see you. I have no feelings for you and it'd be unfair of me to make you think otherwise." I was looking into her eyes now and watching emotionless, as they filled with tears. I felt no sorrow for her, only anger at myself.

"It's her, isn't it? The new mom. I saw you looking at each other, Edward. How long's it been going on? She's only been in town for five minutes." She looked at me for a moment, then laughed and rolled her eyes. "Christ, I've been so stupid!"

Her voice was growing louder with each sentence. I turned again and noticed Jessica Stanley walking past looking back at us, alerted to our presence by Sophie's raised voice. Great, that was all I needed, the local gossip whore seeing us like this. I stared her down until she looked away and scurried off. I sighed loudly.

"Not that I have to explain myself to you, but there's nothing going on between Bella and I. I don't _do _relationships Sophie, you know that. We had this conversation a long time ago; you knew exactly what you were getting into with me. Strictly no strings, remember. This is the end, I won't bother you again and you don't bother me, ok?"

Her lower lip was trembling again and she bit it in an attempt to stop the tears that were welling up again. I turned and walked away. I really wanted to stride angrily away from her, but I definitely didn't want to run into Jessica Stanley. I couldn't face going home, I was too wound up. It was, without doubt, a two-muffin day.

I pushed open the coffee shop door, hearing the familiar bell above it jingle. The first thing I saw was Bella, just raising a coffee cup to her mouth before she stopped as she saw me. My stomach flipped and I was unable to stop a sincere smile spreading across my face; I was genuinely pleased to see her and I loved the way that she waved a hello. Unfortunately what I saw next had the complete opposite effect. My smile fell from my face as Jessica Stanley's face appeared around the corner from the other side of Bella's table. She gave me a disgusted look and disappeared again. It reminded me of some poisonous snake pulling back into its hideout while it waited for more suitable prey to come along.

Cathy came out of the kitchen at the back of the counter, and I ordered a black coffee and two muffins to go. I couldn't help but look over at Bella again as I waited, concerned at what Jessica was, in all likelihood telling her about me. Bella glanced up and caught me watching her. I did my best to smile at her, but the worry that Jessica was fucking up my chances, was cutting me too deeply. She wasn't like the others, I could tell that, and I'd guessed that she wouldn't be as willing to ignore my reputation as long as she stood a chance of becoming another notch on my bedpost. Maybe that was part of her appeal.

After what seemed like an age, Cathy finally had my order ready. I fought the urge to look over at Bella again; in fact I fought the urge to cross right over there and do all manner of things to her that were highly anti-social and also probably illegal in a public place. Turning, I left abruptly. I hated leaving her there at the mercy of that woman, but there was little I could do about it. I'd have to settle for damage limitation the next time I saw her.

That afternoon I didn't see Bella because Grace had art club after school and Rosalie was picking her up. Usually this would mean that I'd put a long day's drawing work in, but once again I was unable to concentrate. I really hoped that this wasn't going to become a regular thing, because I really needed my work and the money it brought in.

The next morning I was determined to try and glaze over whatever damage Jessica had done. I'd naively assumed that it was a good omen that Bella and I were the only ones in the schoolyard when I arrived. I sent my best winning smile in her direction, trying to ignore the way my heart beat furiously in my chest. She was so naturally beautiful, her brown hair falling to her shoulders in waves, and her slim figure curving in all the right places. I dragged my mind back from where it was headed and ordered my imagination to behave.

"Hi!"

"Hi," she replied, looking at me momentarily, before turning away. She was, without a doubt giving me the proverbial cold shoulder. She was looking across at some new arrivals to the yard, and I saw her lock eyes with Jessica Stanley. I was fuming, but fought to control displaying my anger.

"You know, you really shouldn't judge people before you get to know them," I told her, annoyed that she'd obviously believed the worst about me, so easily.

"Thanks for the advice, but I think I know enough," she shot back.

"Well, I disagree," I argued

"Well, I don't give a damn. I'm tired of discussing this with you now." With that she turned away. I wasn't finished, despite her unwillingness to talk to me.

"What exactly did she say?" I asked, glaring in the direction of the poisonous gossip-whore who'd turned Bella against me.

"It was more a case of having enough gaps filled to make sense of what I saw with my own eyes."

Sophie. I knew it straight away; I'd seen her watching us here yesterday.

"I see." I couldn't argue with that, as far as Sophie went, her thoughts on the matter were more than likely, right on the ball. I continued to look at her, desperately trying to think of something that I could say to get me out of this situation I'd gotten myself in with her. I was at a loss.

"Was there anything else?" she asked me, hooking her hair behind her ear in annoyance.

"No, I guess not."

"Good."

She stalked away, over to her kids and not, thank fuck, to Jessica Stanley. It was an interesting action on her part, and it spoke volumes. It gave the impression that she wasn't that keen on gossip either; otherwise surely she'd have been straight over to share the latest news on the situation. On the downside, this meant that she had some other reason for keeping her distance from me, a reason that I knew it was unlikely now that she'd impart given her unwillingness to speak with me.

I couldn't take my eyes off her, willing her to forget everything and come back over to me. If I'd hated not being able to get close to her before, having bad blood between us was really throwing me off. I felt despair, but mainly at myself. I suddenly realised that the smallest boy had seen me staring. He said something to Bella and they all looked over. Damn. They were a sweet looking family. I'd never felt guilt at my intentions towards any of the women I'd got involved with here before, but there was something about her and her sons that made me have second thoughts. I looked down, wondering at what point I'd developed a conscience, but knowing that it was all down to her. _If I could just get her to talk to me._

The bell sounded, and after I'd made sure that Grace had got inside the building safely I stood and waited for Bella. As she approached me, I took my opportunity.

"Bella, I—"

"Mrs Black!" the school secretary interrupted, as she appeared at the door behind Bella. Somehow Bella hadn't seemed to hear her name being called.

"Mrs Black!" I saw the realization dawn on her face and she turned quickly around. "Do you have a moment?"

"Sure," she told her, and walked away. I kept watching as they re-entered the building, talking. I hoped she'd turn back and look at me at some point, but as the door closed behind her, I gave up hoping and walked away dejectedly. This was going to be harder than I'd anticipated.

I still hadn't made up my mind what I was going to do, beyond trying to get her talking to me again. When she arrived at school that afternoon, I didn't see her right away because I was talking with Angela. We were reminiscing about a weekend camping trip that we'd been a part of in high school and some of the funnier moments of it. We whispered and leaned in close to one another whenever we got to some of the more interesting details, knowing that the people involved wouldn't appreciate these stories getting out, even after all of these years.

I was engrossed in the conversation, when I looked up and saw Bella standing next to a huge guy, who had his arm around her shoulder, rubbing her arm. Shit, that hurt. I mean, I actually got a physical ache of pain in my chest at seeing another man touching her. I swallowed hard. It was a pain that I hadn't felt it in a while, but it felt instantly familiar. It was a pain that I hadn't felt since…I hesitated before I even thought the name. Tanya.

I realized that the big guy had noticed me watching them. He said something to Bella, who looked over at me. She said something back to him that made them both laugh.

"Edward?" I was broken from my trace to find Angela peering anxiously at me. "Are you ok?"

"I…uh," I said hesitatingly, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I was lost for a moment there." I smiled apologetically. The carefree atmosphere of a few moments ago had evaporated. Angela continued to look closely at me, concern clouding her face.

"You know, Edward, if you ever want to talk, you know where I am. I'm not like most of the other people here, I remember the _real _Edward Cullen. I know you're still hidden in there somewhere, beneath that brash, womanising exterior that you wear like a suit of armour these days."

I prickled at her words. I knew she meant well, but the last thing I needed was people trying to analyse me. My technique had worked fine up to now; I was obviously just letting things slip a little. I mentally pulled the armour on more tightly, making sure any chinks that might allow what Angela had referred to as the _real _Edward Cullen to show, were now firmly closed.

"Really, Angela. I'm fine." I heard the sudden coldness in my voice, but didn't allow myself to respond to the way that Angela shrank away from me. When the woman standing to her other side struck up conversation with her, she quickly joined in.

Bella looked across at me again as soon as her personal Incredible Hulk looked away at his phone. I locked my eyes with hers and was rewarded with a raised eyebrow in challenge. She was definitely playing the game here; the way that she continually made eye contact with me, and waited for _him _to look away before doing it. I smirked inwardly, only realising that it had worked its way from my brain to my mouth when I saw the flash of anger in her eyes as she looked away.

The woman that Angela had been speaking with broke my reverie by leaning forwards and addressing me.

"Edward."

I turned my head to look at her and she was smiling at me. I was terrible with names most of the time. I knew this woman a little, we'd had a couple of pleasant mornings at the coffee shop, and she was always civil to me. She didn't seem to take any notice of the gossip about me, and had been as equally oblivious to the little flirting I'd attempted, more out of curiosity than any particular interest in her.

"I'm having a party tomorrow night, would you like to come?"

I'd usually jump at the chance of a party, but today my face automatically drew into a grimace as I considered the offer.

"I don't know," I sighed. "Who else will be there?"

She reeled off a list of names, many of which I didn't recognise, but amongst them were Sophie Stenson and Jessica Stanley. I knew right then what my answer would be and I prepared to interrupt her. I opened my mouth to speak, but she was too quick and got in with the last name on her list.

"And Bella, you know, the new mom. Black, is it?" She looked at me expectantly.

"Uh, sure. What time?"

_This is a mistake, Cullen. A big mistake. You'll be going in there with all of those women, some of whom you've slept with. Some of their husbands are bound to be there too. This is not good. Not good at all._

"From around 7.30," she told me, smiling now.

"Sounds good to me," I lied, risking a glance over at Bella. On the other hand, maybe I could make it worth the risk.

I'd just stepped out of the shower and begun towelling myself down the next evening, when the doorbell rang. I wrapped a towel around my waist and made my way down the stairs. I opened the door to find Emmett looming on the doorstep, a pack of beer under his arm.

"Hey bro'!" he greeted me, pushing past me into the house, and down the hallway. I watched him heading for the living room as I closed the door. I wondered irritably what the hell he was doing here.

"Only one way to find out," I muttered to myself, my bare feet padding on the wooden floor as I followed him. The sound of the TV blared out as I neared the doorway. Looking in I saw my bear of a brother sitting in the middle of the sofa, taking up most of the space with his huge frame. He'd already got the TV switched to the game, his shoes off and his first beer open. He felt my eyes on him and looked up at me, grinning.

"No offence, man, I love you and all, but bro' – I really don't wanna watch the game with you butt naked." He sniggered to himself at his comment, irritating me further.

"I love you too, Emmett, but what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Duh! It's the third Friday of the month, you know Rose always lets me out on the third Friday." He rolled his eyes at me, as though I were the one who was oblivious and missing something, rather than him.

"Well I'm going out, so you'll just have to find some other sucker to spend your monthly night of freedom with. Is there no pussy-whipped anonymous meeting on tonight Em?" I asked him, smirking.

He rose from the sofa, his face like thunder. He hated being teased about the fact that Rosalie wore the pants in their relationship.

"Dude, there's only one person gonna be getting their assed whipped around here, if you come out with any more comments like that," he warned me, stalking closer. As he reached me he stopped and looked closely at me, his eyes narrowing. "Where are you going out to anyway?"

"A party," I told him, turning and walking away to go back upstairs to get dressed.

"Whose party?" he called after me, his curiosity piqued.

"Uh, one of the moms from school, I forget her name," I called back, heading to my room.

"Sweet! I'll come with you."

I froze, my hand on a t-shirt I'd half-pulled from my dresser drawer. Oh, God no. If Rosalie found out she'd crucify me. I turned to see that he'd followed me upstairs and was standing in my bedroom doorway. I pulled the t-shirt out and slid my arms into it before pulling it over my head.

"Emmett, you're not coming with me," I said firmly, as though speaking to a child.

"Why not?" he asked, with all the petulance of a child too.

"Well, to begin with, you haven't been invited," I pointed out.

"Ok, so who _has _been asked?"

Jesus, how much more direct could I be? I sighed impatiently.

"Well, most of the moms at school."

"So, parents then?"

I shrugged.

"I guess."

"Of which I am one."

He had me, and he knew it. He was smiling smugly, and a flame of excitement flickered in his eyes. Emmett had been quite the party animal before he met Rosalie. If she knew even half of what I knew…

"Emmett, if you insist on coming with me, then I may be forced to tell Rosalie about you and Abi Wright," I threatened him. He remained unperturbed.

"Edward, if you try anything else to stop me from coming with you, then I _will _tell Rose that you went to a party with all those moms. You're on your last warning, bro. You think she won't stop you from taking care of Grace? I'm telling you, man, she already has a new childminder on standby. She's convinced you're going to mess up before long."

This was the first thing that he'd said that had made me sit up and take notice. The fact was that I didn't just take care of Grace as a favor to my brother and his wife. I'd always adored my niece, ever since the first time I laid eyes on her, so tiny in my brother's huge arms. When everything blew up with Tanya, I turned in on myself. Grace was the only one who could get any kind of reaction from me for a while. She'd spent a lot of time with me, because Emmett and Rose more or less nursed me during the worst of it. I'd gotten over it eventually, and as soon as I had recovered enough to handle the responsibility, my brother asked me if I'd be prepared to help them out. They told me that they were having problems with their childminder, and they'd be grateful if I'd take over from her while they found another one. That was their story, but I suspected they did it as much for me as for their own convenience.

I'd jumped at the chance, and in fact every hour that I spent with Grace, helped my recovery that bit more. The matter of another carer for Grace hadn't been mentioned again since, and I'd assumed it was a given that I'd just carry on. It was a shock to hear that Rose already had one lined up. I asked myself whether I wanted to risk losing the time with her that I loved. There was one way to make sure that Rosalie never found out where I was going tonight.

"Ok, Em," I said in defeat. "You can come."

A huge grin spread across his face. "Now let me get dressed without you staring at me," I told him, slamming the door in his face. I could still him hear chuckling with satisfaction as he headed back downstairs.

Half an hour later we were standing on the doorstep of the woman whose name still escaped me. She opened the door wearing a short light blue dress, and smiled widely as she saw me standing there.

"Hi, Edward!"

Her eyes widened slightly as she took in the vast form of my brother at my side, but in fairness to her, the smile barely faltered.

"Hi. Uh, this is my brother, Emmett, Grace's dad," I offered by way of explanation. "I hope you don't mind…"

"Not at all," she answered. My heart sank as I watched her looking Emmett over in a way that was blatantly appreciative, as she stood back to let us in. She ushered us through into the kitchen, where patio doors led to the backyard, and where it looked like most of the guests were. I was already on alert, looking out for Bella. There was no sign of her so far, and when I turned back to Emmett he was looking the host over in an equally appreciative manner. As soon as she was distracted, putting the beers we'd brought with us into the refrigerator, I grabbed Emmett's arm and drew him roughly to one side.

"Don't even think about it, Em. I really don't want to be part of a double-castration courtesy of Rosalie."

He laughed quietly.

"Relax man, I'm just taking a look. Speaking of which, why don't you lead the way and show me the sights, MILFmeister?" He gestured towards the doors, but I was still, unable to believe what he'd just called me."

"Emmett," I said, frowning.

"Yeah?" He tore his gaze away from the women that we could see outside.

"Shut the fuck up." With that, I moved away from him, grabbed the beer that the host (I really had to find out her name) had left on the side for me, and made for the door.

Stepping outside, the first person I met was Jessica Stanley. The first thing I noticed as she bounded up to me, naturally, was that she was wearing a low-cut tank top that made her boobs look great. Unfortunately it did nothing to improve her shitty personality.

"Hey, Edward!" she said, smiling sickeningly at me. Even the way she said my name grated on me.

"Jessica." I nodded curtly and side-stepped, walking around her and leaving her standing there. I knew it was rude, but I couldn't bring myself to be nice to her. As I scanned the garden, it struck me that my problem now was who to head for. There were several women here who I really didn't want to have to go near because I had a past with them, or they wanted to have had a past with me, but I'd turned them down. Luckily as I scanned the garden I noticed Angela and Ben waving at me. I smiled and sauntered over to where they sat. As I reached them, Ben rose from his seat and held his hand out to me, looking genuinely pleased to see me.

"Edward! It's been a while since I saw you, how's it going?"

I shook the hand that he offered.

"Good thanks, Ben. How are you?"

"Yeah, I'm good," he replied, before lowering his voice. "I'm beginning to wonder how things went so wrong that this is the best offer we get for a Friday night though." He laughed lightly and I smirked as I glanced around.

"I don't know, they're not _all_ bad," I said with a conspiratorial wink, speaking quietly so that Angela couldn't hear me.

"Aah, yeah. I heard that you'd be the one to know, Cullen." He slapped me on the back and then settled back down in his seat. I sat on some stone steps next to him that led to a raised area of lawn. Setting my bottle down next to me, I pulled a pack of cigarettes from my pocket and offered them to Angela, who declined. I offered the pack to Ben and he moved his hand towards them, before glancing back at Angela. Taking in the look on her face, I wasn't surprised that Ben changed his mind and withdrew his hand again, shaking his head. If she'd turned that look on me as I pulled one out of the pack, then I think I'd have changed my mind as quickly as Ben had.

I'd lit my cigarette and was just exhaling the smoke, making sure that it was directed away from my friends, when Bella stepped out of the door and into the backyard. I spotted her instantly; I was becoming more than a little disturbed about how I always seemed to know when she was around.

She was dressed in jeans and a vintage-looking camisole, that revealed the creamy flesh of her arms and shoulders. As she turned to speak to someone, I saw that the back of it cut away in a deep V, revealing most of her back. I sat, my cigarette hanging from my mouth, and my lighter still in my hand, watching mesmerised as she chatted and laughed with a small group of the other women. She was holding a drink in one hand, and each time she raised the glass to her lips to drink from it, or licked her lips, I got the strongest urge to kiss her. Not kiss her as in 'prelude to a fuck' kiss her, but just kiss her because I wanted to feel her lips on my own, because I wanted to be close to her. Mostly though, because I wanted to kiss her, just for the very sake of it.

I suddenly became aware of the sound of laughter next to me. As I turned my head, a large piece of ash fell from the tip of my cigarette.

"Are you going to actually smoke that thing, Edward, or just let it burn, while you admire the ladies?" Ben teased. Angela rose from her seat, rolling her eyes.

"I'm going to get another drink," she said, holding up her empty glass. "Can I get one for anyone else?"

We both declined and she walked away towards the kitchen door. As she reached Bella, she placed her hand on her bare arm as she moved to pass by. Bella turned her head to the side to see who it was, and I saw her face break into a genuine smile as she recognised, and greeted Angela. I wished that I could have that natural kind of connection with her. I saw that Angela was offering to get her another drink. Bella held up her glass to show that she still had some drink left, but as Angela laughed and said something else to her that I couldn't hear, she shrugged her shoulders, and throwing back her head she drained her glass, then handed it to Angela. As Angela turned to head inside, Bella seemed to change her mind and followed her inside.

"Cullen, you better not be looking at my wife with that expression on your face," Ben said, his tone giving away that he was only half joking. I laughed.

"Don't worry, man. She's safe enough. For now, at least." I raised an eyebrow at him and smiled at the poorly disguised panic in his eyes.

Angela took her time returning to us. When she did, she looked pissed about something.

"What's up, honey?" Ben asked her, obviously concerned. She shook her head as she sat down in her chair.

"Jessica Stanley, not watching what she's saying or who's around while she's saying it as usual," she informed us, taking a sip of her drink.

"Who's she upset this time?" I asked her absentmindedly, as I scanned the busy yard for Bella.

"The new mom, Bella."

I slowly lowered my beer from my mouth and looked directly at Angela.

"Is she ok?"

Angela was looking at me with a peculiar expression on her face.

"She's fine, Edward. Just a little annoyed at being the subject of unnecessary and untrue gossip." She'd read me perfectly, it was obvious. She looked at me again as I fidgeted nervously, then a faint smile crossed her face.

"I, uh…I should probably check on Emmett, make sure he's behaving himself," I told them, gesturing towards the house as I stood. "I'll catch you both later."

As I entered the kitchen, my eyes fell upon Emmett, sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by several women, who were all leaning in to hear him speak.

"Oh! That's so romantic!" a small red-headed woman exclaimed when he finished talking. He was revelling in the attention, and didn't notice me. "So, tell us about the proposal!"

I rolled my eyes and smirked. Who'd have guessed that the real reason that Emmett had been so eager to attend this party, was so he could sit around talking to these women about Rosalie.

I thought it best not to interrupt him, and decided to find the bathroom instead. I asked a blonde woman who I didn't recognise, where it was. She pointed me in the right direction, but told me that Lauren Mallory was in there puking and that it might be an idea to go and use the family bathroom upstairs instead.

I walked up the staircase, casting my eyes over the family photographs that lined the wall all the way up. As I reached the landing, a figure rose to its feet from where it had been sitting on the floor. My heart thumped briefly.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I stopped several paces away, still aware of the bad terms we'd parted on when we'd last seen each other. She looked directly at me, a strange look on her face. It took me a moment to place it; determination.

She stood up straight, her heels making her taller than I was used to seeing her look. Tendrils of her rich, dark hair, fell around her shoulders, reaching down at the front, towards the swell of her breasts. I felt my breath hitch slightly as we stood looking at one another.

"Edward?" She moved slowly towards me and I swallowed before I answered.

"Mmm."

"Did you ever think, that if someone's telling everyone that you're doing something that you're actually not doing, then you might as well do it anyway?"

I paused to try and work out what she'd actually asked me. I frowned, and watched as she moved closer, taking only a moment to be standing directly in front of me.

"Like what?" I asked, barely daring to breathe in case I broke the spell that seemed to be enveloping us.

"Like this," she replied quietly, and leaned her face forward, tantalisingly slowly, until her lips softly met mine. She moved her arms upwards, one hand on my shoulder, and the other stretched up and around, so that her fingers were stroking the back of my neck, as she kissed me. I placed my hands on her waist and responded, but only enough to match her gentle movements. This was the first time I had everbeen kissed like this. It was enough. Of course I wanted more, but I didn't feel as though I _needed _more, I didn't want to push for anything else; it was perfect just as it was.

Simultaneously, we became aware of voices and movement approaching the stairs and ended the kiss unhurriedly. Bella pushed herself away from me, and with a smile stepped inside the bathroom that we'd been standing right outside. She closed the door and disappeared from view just as Sophie Stenson and one of her friends reached the top of the stairs, cackling. They both stopped when they saw me. I cleared my throat and moved to pass them.

"Actually, I think I'll check if the downstairs bathroom's free yet; I've been waiting here for a while," I lied as I headed for the stairs, thinking that maybe gossip had its benefits too.

**A/N – Ok, probably not what you were expecting from Bella, right? What do you think? Press review and let me know!**


	6. When the Human Touch Is What I Need

**Ok, so it's time to find out what happened for Bella to change her mind about Edward.**

**Thanks to Becky for beta'ing**

**Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just playing with them :o)**

**Chapter 6 – When the Human Touch Is What I Need**

"I know they're in here somewhere."

Angela's head was bent low as she knelt on the ground next to the bag she was searching through. "Or maybe they're in this one," she said, switching to the next bag along.

"Here, let me help," I told her, squatting down next to her behind the counter that jutted out into the room. I became aware of the sound of a group of women entering the room, but didn't take a lot of notice. I was just about to pull one of the elusive lemons victoriously from the bag, when I heard somebody mention my name. I froze, and turned to Angela, who was also sitting stock still, her eyes wide with horror.

"I mean, I was, like, _really_ nice to her, I went to Cathy's with her and everything. She just not spoken to me since though, she's definitely a cold fish."

I felt ill. I thought I'd been friendly enough towards Jessica, I'd obviously thought wrong.

"Ha! You should ask Edward Cullen for his opinion on that, she seems friendly enough towards him!"

"I know, right? I totally warned her about him, but they're still making goo-goo eyes across the schoolyard at each other. Did you see them yesterday? And with her husband standing right beside her too? It's definitely only a matter of time before they hook up."

"Did you see him tonight? He's looking hot!"

"Yeah, as if he ever looks anything less than totally fuckable! What I'd give to run my hands through that hair." Jessica sighed loudly and the other woman began to laugh. The sound faded as they left the room.

Angela and I rose slowly to our feet, and I placed the lemon down gently on the counter top. She turned to face me, mortification all over her face.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologising, Angela? Really, it's fine. I got the vibe from Jessica that she wasn't to be trusted."

Angela nodded in understanding.

"Then that's probably what the 'cold fish' crap was all about."

"Forget them," I told her, as I tried not to replay their words over in my head again. "Let's get our drinks."

I reached over and grabbed the chopping board and knife that were out, and cut the lemon into sections, trying not to make it too obvious that I was imagining it was Jessica's head.

As Angela mixed two tequila sunrises, I poured us a straight shot of tequila each. She stopped what she was doing, long enough to lick her hand and let me sprinkle salt on, before we threw back our shots together, and then sucked on a piece of lemon each. We screwed our eyes shut, and shuddered in unison.

"Another?" I asked, my eyes still half-screwed up from the bitterness of the lemon. I reached for the bottle again.

"No thanks, I only have to have one before I'm reminded why I never drink tequila straight," Angela giggled. I shrugged and refilled my glass. "Are you sure you're ok?" she asked, her voice filled with concern.

"Sure, I'm fine," I replied, licking the salt from the back of my hand, emptying my glass into my mouth, and quickly sucking on another piece of lemon.

When I opened my eyes, Angela was wincing. I laughed and picked up the tall glass that held my tequila sunrise, taking a dainty sip.

"I'm going to find the bathroom," I told her. "I'll come and find you after."

"Ok," she said, picking her own glass up and smiling as she turned for the door.

I'd been nervous as hell already about coming here tonight, and the half a bottle of wine that I'd drunk while I was getting ready to come out was coursing warmly through my veins now. Along with the drinks I'd had since I arrived, I was beginning to feel a little light-headed. I asked a friendly-looking girl for directions to the nearest bathroom, but when the door was locked, somebody else directed me upstairs.

I found it easily and was quickly in and out. As I left the room, I picked up my drink from the small table I'd stood it on outside the door. I walked forwards, stopping at the top of the staircase. I could hear the babble of voices and music playing drifting up from below, and suddenly felt that I couldn't face everyone, especially when I knew what they all thought of me. I turned and walked back towards the wall, where I sank down onto the thick, cream-colored carpet, and leaned back against the pale green painted surface.

I replayed what I'd overhead, yet again. So they'd noticed something about the way that Edward and I looked at one another? I couldn't deny that there was something about him, something different to anything I'd felt with any other man I'd ever known.

Jake and I had a connection, but it was completely different to this. It transcended many levels of comfort and closeness, but what we had was enough. I had a feeling that any kind of friendship with Edward would never be enough somehow, he'd always leave me wanting more.

_But he's a man-whore, Bella._

I knew this, and what's more, I was uncomfortable with it. He took what he could get from other people's relationships, and then he moved on before anybody could take from him. Jessica had said that he never had anything to do with single women, only those in relationships. It didn't take a PhD in Psychology to work out that this behavior screamed 'commitment phobia'.

It was a long time since I'd had any kind of fun with a guy. And I didn't mean no-strings-sex type fun – although that had been so long that I was pretty sure that I was in danger of having my V-card returned to me – but fun, period. The past few months had been emotionally draining for me, and the more I thought about it, the more appealing giving in to my attraction to Edward seemed.

My main priority would have to be making sure that Jake and the boys didn't find out. Even though Jake and I weren't together as a couple, he had enough to cope with right now, without me introducing another guy onto the scene, and the boys seemed to be settling well, and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that.

There was also the fact to consider, that Edward wouldn't get involved with single women. I'd done nothing so far to challenge any of the assumptions in Forks, that Jake and I were romantically involved. I'd just let that continue and everything should be good. Everybody was apparently expecting it to happen anyway, why should I disappoint them?

I sighed. It was so much easier to make these kind of decisions after a few drinks. I took a long gulp from my glass, and had just leaned my head back against the wall, when I heard somebody climbing the staircase. As the top of their head appeared, I recognised the untidy copper hair. I got to my feet, my heart thumping loudly in my chest.

"Bella? Are you ok?"

Oh, man, he was hot. Even more so than I remembered. Could I do this? It suddenly felt like a ridiculous idea, surely he was way out of my league.

_Bella, you can do anything if you put your mind to it._

My mother used to love drilling that one into me. I decided it had to be worth a shot; he'd given me all the right signals so far. I could do this. _I could._

He was watching me intently. I pulled myself up to my full height and felt a thrill run through me as I watched his gaze fall from my face briefly to take the rest of me in, before he raised his eyes back to mine and he poked his tongue out slightly and wet his lips. I was willing to bet that he didn't even know he'd done it. It spurred me on.

"Edward?" I walked slowly towards him, and watched his adam's apple bob up and down in his throat as he swallowed.

"Mmm."

"Did you ever think, that if someone's telling everyone that you're doing something that you're actually not doing, then you might as well do it anyway?"

I watched his brow furrow as he tried to fathom my words. I was standing right in front of him now, and the atmosphere around us was thick, although with what, I was still unsure.

"Like what?" he asked quietly, his eyes locked on mine.

"Like this," I replied, and moved my face towards his slowly, our lips finally meeting. He smelt of beer, cigarettes, and something else; something essentially _Edward_, and it made my stomach flip and my senses go into overdrive. He responded to the kiss. Encouraged I reached up, resting one hand on his broad shoulder, and moving my other arm up and snaking it around so my fingers could stroke his neck.

I felt him place his hands on my waist, and I inhaled deeply, unaware that being touched somewhere so innocent could illicit such feelings in me.

I felt Edward tense slightly, at the same time that I heard people start up the staircase. Reluctant to stop now that I'd had a taste of him, I kept my lips on his until what I judged to be the last possible moment, and then I backed into the bathroom. The last thing I saw, was Edward standing looking back at me, ruffled, but with a smile playing on his lips.

As I closed the door quietly and locked it, I leaned back against it smiling.

_There, that wasn't so hard, was it?_

I was surprised at how easy it had been. Well, theoretically anyway; I wasn't sure exactly how my body was going to cope. I crossed to the mirror. My face, neck, and chest were flushed pink. My lips were full and dark, and my eyes sparkled. My palms were sweaty, and between my legs was a noticeable dampness and unfulfilled, aching discomfort.

I flushed the toilet for effect, then washed and dried my hands, before running them through my hair to tidy it up. Finally I unlocked the door, smiled at the two women who stood scowling at me, and descended the staircase.

As I reached the bottom, and turned to go back towards the kitchen, I heard a voice half-whisper my name. I turned, and there in the alcove that reached back and across, beneath the staircase, stood Edward. He reached his hand out to me, and I glanced guiltily around, biting my lip as I tried to decide what to do.

There was nobody around, so I quickly took a couple of steps towards him. He reached for my arm and pulled me quickly to him. My head reeled, although whether it was a result of him, or the alcohol, I couldn't be sure. He spun me around and pinned me to the wall beneath the staircase, with a hand resting either side of my head. Somehow, his closeness was more than just physical, I was excruciatingly aware of him on so many levels.

I looked into the vivid green eyes that were searching my face. I had no idea what exactly he was looking for, but abruptly it seemed he found it. I watched as his eyes became hooded, his lips parted, and his breathing became heavier. It was one of the most erotic things I'd ever seen, and I felt my own breathing increase too.

Suddenly he leaned in and clamped his mouth to my own. This was nothing like the kiss we'd shared before; this was driven, frantic, and as hot as hell. My heart rate increased, as our lips and tongues moved together, and his fingers tangled themselves in my hair. I had one hand on his face and the other in his hair. I couldn't think too closely about it all, because I was pretty convinced it would be too much.

Without warning he let out a loud, throaty groan, and I was undone. It was undeniably the sexiest sound I'd ever heard, and I found myself moaning quietly into his mouth involuntarily.

He leaned further into me, crushing me between the wall and his body. It was impossible not to notice the straining bulge in his jeans, as it pressed against my stomach.

His hands were moving now, out of my hair and down my sides, sliding behind me, and lower until—

"Hey, bro! Are you ready to get out of here now?"

Edward froze, then moved his lips from mine and took a step back. He appeared angry as he looked directly at the huge bear of a guy.

"Do I look as though I'm ready, Emmett?" he asked, holding his arms out as an incredulous expression appeared on his face.

"Whoa, dude!" Emmett had his eyes firmly locked on Edward's crotch. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

I snorted loudly, and both guys turned to look at me.

"I, uh, I should probably be getting home anyway," I said, averting my eyes and smoothing my hair down, as I turned sideways to squeeze past Edward. As I passed him he caught my arm.

"Come home with me," he said, his voice sounding almost as though he were begging. My eyes widened as I took in the desperation in his face. This wasn't what I'd expected from a man with his reputation. Charismatic and persuasive; yes. Desperate and begging, most definitely not.

"Man, that is _so_ not a good idea," Emmett threw at him.

Edward turned to face him and I could have sworn I could feel the anger radiating from him as he stood, feet apart and fists clenched at his sides.

"No, shall I tell you what's not a good idea, Em? You butting in and—"

"Stop!" I said, my hand on Edward's chest. "He's right, Edward. It's not a good idea, and I'm not coming home with you."

He looked down at me. "Not tonight," I added, hoping that he'd read between the lines and realise that I didn't mean not ever.

I heard movement above us and realized that the two women from the bathroom were on their way down. I glanced up nervously.

"Shit. I really have to go. Bye, Edward." I stretched up and kissed him quickly on the cheek, before turning. I gave Emmett a small smile as he stepped out of my path and let me past him, and then I made for the front door and let myself out.

It didn't take me long to get home. The house was in darkness. I kicked my shoes off and sighed with relief, then I went straight to the kitchen and flicked the light on. The bottle of red wine that I'd half drunk before I went out, stood empty on the table, with another next to it and an empty glass on the side next to the sink.

_Jake._

I hoped he was ok, drinking that much alone wasn't good for anybody, but even less so when your mental state was less than one hundred per cent.

I filled a glass with water from the faucet, took a sip and carried it with me as I made my way upstairs, definitely feeling on the unsteady side of drunk. I smiled as I thought about Edward, and how the evening had turned out. Who'd have thought that I'd actually have something to thank those bitchy women for? If it hadn't been for them, I'd never have made that first move.

Entering my room, I drew the shades, and then undressed, throwing my clothes in an untidy heap on the chair in the corner. I only fell once, when I was trying to get my first foot out of my skinny jeans, so I considered it a success. I pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank top and went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

When I was done, I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up. I was just starting to drift to sleep, doing my best to ignore the way that the room was spinning slightly, when I suddenly remembered something.

"Shit, Jake!" I sat up too quickly and swayed for a moment. Once I'd regained my sense of balance, I got out of bed and crossed shakily to the door. I crossed the landing to Jake's room, and tapped gently on the door. I peeked inside, but the room was in darkness, and I couldn't see anything clearly.

"Jake!" I whispered loudly, as I felt my way across the room to the bed. I heard him stirring. "Jake!"

"Bella?" his voice was slurry, from a mixture of sleep and wine I guessed.

"Are you ok?" I asked him.

"Uh, yeah. I was, anyway, I was sleeping."

Just then I banged my shin on the end of his bed, falling forward on top of his legs.

"Ow!" I exclaimed, trying to stay as quiet as I could to avoid waking Joshua and Billy up. A pair of strong hands reached down and hauled me up to the head end of the bed, as I still clutched my leg and cursed under my breath.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing?"

"I saw the wine bottles downstairs, I just wanted to make sure you were ok," I told him.

"I _was _fine, I was fast asleep." He paused a moment. "How many drinks did you have?" he asked me, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Uh, just one or two," I lied.

"Did you have a good time?"

"Uh-huh," I replied sleepily, suddenly realizing how comfortable I was and letting my eyes drift closed for a second. "I…uh..." I sighed deeply. "I should be….getting back to….my own….bed."

I felt Jake's long arms wrapping around me and enveloping me in his warmth, and comforting aroma that was so _Jake_.

"Stay a while," he whispered. "I miss having someone to hug like this."

I hummed a reply, and nuzzled into him contentedly, already almost asleep.

"Edward," I whispered, running my hand smoothly down his chest. He was lying beside me, and we were facing one another, looking right into each other's eyes. I moved my leg, and accidentally stroked his leg with my toe. I heard his breath hitch, and emboldened by his reaction, I pointed my toes, and starting at the furthest point I could, I ran my foot up his leg.

"Bella." It was the first time he'd spoken, and his voice sounded different somehow. "Bells."

Suddenly everything faded away, and I realised that it wasn't Edward speaking my name, it was Jake. I lay perfectly still for a moment, as I tentatively sent the message out from my brain to the various parts of my body, to see how they were feeling. Everything seemed fine, apart from my head, which was pounding. Then, through the fog, I realised that even with my eyes closed, I knew that this wasn't my bed. It didn't feel like mine, and it didn't smell like mine. Furthermore, I wasn't the only person in it.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, squinting into the pale light in the room. Yep, _the _room, not _my _room. More specifically, it was Jake's room. I turned my head, wincing at the movement, and found myself face to face with an equally hung-over looking Jake.

I was just opening my mouth to speak, when I heard movement, and then a voice calling out.

"Dad!"

My heart missed a beat, and then my body sprang into action. I scrambled quickly, and painfully from the bed, tripping over nothing as I half-ran across the room. As I reached the door, the handle began to move and I knew I was too late, so I pressed myself against the wall behind it instead, and tried not to think about how uncomfortable it was, just to remain upright.

"Dad! Josh won't help me make my breakfast!" Billy whined as he opened the door. I heard Jake groan.

"Tell him that I say he has to help you, and if he doesn't, then he won't come visit Grandpa with us this weekend."

"Ok!" Billy bounded out again and I could already hear him relaying the message as he went. He closed the door behind him, a habit he'd picked up when his Mom had been sick and needed to rest.

I looked across at Jake. He was lying on his back with his eyes closed, but then opened them to look at me, and smiled. I felt nothing but embarrassment at having slept all night in his bed.

"Jake, I'm _so _sorry—"

He chuckled quietly.

"Don't be, it was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time. Although, that was probably thanks to the wine…" He grinned and I smiled at him, grateful that there was no lingering awkwardness over the situation.

"Ok, I'm going to go before the kids come back and find me in here, that was too close," I told him. He sighed.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll check to see the coast's clear," he said, throwing back the covers and swinging his long legs over the side of the bed. He was wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs, and had I not been too hung-over to be able to get my eyes to focus, I may well have spent an extra couple of seconds appreciating the view. Not that I had the slightest romantic notion about him, but just because he had a fabulous body that was worth admiring.

He opened the door and looked out into the hallway, then signalled with his head that I was good to go. I grimaced and ducked out, cautiously looking both ways as I crossed to my room. Once inside I crawled into my own bed, pulled the covers over my head and let out a quiet, yet pitiful moan as the previous evening came back to me.

As if the fact that I came home and ended up spending the night, albeit innocently, with Jake wasn't enough, I'd kissed Edward Cullen. Twice. And I'd made the first move. I was never drinking again; evidently I could not be trusted to behave appropriately under the influence of alcohol. I owed Edward's brother, that was for sure. If he hadn't interrupted us, then I knew I couldn't say for certain that the next person to pass by wouldn't have caught us having sex beneath that staircase. It wasn't exactly how I'd pictured my life in Forks starting out; being discovered in flagrante with the resident schoolyard man-whore in one of the other mothers' houses.

I drifted back to sleep, but was awakened soon after by the doorbell ringing. I lay still for a moment, waiting to see if Jake would get up and answer it, but the only sound I heard was Joshua shouting that there was somebody at the door. I sighed and then rolled out of bed, managing to find my feet just in time. I grunted slightly at the extra throbbing in my head, caused by being upright.

As I passed the mirror, I noticed my reflection and was reminded that I wasn't really dressed appropriately for answering the door. I grabbed my favorite old pair of sweats and ratty old grey hoodie from off the chair in the corner, and pulled them on quickly. I threw a dirty look at Jake's closed door as I left my room and shuffled downstairs to the front door.

Opening it gently, I saw Angela's retreating form, nearly at the sidewalk.

"Hey, Angela," I called out. She turned, and then smiled when she saw me, before half-running back to the door. I envied her obvious lack of hangover, as I stood squinting in the light, and feeling generally crappy.

"Hey, Bella. I'm sorry for calling round, but I didn't have your number and I wanted to make sure you were ok after last night. Edward told us what happened."

I nearly choked.

"He…he did?" I stuttered. Angela giggled.

"Yeah. How are you feeling now?"

"Uh," I hesitated, swallowing. "Mortified?" I sucked in a breath, then exhaled slowly. "I can't believe he told people," I confessed, looking away.

"Really, there's no need to be embarrassed, Bella," Angela told me, lowering her voice. "We've all done it."

I was speechless now. I thought about Angela and the way that she and Ben looked at one other. Surely she couldn't be one of Edward's conquests? Slowly I regained the power of speech. I was more than a little pissed at Edward that he'd go around telling people what had happened between us.

"You mean, you…" I couldn't bring myself to say the words out loud. Angela laughed again.

"Really, I know I'm no party animal these days, but surely it's not so hard to believe that I've been so drunk that I've vomited, in the past?"

Realization and relief flooded through me. He hadn't told them what had happened between us at all, he'd made up a story about me being ill. I smiled in relief.

"Not at all, I guess I forget to see past the parent in people sometimes."

"Who is it, Bells?" a voice behind me called. I looked round to see Jake just reaching the bottom of the staircase wearing just a pair of jeans, slung low on his hips.

"Oh, uh, this is Angela, one of the moms from school that I was with last night," I explained. I turned back to Angela and nearly snorted with laughter at her face. Her eyes were wide, and her jaw had dropped open as she took in his muscled physique.

"Angela, this is Jacob; Billy & Joshua's dad."

"Pleased to meet you," Jake said, sauntering over and extending his hand for Angela to shake.

"Likewise," she replied, smiling as she accepted his offer.

Jake leaned back, casually draping his arm around my shoulder.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked, suddenly realizing that I hadn't offered, and feeling incredibly rude to one of the few people who had actually been genuinely nice to me since we arrived.

"No, no!" she answered quickly. "I won't take up any more of your weekend, I just wanted to make sure that you were ok."

"Well, thanks for thinking of me, I appreciate it." I gave her a genuine smile, and she returned it.

"I'll see you Monday morning then," she told me, then turned and headed off.

"Sure, bye." I called to her.

"Bye, Angela," Jake said, and she turned and gave a small wave.

I closed the door, and turned to see Jacob examining me with a smirk on his face.

"So, why the need to check up on you? What did you get up to last night?" he asked, leaning in. I lifted my right hand to my forehead and pushed him out of the way with my left, so I could get past.

"Nothing, I guess I just had a little too much to drink," I replied as I walked into the kitchen with him behind me. "Not that I was the only one," I said, looking pointedly from him to the empty wine bottles.

"Yeah." He shifted awkwardly. We both knew that he wasn't normally one for alcohol. "Um, I guess the house being so quiet after the boys had gone to bed, got to me a little. It seemed a good idea at the time." He shrugged as he reached for a glass from the wall cupboard and filled it with water. He leaned back against the counter top to drink it, resting between mouthfuls.

We were both silent as I filled the coffee pot and switched it on.

"Bella, about last night…"

I turned to face him.

"I'm really sorry, Jake. I saw the wine bottles and I knew it wasn't like you. I just wanted to make sure that you were ok and then—"

His mouth turned up into a smile.

"Hey, I was just going to say thanks. I was feeling a little low and sometimes a little human contact—"

I shot him a look of warning.

"I mean _innocent _human contact, Bella. Unless of course you want to count the sleep-groping that you were attempting. You know, if you're going to try to take advantage of me while I sleep, I may have to fix a lock to my door." He was openly mocking me now and I cringed.

"Please, don't ever, _ever _mention that again." I told him seriously, covering my eyes. It only had the effect of making him chuckle at me. I moved my hand and looked at him. "Really though, Jake. It should never have happened. Imagine if one of the kids had come in and found me in your bed, what do you think they'd have thought? We can't risk it, no matter how innocent we know it is."

Jake sighed.

"Yeah, you're right. It wasn't appropriate with the boys in the house. Now I know why I don't normally drink."

"Hmm, after last night I'm not sure that I ever want to drink again, either," I said, trying to ignore the thrill that ran through me as I thought about Edward's lips on mine and the way it had made me feel.

I poured two cups of coffee and set them down on the kitchen table, then pulled a chair out and sat down. I wrapped my hands around the steaming cup until it started to burn me, and then moved them away slightly, close enough that I could still feel the warmth, soothing my palms and fingers.

Jake moved over to sit down at the other side of the table.

"How's work going?" he asked me, genuine interest audible in his voice.

"It's ok." I hesitated, wondering whether to be honest with him. I felt my shoulders slump slightly as I made the decision to be truthful. "It could be better. I've been struggling to concentrate as well as before since we moved here," I told him.

"Oh?" He looked concerned. I knew I couldn't tell him what the true distraction was, so I plucked something else out that I'd been toying with.

"Yeah." I searched his face, and decided to go ahead. "I've got an idea buzzing around in my head that I'm thinking of giving a go," I confided.

I took a sip of my coffee, and savoured the sensation of the hot liquid slipping down my throat.

"What is it?" Jake leaned forward in his seat, eagerly. I took a deep breath.

"I'm thinking of writing a book for young children, about losing a parent."

I sat and tentatively awaited his reaction. I took in the serious expression on his face, and I only relaxed as I watched it soften.

"I think that's a great idea, Bells," he told me. His voice was filled with an emotion that I struggled to identify. Pride, maybe?

"We struggled so hard to find anything suitable for Joshua and Billy, I just think that there's a real need for this sort of thing," I told him, speaking more quickly now that I knew I had his approval. "Plus, if I can help even one other that's going through this hell, feel or understand a little better, then it'll be worth it."

I was glad that Jake was supportive of the idea, because if anyone would understand the drive I felt for this project, it would be him.

"It sounds fantastic. You really think there's a chance you'll be able to get it published?" he asked.

"I've no idea, but I've got some good contacts. I've never attempted anything like this before, so I'm going to get some ideas down and then start asking around for tips," I replied.

"Well, be sure to let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

Just then a wail came from the living room, and Joshua came running out.

"Billy spilt his milk all over the rug, Dad. It's everywhere!"

Jake rolled his eyes and sighed, and then scraped his chair back as he stood. As he grabbed a couple of cloths to take care of the spill and left the room, the sudden flash of a memory zipped through my brain. Was it Jessica or Angela? I couldn't remember which now, but in conversation one of them had mentioned that Edward had something to do with children's books. Damn it. Why did it have to be _him_ of all the people I'd met, who could potentially help me out?

_Because, Isabella Swan,_ I told myself. _That's just how your crappy luck works._

**Please take a moment to review; review alerts are like the mountain lion of all emails!**


	7. Don't Need a Shrink but an Exorcist

**This chapter has been on the slow burn, eating away at me while I desperately tried to find the time to complete it, so apologies for it taking so long!**

**Thanks to Mrs. P, who it turns out is a fantastic beta, her talents really know no end!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and it's characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, you know the drill.**

**Don't Need a Shrink but an Exorcist**

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I'd waited for the front door to close behind Bella before I rounded on Emmett, shoving him hard in the chest in frustration. He held his hands up, as though surrendering.

"Whoa, take it easy!" he exclaimed, appearing shocked by my sudden anger.

I turned to follow her, but he caught my arm. "Edward, don't be an idiot. What is it with this girl, anyway? I've never seen you act like this before."

I turned my head to glare at him as I continued to try to pull away from him, inwardly cursing his strength.

"That's because you're usually sitting at home with Rose while I'm out having my fun," I shot back.

"That's bullshit, man. I know you, and this isn't how you act anymore."

"What do you mean, 'anymore'?" I stopped struggling as I asked the question, unsure whether I wanted to hear the answer.

He looked away from me and sighed, then cautiously released my arm. I turned slowly to face him.

"I _mean_, I've only seen you act like this once before. With Tanya."

I cringed at the mention of her name. That shit was buried so deeply, that even the mention of her name was like an ice pick crashing down and piercing the rock that covered it. Emmett continued. "You don't chase after women like this now. If your first choice doesn't work out, you have another beer and go find another one." I looked down at the floor, knowing that he was right. I hadn't let myself think about it, but now that he'd made that small hole, everything was beginning to seep out again.

I glanced up as a woman I didn't recognise walked past and stared at us. Emmett automatically moved his body in front of me to shield me from her gaze and her prying ears. He bent close to my face, his voice lowered to little above a whisper.

"And what was all that about asking her to come home with you? You _never _invite chicks back to your place. I've seen them practically begging you to take them back and you always say no, even when it means the alternative is taking them behind a dumpster."

I shook my head hopelessly and blew out a long breath, as I ran my hand through my hair.

"I just thought…" I paused and looked up into my brother's concerned eyes. "I thought that if I could have her, then I'd be able to get her out of my damn head. I can't do anything but think about her and it's driving me crazy." I looked away again. "I even get crazy fucking jealous when I see her with her goddamn husband, Em."

I could feel myself starting to crumble and it was scaring the shit out of me. Emmett could evidently see it too. He'd spent long enough taking care of me after the whole…situation…before, and he knew the signs. I could see a spark of fear in his eyes.

"Ok, let's get out of here. You're coming home with me," he told me, placing his hand on my back to begin to guide me out. Before we could move more than a step or two, Angela appeared. She looked worried.

"Hey, have either of you two seen Bella? She hasn't come back from the bathroom yet."

I pulled myself together mentally for a moment.

"Uh, yeah, she got sick and left. It was all a bit sudden…"

Angela looked horrified.

"Oh my God, was she ok?"

"She was fine; she just didn't feel like partying any more. I think she might have gotten some puke in her hair or something. She went home to get cleaned up."

Emmett shot me a 'WTF?' look and then shook his head.

"Poor Bella! I'll have to look in on her in the morning, make sure she's ok," Angela mused.

"We're leaving too Angela. Can you say goodbye to Ben for me? I'm not feeling too good myself," I told her, as I made for the door.

"Sure, no problem. I hope you feel better soon, Edward."

I gave her a grateful half-smile as I pulled the door open and walked out, followed closely by Emmett.

Walking home alongside Emmett, I tuned out his never-ending chatter and lost myself in my own silence. Images flashed through my head; one minute it was Bella, then Tanya. Both of them were in my arms, and then they were both in the arms of other men. I struggled to push any pictures of Tanya from my mind, trying desperately to focus on Bella in order to keep them at bay. I realised that Emmett was right about one thing; it was the first time since I met Tanya that I'd acted this way with a woman. She consumed me; my waking moments were filled with thoughts and 'what if's' regarding her. If it was frustrating before, it was a thousand times worse now that I'd had a taste of being with her. Had a taste of _her_.

"Edward, get the fuck back here, now!" Emmett's voice interrupted my thoughts as he shouted at me. I shook my head, puzzled, then stopped and turned to face him.

"I'm standing right next to you, Emmett." I said, spreading my hands out in confusion.

He huffed in frustration.

"Not your body, your head. You're miles away. Let her go, man. You're getting all screwy and I can't stand to see you putting yourself through this again."

I could see him getting more worked up. Suddenly he turned and kicked out at the large tree next to him, at the edge of the lawn of a house. "Fucking Tanya! It's all that bitch's fault! If she hadn't—"

"Emmett, if you mention her name again, I swear to God…" I started walking again, rubbing my face wearily, as I felt myself mentally detaching from the situation. I heard him jogging to catch up with me.

"I'm sorry, man. I just hate seeing you like this, all fucked up and shit."

Silence descended, and we walked the rest of the way without either of us speaking.

Emmett opened the front door of his house, and I followed him inside. I'd just closed the door behind me, when Grace's face appeared around the living room doorway. When she saw me, her features lighted up and a huge grin plastered itself over her face.

"Uncle Edward!" she squealed, and came barrelling towards me, knocking Emmett out of the way.

"Huh," he grunted. "Nice to see you too, Princess."

Grace threw her arms around my waist, and squashed her cheek against my stomach. I reached down and ruffled her hair, but didn't feel connected enough to the moment, to manage more than a vague smile. I looked up and spotted Rosalie standing in the living room doorway, regarding me carefully.

"Grace, time to go back to bed now," she said, her eyes flickering between her daughter and my face.

"But Mom, I had a bad dream…" she protested.

"You'll see Uncle Edward in the morning Grace. He's staying over," Emmett told her, guessing her real reason for wanting to stay up now. I glanced at Rosalie and noticed that she quirked an eyebrow at Emmett, although she said nothing. Grace sighed in defeat.

"Ok. 'Night Uncle Edward," she said, stretching her face up towards me. I bent down and gave her a kiss.

"'Night Gracie," I told her.

She repeated the action with Emmett and Rosalie, before heading to the staircase and trailing up it, dejectedly.

As soon as she was out of sight, Rosalie crossed the hallway to me and reached her hand out to touch my arm.

"Are you ok, Edward?"

I looked up and saw that the usual coldness was gone from her face, replaced by a soft, concerned look. I didn't answer, and she placed her other hand behind me to encourage me forward and into the living room. I noticed her exchange worried glances with Emmett as she guided me past him, but she said nothing. She led me over to the sofa, and I flopped down into it.

"I'll make us a coffee," she said softly, and left the room.

"I'll just…" I looked up at Emmett as he spoke. He was gesturing with his thumb in the direction of the kitchen, and backing away from me. I nodded, and then turned my unfocused gaze to the TV. I was aware of hushed voices drifting in from the kitchen, but really, I could have cared less at that exact moment in time.

Eventually both Emmett and Rosalie came back into the room. Em sank onto the cushions to my left, and Rose perched on the arm of the sofa, to my right.

"So, Emmett tells me there's a woman," she began in soft tones. I raised an eyebrow without averting my eyes from the TV.

"There've been lots of women Rose. I was under the impression that there was a conversational embargo on this topic between us."

This drew a sigh from her lips and I heard Emmett chuckling quietly.

"No, Edward. There's a behavioural embargo on you whoring a different mom each week in the schoolyard. If this is something more, then that's different."

"What's different exactly, Rosalie? She's a Mom, I met her in the schoolyard, the fact that she's got me tying myself in emotional knots has fuck all to do with the circumstances." I shook my head and glared at her confrontationally.

"Hey, man," Emmett interrupted. "She's trying to help. Cut her a little slack here."

I whipped my head around to look at Emmett.

"Cut her some slack? And when was the last time she did that for me? She's more worried about me tarnishing her prissy fucking reputation at that school."

"I think it's time you went to bed, Edward," he told me, leaning forward in his seat. I sensed the warning in his voice as he glared at me. I wasn't in the mood for fighting any longer tonight, particularly with my brother.

"Don't worry. I'm going."

I hoisted myself unsteadily to my feet and walked right past Rosalie without acknowledging her. I had nearly reached the doorway when Emmett spoke again.

"Edward?"

I turned.

"Yeah?"

"I think you should get away for a few days. Visit Mom & Dad maybe."

"I can't. Grace—"

"Alice will cover, she's always offering. Go. Take some time and come back human." I was silent for a moment as I thought about his suggestion.

"Yeah, maybe," I relented, then I turned and left the room, heading upstairs to the familiar guest bedroom that I'd lived in for a while after the whole…situation.

The following evening, I was sitting sketching in a chair on the deck at my parents' home. My father worked long hours as a doctor, so my step-mother, Esme, had encouraged him completely to purchase his dream home, aware of just how many of his colleagues had burned themselves out mentally and physically over the years. This house was his haven; somewhere to relax completely when he wasn't at the hospital. I could see why he loved it.

The peace here was absolute. There were no other houses close by, and other than the sound of the occasional boat passing by, the only sounds were those of nature. Forks was hardly bustling, but it may as well be a metropolis compared to this.

I glanced up often, taking in the view over the sound, before I scratched my pencil across the paper, reproducing what I could see. I was so engrossed in what I was doing, that I hadn't heard the footsteps that had approached across the deck.

"Hello, Edward. This is a pleasant surprise, son."

I jumped as my father's smooth and familiar voice filled the air, making him chuckle. "Easy there!" He stood behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, Dad."

I could hear the dejected tone in my own voice as I spoke, and knew that my dad would pick up on it straight away. He'd spent enough years as a doctor to render him unable to switch off his attention to the small details, around people. I glanced up into his face, but his eyes were fixed on the sketch pad on my lap.

"It doesn't matter how many times I look at your work, it always amazes me how you manage to do it so well," he sighed. I smiled at him.

"I'm not half the artist Mom was."

I thought about one of the most vivid memories I had of my mother. Her hair was wild like mine, piled loosely on top of her head, and smears of paint on her face. My father was always telling her that she was supposed to put the paint on the canvas, not on herself, which would usually end up with _him_ being on the receiving end of her paintbrush.

"That's not true and she'd be turning in her grave to hear you say it," he admonished. "You're every bit as talented as she was."

I ducked my head and began to work on a small sailboat that I saw bobbing on the water in the distance. He moved from his place behind me, and pulled one of the other chairs slightly closer before lowering himself down onto it. It was silent, except for the sound of my pencil on the paper. I tolerated it for all of two minutes before I put my pencil down on the paper and made a point of sighing loudly.

"Ok, go ahead," I said to my dad. He looked over at me and cocked an eyebrow quizzically.

"Go ahead with what?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"With all the things you want to know; all the questions you're racking up over there."

He smiled in defeat.

"I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't curious at what's brought you here, Edward. Both Esme and I had worked out that it's not just a social visit. There's only one question that I really _need _an answer to though. Are you alright?" His eyes bored into my face, looking for indicators of an answer to his query. I looked away, picking up the pencil and rolling it between my fingers. I owed him an honest answer, but wasn't sure what that was.

"I don't know." That was about as honest as I could get right now.

"You've never been one for calling home all the time, but Emmett has mentioned things to me."

My head snapped up as I prepared to defend myself against the lecture that I suspected was only a minute or so away.

"Things?" I sneered, my inner cornered animal rising to the surface. My father appeared perturbed, but remained calm.

"Ok, we're both adults. I guess I can spell it out to you. Women, drink, fights, more women."

I laughed.

"Yeah, Em gets a little jealous. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he'd rat me out to you."

I could count on one hand the number of times that I'd seen my father angry, but as I looked up and met his gaze, I realized that I now had another one to add to the brief list.

"Edward Cullen, that is not how you were raised."

"Well, shit, Dad, I guess I wasn't raised to expect a woman to cheat on me and get pregnant with another man's baby either, huh?" I stood, and slammed the sketch pad down on the seat that I'd just risen from. Turning and heading for the door I heard Carlisle call out.

"Edward?"

I stopped, but didn't turn.

"I think the answer to that question that you were struggling with, is no."

I started walking again, mumbling under my breath about know-it-all fucking doctors. I should have known better than to come here; should have known that it'd turn into some sort of psychoanalytical retreat-style break. This was the exact reason why I hadn't headed here after Tanya left me, and I'd turned to Emmett instead.

_Fucking traitor._

I couldn't believe he'd told Dad all that shit about me. We hadn't even given anything away about each other as kids; no matter what happened or what either of us had done. We'd both always refused to say a word, sitting there in steadfast and immovable silence as Dad had threatened to take all our privileges and favorite toys away unless we told him what had happened.

I pulled my cellphone from my pocket and paused for a moment as I tapped out a message.

**Thanks for spilling everything to dad. Fucker.**

My finger hovered over the 'send' key, but before I could hit it, a smirk spread across my face and I deleted the message and started again.

**Emmett went to a party at one of the school mom's houses Friday night. Apparently he has a new honesty thing going on so I thought he'd want you to know.**

I selected Rosalie as the recipient and hit send. I was pretty sure the fact they all thought I'd had some sort of breakdown again, would mean that I'd get away with being at the party myself.

Moving to the kitchen, I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and carried it up to my room. I took a deep drink from the bottle before setting it down on the nightstand and flopping onto the bed. I grabbed my iPod from next to the water and was just about to put the earbuds in my ears when my cellphone started ringing. Convinced it would be either Emmett or Rosalie calling to give me shit about the text I just sent, I pulled it from my pocket with the intention to throw it across the room to ignore the vibrating alert. I glanced down at the display as I did this, and noticed that it was Alice calling.

"Hello," I answered in a bored tone.

"Well, about time. I was starting to think that you were ignoring me, Edward," my little sister gushed.

"And why would I do that, when I know that you'll just keep calling until I _do_ answer, Alice? Having you in the family is like ripping off a band-aid, best to grit your teeth and get it over with, kid." I smiled, knowing how much she hated being called that.

"So," she continued, ignoring my jibe. "Apparently I'm being allowed to spend some exclusive time with our only niece. Care to tell me why you're so uncharacteristically abandoning your post, brother dear?"

"Hmph. You mean Em didn't spill? Doesn't sound like him," I said sarcastically, as I recalled the fact he'd told our father so much.

"He just said that you were visiting Dad and Esme for a few days, which is suspicious in itself, Edward."

I huffed in annoyance. Alice was just way too intuitive for her own good.

"So, let me get this straight. For me to visit our parents there has to be a reason?"

"Reason? Well, usually nothing short of a death in the family gets you there. Band-aid, remember? You may as well just tell me."

I was silent as I tried to decide what I wanted to tell her.

"There's a woman involved, isn't there?"

I laughed a little, satisfied now that I could steer her along a less sensitive route.

"Alice, there've been plenty of women involved, all of them from Grace's school. Rose pitched a fit."

Alice laughed in surprise, a disbelieving tone evident.

"Edward, there is no _way_ that you've been using that schoolyard as your own personal meat-market?"

"Nicely put, sis, and a lot more reserved than Rosalie's reaction.

"Oh my God, I can just imagine!" She laughed again, more uproariously. The sound was infectious and I laughed along. "So," she continued teasingly. "What are my chances of finding Mr. Right in this schoolyard?"

I snorted.

"Ok, Alice, first of all, the amount of father's who take and collect their children from school in Forks is shockingly low, hence my own success with the moms. Secondly, if you start to imitate my M.O., then I suspect that Rosalie may just have some form of breakdown, followed by her forcing Emmett to have one of those family-divorces from us."

She sighed deeply.

"Well that just sucks," she complained in mock indignation.

"What can I say, kid? Life's a bitch."

_Ain't that the truth_.

"Ok, I'd better get going. I need to do my shortlist of possible outfits for my first day on schoolyard duty."

"Alice, it's Saturday evening. You do know that Grace isn't at school until Monday morning, don't you?"

"Yes, Edward," she answered, exasperatedly. "But I have a good feeling about this. I think it's important that I look my best."

"You are so strange sometimes, you know that?" I rolled my eyes.

"I know!" she answered, her voice chirpy again. "Give my love to Dad and Esme. Bye!"

She'd gone before I could open my mouth to reply.

"Freak," I said to the empty room, smirking as I tossed my cellphone down on the bed next to me.

Reaching for my iPod again, I decided that I was no longer in the mood for music, and withdrew my hand. I lay back, my ankles crossed and my hands behind my head on the pillow, and debated going back downstairs and apologising to my father for my outburst.

A quiet tap on the door interrupted my thoughts.

"Come in," I called. The door cracked open a little, then slightly more, and my stepmother's face appeared.

"Hey, Esme," I greeted her.

"Hey, Edward. Can I come in?"

"Sure."

No matter how snarky I was tempted to get with everyone else around me, I'd never been able to unleash that side of me onto the warm and compassionate woman before me now.

A few weeks after my mother had died, one of my father's colleagues at the hospital had told him of a bereavement support group that had an excellent reputation. He'd been reluctant, but as it was exactly the kind of thing he advised his own patients to do knowing it would help them, he went along.

On his first visit he was charmed by the lady who ran the group. She'd lost her first child to SIDS at only a few days old. When the group that had helped her so much following the tragedy and subsequent breakdown of her marriage, was under threat of closure due to the organizer needing to step down, she'd taken it on herself. That woman was Esme.

She did wonders for my father during the dark times following the loss of my mother. If he was unable to attend a meeting because of his working hours, she'd arrange to meet him at another time during the week to make sure he was coping. Eventually they had a close friendship; out of double tragedy, something new blossomed. Nothing would ever make them forget what and whom had brought them together, but they'd both found something that meant the dark times didn't _have _to be so dark. In the months following the physical loss of our mother, we'd been at risk of losing our father emotionally. Esme had stopped that from happening, and for that I would always be grateful. If we couldn't have our own mother, I was in no doubt that having Esme was the next best thing. After what they considered a respectable amount of time, the friendship turned romantic. We pushed aside the pangs of nostalgia and welcomed her into the family, knowing that she was good for all of us.

"I was wondering if you'd be joining us for dinner?" Esme enquired as she lowered herself gently onto the edge of the bed. "Your father said that you weren't feeling too well."

Her eyes searched my face, and I knew that she was looking for signs of illness. I smiled and looked down at my hands.

"He's being far too gracious as usual." I looked up at her to see her regarding me curiously. "I lost my temper."

"Edward!" she scolded me.

I looked as ashamed as she had intended me to feel. I had no idea how she did it, but the less Esme said, the more effective it was. There had never been all of the all too common 'You're not my mom' moments over the years; this woman was a master in the art of people-management.

"I know. Things have been kind of difficult lately, confusing. I thought I was coping…" I paused, struggling to articulate what had been going on with me without giving more away than I wanted to. I looked up at Esme and there was nothing but concern on her face as she reached out and placed her hand over mine.

"Did something happen, honey?" she asked.

_Not some_thing _some_one_._

"I don't know, Esme. I think maybe the numbness is wearing off. I thought it was going to be a permanent thing, I guess it was a bit of a shock." This had been the only explanation I'd been able to come up with for the sudden rush of positive feelings I'd had for Bella.

Esme nodded with understanding.

"The numbness does wear off with time."

"Yeah, well, the numbness was easier," I stated flatly, picking at the bedspread. I didn't look up as a calm quiet fell over the room. After a moment Esme spoke again.

"I know sweetheart, but it's not healthy. You need to feel to be able to live properly, rather than just existing. Being numb means that you can't feel the pain, but you won't feel the good things either."

I lifted my eyes to her face.

"The good things scare me. If someone has the ability to make you feel good, they have the power to hurt you too."

**A/N There will be some interesting developments in the next chapter, which will be from Bella's point of view :o)**

**I just realised that I haven't been crediting my chapter titles, all of which come from song lyrics. This one is taken from 'Born of Frustration' by James.**

**Please press review, I love to hear what my readers think of the chapters!**


	8. I Don't Keep My Secrets There

**Hi! Sorry for the delay in updating here. I decided I needed to make sure I completed my other fic that's ongoing on here, so I wanted to get another chapter of that posted up.**

**Anyway, quick recap: Edward has fled to his parents' house to try and sort his head out after his feelings for Bella became a little overwhelming for him.**

**Meanwhile, back in Forks…..**

**Thanks to Becky and Mrs.P for their help with this.**

**The title of this chapter is taken from Shed Seven's Chasing Rainbows :o)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I'm just torturing her characters ;o)**

**Chapter 8: I Don't Keep My Secrets There**

**Bella PoV**

I didn't welcome the sudden relapse into adolescence. All weekend I'd gone back and forth between never wanting to see Edward again and fighting the urge to go straight to his place and dry hump him on his doorstep. By Monday morning I was so much of an emotional wreck, that even Billy and Joshua had noticed I wasn't my usual self. They'd eaten cookies for breakfast before I had noticed they had them. As usual it was their unparalleled typical male inability to put anything back where they found it that had given them away.

"Josh, why's the cookie jar out?" I called, wondering if he'd even be able to hear me above the excessive volume of the TV. It took me an extra moment to register that they weren't even allowed to watch TV before school. He rounded the corner into the kitchen, stuffing the last of a cookie into his mouth.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I'll put it back."

"That wasn't what I was getting at. What are you doing eating cookies at this time of day?" I glared sternly at him, standing with my hands placed firmly on my hips.

"You said we could have them!" he exclaimed in indignation.

"I said you could have cookies for breakfast? I don't think so." I could feel myself growing angry; I detested lies. Just then, Billy skipped into the room.

"Bella, can I have another cookie, please?"

I felt my jaw slacken slightly and my stomach tightened with guilt. There's no way that Billy would have come right out and asked me, if they'd sneaked the last ones; he wasn't stupid.

"Billy, did you ask me for the other cookie you just had?"

"Uh-huh."

"And I said yes?"

"Uh-huh."

"What was I doing when you asked?" If I had been in the middle of concentrating on something, that could explain my lapse.

"You were standing staring out the window," he answered.

_Shit. I hated Edward a little more._

"Can I have a cookie now?"

"We don't have cookies for breakfast, you know that," I scolded.

"But you said—" Billy's voice had risen to a whine now.

"I know I did honey, but only because I wasn't paying attention. I'm not mad at you. It was my fault, but you're not having more. I'll get you some proper breakfast, ok?"

"Ok," he sighed, as his little shoulders sagged. I decided I couldn't live with seeing his expression if I asked him to turn the TV off now too.

The butterflies that had fluttered to life intermittently during the morning became more insistent the closer we got to school. The boys ran ahead, and by the time we reached the school gates I was sick of hearing myself telling them to slow down and wait. We walked through the grounds, and I took a deep breath as we rounded the corner to the area near the entrance where we always waited.

My heart skipped a beat as the first person I saw was Grace. She was chasing a pink, sparkly rubber ball that was rolling along the ground. Just as it was about to hit my foot, I bent down and picked it up. She ran over, smiling widely.

"Hey, Grace," I greeted her. "Your hair looks really pretty today." I reached out and gently touched one of the delicate butterflies she wore clipped into an intricate braid that I couldn't have woven in a million years.

"My Aunt Alice did it," she told me, her eyes sparkling for a moment as she pointed to the other side of the schoolyard. My stomach dropped, but I tried to hide it as I swallowed deeply.

"No Uncle Edward today?" I enquired in what I had hoped was a casual tone.

"Edward's taken off for a few days."

I jumped what felt like a mile in the air as a sweet, high-pitched voice answered from right next to me, where a moment ago nobody had stood. I turned my head quickly and found myself face to face with a small woman with delicate features and short, dark, spiky hair.

"Oh, I hope you didn't think I was being nosy," I babbled, blushing at being caught asking after him. I inwardly kicked myself.

"Not at all. I hear my brother is quite a hit with the ladies here!" She grinned impishly and I realized that she was teasing. My blush deepened.

"Well…uh…I," I took a deep breath. "I mean, we're fairly new to town so I wouldn't know too much about that." I thought that was a passable response; truthful without giving anything away about my own close encounter with her man-whoreish brother.

Alice glanced around and following her gaze I noticed that many of the moms were examining us closely.

"Hmm, yep, I think I can probably guess exactly which _ladies _here might know a little more."

I snorted at her obvious sarcastic use of the word 'ladies', and was still smiling when she suddenly froze. "Who is _that_?" she demanded, her eyes now fixed on a spot over my shoulder. I began to turn my head, but she grabbed my arm firmly. "Don't turn around, he'll notice!" she whispered urgently. I leaned forward.

"Well how am I supposed to know who it is then?" I whispered back, smirking.

Alice appeared to compose herself slightly and then rolled her eyes.

"Ok, go ahead, but be discreet."

"Discretion is my middle name," I told her, winking as I turned, pretending to look for the boys. It was my lucky day, because they were standing close to the individual I was looking for. The person in question was male; his lean, yet muscular body standing at around 6'3" tall. His hair was honey blonde and his eyes were fixed firmly on Alice.

I turned slowly back around.

"I have no idea," I told her. "I never saw him before."

She didn't acknowledge that I'd spoken, concentrating as she was on the man behind me with a dreamy smile plastered on her face. I cleared my throat loudly and she snapped back to the moment. When she saw me watching her, she looked suitably embarrassed.

"Oh, sorry!" She giggled with a light and appealing sound, like bells tinkling, as she cast her eyes downward for a moment. She shook her head, as if to clear it. "Anyway." She looked back up at me, although I noticed her eyes flickered once over my shoulder. "So, I know your middle name is 'discretion', but how are you better known?"

"Bella," I introduced myself, holding out my hand.

"And I'm Alice," she told me, ignoring the offer of my hand, and pulling me into a tight hug instead.

"Oh!" I exclaimed in surprise, wondering how with anyone else I would have been freaking out with the inappropriateness of the contact, but thinking how it somehow felt acceptable with Alice.

The bell rang sounding the start of the school day just as Alice released me. Instantly everyone's focus was on the children in their care, and there was a frantic bustle until the schoolyard was suddenly empty of children.

"So," she turned to face me and clapped her hands together. "What do the parents of Forks do at this time on a Monday morning?" I had the feeling that whatever it was, she was keen to be included.

"Uh…coffee?" I asked, although truthfully the idea of this woman on a caffeine high scared me more than a little. She grinned widely.

"Perfect!" she declared. I noticed her eyes fixed behind me again. "Hey! You're looking a little lost over there. You want to join us for coffee?"

I turned to see who she was talking to. The tall blonde guy was still there, childless this time, and she was right; he did look lost. He glanced back at the closed doors of the school once before he looked back at us, or more specifically, Alice.

"Sure," he said, and sauntered over. As he reached us, Alice held out her hand to him. He raised his own hand, and took her tiny one into it. He looked at her so intensely that it was almost as thought he were looking _into_ her. She looked up at him and smiled. Damn, I felt uncomfortable, almost like I was intruding on something private. I was also astounded; if I thought the hug she gave me just moments after meeting was a bit much, then this went beyond that. The guy was more than likely married for God's sake. And then I remembered. She was Edward's sister; the penchant for married members of the opposite sex must be something they shared.

I smirked at the thought and then cleared my throat to try and break them from their reverie.

"Shall we go?" I asked, turning to walk off. After a few steps I turned to make sure they were following. They were.

At a small table in the coffee shop under the ever watchful eye of the regulars, the tall blonde stranger introduced himself as Jasper Whitlock, divorced single parent to ten year old Charlotte. They were new to the area having moved from Texas so that Jasper could take up a position as a relationship counsellor. The irony in the fact that he was divorced wasn't lost on us, and we laughed about it. He explained that his ex-wife, Maria had walked out on them both five years ago without warning. He had tried everything he could to resolve the situation, but she had met somebody else and had effectively put Jasper and Charlotte behind her.

His story shocked me, and I could tell that Alice was deeply affected by it too by the look of pain on her face as he told us about it. He confessed that it wasn't easy trying to raise Charlotte on his own, and as she grew older he became increasingly aware of how much she'd benefit from a strong female role model in her life. He made no mention of his family, so I guessed that they weren't around either; it was very much just the two of them against the world.

We finished our drinks and got up to leave, all confessing that we had enjoyed the morning and should do it again this week. Jasper told us that he had an appointment the following morning, but would love to join us again on Wednesday.

As I walked home, I decided it was the most relaxed I had felt outside of the house since arriving in Forks. Alice and Jasper were good company; whether either of them paid enough attention to me to make a similar judgement was doubtful; most of the time they only had eyes for each other.

I sighed as I thought of Edward and the way our own eyes met and locked every time we saw each other. Why was it that his absence was so palpable? It was almost as though I could tell that he was far away, and I hated it. I hated the sensation and I hated the fact that this man I barely knew had such a physical hold on me.

Tuesday morning began in a rush. I was usually extra-organized, but I had a piece of work to email that I should have completed the night before. I hadn't thanks to my mind wandering to Edward whenever I paused. I had gotten up early to finish it, but hadn't had time to send the email; we were late out of the door as it was. Running to school in the morning was not my idea of fun, and I let out a loud sigh of relief as the bell rang out just as we arrived and the boys went straight inside. I leaned back against the wall for a moment while I caught my breath, before pushing myself off to head home again and press send on the damn email.

"Bella!" A small hand caught hold of my arm and I paused, turning to see Alice.

"Hey, Alice," I smiled at her. She was virtually bouncing up and down, so great was her energy. I looked on jealously as my own levels hovered somewhere between 'adequate' and 'meh'.

"Do we have date again this morning?" she asked eagerly. I grimaced.

"I'm sorry, I can't this morning. I've got to get home to send an email off for work."

I watched as her face fell and immediately I felt like a villain who had kicked her puppy.

"Well, I guess if you wanted you can come to my place. It'll only take me a couple of minutes to send the email, then we can chat?"

"Yay!"

She clapped her hands together and I smiled. In some people her childlike tendencies would be annoying, but somehow Alice made them endearing. I wondered how exactly she pulled it off, but before I had chance to arrive at a conclusion, she had her arm linked through mine and we were heading back down the streets I had run down just five minutes earlier.

I hung our jackets up in the cloakroom, and waved Alice through to the kitchen.

"Make yourself at home, I'll be right back," I told her as I took the door into the room I used as an office. I sat down at the computer and smiled as I heard her moving around the kitchen, getting cups down and running water. I attached the document and hit send, then scooted my chair back and headed for the kitchen.

As I approached I realized that it was suddenly silent. I walked in and found Alice leaning against the counter, a photo frame in her hand. I knew exactly which one it was, and anticipated what was coming next as I crossed the floor to stand next to her. I looked at the happy faces within the frame; Jake was tickling Josh, who had his head thrown back with laughter. Emma and Billy looked on, also laughing. I smiled sadly as I looked at their content family unit, now torn apart by Emma's death.

"That's Emma," I said, deciding that I didn't want to wait for the questions to start. "The boys' mom. Jake's wife."

Alice's head twisted sideways and she looked at me, a curious expression on her face. I laughed quietly. "There's no need to look at me like that. She passed away a few months ago."

I walked over to the refrigerator and took the milk out, setting it on the side next to the cups. Finally Alice spoke.

"Months, huh? Well…I guess some people get over these things faster than others." There was an edge to her voice that I couldn't place. I turned to look at her as she carefully placed the frame back down where she had found it.

"He's nowhere near over it, Alice. None of us are." I was more than a little offended at her comment and struggled to control my reaction to her words.

"Hey, it's none of my business anyway, Bella. It's your lives."

I suddenly realized that she had made the same assumption that I had allowed everyone else to make about Jake and me. Although I had been happy for everyone else to jump to the conclusion that we were together, for some reason I was uncomfortable with my newest friend believing it.

"This coffee's going to be a few more minutes," I told her. "Let me give you the tour." I smiled and tilted my head to urge her to follow me. Reluctantly she trailed behind me as I opened doors and showed her inside the downstairs rooms. I could tell that she was still annoyed by my assumed relationship with Jake, and I was already missing her usual bubbly nature. As we reached the upstairs landing, I walked to the far end before starting my commentary. I pushed open the farthest door.

"This is my room," I told her. She put her head around the door briefly, and then withdrew.

"Nice," she said simply.

I opened the next door along.

"And this is Jake's room."

Alice stopped and looked at me.

"Jake's room?"

"Uh-huh," I replied, smiling slightly now.

"You have separate rooms?"

"Yes, we do." She looked at me, puzzled. I decided it was time to put her out of her misery. "Why would I share a bedroom with my recently-widowed best friend, Alice, when he has a spare bedroom?"

"Best friend?"

"Yes." I giggled at the embarrassed look on her face. Her hand flew to her mouth.

"Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry! I just assumed…" she trailed off.

"Honestly, Alice, it's fine. I hate small town gossip, so I've just been letting people think whatever they like about us. You couldn't have known." I reached my hand out and placed it on the top of her arm.

"I think I need that coffee now," she told me, an apologetic tone in her voice.

"C'mon," I said, still smiling, and led her back downstairs.

Over coffee I told her everything about Jake, Emma and the boys, and how we'd come to all be living in Forks together. She was sympathetic and understanding. She congratulated me in my unwavering support of Jake, even though she understood that it had never even been in question in my mind.

Once we had exhausted the serious discussions, Alice pulled her legs up onto the couch and tucked them under her body.

"So." I couldn't fail to notice the impish look on her face, as she fixed her gaze on me.

"So?" I challenged her, raising one eyebrow.

"You and Edward, huh?"

I shook my head in denial.

"There _is _no me and Edward, Alice," I told her, a warning tone in my voice.

"But you wish there was, right?"

"No!" I exclaimed in mock indignation, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow me. It was one thing discussing this with a friend, but it was something totally different to be discussing it with a friend who happened to be Edward's sister.

"We both know that's not true, Bella. According to Emmett, he interrupted the two of you getting _very _friendly at a party last Friday night." She giggled loudly at this. "And Emmett also told me that you really seem to have gotten under Edward's skin. This week is the first time that he's missed taking Grace to school since—" she cut off suddenly. "Well," she continued, guardedly now. "Since he started doing it, anyway."

I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off. "So, you and Edward both like each other. A lot. And now that the truth is out that apparently you and Jake aren't actually a couple…" she paused and then her face dropped. "You've got a problem."

"Edward doesn't go for single women, right?" My question was a rhetorical one. I'd spent long enough replaying every conversation I had about Edward with anyone. I already knew the answer.

Alice gave me a sympathetic look and shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I had no idea he was so messed up until I spoke to Emmett and Rosalie over the weekend. He never used to be this way; I guess he's just too broken."

My heart leaped at her words, and I looked up quickly, wondering exactly what she'd meant by them.

"Broken? What do you mean _broken_?"

She looked guilty, as though she was silently chastising herself for saying too much.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I can't," she said, shaking her head. "If Edward hasn't told you, I don't think I can. It wouldn't be fair."

I shrugged as I stood and gathered our empty cups from the coffee table.

"Well, whatever. It was only a kiss, and like you say, it's going to be irrelevant as soon as he finds out about me and Jake anyway." Alice jumped up and skipped after me as I trailed back to the kitchen to dump the cups in the sink.

"Bella," she said, pausing until I turned to face her and she knew she had my full attention. "I'm not going to tell him." She looked a little excited, and I was starting to think that she had a hidden sadistic streak.

"You're going to make me do it myself," I stated flatly, sure that I had caught the meaning behind her words.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, before walking right up to me and placing her hands on my upper arms. She bent forward and stage whispered. "I have a much better plan…we don't tell him!"

She looked ridiculously pleased with herself as I grimaced at her.

"I don't know, Alice," I said, shaking my head. "It was one thing keeping it from everybody, but I don't know about keeping it from him when someone else knows about it. Especially when it's his own sister."

"Pfft." She tossed her head. "It's for his own good. He can beat on me for it when he's blissfully happy with you."

"We shared a kiss. I hardly think that's enough to base a prediction of romantic harmony on," I told her sternly, trying to rein her in a little.

"Bella, I'm going to let that comment slide on the basis that you haven't known me long. Just be assured that I usually know what I'm talking about!"

She flashed me a confident smile and danced away across the kitchen, grabbing her jacket and bag from the chair she had left them on, throwing a quick wave and goodbye over her shoulder as she left. I stood in the same place even after I heard the front door close behind her, wondering at the whirlwind pixie-like woman that had just inflicted tornado style devastation within my head. It was going to take a while to gather all of my emotions up and put them back in some sort of order.

Alice, Jasper and I had been getting on so well that Jake was sick of hearing me talk about them already and had suggested I invite them over for dinner so he could meet them. A well-timed invitation for Charlotte to go over to Grace's for the evening had made it easier to plan than I had anticipated. I was also dying to see Alice and Jasper together in a setting that wasn't a schoolyard or a coffee shop. I was pretty sure that there was potentially something kind of special between them, and I was more than happy to have a hand in helping to tease it out.

"He's been asking about you!"

These were Alice's first words as I answered the front door to her as she arrived for dinner. I stepped to one side to let her pass as I tried to quell the banging of my heart in my chest. I closed the door and turned. Alice had stopped to wait for me and was standing watching me, the excitement coming off her in waves. She clapped her hands together a couple of times. I was fairly sure it had been involuntary, and couldn't help smirking at her.

"I spoke to him earlier and he was _so _desperate—" I cut her off with a finger to my lips and a nod of my head towards the rest of the house. She got the message and resumed in a whisper. "He was _so _desperately dropping hints for news about you that it was almost funny!" I rolled my eyes, desperate for news on him too, but determined not to ask her.

I grabbed her arm and toed her along with me.

"Jasper's not here yet, but come meet Jake."

Alice's eyes widened as we reached the kitchen and she took in the size of Jake. No amount of pictures could prepare for actually being in his presence. Not just because of his size, but because of the effect he could have. I was pretty sure that Alice wouldn't succumb to his charms, but I had been around my best friend long enough to see enough girls that had been so easily enchanted by him.

"Hey!" he greeted her cheerily. I smiled at the sight of him in good spirits; it didn't happen nearly often enough anymore. "You must be Alice. I'm Jacob." He extended his hand to her, but she ignored it and stepped forward, wrapping her tiny arms around him. I laughed at the surprised expression on his face.

"My! You're a friendly little thing, aren't you?" he said, laughing.

"She's not a dog, Jacob!" I scolded him, and then laughed in spite of myself when I saw Alice smiling.

The doorbell rang at that moment, and I left Jake offering Alice a drink as I made my way to answer it. I knew it would be Jasper, but I was surprised to see him holding a small bouquet of flowers. As I welcomed him in he bent to place a chaste kiss on my cheek, and handed the flowers to me. I was truly touched; it had been a long time since anybody had done anything thoughtful for me like this. Jasper was obviously a gentleman. I silently added this to my list of reasons why he was the perfect match for Alice.

Dinner was a success. Jasper and Jake bonded over a mutual love of motorcycles, whilst Alice and I discussed her latest acquisitions for her wardrobe. I didn't really go in for all the fashionista stuff usually, but her enthusiasm was such that I was soon immersed in the conversation.

After we had eaten and Jake and I had cleared the table, Jake took Jasper to show him his photos of the bikes that had been his pride and joy before he settled down. As soon as Emma was pregnant with Joshua, she'd insisted that he gave the two-wheeled death machines up. He was heart-broken, but understood that there were bigger things at stake now, and sold it on to his friend Seth, knowing he would take just as good care of it as he had.

Alice and I moved into the living room and I crossed to the speakers, setting my iPod down on the dock and scrolling through until I found a song I was happy with. I adjusted the volume, then went and sat at the other end of the couch from Alice, folding my legs up and mirroring her pose.

I was aware of Alice's eyes on me, and looked up to meet her gaze.

"What?" I asked, self-consciously. She smiled.

"Are you sure there's nothing going on between you and Jake?" she asked, genuine interest evident in her tone.

"Absolutely not!" I replied, knowing that my expression was perfectly conveying the message that I thought she was crazy, without me having to vocalize the notion. "Why would you think that?" I asked, slightly intrigued.

"Just from the way you are together," she explained. "You look so comfortable and relaxed, and there are all these other things too that are so sweet to watch; little touches here, looks there. You do look kind of perfect together, Bella."

I smiled as I played our history back over in my mind.

"It's just familiarity, Alice. Jake's my best friend; he has been for a long time. Trust me, it goes no further than that and we're both happy with it that way."

"You're insane, Bella," she told me, looking at me in a way so that I couldn't be sure whether she was being serious or joking.

"Uh..." I was a little lost for words. "Care to explain?"

"You have all of that…" She made a sweeping gesture with her arm. "Under the same roof—"

"Hang on," I said, cutting her off. "What does _that_ mean?" I mimicked her gesture.

She huffed impatiently.

"All of what we just spoke about. Familiarity, compatibility, perfect match shit. You'd rather ignore that and take a shot at my brother with all his issues?" I winced at her words.

"It's not fair to put it like that, Alice," I told her, speaking quietly as I looked away.

"I'm sorry. I'm just…not sure Edward's good for you."

Alice slid closer to me on the couch, taking one of my hands in hers. "Bella, I can't believe that we only met this week. I consider you a friend, and I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt unnecessarily."

"We have a plan, remember?" I spoke defiantly, looking her directly in the eye now. My words didn't shift the apologetic look on her face.

"There's no guaranteeing it will work though. You have to know that."

I was sitting motionless, staring at her, when I heard the sound of Jake and Jasper heading our way, laughing. Alice gave me a small, tight-lipped smile, and then moved away slightly so it didn't look like there was anything going on.

Jake ruffled my hair as he passed the couch, and then flopped down into the armchair, leaning sideways to reach out and scroll through the iPod. Alice looked pointedly at me and raised her eyebrows.

"It's been a great evening guys, but I really should be leaving to collect Charlotte," Jasper said. I looked up to see him gazing at Alice and me, a strange expression on his face. He was astute, I'd give him that. "Care to walk with me?" he asked Alice. I stifled a smile at the formality of his words. I almost expected him to extend his arm for her to hold on to.

"Sure," she said, smiling up at him as she stood. "Think about what I said, Bella."

"About what?" Jake asked, sitting up straight as the song changed to one of his favorites.

"Oh, nothing interesting," I replied quickly. "We were just throwing around ideas for a night out." I subtly widened my eyes at Alice as a warning to keep her mouth shut.

"Cool," he said. "You deserve one. You work too hard looking after everyone else, Bella, you need to take some time for yourself too."

"That's a very thoughtful thing to say, Jake," Alice told him. "A lot of other men wouldn't be as understanding. My brother, Edward, for instance—"

"Alice!" I cut in, almost frantically. "I think Jasper's waiting to leave."

They all looked at me strangely. "Sorry," I whispered. "I think the wine has gone to my head." I stood, my palm placed on my forehead as Jake let out a laugh.

"Bella doesn't hold her liquor too well," he said. "You know she went to a party last Friday night? Well when she got home…"

_OhGodOhGodOhGod Please don't give Alice any more ideas, Jake._

"Ok, that's enough trying to embarrass me in front of our new friends, Jake," I cut in. I was beyond thankful to Jasper when he pointedly looked at his wristwatch and declared that he really did have to get going.

I saw Alice and Jasper out, and then called out to Jake.

"I'm going to catch an early night. I'll see you in the morning." He stuck his head around the living room door.

"Ok. You sure you're alright, Bells?" Concern was written on his face.

"Uh…yeah, I'm ok. It's just the wine, you know?" I put my foot on the first step of the staircase. "I'll look in on the boys upstairs."

"Ok." He smiled at me. "Night."

I headed upstairs and checked that Joshua and Billy were sleeping soundly. I walked into my own room and closed my bedroom door, flopping down onto my bed as I mused over everything.

It looked as though Edward had gotten as far under my skin as I was apparently under his. What now though? To take a deep breath and gouge him out painfully or to let him burrow deeper?

I had some decision-making ahead of me.

**A/N ~ I've signed up for Fandom 4 Preemies and thought I'd do an outtake from this story, what do you think? Leave a review and let me know what you'd like to see – A schoolyard mom / Whoreward lemon maybe? A scene from a different PoV? I'm open to all suggestions :o)**


	9. Can't Believe The Lure Was Enough

**Hi! Quick welcome to all of my new readers that joined us for the last update. I hope you'll stay with us for the rest of the journey :o)**

**Thanks to Becky for beta'ing this chapter for me.**

**There are lemons ahead people, so if you are under 18, or of a delicate disposition, please turn away now!**

**As we all know, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, we just love corrupting her characters!**

**Chapter 9 - Can't Believe The Lure was Enough**

**Edward PoV**

There were things that I'd hoped spending several days in the company of my parents would change. One was that the emotional turmoil in my head would take a back seat. Another was that things between my parents and I would manage to get back to how we used to be. Neither of these things had happened.

I found it hard to believe that _before_…you know, I'd looked forward to visiting with them, days ahead of schedule. They'd throw the door open as soon as we arrived, welcoming us into their arms and their home, all kisses and warm greetings. Now though, they'd open it to me and regard me for a moment, fixing me with a look that tried to read how I was doing before they pulled me to them. I fucking hated that.

I hated it even more on Saturday when Emmett and Alice arrived with Rosalie and Grace. Staying intentionally out of the way in my room, I'd heard Esme excitedly calling to Carlisle that they had arrived. This was followed by the sound of eager footsteps and the door being yanked open. Excited voices found me and tormented my ears with their genuine happiness.

And then I felt as though a knife were being twisted in my gut.

"And how's my favourite grandchild?" That was Esme's voice, obviously to Grace, who giggled.

"Grandma, I'm your _only _grandchild, silly!" There was laughter and then the voices faded as they made their way to the other end of the house.

I pushed myself up off the bed and roughly opened the door onto the balcony. Pulling a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from my pocket, I stuffed one between my lips and then shielded it from the breeze as I lit it. I closed my eyes and savored the smoke as I sucked it deep into my lungs before blowing it out again.

_Shit. Why was I so fucking fucked up over everything still?_

I was puffing at the cigarette so hard, that it quickly burned right down to the filter. I nipped the end out with my fingers and pocketed it; I really didn't need lectures on smoking from my Dad on top of everything else. I mean, I'm sure as hell he knew about my bad habit, but there was no need to leave the evidence around to torment him.

I was just considering lighting another one up, when there was a light knocking on my bedroom door. I stuck my head back into the room in time to see Alice letting herself in. She smiled widely at me and rushed over to wrap her little arms around my waist.

"I wondered where you where hiding!" she sang out as she squeezed me. She loosened her grip a little and leaned back, a pout on her face. "Where was my welcome reception?" I pushed her gently away and walked back to the balcony railings.

"From where I was sitting it sounded like you had a pretty enthusiastic reception," I stated, not meeting her eyes. "I, on the other hand, had the usual 'arms-length until we've assessed your mental state, Edward', kind of greeting." I kicked at the metal of the railings a couple of times, keeping my gaze fixed firmly on the horizon beyond the water of the strait.

"Aah. Good old sibling jealousy. I should have known. You always did have middle-child-syndrome," Alice taunted me. I turned to fix her with my best 'don't fuck with me' stare, but she just poked her tongue out at me, in no way intimidated.

"And you always behaved too childishly for your age," I snapped.

I didn't know what reaction I was expecting to my words, but was shocked to see her eyes filled with pity. For a long moment we just looked at one another.

"I'll be downstairs," she said eventually, and turned to leave.

Her hand was reaching out to open the door before I found my voice and the courage to speak up.

"Alice!" I called. She stopped and turned. "How was school this week?" She smiled, a strange expression on her face.

"It was fine."

Fine? Was that all she was going to give me?

"And…uh…did anyone miss me?" Shit, this was awkward as hell. I was being deliberately vague here, but I had a feeling that we both fucking knew what this was really about.

"Umm…" Alice did her best to look as though she was thinking hard about the question, then she smiled and raised a finger as though a light-bulb had come on in her head. "Yes! There was one girl, dark hair. Let me think…."

_Bella, Bella, Bella,_ I silently urged.

"Ah, yes! That's it. Grace!" My heart sank in my chest and the smile vanished from her face. "She's downstairs and she's missed you like crazy, Edward, so get your shit together and come and say hi. Asshole."

She pulled the door open and left the room without looking at me again. She was right: I was an asshole; I had hardly given Grace a thought. How could Bella have such an effect on me that I'd let her take the place in my heart that was usually reserved for my own flesh and blood? That shit was just wrong.

"Hey," I said to everyone as I walked into the living room, one hand hooked around the back of my neck self-consciously.

"Uncle Edward!" Grace scrambled off my father's lap and ran at me. I caught her and lifted her off her feet.

"Hey, Gracie! Did you miss me?" I asked as I set her back on the ground and knelt down to pull her into a tight hug. I was genuinely pleased to see her, and her thrilled smile was mirrored on my face.

I stood up and took her hand, pulling her over to the couch and onto my knee as I sat down.

"So," I began. "What's been going on while I've been away, huh?" She looked thoughtful for a moment, and then she almost jumped as she remembered something.

"Oh! There's a new girl in my class, Charlotte. She's moved from Texas with her dad and she's really nice. She came over on Thursday, while Aunt Alice and her dad had dinner at Bella's house."

My heart stopped for a moment at the sound of her name, and then I raised my eyes from Grace's face to look at Alice.

"Like a double date?" I asked her, trying not to show that I cared. She laughed.

"No! Like friends having dinner together. Sheesh, Edward, not everyone is single minded when it comes to the opposite sex you know." She looked at Rosalie and rolled her eyes. Emmett laughed and I did my best to ignore him.

"And I have an invitation to Joshua Black's birthday party next weekend!" Gracie told me excitedly.

"You do?" Rosalie asked in confusion. She looked across at Emmett. "Did you know about that?" He fidgeted in his chair and scratched his head.

"Uh…yeah, babe. I thought I told you?" His body language blatantly said that he knew he hadn't and I sniggered.

"Well, clearly you didn't, or else I'd have known about it, right?" She looked pointedly at him, eyebrows raised in challenge. He shrugged

"I guess."

"I'm sorry, sweetie," she told Grace. We're out of town next weekend, we're going to that fashion exhibition in Seattle, remember?"

"We don't have to go," Emmett cut in eagerly, leaning forward.

"Yes, we do." Rosalie's tone was harsh, and Emmett quickly sat back in his seat as though he'd been pushed. I grinned at him and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Well, I could stay with Aunt Alice instead!" Grace suggested.

"I'm sorry, Grace," Alice said gently. "I have to work next Saturday." Suddenly an idea struck her. "Unless Edward will look after you while I'm at work?"

She looked up at me pleadingly and I was unable to resist.

"Sure," I told her, ruffling her hair. "What day's the party?"

"Saturday. Will you take me?"

_Shit. Just your luck, Cullen._

I swallowed and looked around. All faces were fixed on mine, but Alice's looked particularly interested to hear my answer. I looked back down at my niece.

"Sure, Gracie. Of course I will." She threw her arms around me in a huge hug and it was only then that I thought to check with my sister-in-law. "Is that ok, Rose? It doesn't ruin your plans?"

"Hell, no!" Emmett boomed, rubbing his hands together. "Dirty weekend, here we come!" Rose looked horrified, and reached out to smack him on the arm. "What?" he asked in confusion, genuinely unaware of why she was mad at him.

Grace climbed off my lap to go and look at a magazine with Alice and I shook my head in despair at my brother. I was unable to stop myself smiling at the thought of seeing Bella again. Maybe I could corner her for more of that sweet lip action? I'd never done that in a woman's house with her husband home. There was something sort of hot at the risk it added.

I'd normally be unable to wait for this kind of opportunity, but something in me was pulling me back, and it was a moment before I could recognize what it was. Jealousy. I was scared shitless that I'd see Bella with the Hulk and have to deal with the way it made me feel in front of everyone. I mean, it was a kids' party for Christ's sake. I could hardly just split if it got too much, Grace would never forgive me.

"Hellooo? Edward?" I was suddenly aware that Alice had been trying to get my attention while I was lost in thoughts of Bella. "Something on your mind? Huh?" she teased. I felt my face grow red. For fuck's sake. I hadn't blushed in years, how typical that it would happen now when all my family had their eyes on me.

I shook my head to clear it.

"Uh…no. I mean, yes. I was just thinking about the project I have to finish this week."

"A-ha!" Alice exclaimed. "Perfect, it was work I was going to ask you about."

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrows questioningly and I sat up straighter in my seat, crossing one leg over the other knee and grasping my ankle. Work was a good topic; I was back on safe ground.

"Do you ever work with authors directly?" she asked me, her magazine lying open on her lap. "I mean, like produce something entirely together?" I rubbed my chin as I thought.

"Yeah, I mean, I only did it the once. He was a great guy actually, it worked well. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I have this friend who's thinking of writing a childrens' book about losing a parent." She paused and it was obvious that everyone was thinking of our mother. "She's never written for kids before," she continued. "And I just thought with all your experience of the market, and the subject of course, that maybe you'd consider working with her."

I sighed.

"Alice, I'm flattered, really; but I have work lining up right now. Seriously, I'm struggling to get through it in my working hours, and I don't want to start doing shitloads of extra hours again."

"Edward!" Rosalie and Esme both exclaimed as they glared at me disapprovingly for cursing with Grace in the room.

"Sorry, I forgot."

Emmett leaned forward in his chair.

"Hey, no worries man, she hears a lot worse when she's watching the game with me!" he chuckled, before noticing that _he _was now the subject of the disapproving stares.

"What?" Once again he had no idea what he'd said to upset them. I pitied Em sometimes. Life with Rose, of all people, couldn't be easy for him with such a lack of verbal filter.

"He's just like my Uncle Arnold," my father said. We all looked at him.

"Who?" I asked curiously. I'd never heard mention of an Uncle Arnold before.

"He was my mother's brother. You know what your Gran was like? She couldn't cope with him. It was combination of the fact that he had absolutely no filter, like Emmett, and that he always used to tip his tea into the saucer to drink it. All you ever heard from her when he visited was tsk, tsk, from her. Eventually she banned him from the house. He told her she was a stuck-up old bat and we never saw him again. If anyone ever mentioned his name she'd say that she didn't know who they were talking about." We all laughed and my father shook his head. "I wonder whatever happened to him?"

I noticed Rosalie giving Emmett a sly look at the same time he did.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Don't be getting any ideas on the tea-drinking."

I was nervous about seeing Bella again. I wondered if she'd guessed that I'd disappeared for a week after our kiss because of her? _Hell, listen to me_, I thought. Maybe she hadn't even given the whole thing a second thought since it happened.

As I walked into the schoolyard I had to stop myself from grinding to a complete halt. She was talking to a guy that I didn't recognise. He was tall and blonde and they were laughing together in a way that made me feel sick.

"Charlotte!" Grace called out, running over to the young girl at the man's side. He didn't notice, he was too busy pointing to something that was sticking to Bella's jacket, and then picking it off. Fuck me. I was an expert on this body language shit; he was using my own fucking tricks here. I was taken aback, suddenly realizing that I'd actually made a quiet growling sound. What was I now? Some sort of animal?

He must be the one that Grace told me had gone to dinner with Alice at Bella's house. The dinner that Alice had insisted was just with friends. My eyes narrowed just in time to meet Bella's as she glanced away from him and noticed me. She lifted her hand in greeting and the blonde guy turned to follow her gaze. I saw her say something to him and he nodded before smiling at me. I offered a tight smile back. Fucker. I'm gone for a week and he's moving in on my hunting ground.

I got a hold on my thoughts again. _Jesus, Cullen. Any minute now you'll be getting your dick out and pissing on the walls to mark your territory._

The bell sounded but Grace didn't move, too wrapped up in her conversation with her new friend. I crossed to where she stood.

"C'mon, Gracie," I urged her, placing my hand on her shoulder. "Time to move, you'll be late." She looked up at me.

"Ok. I'll see you later." I bent down and kissed the top of her head, then pointed her toward the door.

"Have a good day," I told her, and then she was swallowed up by the crowd of kids.

"Edward?" My head snapped in the direction of the voice. "Can I introduce you?" I turned to Bella and tried to ignore the fact that my heart was beating out of my chest. All I wanted to do was press her up against the wall and press my mouth to hers.

"Uh…sure," I stuttered.

"Edward, this is Jasper. He just moved to Forks with his daughter, Charlotte. Jasper, Edward is Alice's brother."

"Hey, good to meet you." Jasper held his hand out to me and I grasped it firmly.

"Yeah, you too." I eyed him suspiciously, but he smiled openly at me.

"We're going for coffee. Want to join us?" he asked.

Did I want to join them? Well I sure as hell didn't want him spending any more time alone with Bella, so I guess that answered that question.

"Sure," I placed my hand on the small of Bella's back as we started walking. She shifted to break the contact and looked up at me, one eyebrow raised. I smiled at her a little like a lion might smile at a lamb that he had plans for. My week away from her had convinced me of one thing. We had unfinished business.

"So, Jasper. Do you work?" I asked him, taking a tentative sip of my scalding hot coffee.

"Yeah, I'm a relationship counsellor," he replied. "We moved here for my work; I was offered a position by an old colleague and it was too good to turn down."

"And your wife?" I asked.

"I'm divorced." He smiled at Bella as he said it. I raised an eyebrow.

"Really? A divorced relationship counsellor?" I shook my head and laughed. "No shit."

"Hey! It's not a reflection of my ability as a counsellor. More a reflection of my ex-wife's inability to settle down with one person."

_Oh fuck._ This conversation had taken a sudden, dangerous turn for me.

"So," I cut in quickly. "Did my sister drive you both mad with her endless energy last week? I hear you guys all had dinner?" They looked at each other and laughed again at some private joke. I was starting to get just a little pissed about the secret looks going between them.

"Oh, she's something alright!" Jasper said, smiling goofily. If I didn't know better…

"Jas and Alice hit it off," Bella confessed in a low voice, leaning toward me. "They're going on a date this week!"

"It's not a date!" Jasper cut in.

"It is so!" She looked at me. "It is," she told me, laughing. She reached behind her head, pulling her hair away from her left shoulder and over her right, leaving her creamy neck deliciously bare, not two feet away from me. I was suddenly lost in thoughts of pressing my lips gently against her skin and of running my tongue across her flesh, gently tasting her.

I moved my leg so that it was touching hers ever so slightly, and then raised my heel up so that my leg gently moved against hers. I watched her reaction out of the corner of my eye as I continued talk with Jasper. To my surprise she showed no sign of having even noticed as she broke chunks off her muffin and fed them into her mouth.

Suddenly a cellphone started ringing. Jasper reached into his jacket pocket and excused himself, making his way outside to take the call.

Bella was still eating her muffin, so I pressed myself against her a little harder and moved again. No reaction. Until…Holy shit.

She pushed a piece of the muffin into her mouth and she closed her lips around her finger. Her deep brown eyes moved to mine and stayed fixed on me as she sucked it, sliding it slowly out of her mouth. She repeated it with her next finger and then her thumb.

I was pretty sure my mouth was hanging open, I was definitely sure that my cock was standing to attention in my pants.

"What's the matter, Edward?" she asked me, knowing exactly what she was doing. "Do you want some?"

In my head that was all the encouragement I needed to take her right here and now. In reality I had to offer a reaction to the fact that she was holding out a chunk of muffin to me. I was more than a little tempted to lean forward and wrap my lips around her fingers, but as I cast an eye around the café I could see more than one pair of eyes on us.

"Uh, no. I'm good thanks. I'll wait."

"Wait?"

"Yes," I told her, lowering my voice and leaning forward. "I'll wait for my chance to put my mouth on you. And it won't be on your fingers either."

I leaned back and smiled in satisfaction as she flushed red, just as Jasper sat back down.

"Are you ok, Bella?" he asked as he looked at her curiously.

"Yeah, I'm good. Edward was just telling me about some plans he has. They sound pretty intriguing." She raised her eyes to mine.

"Speaking of plans, how's the book coming along?" Jasper asked her. Bella turned her attention back to him. I nudged her leg again and she hooked her foot around my ankle. This was almost _too _easy.

"Oh, I have all my ideas laid out. I'm just waiting for Edward here to get around to calling me about it. Alice said she'd given him my number." She turned and shot me a mock-glare.

"You?" When I spoke to Alice, she was in big trouble. She'd missed that one vital detail when she'd told me all about her friend who was writing the book. "You're her writer friend?"

"She didn't tell you?" Bella asked. Jasper was watching us with a look of amusement on his face.

"Well obviously she didn't tell me or I'd have called by now," I said. They both raised their eyebrows at me. "I mean because I know you already, not because…well, because of anything else."

Bella patted me on the back of my hand.

"Well it's good to know that you weren't ignoring me on purpose. I was beginning to get a bit of a complex there, Edward." She pushed her chair away from the table and picked her purse up. "Ok, I should get going."

"Wait!" I regretted how eager my voice had sounded the moment the words came out. "What are you doing now? I mean, if you've not got anything too urgent on, you could always come over to my place and go over these book ideas of yours?"

She glanced up at the clock and then back at me, before shrugging her shoulders.

"Sure, why not? Oh." She stopped dead.

"What?" _Oh shit_, I thought. _She's going to bail_.

"Will we be discussing _your _plans a little more too?" I grinned. She was getting a handle on me, fast.

**Bella's Point of View**

"I'll show you my studio," he told me as he closed the front door behind us. "You can see if you like my work."

"Is that another double entendre, Edward?" I asked him, smirking. By the look on his face, if he liked me before today, he liked this playful version even better. I wondered if he could tell that our encounter at the party had whetted my appetite.

I followed him up the stairs. He opened the door to his studio and walked in, holding the door open for me. I stepped over the threshold and my attention was caught by the work that hung on the walls. I wandered over for a closer look at the paintings of Grace.

"Oh my God! Edward, you have a real talent!"

He walked up behind me and put his hands on my hips leaning in so his mouth was close to my ear.

"Baby, you have no idea."

His voice made the hairs on my arms stand on end and I shivered slightly. I turned and created a gap between us. He walked confidently towards me, and I backed away until the tops of my thighs hit the edge of his desk. He kept coming until his body was only inches away from mine. He bent his head, inclining it slightly. My heart was thumping in my chest and my stomach felt as though it were filled with fluttering butterflies.

I felt all sense leave my body. Everything I'd discussed with Alice flew out of the window as I felt a sudden urge to be entirely honest about myself.

"I'm not like your other women, Edward," I told him breathlessly.

"I'm starting to realise that," he whispered, bending forward slightly more so that I could feel his breath on my neck.

"No, I mean I'm not…." I trailed off and moaned gently.

He kissed my neck, slowly pressing his lips against my skin. I tried desperately to remember what I'd been about to say.

"Jake and I, we're not—"

Edward laughed softly, his lips still moving up and down my neck in the most amazing way.

"You don't need to explain, Bella. I've heard it all before. I know the score; people have kids, relationships change."

Oh, what the hell, if he didn't want to listen I wasn't going to force him to.

Our lips met and we kissed, hungrily. We groaned and gasped into each others' mouths as our tongues slipped around one another, tangling and untangling, teasing one minute and bolder the next. We broke apart, panting for a moment and looked deep into one another's eyes. Edward slid his hands down the sides of my body, making me shiver, until the heels of his hands rested on my hips.

He pushed gently and I slid back onto his desk, parting my knees so that he could stand between them. As he bent again, he brought his mouth back to mine, licking and nibbling my lower lip tantalisingly. He wasn't wrong about having talent, and we still had our clothes on.

I ran my hands up, underneath the front of his shirt; it was at a perfect height for me from where I sat on the desk. I stroked my fingers across his soft skin and then down the trail of hair below his belly button, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. I slipped one finger in, bending it and running it around his waist, all the way around to his back where I unhooked it and stroked my hand across the taut flesh.

He was still kissing me, his hands tangled up in my hair, when I made my decision to be bold and make my move. Bringing both hands to the front of his jeans, I undid the buttons of his fly, one at a time. When I'd got them all undone, I pulled on the denim, sliding it down to the tops of his thighs. Running my hands back up over his hips, I felt the tight jersey of his boxer briefs. I deliberately skimmed over his cock, moaning appreciatively as it twitched at my touch. Not as appreciatively as Edward though, whose loud groan seemed to be speaking directly to my girly parts; so much so that I deliberately repeated the action, just to make sure. Yep, apparently I was right.

I gasped, as the sound caused my own muscles to contract involuntarily with longing. I pushed him back, breaking the kiss and bending forward until my face was level with his underwear. I ran my tongue over the fabric, along his length. Edward's hands were still in my hair, twisting and fingering it, my head moved to allow me to tease him through his underwear as he gasped and moaned. Yeah, it looked like he wasn't the only talented one.

He was more like a rock below my tongue than putty in my hands, but the meaning of the saying was correct at least. I smoothed my hands around the backs of his thighs, and slid my fingers up inside the material and across the crease at the bottom of his ass, pulling him closer to my face. He groaned again and I grasped the material at the bottom of his underwear and tugged it, first at the back then moving my hands around to the front and upwards. I slipped my fingers under the waistband, stretching them and pulling them down over his hardness.

As soon as his cock was free of his clothing, I wrapped my lips around the head and one hand around the shaft. Gently, I worked my mouth and my hand up and down, feeling Edward's hands gradually tightening their hold on my hair as his gasps grew louder.

I was incredibly turned on too, and could sense how wet I was. I tilted my hips to press myself down onto the desk as I rocked back and forth, desperately trying to find some friction from somewhere.

"Stop!" he suddenly half-yelled, pulling himself away from me enough to break the contact between myself and his cock. His hands rested on my shoulders, and were almost imperceptibly tightening and loosening their hold on me. He was panting, his breath coming hard. "Not yet…not yet," he said quietly, moving his hands to cup my face and drawing me back up to him for another long, deep kiss. "I want to see you," he mumbled through the kiss. "All of you."

His hands found the hem of my shirt, and pulled it upward. We broke apart as I stretched my arms up so he could slip it over my head. When this was done, and my shirt was in a heap at our feet, he bent to kiss my breasts, passing his hands behind me to swiftly undo my bra and pull it off. As his mouth travelled down, pausing to circle my nipples gently with his tongue, my breathing grew heavier and I wound my hands deep into his hair. He pulled me forward, off the desk again, and his hands moved to my skirt and drew the zipper down, nudging it until it slid down my legs to the floor. I stepped out of it and kicked it next to my shirt, as I reached almost frenziedly for Edward's shirt buttons, opening each and every one as quickly as I could, and then pushing it back off his shoulders and down his arms.

"Edward," I gasped. "I want you, now." He suddenly yanked my panties down, quickly pulled his own trousers and underwear off completely, then lifted me and put me down onto the desk again. I put a hand behind me to steady myself. The desk was cluttered, and I was aware that I'd put my hand in something wet. It was only when I drew away from Edward's kisses again that I realised I'd covered his chest in purple paint. I smiled. There was something vaguely erotic about it.

He followed my gaze down to his chest.

"You think that's funny, huh?" he asked, his eyebrow raised challengingly. I smiled wider. He reached past me. When he pulled his hand back a moment later, it was smeared with red and yellow paint. He held it up and eyed me mischievously. Leaning back a little he tilted his head to one side and raked his eyes over my body. "Hmm." He reached forward, and with his index finger he gently painted a wavy line straight over my left nipple. I gasped and arched my back involuntarily.

He smiled, but his eyes were serious and lust-filled. Using his right palm as a palette, he dipped his left hand middle finger into a blob of yellow paint, and placed a slow circle around my belly button.

Jesus! Who knew that art could be this hot?

"You're driving me crazy, Edward!" I gasped

"Likewise," he growled, then reached quickly forward, placed his hands on my ass and pulled me roughly to the edge of the desk. He placed himself between my folds, right at my entrance. I couldn't wait any longer, and raised myself up and forwards, forcing myself onto him. We both gasped at the sensation. He was a perfect fit, filling and stretching me deliciously. He began to move and I was already convinced that sex didn't get any better than this. My legs were wrapped around his waist and his hands were still on my ass.

He suddenly pulled out and I let out a yell of disapproval.

"Don't worry, baby, I'm not done with you yet," he reassured me. I whimpered slightly and he pulled me off the desk, turning me around and bending me forward, over it. "You have the sweetest ass," he told me, as something cold hit the skin of my lower back and made a trail across one ass cheek and then the other. His hands were all over me then, smearing whatever it was that he'd put on me. He made circles on my ass, and then up onto my back, massaging my skin lightly. Back down, he went, over my ass again and onto the backs of my thighs.

I gasped, once through longing, and then again as he was suddenly there and inside me with one thrust. Again and again he drove himself into me, both of us noisily enjoying each other. Just as I was getting close, he pulled me up a little and wrapped his arms around me as he leaned forward, holding me against his chest. Our skin slid against each others, slick with sweat and whatever it was he'd covered me with. He was thrusting harder and deeper now, grunting with exertion.

I could feel my orgasm building with a strength that I'd never experienced before. I quickly reached a peak and tumbled off the plateau and down through wave after wave of ecstasy. As my muscles clenched around him, I was aware of his own pulsing climax. Our cries melted together as we moved again and again, gradually slowing down until our gasps quietened to heavy breathing.

His arms loosened around my middle and I slumped shakily forward. He moved away a little and I heard chuckling.

"What?" I asked, straightening up. I turned to look at him. The whole of the front of his body was covered in red paint. My mouth dropped open. He'd painted me. Literally.

"Wait there, I just want to do something," he told me. He cleared a space on the desk next to me and then laid a clean, white piece of paper down. He moved back to me and pulled me upright, then lifted me up. He put me down on the paper and then lifted me off again. I turned to look, and there was a perfect red print of my ass.

"Nice!" I told him, snarkily. "Do you make one of these for all of your women? Do you have a gallery of them somewhere in the house?"

"Bella." He walked over to me and bent to kiss me softly. "I've never brought any other woman here, I swear. In fact, I'm pretty strict on that."

I stopped and looked up at him.

"Then, why…" He shrugged.

"I have no idea."

**A/N – Finally! Some lemony action! Please leave a review, there's nothing like knowing what your readers think of what you're putting out there for them.**

**There's still time to let me know what you'd like to see as my Fandom For Preemies out-take. Maybe this chapter has given you some new ideas?**

**On another note I have a collab entry in the Blue-Collarward Contest with BeckyBrit. Please go along and have a look at the entries and vote for your favourite!**

**.net/u/2472936/Blue_Collarward_Contest**


	10. What's Sleepin' in Our Soul

**Hello! Thanks so much for all of your kind reviews to the story so far! If you haven't left me one yet, please don, because I love to hear what you think of the story :o)**

**Thanks To Becky for pre-reading for me – and encouraging me when I wasn't sure whether to give in to Bella's demands for more ;o). Also to Mrs P for beta'ing for me. I take full responsibility for any errors that remain seeing as I threw so much citrus into this chapter, despite knowing that it affects her ability to concentrate!**

**The title of this chapter is from Oasis's Acquiesce. Good times :o)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, EY is mine :o)**

**Chapter 10 ~ What's Sleepin' in our Soul**

**EPoV**

Holy fuck, she was good. I resented the comment on the ass-print gallery, but I knew I deserved it given my reputation, so I let go of my irritation and decided to be honest with her instead.

"Bella." I walked over to her and bent to kiss her. "I've never brought any other woman here, I swear. In fact, I'm pretty strict on that."

"Then, why…" she began to ask, before trailing off.

I shrugged.

"I have no idea."

I'd be lying if I were to say that there wasn't a little something about this that made me uncomfortable. It wasn't that she was here, that felt…right.

_Holy shit_, I thought. _Listen to me! _The very fact that it felt right, _that_ was the part fucking with my head.

I loved the fact that she was standing there covered in paint; my very own work of art, and in my opinion, my best ever piece.

"You should wear nothing but a coat of paint more often," I told her, running my thumb across her cheek and leaving another smear there. She smirked.

"I'm sure it could be arranged," she said, a suggestive lilt to her voice. I kissed her again and she returned it. It was slow and gentle and…fuck me if it didn't make me want her all over again. I pressed my body against her slightly to let her know and she moaned quietly into my mouth. I broke reluctantly away.

"As much as I love the paint…" I kissed her again. "I'm looking forward to getting cleaned up with you even more." Another kiss. "Shower?" I looked into her eyes and saw them glaze over slightly as I made the suggestion, and she nodded. I stepped back and took her hand, leading her out of my office and across the landing to my bedroom. Pushing the door open I took her inside and straight across to my bathroom. For the first time since Tanya had left me, I found myself silently thanking her. She'd been the one to insist on the biggest, top of the range walk-in shower that we could fit in this room. The fact that I was now going to share it with somebody else was like mentally flipping the bitch off. I wondered why I hadn't thought of this sooner, but the thought of sharing my space with the likes of some of those other women made my stomach turn unpleasantly. I pushed the thought away and focused on Bella again.

"Whoa! That is some shower, Edward. It looks very…uh…roomy." I laughed at her reaction.

"It is. Want to take a closer look, baby?" I whispered in her ear. I heard her breath hitch and pulled away, smirking. I pulled the glass door open and walked in to turn the water on. Bella lingered just on the other side of the door as I stretched my hand out to encourage her in.

"I'm not coming in there until I see steam coming off that water," she told me.

"Well, why don't you come in here and we'll make our own steam?" I licked my lips as she smiled and took a step towards me, pulling the door closed behind her.

"Did you seriously just say that?" Bella cocked an eyebrow at me as she stepped closer.

"Yes. I meant every word too."

I drew her to me beneath the flow of water, and turned her so her back was pressed to my chest as I wrapped my arms around her. Her arm reached up and around so that she was stroking the back of my neck. I kissed her neck slowly up and down as the water ran over us, smoothing her hair down her back. I began to rub slow circles on her body, smearing the paint and helping it to wash away.

I reached across and grabbed a bottle of shower gel from the shelf, popping the lid with my thumb. I held it in front of her and squeezed it directly onto her breasts. Bella gasped loudly as the cold gel hit her skin. I dropped the bottle and reached down to begin massaging the soap onto her, unable to keep from pressing my rock hard dick into her back, as my hands slid over her slick, wet skin. She pushed back against me and I moaned into her ear, noticing how her own breathing had grown deeper and louder.

Once the water was running clear from her breasts, I moved my hands lower to rub her stomach and hips, making large circles that I extended around to her ass too. As my hands moved behind her, I pulled upwards, rubbing her against myself.

"Fuck!" I breathed. "I thought that getting you covered in paint was sexy, but cleaning you off is even fucking better." She groaned loudly in response and turned to face me.

"Soap," she demanded, holding her hand out. I nodded down at the floor and raised an eyebrow in challenge as I smirked at her. She raised her own brow at me, and turned around. She parted her feet slightly and then bent over, keeping her legs perfectly straight as she bent to retrieve the bottle, giving me a perfect view of her half-washed painted ass and below it, her perfect pink folds.

"Jesus…Fuck, Bella!" I exclaimed. She straightened up and smiled at me in mock innocence.

"What?" she asked, moving closer to me.

"You know what," I told her, wrapping my arms around her and bending to kiss her. My lips had only just touched hers when she pulled away.

"I'm sure I don't," she teased me. "Ok, it's your turn to get clean." She held the bottle upside down over her hand.

"Here, let me help," I said, reaching for the bottle and deliberately knocking it out of her hand onto the floor. "Shit, sorry about that. I'm such a klutz sometimes," I said, unable to keep the smile from my face. She knew exactly what was going on, but she played along.

"Hey, that's ok. I can get it."

She did exactly as she had done to pick it up the last time, as I'd known she would. As soon as she turned away from me I moved closer as quietly as possible, so the moment she bent over I was ready. I wrapped an arm around her waist and bent my knees as I lined myself up with her hot, pink centre. She squealed playfully, but as soon as she felt me right _there_ her squeal became a deep groan and she stilled, tilting her hips back towards me. I pushed myself inside her and we both let out the most primal of noises at the sensation.

There wasn't the urgency of the last time; this rhythm was entirely new. Slow, deep and intense.

"Edward?" Bella gasped between thrusts. I struggle not to cum there and then at the way her voice sounded speaking my name as I filled her with my cock. I tried to answer her but an unintelligible sound escaped my mouth. "I want to see your face while you fuck me." she groaned.

"Bella, baby. Unless you stop with the dirty mouth, this is going to be over waaaay too soon," I warned her, thrusting harder.

"I'm sorry," she gasped as I drove myself into her again. "I didn't realize you liked it so much when I talked about you fu…" I pushed myself deep inside her again to stop the words.

"Bella," I said sternly. She made the most amazing noise, somewhere between a giggle and a gasp, and I moaned loudly.

"Sorry, I meant…ohhh!…that thing you do…when you…fill my soaking wet pu…aaaah!...pussy…"

_Fuck me, she said pussy._ The urgency had returned and I was pounding into her now, supporting her weight with my arm because her legs appeared to have turned to jell-O from the way they kept buckling under her.

"Has anybody…ever told you…that you're…a very dirty…girl?" I asked her.

"I'm not…usually…" she groaned loudly again. "You…bring out…the worst…in me…Edward."

"Ithink…youmean…thebest."

"Justshutup…andfuckme…I'mohhhh…soclose!"

That was all the encouragement I needed. With one more extra hard and deep thrust, she was clenching around me, her cries echoing off the tiles and the glass of the shower enclosure as she came hard, joining mine as I emptied myself inside her.

We collapsed in a spent heap on the shower floor.

"I've never met anybody like you, Bella," I whispered quietly as the water flooded down noisily onto us. She looked round at me, eyes half close as her chest still heaved from the exertion.

"Huh?" she asked.

"I said, you're an amazing fuck," I told her, fixing a smile on my face as I hurriedly pushed my heart back inside its box and pulled the chains tight around it.

We'd dried ourselves off and moved into my bedroom.

"I guess I should be going," Bella said, glancing at the floor as she gripped the towel around her.

The post-coital escape. I was an expert at it, but I could tell that Bella wasn't. I lifted her face so she was looking at me.

"You don't have to leave yet," I told her, bringing my mouth gently to hers. "Lie with me a while." I stepped to one side and pulled the duvet back on the bed, dropping my towel to the ground as I climbed in, pulling her in after me. She dropped her towel too and climbed in, scooting as close as she could and wrapping herself around me in a tight embrace.

I hummed happily.

"I love hugs," she whispered.

"Me too," I replied, before wondering where that had come from. Yep, in general I would doubt that any of the women since…you know, would have recognised that fact about me. In fact I'm pretty sure that they'd have snorted loudly at anybody that had tried to convince them of it.

Our mouths met and we shared a slow, lazy kiss. It was relaxed and comfortable, but I still felt a slight stirring between my legs only slightly before Bella did. She groaned and I apologised.

"I know, I'm sorry. Don't worry, I don't think I can move anyway."

"That wasn't a groan of worry, Edward. And you don't have to move."

She untangled her legs from mine and pushed me onto my back. Straddling my stomach she bent and kissed me. It wasn't a lazy kiss this time; it was slow and sensuous and full of promise. I cradled her head between my hands, strands of wet hair tangling in my fingers as we gently explored one another's mouths and tongues. We stayed that way, lost in our unbroken kiss, for a long time. When we eventually broke gently apart, I took in Bella's flushed face and the spark in her eyes.

She was beautiful.

She smiled at me and then shifted so that she could kiss my chest. She took her time as she kissed and sucked my nipples and then worked her way lower; down towards my stomach.

I revelled in the attention she was lavishing on me; she did not leave an inched untouched as she stroked and kissed me. She lifted herself up and settled herself back, hovering over my legs as her hand hovered above my cock. She looked up at me, my eyes hooded in anticipation, and she smiled. There was no sign of the teasing and playful look she'd shown to me in the shower. It was a smile of contentment and closeness, and as I watched her she lowered her eyes coyly and bit her lower lip.

_Fuck. _This girl had so many sides and I fucking loved them all.

She took me in her hand tentatively, stroking my length, before bending over and taking me into her mouth. I gasped as she set a slow pace, paying as much attention to my cock with her mouth and tongue as she had to the rest of me when she worked her way down my body.

I felt myself growing impossibly hard in her warm mouth as she pulled away, coating me heavily in her saliva as she did so. She didn't say a word, just smiled at me as she straightened up and adjusted herself, so she was on her knees, directly above me.

Agonisingly slowly she lowered herself onto me a little, then off slightly, on a little more, off a little, until finally she slid right the way down, her eyes half closed and her breathing heavy as her mouth curved slightly in a content smile. She looked at me, and truly for the first time in my life, I was more interested in the woman on my dick, than my dick itself. I placed my hands on her waist for no reason other than I wanted to feel her beneath them.

Slowly she rode me, grinding into me and lifting off again; it felt fucking amazing, and each time her eyes locked with mine, something changed and it felt even better. She leaned in for a kiss.

"I can't get enough of you, Edward," she whispered. I swallowed deeply at her words.

"Me neither." _I could spend the rest of my life making love to you like this_, I added silently, wincing as the fear pierced me the moment I registered the thought.

Bella's breathing was uneven now and she was making all kinds of adorable mewling sounds as she rose up and down on me, her pace increasing slightly. I was determined to watch her cum before I allowed myself my own release.

Moments later she was crying out as she bucked her hips and her walls tightened around me. She fought the urge to close her eyes, screwing them up to keep them fixed on mine as her mouth hung open.

I couldn't take any more; the sight of her coming apart on top of me nudged me over the edge, and this time it was her turn to watch as I came inside her.

We collapsed into one another's arms once again, wrapped around each other and sharing another long, gentle kiss as our breathing slowed. Within minutes I realized dopily that Bella had fallen asleep. A goofy grin spread across my face as I snuggled against her and allowed myself to fall too.

I awoke when I felt Bella begin to stir in my arms. I hummed softly and wrapped myself more tightly around her, inhaling deeply as I did so.

"Edward…I can't...breathe," she gasped, struggling against me. I pouted slightly as I loosened my grip on her.

"Sorry," I mumbled, my face buried in her hair.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said, unwilling to move. She giggled.

"Well, could you check if you're not going to let me go enough for me to do it myself?"

I groaned and rolled over slightly onto my back, craning my neck until the alarm clock came into view. It took a moment for me to register what time it said.

"Oh fuck!" I exclaimed, throwing the duvet back and scrambling out. Bella watched me, confused at my outburst. "We've got ten minutes until school's out!" Her eyes went wide.

"Oh fuck!" she echoed. I paused, trying to collect my thoughts.

"I'll fetch your clothes," I told her, racing out of the bedroom and across the landing to my office. I gathered all of the garments together, noticing her bag at the last moment when the sound of her cell phone ringing alerted me to where it had ended up…underneath my desk.

Back in the bedroom she was standing wrapped in the towel again, looking in dismay at her hair in the mirror. I dumped her stuff on the bed and we both dressed hurriedly. As she yanked her bag open and pulled out a hair brush I suddenly remembered.

"Oh, your cell was ringing before." She brushed her hair with one hand whilst she dug around in her bag with the other. Pulling her cell out, she looked at the screen. Her face fell and was then filled with panic.

"Shit, shit, SHIT!" she yelled.

"What's up?"

"Four missed calls from school and another six from Jake." She looked stricken and I immediately felt terrible. "I have to go, I'll see you later." She rushed past me, out of the door and down the stairs. I heard the front door slam behind her and sighed. Glancing at the clock pushed me into action again and I raced out of the house too.

I rounded the corner into the schoolyard just after the bell sounded, as the kids began pouring out of the school. My eyes were drawn immediately to where Bella stood…with Jake. They weren't speaking loud enough to be heard, but I could tell that they were arguing. Bella's eyes met mine and she looked almost sick. She looked away quickly as Jake bent to speak to her again. I could tell that he was chastising her, and I wanted nothing more than to go over there and lay the big motherfucker out. Just as I was thinking it, he looked up and locked eyes with mine. For a moment I felt as though he knew exactly what had been going on, but then a small boy who was the spitting the image of him was tugging on his sweater. He looked down, his face lighting up when he saw the child. He scooped him up into his arms and without a second glance at Bella, he walked away. I watched as Bella turned to follow them, risking one last look back at me and smiling sadly at me.

I clenched and unclenched my fists, fighting to keep control of my temper.

"Hey, Uncle Edward!" Grace bounded up to me.

"Hey, Gracie," I said, bending to kiss her on the head. "You had a good day?"

"Yeah, it was ok until Joshua Black puked everywhere after lunch. It was gross."

"Hmm, I bet," I answered absentmindedly. Joshua had obviously gotten sick and school couldn't get hold of Bella, so they'd had to call Jake instead. What was the chances of that happening today of all days?

I didn't see Bella at all for the rest of the week. Joshua stayed out of school and Alice had offered to bring the younger boy in and take him home for Bella. She acted like some kind of fucking saint, when in fact I knew that all she wanted to do was have an excuse to hang out with that blonde dude some more.

According to Alice, I'd been in a foul mood all week. Yeah, whatever. Sisters could be a royal pain in the ass sometimes. I didn't know why she couldn't be more like Emmett. Vacant, she called it. I preferred to think of it more as…nonchalant. I had a feeling that he'd call it minding his own fucking business. Alice wasn't good at that; she never had been.

On Friday Alice let me know that Joshua was feeling a lot better and the party was still going ahead. I didn't know how I felt about that now. The amount of thought I'd given to Bella these past few days was unsettling me if I was honest. And not the just the amount either, the content of those thoughts was worrying me just as fucking much. It wasn't as though I was consciously thinking this shit about her, if anything I was fighting to _not _think it, but every so often a sly thought would pop into my head from out of fucking nowhere, and freak me out.

And I was talking A-grade freak out material too. Seriously. Like life-fucking-altering, marriage, kids; the kind of shit that I ran a mile from these days. What the hell had she done to me? It was liking she was turning me back into a normal fucking human being again or something. And that shit was dangerous. You lived a normal life, you got hurt. Fact.

Besides, what the fuck was I torturing myself with all of this for? The last time I looked she was still living with the Incredible fucking Hulk. And I was going into their home. Tomorrow.

I smirked, wondering if I could manage to get her to give it up to me in her own home while he was there. I bet I stood a very good fucking chance. Hell, now that I'd had that thought, I hadn't looked forward to a party so much since the time we booked that stripper for Mike Newton's 17th birthday. Shame the fucker had lied about his parents not being around just to get us all there. What a fucking waste. Not for Emmett of course. I smiled as I remembered him walking into the kitchen the next morning, the biggest shit-eating grin on his face ever. Of course, Rosalie hated to be reminded of how they met, and the story had changed substantially over the years. Whatever; I knew the truth of the mother-fucking matter. Maybe I'd bring it up the next time she started annoying me.

Saturday morning saw me waking up having undergone some sort of weird transformation overnight. I had felt too antsy for coffee when I got up, so I had decided to go for a run instead. This used to be a part of my everyday routine. _Before._ Before life shit on me and mornings meant hangovers and regrets. I headed for my closet and dug through it until I found my running shoes and shorts. I got dressed, pulling on a t-shirt and hoodie, grabbed my mp3 player and left the house.

My body screamed in protest at the exercise, especially my lungs. The last time I'd done this was before I'd taken up smoking again and the difference was frightening. I was pushing on past an unfamiliar house, when the door opened and my sister stepped out. Jasper was right behind her, his hand on her lower back. I pulled up short, unsure who was the most surprised, me to see Alice coming out of Jasper's house after blatantly having stayed the night, or her to see me out running at this time on a Saturday morning.

"Hey, Alice. Little early to be calling on people, isn't it?" She gave me the stink eye, while Jasper had the good grace to look at least a little embarrassed.

"Mornin' Edward," he greeted me. "I didn't know you ran."

"Oh, uh, yeah. It's been a while, if I'm honest." Alice was looking at me now like a proud parent. That was my cue to leave. I rolled my eyes at her. "Ok, I need to carry on before my muscles seize." I began jogging backwards. "I'll see you later," I told them with a wave, before turning and running on.

When I reached home, I grabbed a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator and took it upstairs with me. Peeling off my sweaty running clothes and dumping them in the hamper, I walked into the shower. The exercise hadn't helped any in some respects. Every time I went for a shower since the day that Bella spent here, all I could see was her bending over to pick up the damn shower gel. As usual my cock sprang to attention at the thought, and as usual I ended up knocking one out like a horny teen before I shut the water off.

The morning dragged as I tried to get some work done, but constantly let my attention wander back to the ass-print that I'd attached to the wall above my desk.

Finally it was the afternoon, and time to collect Grace for the party. She chattered excitedly all the way there, but I couldn't focus. By the time we arrived I was a nervous wreck beneath my controlled exterior.

The Hulk answered the door. Fuck me, he was even bigger close up. He looked at me coolly.

"Hi. I brought Grace for the party."

"Well, ok. Hi Grace, c'mon in." He held the door open and Grace stepped over the threshold. I moved forwards to follow her in when he turned back to me, filling the doorway. "We're planning on finishing up at around five thirty if you want to come back then to collect her."

"Thanks, but I'll stay. No offence, but I don't know you."

"You know Bella." The statement was cold and I was unsure whether it was an accusation or an acknowledgement of what had happened between us.

"I said, I'll stay."

I heard a familiar voice calling out behind him to ask who it was. She nudged him out of the way to see past him.

"Oh! Hey Edward. Aren't you staying?"

"Yes, I am," I told her glaring at the Hulk as he glared back at me. She rolled her eyes and shoved Jake to one side.

"For God's sake, Jake, let the man in." I walked through the door, smiling smugly at him as I passed. I was certain that he didn't know anything about Bella and me, because there's no way she'd have reacted like that if he did.

I followed her into the house, where a dozen or so kids were running around shouting and squealing. Balloons and decorations hung everywhere at the expense of actual personal belongings.

"Don't you have any, like, _stuff_?" I asked her. She laughed as she turned and my heart stopped at the vision.

"What do you mean, _stuff_?" She asked, genuinely puzzled.

"I mean _belongings_, you know, _stuff_." She laughed some more now she understood.

"Of course we do, but I packed anything breakable away. Have you even ever been to a kid's party before, Edward?" I smirked.

"Does Mike Newton's 17th count?" She looked at me strangely. "Never mind," I assured her. "I'll tell you about it sometime."

As we reached the kitchen, I found it full of other parents. The big motherfucker had just been trying to keep _me _out. _Bad luck, Hulk,_ I thought, and then stifled a laugh as I wondered whether if I bugged him enough he'd turn green and rip his clothes off.

Jasper brought Charlotte along, and I spent some time making small talk with him. After a while, Grace came to find me to ask if she could use the bathroom. I looked for Bella or Jake to ask for directions, but there was no sign of either of them. One of the other parents told me that she thought it was on the second floor, so we headed up the staircase to look. I peered into the rooms through the cracked doors as I tried to find the bathroom. I stood and waited for Grace to come out so I could go in myself. When I came out, Grace had gone back to the party. I heard the sound of a voice I recognised, although I couldn't make out the words. I couldn't hear any other voice though, so I wondered if she was on the phone. This could be my chance to get her on her own.

I moved quietly to the room where the voice was coming from. I looked through the crack in the door and felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. I'd never known such acute and painful jealousy to affect me.

The Hulk sat on the edge of the bed and Bella stood between his legs. They were holding each other. She had a hand on the back of his head, moving it through his hair in soothing circles, while his head was resting on her chest facing away from me, his arms holding her tight to him around her waist. She was speaking to him in a low voice, but I still couldn't make out the words.

I pushed away and stomped down the stairs. I knew that I had no right to feel this way; I'd got involved knowing what the deal was. Involved? Was that what I was? I guessed so. Fuck. I yanked my hand roughly through my hair.

I'd been back downstairs for a few minutes when Jake reappeared, smiling as he started organizing a game for the kids. I left the room, determined to find out if I could get some of that personal attention from Bella for myself.

She was just coming out of the room I'd seen her in with _him_, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. I walked straight up to her.

"He made you cry," I stated.

"No! I mean, yes, but not how you think. We're good." I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I don't want to talk about him, I came up here for you," I told her. I pushed her gently back against the wall and then reached down and kissed the tears from her cheeks. She kept casting nervous glances at the stairs.

"Edward, not here, we can't…"

"We can," I told her. I bent down, lifted her face to mine and pressed my lips to hers. She moaned quietly and parted her lips, slipping her tongue out to meet mine. The kiss deepened quickly as all of my frustration and desire for her from the past few days boiled over. I reached down and grabbed her under her ass, lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I pushed myself harder against her, almost frantic now.

I kissed up and down her neck and she mewled quietly, but desperately.

"Oh, Edward," she moaned into my neck. "I want you so bad,"

The sudden sound of a man clearing his throat behind me caused me to freeze, my face buried in her hair. I felt my heart jump.

"Oh fuck," I said, not wanting to turn around.

We'd been caught.

**Oooh, not good!**

**A couple of announcements. First off, I've written an EY Jasper x Alice outtake for the Fandom For Preemies fundraiser. Check here for further information: www (dot) fandomforpreemies (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**Secondly, my good friend beckybrit, who listens to me going on about all my fic ideas, has posted the first chapter from her first multi-chapter fic, Dark Wolves and Vampire Delights. It's excellent, and knowing what's to come I recommend you all take your seats now!**

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**Please take a moment to leave a review, they make me happier than you could know!**


	11. The Cure for a Heart is to Move Along

**Hi! I'm thrilled that so many of you are enjoying my story, the last update saw you leave more reviews than ever and we're nearly at 200 now! I wish I could put into words how exciting (and nerve-wracking!) it is when a new review arrives and I can see what you think of what I've written. I love to hear what you think about what has happened so far and your theories on what's coming up. This chapter is a good example of what can happen to the story when you tell me what you think is going to happen next ;o). Hope nobody's disappointed – please leave a review and let me know what you think.**

**Thanks to beckybrit for pre-reading – her exciting fic just updated so please take a look and leave her some love, it's her first story and it's not easy to put yourself out there – Dark Wolves and Vampire Delights :o)**

**Thanks to MrsP of twibite (dot) blogspot (dot) com for beta'ing for me. Check her blog out, your guaranteed to smile!**

**Finally, Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer – jammy biatch ;o). Ok, enough rambling, on with the show!**

**Chapter 11 – The Cure for a Heart is to Move Along**

**BPoV**

I knew exactly who had just caught me with my legs wrapped around Edward's waist as he pressed me against the wall. I lifted my head from Edward's neck and made eye contact with Jake as I pushed Edward back so I could get my feet back on the ground.

To his credit, Jake didn't cause a scene. He just muttered something about it being a good thing that it wasn't one of the kids that had caught us as he walked past. But then…Edward had to open his mouth.

I'd felt Edward tense the moment that he saw it was Jake that had caught us. I'd guessed that he was preparing for a fight, knowing that he thought that Jake was my husband. When it didn't come, I noticed his brow furrow and he glanced from Jake to me and back again, clearly confused at Jake's lack of reaction.

"Hey!" Edward called after Jake, moving to step towards him. "You catch your wife with another man like this and you don't _do _anything about it? You don't deserve her, asshole."

_Shit. _Jake stopped but didn't turn around.

"Edward, shut up!" I hissed at him under my breath, grabbing his arm to stop him moving closer to Jake. "You don't—"

"My wife is dead," Jake said, cutting me off as he turned around. "Maybe if she _were _still alive she could talk some sense into Bella about you, because she obviously hasn't listened to anything that _I've_ said to her." He turned and walked into his room, closing the door loudly behind him.

I cringed and looked down at the floor guiltily, waiting for the inevitable reaction from Edward. The silence seemed endless. Eventually I looked up to find him staring at me, his face expressionless.

"Edward, I…"

"You're not with Jake?" he asked tentatively. I shook my head.

"No," I whispered.

He didn't move and he didn't utter a sound. His stillness was disconcerting.

Unable to stand it any longer I reached out to him and then he was gone; gone from my side and flying down the staircase. I heard the front door slam behind him and my unrealistic hopes that I'd been harbouring that maybe he'd be happy that I was free to be with him, were crushed; squashed as thoroughly as if they'd been between the door and the frame when he flung it closed.

Stumbling across the landing and into my bedroom, I pulled my cell from my pocket and dialled Alice's number. The moment that I heard her voice the dam of my tears was broken. She urged me to calm down and speak to her and eventually I managed to.

"Alice, it's…Edward," I sniffled. I could almost see her rolling her eyes.

"Oh hell. What did he do?" she asked me gently.

I sensed somebody behind me and turned to find Jasper standing in the doorway. He walked over, placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and held his hand out for my phone. I handed it to him and he put it to his ear.

"It's me," he told her. "I think you should go find Edward, honey. He just found out about Bella and Jake; he ran out of here pretty damn fast."

There was a long pause as he obviously listened to what Alice was saying. "Yeah, that's no problem. I'll make sure Bella's ok and then I'll bring Grace home to my place with Charlotte. See you there later. Bye."

He ended the call and sat down on the bed next to me, pulling me into a comforting embrace.

"You knew?" I asked as I let him soothe me. There was something incredibly calming about Jasper. I had no idea what it was, but I was determined to make the most of it right now.

"Yes. Alice told me all about you and Jake…and about Edward too."

"What _is _his deal, Jasper?" I demanded, sitting up suddenly. "What's his problem with women?"

Jasper looked uncomfortable. I felt bad for making him feel awkward, but I needed to know and to understand.

"I'm not the one you should be asking, Bella. It's not my story to tell."

I scoffed.

"Well, that's funny," I told him snarkily. "Alice said exactly the same thing to me, but apparently it _was_ ok for her to tell you…" I trailed off as I realized something. "Oh. You and Alice…?"

"Yes," he said, a small smile on his lips. "It's early days so…"

"I get it. I won't tell anyone," I assured him.

After I'd dried my tears and was feeling a little better, Jasper and I rejoined the party. I busied myself by helping out with everything and then cleaning up afterwards. Eventually all of the guests had left and I'd cleaned up until the house was spotless. Jake was in the living room with the boys. They were playing with Joshua's birthday gifts when I popped my head around the door to tell him I was going for a shower. As I pulled my head back out of the room, I noticed Jake rising and crossing the room. He stepped out into the hallway beside me and closed the door gently behind him.

"Are you ok, Bells?" he asked me quietly.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about before. I…uh…" I took a deep breath before I made my confession. "I knew that he thought we were married, Jake. I didn't tell him we were, but I didn't tell him we weren't either." I twisted my hands together anxiously as I waited for his response.

"Why would you do that, Bella?" He watched me with a puzzled expression on his face. "I don't understand."

"You still won't understand if I tell you, so please can we leave it at that?"

I knew Jake well enough to know that he wouldn't have let me get away with a pathetic act like letting a man believe a lie because he only went for married women. I really wasn't up to a lecture from him now; I just wanted to wash the stresses of the day away.

"For now we can, but I want an explanation sometime, ok?" I nodded in agreement.

"Ok," I whispered. He stepped forward and pulled me to him and I hugged him back. "I'm sorry for all this, Jake. Today of all days." I sighed "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I guess."

A pang of guilt hit me again. This had been the first birthday the family had since Emma passed away and I knew that Jake had found it difficult. He'd been overcome with emotion part way through the party and retreated to his room. I found him there and comforted him with a hug, until he felt able to rejoin everyone downstairs. I'd planned on being by his side of course, but before I could head back downstairs Edward had intercepted me.

We broke apart and he slipped back into the living room while I headed up for my shower. The water was soothing on my tense muscles and I stood beneath the flow of water for longer than I usually did. My mind wandered to thoughts of shower sex with Edward and everything about that day. He'd said that he'd never invited a woman into his home before and I couldn't help but think that his actions towards me weren't those of a player.

I was drying off when I heard my cell-phone ringing in my bedroom. I dashed from my bathroom with the towel wrapped around me and grabbed it from the bed. Glancing at the display I saw that it was Alice calling.

"Hey, what's up? I answered breathlessly.

"It's Edward, Bella. He's scaring me," she whispered. In the background I could hear a loud, rhythmic rasping sound.

"Alice, what the hell is that noise?" I asked her. "Are you ok?"

"I think he's having a panic attack. I don't know what to do!" She started crying.

"Ok, Alice. Are you listening to me?"

"Yes."

"You need to calm down yourself before you can help him, can you do that?"

"Yes."

"You have to get him to control his breathing; he needs to slow it down so you'll have to make him focus on it. Count to ten as he lets each breath out, ok?"

"Ok."

Her voice was so small that my heart went out to her, a huge feat considering it was already in the process of breaking for Edward. What had happened? He was really having a panic attack over my lack of involvement with Jake? It was beyond twisted.

"Call me back in fifteen minutes and let me know if it worked."

"Ok."

There was a bleep as the call cut off. I moved around the room getting dressed as quickly as I could. I had no intention of still being here in fifteen minutes time. I knew that Alice would have told me not to go over there if I'd mentioned it, which is why I'd kept quiet. I had to see that he was ok and I wanted to be there for Alice too.

I'd shouted to Jake that I was heading out to see Alice for a while and I didn't know when I'd be home, then I set off walking to Edward's house. I was five minutes away when Alice called me back and let me know that my advice had worked. Making up an excuse, I asked if I could call her back. Two minutes later she was answering Edward's front door to me.

Alice looked nervously behind her when she saw that it was me at the door and then stepped outside, pulling it closed almost all the way behind her.

"Oh, thank God! I was so scared, Bella!" she whispered, collapsing into my arms with tears pouring down her cheeks again.

"Ssssh," I soothed her, rubbing circles on her back. "C'mon, let's go inside."

"No, no! If he sees you—"

"Where he is now?" I asked her.

"He's in bed, but—"

"If we hear him getting up I'll leave right away, I swear." She looked at me, her eyes wide, but no longer shedding tears, until finally she sighed in defeat.

"Well…he did seem pretty out of it." I knew instinctively that she was about to cave. "Ok, come on in. I could actually really use the company."

I followed her into the kitchen and froze in the doorway. The floor was covered in broken glass and crockery. Alice turned and gave me a small, sympathetic smile as she took in my expression. She'd obviously been in the middle of cleaning when I arrived, guessing from the half filled dustpan on the floor. She picked it up and began sweeping debris into it again with the small brush, and I crouched down to help her. I gathered some large shards with my fingers, and placed them gingerly in my cupped hand.

"He was smashing the place up when I got here…" she explained. "…Until he collapsed. That's when I called you." I froze and looked up at her.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. If I'd known he was this fragile I'd never have…" I shook my head, unable to finish.

"Don't feel bad, Bella. I had no idea either. He's put such a tough act on with women lately; I just assumed his feelings were frozen. You must have thawed them. You couldn't have known."

When the floor was finally clean, I stood and announced to Alice that I was going to the bathroom. I had no intention of actually doing so of course, I just wanted an excuse to look in on Edward. Alice was suspicious, I could tell, but she grudgingly let me go, which was just as well because I was going whether or not she tried to stop me.

As my head grew level with the floor of the landing, I could see through the balustrade that his bedroom door was open slightly. I paused, listening, but could hear nothing but the heavy, rhythmic breathing of somebody in a deep slumber.

I pushed the door open silently and edged into the room. I could tell by the shape of the lump beneath the duvet, that Edward had his body curled up tightly. Only his face and the top of his head emerged from the cocoon he'd formed around himself. His hair was messier than ever and his face was tense, even in sleep.

I crept out again, pulling the door to behind me and headed back down to Alice.

"He looks like hell," I stated as I entered the kitchen.

"I know," she replied simply, not even the slightest bit surprised or annoyed that I'd been to see him.

"Alice, what happened to him?" I was aware of the pleading note in my voice, but didn't care. Right now I'd get down on my knees and beg her to tell me if I had to. She must have seen it in me, because even as she opened her mouth to protest, she sighed deeply and closed it again.

"Ok, I'll tell you, but you have to swear not to breath a word to anyone," she told me sternly.

"I swear," I whispered.

Alice made us coffee and then spent an hour giving me the details of Edward's past. She described how perfect his life had seemed when his fiancée announced her pregnancy, until she confessed that the baby was in fact the result of an affair with a man that she worked with. As soon as the news was out, she left him for the baby's father.

"He was broken, Bella. I mean, like, _really _broken. Even now he's nowhere close to being himself again, and I don't think he ever will be. He was loving and sweet. You should have seen how he treated Tanya, like some kind of princess or something. And then the bitch broke him."

The thought of somebody hurting Edward made me feel physically ill.

"She'd better hope I never meet her," I said darkly.

"Yeah, well get in line," Alice replied.

"He won't come near me again now, will he?" I asked, a sudden sadness descending on me with the realization. Alice came and sat by me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

"I'm pretty sure there's no way that he would have freaked out over anyone else, you know. He's different with you, even Emmett mentioned it and it's something of a miracle for him to notice anything like that."

I was about to challenge what she'd said when we both heard movement upstairs. We looked at each other for a moment, before I leapt to my feet, grabbed my coat and bag and raced for the door. As I pulled it closed behind me I heard Edward's voice calling groggily to Alice to ask who she'd been talking with. That was the last I heard.

Alice stayed in touch with me all weekend, knowing how worried I was about Edward. Apparently Emmett had rushed over there as soon as they arrived back in town from Seattle. Emmett had been the one to look after Edward after his break-down when Tanya left.

Alice was close to tears again as she told me how Emmett arrived as Edward was having some sort of awful nightmare. She'd watched as Emmett took their brother into his arms and spent an hour comforting him. She hadn't been around to witness their bond the first time around, but she appreciated Emmett on a whole new level, seeing how caring and tender he was.

Although everyone was upset at Edward's set-back, Emmett reassured us that he was nowhere close to being as bad as he was last time, and hopefully this was just a blip.

Everybody felt guilty about how things had turned out. Emmett was tortured by the fact that he hadn't been around and Alice and I shared guilt in the fact that we hadn't been honest with him in the first place.

We had coffee at Jasper's after dropping the children off at school on Monday. Alice had taken Grace again as Edward had yet to be persuaded to get up out of bed.

"I really wish you two would stop blaming yourselves for this whole thing you know," Jasper told us, his arm protectively around Alice's shoulder as they sat on the couch. "It's not your fault." His words were of no use at helping me to feel any better; Alice too I suspected.

"If I'd been honest from the start though he'd never have given himself chance to develop any feelings for me and it wouldn't have come to this," I argued.

Jasper looked at me sadly.

"Bella, you can't really think it's healthy for him to go through his whole life not feeling anything for anybody? This is a symptom of something that runs much deeper. He's so terrified of being hurt again that he's not going to let anybody close enough to do it."

"But maybe, with time he'd have been ready for more. Maybe this was just pushing him too soon…" I argued.

"No, this isn't the sort of problem that time will heal, Bella. He needs to realize that his fears are blown out of proportion."

"I really think you should talk to him," Alice told Jasper. "You've got the experience and the skills. I wish you would."

"I can try," he replied. "But I can't make him listen; he has to want to." He smiled sadly. Alice bent to retrieve her bag from next to her feet and placed it on her lap.

"I'd better be getting back round there," she told us. "Will you come with me, Jas?"

"Sure," he agreed easily. I stood from the chair I'd been sitting in.

"Let me know how he is?" I asked Alice as I pulled my jacket on.

"Of course I will." Alice knew how worried I was and was doing everything she could to make it easier for me to deal with.

By the end of Monday, Alice had reported that Edward was still in bed and couldn't be persuaded to get up, despite seeming a little brighter.

On Tuesday, Alice gave him an extra nudge by informing him that she'd be dropping Grace off after school as she had somewhere to be. Apparently Edward had argued against this and asked if Grace could go and stay with Jasper instead, but Alice had put her foot down. By the time she arrived with Grace he was up, though not dressed. Still, it was progress. Grace told her on the way home later, that he'd seemed more or less like himself. They'd done some drawing together and he'd asked about the party after he'd left and about me in particular.

I wasn't sure how this made me feel. Hopeful, I guessed.

On Wednesday Alice called round with Jasper again. This time she left them alone deliberately while she went out for some groceries for Edward and then cooked for them all when she got back. Jasper told her afterwards that they'd had a good chat. He'd shared some experiences and thoughts with Edward and he'd opened up in return. He'd told him about Tanya without any prompting and then they spoke about Edward's decision to only hook up with women who were already committed to someone else. Jasper refused to tell us how that conversation had gone, which we respected, but annoyingly Jasper also refused to tell either of us if I'd been mentioned at all. Finally Jas had given him some techniques for coping if he felt another panic attack coming on. It all sounded positive at least.

On Friday Jasper had called around again, alone this time. Edward told Jasper he'd already been up and out for a run and he was showered, dressed and preparing himself a healthy breakfast. Alice told me that her jaw dropped when Jasper told her this, but it soon curled up in a smile. She'd wondered if Jas was exaggerating, so she'd called round to see for herself and found him looking better than he had in a long time.

Saturday brought a surprise that I hadn't expected. It was mid-morning and Jake had taken the boys out to the park while I got some work done. My cell-phone bleeped and I grabbed for it, hoping for an update from Alice. It was from Edward. My heart started thumping the moment I saw his name on the screen.

**Can we meet to discuss your book idea?**

It was the last thing I'd been expecting. I'd assumed any involvement he may have considered with the book would be off his agenda now. I couldn't resist the chance to see him for myself to make my own assessment of how he was. I quickly sent a reply back.

**Sure. When were you thinking?**

He replied immediately.

**You free today?**

Even if I hadn't been, I'd have changed my plans. I replied.

**How about this afternoon?**

In the back of my head I was already planning a replay of the last time we'd got together to discuss the book. His next text threw me.

**Can I come to your place?**

I knew he probably wouldn't want to when he received my reply.

**Jake and the boys will be home.**

His reaction was the last thing I'd expected.

**Perfect. I'll be there at 2.**

"Jake, Edward Cullen's coming round at two to discuss my book." I broke the news over lunch with the boys, knowing that he wouldn't be able to say what he really wanted to in front of them.

"Great," he stated flatly. "I'll look forward to it."

"We'll be in my office, so you won't have to see him. I'm sure you'll cope," I told him, coolly.

"That's fine. Boys, be sure to knock before you go into Bella's office this afternoon, OK?" He glared at me.

"I doubt that will be necessary." I glared back.

"Did you want me to call you 'honey' while he's here?"

I'd finally got around to telling Jake the truth about what had happened, and while he'd been understanding and sympathetic; he was more triumphant in the thought that Edward was out of the picture. His triumph was quickly diminished at the prospect of him being around again.

I ignored the jibe and stood to scrape my plate and put it in the dishwasher before leaving the room in silence. I walked to my office and set about tidying the papers that lay everywhere. If the only kind of proposition I would ever get from Edward Cullen was to be a business one then I'd take it.

I'd finished tidying up and was sitting perusing the notes I'd made for the project when I heard the doorbell ring. I hurried to the door and pulled it open.

"Hi," he greeted me, smiling slightly uncomfortably.

"Hi," I replied shyly. He looked hot. I mean, like even hotter than usual. He was dressed simply in jeans and t-shirt under his jacket, but they'd never looked so good on anyone.

I opened the door wider and stood aside to let him pass and ushered him into my office, closing the door behind us. I sat down in my black leather office chair at my desk and he sank down on the edge of the chair I'd pulled up next to it, edging it closer as he sat down. I couldn't help but be aware that our knees were almost touching and it took everything I had not to move slightly so my leg rested against his.

I spent a moment shuffling my papers into the right order as we both sat in silence. I jumped when Edward cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," he apologised, fidgeting slightly. "So…uh…what are your ideas for this project then?"

So, it was straight onto business then, no mention of the previous week. No explanations, nothing. I suddenly regretted not getting Alice to tell me what knowledge he had of how much I knew, it would be nice to have that insight at least.

I read out the synopsis from the page, painfully aware of his presence next to me. I felt something touch my hair and looked up slowly, just as Edward tucked some strands behind my ear. His eyes locked with mine and I held my breath. He looked away as he sucked in his breath and withdrew his hand.

"I'm sorry…I…" He was disappearing into himself again and I hated it. I grabbed his hand and brought it back up to my face.

"Don't be, it's fine," I whispered.

He tugged his hand away and pushed his chair back to create some space between us.

"No, it's not." He looked back up at me apologetically. I felt a wave of crippling embarrassment work its way through my body. "It's nothing you've done Bella, trust me. I'm…uh…taking some time to focus on myself. I've quit chasing women for now."

He looked so vulnerable as he made his confession. There was no sign of the over-confident player that I'd come to know; this was somebody else altogether. I suspected this was a slice of the real Edward Cullen, and although disappointment at his vow regarding women was verging on painful, at least this was a step in the right direction. The candle of hope that I felt for the two of us was going to stay flickering for a while yet.

I had no idea what to say to that, so I just nodded.

"So…uh…back to the synopsis." I began to read aloud again knowing that staying on the subject of Edward's private life was going to be uncomfortable for him and painful for me. When I finished I looked up at him expectantly, eager for his approval.

"I love the idea, Bella. I think it'll really help kids who are going through it. I had nothing like that."

"Well, when Jake's wife Emma was ill," I began tentatively, worried about how he might react to me talking about Jake's real wife. Thankfully he looked interested and I was encouraged to continue. "We struggled to find anything to help the boys outside of our own explanations and books about bereavement in general. Losing a parent is so much more devastating." Edward had his eyes fixed on me and I blushed slightly at the intensity of his gaze.

"I know," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry," I told him quietly. He shrugged.

"Thanks. It was a long time ago though, it gets easier as you grow."

"Not just about your mom. For not being upfront about Jake and the arrangement we have here. I knew what you thought and I did try to tell you when we were at your place, I honestly did, but you interrupted and then…Well, you know." I ended in a rush, trying to get everything out before I lost my nerve or he ran out on me again.

Edward stared down at his hands as I spoke.

"Yeah, well maybe it was the shock I needed. Something was bound to jump up and bite me on the ass eventually. I wasn't exactly living like a monk." We were both silent for a moment and for some reason I was feeling brave enough to ask the question that I really wanted answered more than any other.

"Edward?" I had a feeling that he knew what was coming by the way he shifted in his seat and took one of the papers from my pile of notes, studying it carefully. "Why did you run out like that? I mean, I know I wasn't honest with you, but was it really so bad that you needed to leave? I like you, I thought—"

"So, what sort of style of illustrations did you have in mind for this? Human? Animal?" I was confused. I knew I hadn't just spoken all of that to myself and yet he was behaving as though he hadn't heard a word I'd said. I leaned forward slightly.

"Edward? I said—" His head snapped up and he stared at me, angrily.

"I heard you, Bella, I was choosing to ignore you," he growled. I pushed myself as far back in my chair as I could, shocked at his sudden outburst. "Look, I'm committed to your idea for the book, but if you're going to keep pushing with the personal details then we won't be able to work together. As far as you're concerned I have no personal life. This is purely a business arrangement, OK?"

I felt as though I'd been slapped.

"I…I understand," I stuttered. "I think I need some time to think this over. I made you a copy of my notes; you can take them and look them over so you can work on some ideas." I held a file out to him and he took it from me, not meeting my eyes still.

"Thank you," he said, stiffly.

"I don't think there's anything else to discuss today, Edward. Let me know when you want to meet again to discuss it."

He nodded and rose from the chair, recognising that he was being dismissed. I was about to stand too when his voice stopped me.

"I'll see myself out. I'll be in touch."

I could tell when he'd left the room, and not only from the sound of the door closing behind me and the subsequent slam of the front door. The energy in the room had altered hugely. I slumped in my chair, my head in my hands as my elbows rested on the edge of my desk.

"Well, that went well," I muttered to myself. "Asshole." I had no idea whether I was referring to Edward or myself, but it made me feel better for a tenth of a second until the tears began to drip onto the paper below, smudging the ink on my carefully written notes.

**A/N Poor Bella. I guess she knew what she was getting herself into, but it doesn't make it any easier once you fall :o(**

**It's November, which means that if you make a min $5 to the March of Dimes and then forward your receipt to the awesome peeps at fandomforpreemies (dot) blogspot (dot) com then you can get a fantastic collection of 103 pieces of fic, including an Alice x Jasper outtake from EY – find out what happened when they left Bella's dinner party a few chapters back!**

**Please take a mo to review before you run off to do that! xxx**


	12. Ignorance was so Much Bliss, Thanks

**Hi! First of all I want to thank all of those that reviewed since the last update. I was excited to think that I might hit 200 reviews, so to reach 250 was a huge, and very welcome, surprise! Bewb gropes and ass grabs to you all!**

**My intention had been to reply to every review with a teaser, but when I sat down to do it I realised that I'd already done some, but ffn couldn't tell me which. I promise to get organised and do it for anyone who reviews this chapter though :o)**

**Thanks to beckybrit for pre-reading – her fic just updated with a very exciting chapter, so please take a look and leave her some love, it's her first story and it's not easy to put yourself out there – Dark Wolves and Vampire Delights :o)**

**Thanks to MrsP of twibite (dot) blogspot (dot) com for beta'ing for me. Check her blog out, you're guaranteed to smile!**

**This chapter title is taken from 'There Will be Tears' by Mr Hudson.**

**This chapter is going back to see what happened with Edward following the revelation about Bella & Jake. Hold on tight!**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, as if you all didn't know ;o)**

**Chapter 12 – Ignorance was so Much Bliss, Thanks**

**EPoV**

"You're not with Jake?" I asked her. I already knew the answer and dreaded it, but it was as though I was some kind of fucking masochist or something.

"No," she replied in a whisper that echoed in my head as deafeningly as if she'd yelled it.

Bella wasn't with Jake.

It was at that moment I realized what had been nagging at me. Something I'd been refusing to admit to myself before now.

Every sly glance I'd given her when I thought she wasn't looking. Every minute of the day we'd spent together fucking and sleeping. Every time since, when I'd taken my dick in my hand and replayed every moment with her, until I wondered if there was something wrong with me to be acting like a horny fucking teenager, jacking off so often when I was closer to thirty than I was to twenty.

Every night when I lay in bed and longed to hold her in my arms and fall asleep with her, just so I could wake up beside her.

I'd become too fucking invested in this girl. And with that I'd broken both of my two main rules. Ok, so I'd broken one without knowing it, but dammit, I had rules for a mother-fucking reason.

The walls began to close in on me and I needed to get the fuck out of there before I lost my mind.

I wanted to move, but as much as I tried, it was as though something had disconnected inside of me. My limbs refused to respond and I was stranded, frozen in place. Time ticked by in slow motion, until Bella reached her hand out to me. It was as though a spell had been broken; my legs belonged to me again and as soon as I realized, I took off, racing down the staircase and out the front door.

I turned towards home and ran, my feet pounding against the sidewalk all the way. The steady rhythm held me together.

There was only one person in my head as I ran. Tanya. This was all that bitch's fault. The venom I suddenly held for her was all I could focus on. It coursed through my body as I ran, bunching in my muscles and failing to dissipate with every pump of my arms and legs.

When Tanya did what she did, everybody had told me that it was ok to be angry at her; but I just didn't feel it. I became fucking bitter; but I never got angry.

"Big fucking mistake, Cullen," I said aloud as I ran, drawing yet more strange looks from the people I passed.

I ran until the door to my house stood blocking my way. I unlocked the door and pushed it open, not even bothering to close it behind me as I strode purposefully inside and up the stairs.

I shoved the door to my studio open, causing it to fly back and bang loudly against the wall. At the back of the room on a high shelf, was a box. I never opened it, although I eyed it often as it sat up there, watching over me. One of the most liberating things about sex in here with Bella had been doing it in view of that fucking box. It was as though it had a hold over me.

Well not any fucking longer.

I walked over and stretched up, pulling it forward far enough to be able to grab hold of it and lift it down off the shelf. I carried it out of the room and across the landing to my bedroom. I continued, into my bathroom. I shifted the box slightly so I was supporting it just with one arm, while I closed the door behind me, opened the window and pulled the glass door of the shower enclosure open.

I deposited the box roughly on the floor and bent down to remove the lid. Staring up at me was a picture of Tanya. In it she was lying back against the pillow, her hair framed around her face and her mouth smiling softly. I remembered the day I'd painted it. She'd just got back from one of her 'business trips' and we'd spent the afternoon in bed when she got home.

I didn't need to look to see what was underneath the picture, because I already knew: dozens more that I'd drawn and painted during our time together and the few photos that I found after she'd gone that she hadn't taken with her. I hadn't felt able to throw them in the trash at the time. Well now it was time to fucking man-up.

I patted my pockets down until I found my cigarette lighter. I pulled it out and picked the painting off the top. I looked into her eyes as I flicked the lighter so it lit, and held it to the corner of the paper. As it burned, I dropped it back into the box and watched in satisfaction as the rest of the papers in it gradually caught fire.

I stood and watched with a smile on my face. They couldn't burn fast enough for me. Eventually, when I actually began to feel some concern for the safety of the house and my lungs, I switched the shower on and extinguished the flames. Satisfied, I left the steaming debris and left the room, closing the door behind me to stop the smoke and smell of burning from spreading. I was a little too late I realized, as the shrill sound of the bedroom smoke alarm assaulted my ears and fragile mind.

I looked frantically around me but came up blank. Striding to the closet, I pulled the door open and reached in to where I knew my old baseball bat stood. I pulled it out, and crossed the room to stand directly beneath the shrieking lump of plastic. I held the bat and rammed it upwards so the end shattered the plastic. I had to repeat the action twice more before the sound finally ceased.

"Take that, fucker," I told it as I tossed the bat to the floor. "That's just great, Cullen. Now you're talking to inanimate objects as well as yourself," I muttered, heading back across the landing.

I stopped in front of the wall above the counter that ran around the edge of the room. On a string I'd pegged up Bella's ass print painting and all of the other drawings and paintings I'd been churning out in an attempt to get her out of my head. Needless to say, it had been a pretty spectacular fucking fail; obvious from the amount of them.

I yanked at the papers one by one, pulling them off the string, until I held them in a pile in my hands. Turning them to the side I prepared to tear them up. Only I couldn't do it.

"What the fuck?" I yelled, throwing them down onto my desk in frustration. "They're just fucking pictures, you fucking pussy," I yelled out loud at myself as I paced the room. "You just fucking nearly committed an act of arson in your bathroom on that other fucking pity-fest pile you were keeping, what's the big deal with these? You've known her five fucking minutes. She's just a girl you fucked. Another fucking notch on your fucking bed-post. That's fucking all."

I grabbed the first picture in the pile and made to tear it again, but still couldn't bring myself to do it; the worst I could do was crush it lightly and throw it down. Now I was really mad.

"For fuck's sake, Cullen! You're screwed. She's got you by the mother-fucking balls!" I kicked at the metal waste paper basket and sent it flying into the wall with a clang. Once I started, I couldn't stop. I ran my hand violently across shelves, emptying them onto the floor and stamping on it all once it landed, like a child having the world's worst temper tantrum.

I threw my chair across the floor and stormed out and down the stairs. When I reached the hallway I could see a couple of my neighbours standing several feet away from the open door, peering anxiously through it.

"What the fuck do you think you're looking at?" I yelled angrily, slamming it closed on them.

I resumed my smashing in the kitchen, reaching up into the top of the cupboards and pulling down the set of champagne glasses that someone had given to Tanya and me for our engagement. They crashed onto the floor and glass flew everywhere.

I had no handle on what was driving my actions now; needing Tanya out of my head once and for all, anger over what she'd made me, or frustration that I'd been weak enough to let a girl sneak through my defenses without me even realizing. I suspected it was a combination of these.

A sudden banging on the front door and a familiar voice calling my name caused me to pause. I stalked to the door, unlatched it and went back into the kitchen to pick up the destruction where I left off. Alice appeared in the kitchen doorway just as I launched a ceramic fruit bowl at the tiled floor.

I noticed her flinch as it shattered, shards flying everywhere as she moved over to me. She stood in front of me, took one of my hands in each of hers and looked directly at me, her eyes reflecting some of the pain I was feeling.

"Edward," she whispered. "Stop! Stop this right now." She reached up and rubbed her thumb across one of my cheeks, smearing the tears that I hadn't even realized were flowing out of my eyes.

I opened my mouth to speak, but all that escaped was a loud fucking feral sound as my face contorted involuntarily. As soon as the first sound escaped, that was it. I fucking fell apart. I slid down to the ground and let it all out. I bent my head and grabbed two fistfuls of hair, tugging on them as I rocked and sobbed.

It was as though I were in a bubble; I was conscious of nothing and nobody, only myself and my own misery. The ache in my chest and the burn in my throat as I roared, were all that I knew. Even though the trigger for it faded; my head filled with nothing but self-pity, an indulgence I'd long since forbid myself.

I was vaguely aware of the sound of voices, as I clawed my way painfully back to consciousness. It took me a moment to realize that I was in my own bed in my darkened bedroom, even though I had no fucking memory of how I got there. The last thing I remembered was being in the kitchen with Alice.

I fought to free my hand from the duvet that was wrapped tightly around me and reached out to the nightstand. I picked up my alarm clock to try and look at the time, but then dropped it with a loud bang. The voices stopped and for a moment the house was silent. I pushed the duvet off, noticing that I was still dressed, and set the alarm clock back down, deciding I didn't care what the fucking time was.

I felt fragile and exhausted. It wasn't the first time I'd had a panic attack, but it had been a while since my last one. I'd never had one before Tanya and I hated the fact she'd left me with a fucking weakness. Vulnerable. That was me now. I sighed and stood unsteadily, raking a hand through my hair as I trudged to the door.

Before I could reach it I heard a rush of movement and the front door closed.

"Alice? Who were you talking to?" I called down. I leaned against the balustrade squinting against the light as my sister came into view at the bottom of the staircase. She smiled at me.

"Oh…it was nobody. Nobody important, I mean," she added hurriedly. I didn't believe her, but couldn't be fucking bothered to try and find out if she was hiding something.

"Ok," I said, and turned to head back into my room.

"Are you coming down, Edward? I'll make you something to eat. Are you hungry?" She sounded eager to please. But there was genuinely nothing I wanted at that moment, only to be left alone.

"I'm going back to bed," I told her as I closed the door behind me. I still didn't bother getting undressed, settling for crawling back under the covers and pulling them up around my chin again.

My mind was spinning and yet empty. I couldn't catch a single thought as they whizzed around my head, so I let myself drift away again instead.

_Bella and I were together in a meadow. It was perfect; the grass a lush green and wildflowers dotting the space. We were having the best time together, laughing, kissing, touching. Enjoying being with one another. A stream bubbled a short distance away, so we decided to take a stroll to find it.._

_When we reached the water, we discovered it wasn't a bubbling stream, but a raging fucking torrent of a river. There, stranded in a basket in the middle, was a screaming infant. Bella urged me to rescue the baby and I picked my way across the rocks that jutted out of the water. I scooped it into my arms and carried it back across the treacherous stones. _

_Almost reaching the bank, I passed the baby to Bella, but then suddenly I slipped and fell into the freezing cold water. Screaming, I managed to grab hold of a tree root that was sticking out of the muddy bank. Bella was panicking too as she knelt down, taking hold of my arm just as I lost my grip on the root._

_She was crying as she told me over and over "I've got you, Edward. Don't worry, I've got you. I'm not going to let you go!" _

_As I looked at her face, she suddenly turned into Tanya and abruptly laughed and let go of me. As I was swept away by the current, she stood with the baby in her arms and turned away. James was waiting for her and he wrapped his arm around her waist and the three of them strolled away together. I screamed as the water sucked me into its freezing depths…_

I was still screaming as I gradually became aware of being surrounded by a huge expanse of warmth and a voice gently reassuring me that I was ok and encouraging me to quieten down.

I fought for a moment as my confused mind tried to work out where the fuck I was and what was going on. As lucidity returned to me, I realized that I was still in bed, but I was now being cradled by Emmett.

He'd spent hours with me like this when I had my breakdown. I didn't think that I'd ever actually thanked him for it after, but I hoped he knew I was grateful as hell to him. I should probably mention it one of these days.

I managed to regain control over my breathing as I came to terms with the fact that I'd only had a nightmare and it hadn't been real. I rolled away from Em and rubbed my hand across my face.

"Hey bro," he greeted me, his voice soft. "You ok? That must have been one hell of a nightmare. It wasn't the one with Newton and the nipple tassels again was it?" He chuckled and I couldn't help the smile that tugged lightly on the corners of my mouth. As I remembered what had really happened in the dream though, it quickly faded.

"I thought you were in Seattle?" I said, confused by his presence.

"I was, but I just got back." He watched me closely as I tried to work out how he was back when he'd just left. "It's Sunday."

"Fuck," I grumbled. "I guess I lost a day."

I pushed myself up the bed slightly so I was propped up on the pillows. I was still in my clothes. As the movement stirred the air around me, I noticed Emmett wrinkle his nose and shift away slightly.

"Holy shit, Edward. You smell rancid, dude. Why don't you go and take a shower?"

I was just thinking that I probably should, even though I didn't fucking feel like it, when I remembered something.

"I can't," I told him. He turned to look at me.

"Why the fuck not?"

"I uh…My shower needs cleaning." Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Stop being such a fucking clean freak for once and get your stinkin' ass in there now," he said, I recognised his tone from when he'd decided I'd wallowed in my self-pity for long enough after Tanya went and needed a kick up the ass to start living again.

I yawned and slid down underneath the covers again. I heard Emmett huff loudly, and felt the bed spring up as he stood. I listened as he flung open the bathroom door and cursed as he moaned about how cold it was in there before banging the window closed. All was silent for a moment and then the sound of the shower door opening. Suddenly Em started to chuckle quietly but before long was laughing loudly. He stuck his head back around the door.

"You know, call me next time you want to have a bonfire, man, I'll help you set one up outside where you're not going to risk burning your fucking house down. Oh, and just so you know, that was one hellish expensive way to get rid of your trash. The floor in your shower is gonna need ripping out and replacing."

"It was Tanya," I stated quietly.

"Huh?" He was clearly confused, although granted, that wasn't unusual for him.

"In the box. It was all my fucking pictures of Tanya."

I turned in bed so that I was facing him. His mouth was hanging open.

"Dude, I didn't even know you still _had _pictures of her. I thought we got rid of everything…"

"I know you did. That's because I didn't tell you about _that_ box. I couldn't…let it go then." Emmett nodded thoughtfully.

"Yeah, well. It's definitely gone now." He chuckled.

I screwed my eyes up tight as I felt more tears beginning to well up.

"Hey, hey," Emmett said softly. He walked back to the bed and sat down next to me, gently comforting me until the tears stopped.

We were still sitting side by side on the bed when Alice came upstairs.

"Hey, are you guys ok?" she asked with concern.

"Yep," Emmett replied. "Edward burned his secret Tanya stash," he told her, sounding like a proud father. I couldn't help but smile.

"You have a secret Tanya stash?" she asked in surprise as she came and sat down on the bed near my feet."

"Not any fucking more," I said, my voice sounding tired even to my own ears.

"Hold on a minute. Did you say _burned_?" She turned to Emmett accusingly. He immediately held up his hands in defence.

"Hey! Don't look at me like that, I only discovered the ashes!"

"Where did you burn them, Edward?" she asked me patronisingly, just as you'd speak to a three year old you were trying to get information from.

"In the bathroom, ok. Now can we please drop it?"

I watched as they exchanged a look, but to their credit they did change the subject. So, apparently Emmett was a big fan of Dancing With the Stars. I just about pissed my pants when he started dissecting the latest fucking line-up with Alice, giving me disgusted looks every time I followed up a name mention with my standard 'Who the fuck is he/she?' response.

"Dude, really? I'd have put money on you thinking that a Paso Doble was a dessert." He looked at me and I could tell that I'd offended him, which of course just made me fucking snort louder. Alice was giggling at him now too from where she lay sprawled across the bottom of the bed.

"He's right, Em," she conceded. "I remember a time when you'd have walked through town naked before you even considered taking dancing lessons, I can't believe Rose has talked you into it—"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, just a minute," I cut in before turning to Emmett. "You're taking dancing lessons?"

Emmett shifted a little and puffed his chest out, making me snicker even more.

"Yeah, we are. Do you have a problem with that?" I forced myself to keep from laughing.

"No, not at all. Can I watch?"

"No, you fucking cannot watch, asshole."

Unable to hold the laughter in any longer, I let it all go.

"Aww, c'mon bro. It'd be like therapy for me! I can't believe you'd deprive me of a chance to feel better."

We laughed some more and it felt good, almost like being kids again when we used to enjoy one another's company so easily, with no outside complications. After a while Alice stood up.

"Right, come on guys, let's go downstairs. I've made us some food and we can see what's on the TV." My mood immediately soured again, almost as though a switch had been flicked.

"Nah, I'm good here. You two go ahead," I told them, sliding back down the bed and yanking the covers up. They sighed, but they left me alone. I felt a little disappointed that they'd given up so quickly. I guessed there was just no pleasing me these days.

I spent a lot of time in my own head during the next few days. My brother and sister visited and fussed around me, but I gave them enough to make sure they were satisfied and didn't go running to my father and Esme about what had happened, at least.

I never felt alone with myself, probably because most of my thinking time revolved around Bella. I was finding it difficult to work out who was a bigger ass in all of this, me for my behaviour, or Bella for her lies. I was still undecided over whether what she'd done could even be considered lying. I knew that some people would be fast enough to brand her a liar, but she'd never actually come right out and said that she was with the Hulk. Ok, so she hadn't stood up and said that she wasn't with him either.

Besides all of that, who was I to judge? I'd hardly been living my life in a way that gave me the authority to take the moral fucking high ground and cast judgement on others.

I decided pretty early on that I wasn't going to hold anything against Bella. Aside from myself of course, in an ideal fucking world. Sadly my world was a long fucking way from ideal.

I still hadn't been out of bed for long enough to achieve anything productive by Tuesday, which is when Alice called. She was going to have to drop Grace off with me after school because she had an errand to run. I didn't really feel up to taking care of anyone else, I was barely taking care of myself, but apparently it wasn't up for discussion. Typical Alice, pushy as hell.

I got myself up and showered, but decided that getting dressed was still a step too far, so I pulled on some clean pyjama pants and a tee-shirt.

Grace seemed pleased to see me and wrapped her arms tightly around me. I was glad I'd taken that shower. After we'd watched TV for a half hour, she asked if we could do some drawing, so I headed upstairs to my studio to get some paper and pencils. We sat at the dining table together, Grace sketching a picture of that irritating Bieber kid from a magazine she had with her, and me sketching Grace as she concentrated on her drawing.

"Gracie?" I said, breaking the silence.

"Mmhmm?" She didn't look up from what she was doing.

"I'm sorry I ran out of the party and left you on Saturday." I swallowed hard. The fact that I'd left Grace there had been bothering me immensely.

"That's ok, Bella came and told me you were sick and had to leave."

"She did?" I was a little shocked and very grateful.

"Uh-huh."

"How was Bella? Did she seem ok?" I asked, concerned. Grace stopped drawing for a moment to think.

"I thought she looked like she'd been crying, but she told me it was a pollen allergy."

"A pollen allergy? In October?" Grace shrugged and carried on with her drawing.

"I went home with Charlotte and then when Aunt Alice came to collect me we all went to the cinema." She looked up at me and giggled. "I think she has a crush on Charlotte's dad." I smiled as I recalled seeing her leaving Jasper's house early Saturday morning.

"Yeah, I think you might be right, kiddo."

The following day Alice brought Jasper with her again when she called round. She looked pleased to see me out of bed and dressed. In typical Alice fashion, she looked through all the kitchen cupboards and then announced that she was going grocery shopping for me, leaving me with Jasper.

I hadn't known Jasper for very long, but there was something about him that put me instantly at ease. I made us both a coffee and we went through to the living room. Switching the TV on, I flicked through the channels, finally leaving it on a music channel, so I could have something to focus on without having to concentrate.

"So…are you and Alice…?" I left the question unspoken, keeping my eyes on the TV as I lifted my legs up onto the couch.

"Yeah, I guess so," he replied. "I mean, we only just met, but I really like her." I nodded. "The whole dating thing, I don't find it easy. I…uh, I had some bad experiences in the past." I turned my head and looked at him, my interest piqued by his comment. "But I know that all women aren't like she was, so I'm leaving my comfort zone. I think Alice is worth the risk."

I was silent for a moment.

"I admire your fucking guts, dude," I told him. "And I happen to agree with you about Alice. Annoying as she can be as a sister, she's a good person."

"That's all I'm looking for," he told me, hands wrapped around his coffee cup. "Charlotte's mom was violent." My eyes widened at thought of any mother hurting her child.

"That's why you left?" I asked him. He nodded in reply. "Did she hurt her badly?"

"The first time she touched her was when we left," he said. He paused, staring into his cup for a moment, before he looked up and his eyes met mine. "It was me that she was violent towards. I suppose some might call me a 'battered husband', but I think that term has a somewhat comic intonation to it. I prefer to say that I was a victim of domestic abuse."

I was stunned into silence. I had absolutely no idea what to say. I had seen some publicity lately around male victims, but I had to admit, I hadn't taken a lot of notice.

Jasper smiled at me, in my awkward silence.

"It's ok, Edward. You can ask questions, I'm not embarrassed about it."

"Oh no!" I replied hurriedly. "I don't think you should be, I just…uh." I shrugged. He laughed.

"Her name was Maria and she was a couple of years older than me. I was in the Army when we met in a bar. She was beautiful, and she knew it too. I found out later that she and her two sisters, Nettie and Lucy, were well known amongst the other soldiers. For some reason though, Maria was as drawn to me as I was to her.

"I was doing well for a young guy, but she hated the job. After a year we married. My three year contract was up soon after that and she made me quit. I really wanted to sign again, but then she announced she was pregnant and threatened to not let me see the baby. I never knew my own father and that wasn't an option for me."

I blanched at the pregnancy detail in his story, but kept quiet so he could continue uninterrupted.

"Maria's family were pretty rich. I'd expressed an interest in studying psychology and maybe practicing someday. Her parents agreed to support us, keen that I have a professional job to keep their daughter in the manner to which she was accustomed. They gave us money each month, but it went directly into Maria's bank account. Basically she took complete control over the money. She'd be buying stuff for herself and Charlotte, but if I wanted anything I had to beg for it, and it wasn't uncommon for her to refuse."

I blew a breath out and shook my head, finding it hard to believe that Jasper had gone through all of this. He gave me a tight smile that held no hint of amusement.

"I didn't say anything to anybody, after all, it was her parents' money. I felt I was lucky enough to be living from it so I could pursue the career I wanted. If I said anything to Maria about it, she'd just tell me to go if I didn't like it, but I'd never see Charlotte again if I did leave."

"Hey, I'm so sorry man, I had no idea you'd been through this shit." He shook his head.

"Oh man, if only that was as bad as it got. Things got worse between us. She kept a close eye on everything I did. If I had seminars during the evening she'd drag Charlotte out of bed to come and meet me, paranoid that I was seeing other people or going out without her. One night in my final year, she did it in the middle of winter. It was freezing cold and Charlotte was sick. I think she was around four years old. She hadn't put her to bed; I always had to do that when I got in, but she'd been asleep on the couch. She'd woken her, put her coat on over just her pajamas, and walked her through the snow to meet me.

"I was beyond mad. I didn't say anything in front of Charlotte, just picked her up in my arms, wrapped my coat around her and carried her home. Once I'd put her to bed and made sure she was warm, I confronted Maria about it.

"She flew into a rage, accusing me of not loving her, saying that Charlotte was the only thing I cared about. I begged her to keep quiet so she didn't wake her, guiding her towards the kitchen because it was the farthest from Charlotte's room. That was a mistake. She grabbed a knife from the block on the counter and held it against my stomach. She pierced the skin a little but I managed to talk her down before she did me any real harm. I was shaking when she finally collapsed in tears, apologising and promising it would never happen again."

"Shit." The single word was a woefully inadequate response to everything he'd just told me, but it was truthfully the only thing that I could think.

"Things got a lot worse over the following year. She attacked me frequently, sometimes in front of Charlotte, although I could always tell when things were getting bad and did my best to try and remove her from the situation before things got violent. I have a lot of scars now. I still have one from the knife that night, I have scratches that were so deep they scarred, cigarette burns; she even cut me with a broken glass.

I became a regular at the emergency department, but they just used to look at me as though I was obviously the abuser and she'd just been defending herself. Invariably it was her who they offered to call the police on behalf of. Once she accepted too. It was the only time I'd actually defended myself. I pushed her backwards and she slipped and hit her head against the table; she had a huge cut in her forehead and told the police the story, without of course telling them why I'd pushed her.

"They took me in for questioning. I was lucky; I got a cop who had recently been to some conference where they'd had a speaker talking about male victims of domestic violence. I was honest with him, but I also told him that I didn't want to press charges against her.

"It wasn't long after that that she hit Charlotte for the first time. She was five years old. I can't talk about that, it's still too raw even five years on. That night I packed all of mine and Charlotte's stuff in the car and left.

"Alice is the first woman I've met since who I think I could trust."

"Does Alice know about this?" I asked him.

"She knows the basics. I've never actually told anybody as much about it as I just told you. You're a good listener," he complimented me.

I felt honored that Jasper felt he could talk to me in this way, and felt I should offer something of myself back.

"Well, my story is nothing like yours in the physical stakes, but it's fucked with my head and caused me plenty of misery."

I told him all about Tanya. Shit, I even discussed feelings with him. I had no idea why I suddenly felt able to talk to this virtual stranger the way I was doing, but it felt good; like an accomplishment.

"So once I'd finally got well enough to get out of bed again, I decided that if I couldn't be happy, no other fucker would be either. I spent all my time fucking married women. If they started wanting more, that was it; I cut them off and refused to be with them again." I looked at him and he nodded. "What? No lecture?" He laughed.

"I'm not here to lecture you, man. Besides, you did it to protect yourself, I can see that. You were making sure that nobody got close enough to hurt you again."

He was the first person who had actually told me that he understood me and my choices. It made a fucking welcome change. With his own story and his acceptance of mine I think I had more respect for Jasper in that moment than I'd had for anybody, perhaps with the exception of my father.

"I don't think I want to be that man anymore," I confided. It was something I'd been giving some thought to, but it was the first time I'd acknowledged it out loud.

"Then don't," he said simply. I huffed and ran a hand over my hand.

"Change isn't always that fucking simple."

"Don't I know it," he said. I felt myself blushing.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, I didn't mean…" He smiled.

"I know you didn't, I only meant that it _is _possible, even though it's not always easy. If you really want to change, you can do it."

I hummed thoughtfully.

"There's this other issue too," I told him.

"Bella," he stated. My eyes met his, quickly.

"How did you…?"

"I'm friends with Bella too. I spoke with her after you left the party; she was pretty upset."

"Yeah, well. She knew what my deal was. She lied to me."

"She likes you, that's why," he told me. I sighed.

"Yeah well, I like her too. But I can't…I can't get close. I'm not good for her. We're not good for each other."

"You're not good for her, now?" he questioned, an eyebrow raised.

"One if us is going to end up hurt. I can't trust anymore, how the hell can I begin a relationship knowing that I'll never trust her? It isn't fair on either of us."

Jasper was quiet and thoughtful for a moment.

"Kudos to you for recognising that, man. Given the right person though, I can't see any reason that you couldn't learn to trust again."

"Yeah, well if you know anybody that comes with a guarantee, send them my way," I scoffed.

"Nothing's guaranteed in this life, I think we both know that better than most."

Jasper was looking quite at home now, sitting comfortably in the chair, his ankle resting on his opposite knee. I had a feeling that I'd made a friend here. My verbal filter obviously recognised it too, because it had switched itself off.

"I can't stop thinking about her, she drives me wild. I've never known anything like it before, not even with Tanya. I feel like we have some sort of connection, as fucking corny as it sounds. Everything about her draws me in, she's a source of fascination to me. But I really don't think I can move forward at the moment.

"The other thing is, she has this project that she's starting; a book about losing a parent, aimed at kids. She'd asked me to illustrate it for her. I lost my mother as a kid and if there's anything that can help, no matter how small, I think it's a fucking good thing. I said I'd help and I still want to. I just don't know if it will work, after what's happened between us." I realized I was still holding my empty cup, and set it down on the floor. I swung my legs off the couch and put my feet on the ground again. Leaning forward, I rested an elbow on my knee and lifted my hand to rest my head on it. "It's all such a fucking mess."

"Actually, it sounds kinda perfect to me," Jasper told me. "You can work together and get to know her better. That way you can build the trust with no pressure. Don't give her false expectations though, Edward. That shit's just not fair."

I realized he was right, it did sound like the perfect solution in a lot of ways. The problem would be keeping my hands, and lips, off of her. I'd need to think this through carefully.

**A/N ~ Edward will be back next chapter. We still need to know what was going through his head when he went to see Bella, but I didn't want to keep the update from you any longer. It was already the longest chapter yet :o)**

**It's November, which means that if you make a min $5 to the March of Dimes and then forward your receipt to the awesome peeps at fandomforpreemies (dot) blogspot (dot) com then you can get a fantastic collection of 103 pieces of fic, including an Alice x Jasper outtake from EY – find out what happened when they left Bella's dinner party a few chapters back!**

**Please take a mo to review before you run off to do that, there will be a teaser from the next chapter for everyone who reviews! xxx**


	13. There'll Be Days Like This

**Hi! First off I need to thank all of my reviewers! You've managed to bring me lots of smiles in an otherwise very shiteous week *bows down*.**

**This update is faster than usual, and probably won't be as fast next time, but seeing as it was ready I decided that I'd share it.**

**Thanks to beckybrit for pre-reading and then also stepping in as beta for me. Her own fic is fab, so please take a look and leave her some love, it's her first story and it's not easy to put yourself out there – Dark Wolves and Vampire Delights :o)**

**Finally, a very Happy Thanksgiving to all of my readers in the U.S. :o)**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, chapter title courtesy of Van Morrison.**

**Chapter 13 – There'll be Days Like This**

**EPoV**

A couple of days had passed since my talk with Jasper. It had made a big impact on me and had helped me make some important decisions. I doubted that anybody who actually knew me would believe what I'd decided, but it was what it was. I, Edward Cullen, was going to stay away from women sexually, and romantically, until I was satisfied that I _was_ actually sane and able to conduct some kind of relationship.

In all honesty, I doubted that could ever happen, but Jasper seemed convinced it was possible so I'd decided that it couldn't hurt to try. My master-plan was to look after myself first and foremost; once I'd gotten a handle on that, then I'd move on. Well, that was the theory anyhow, whether it would work out that way had yet to be fucking seen.

On Friday night I hardly slept at all; my mind was fixed on Bella and how to go about approaching her regarding the book. By Saturday morning I'd succeeded in driving myself so crazy that I was ready to just go ahead and do something about it.

I lost count of the number of times I picked my cellphone up and set it down again. I had text messages half-typed and then I'd delete them again and shove it back in my pocket. Finally, around two hours after I first decided to do it, I managed to type a message out asking if we could meet to talk about her book. I pressed send quickly, before I could lose my nerve, and then resumed pacing. It was only a moment or two before she replied.

**Sure. When were you thinking?**

Good question. If the way I'd tortured myself over sending the first text was anything to go by, my sanity would benefit from it being sooner rather than later.

**You free today?**

I needed this to happen while my nerve held, and hoped that she'd be free.

**How about this afternoon?**

Ok. That settled the time, but what about the place? I couldn't bring her back here, not after the last time; it would be too fucking tempting. I didn't want to meet her in public in case there was any fallout from the party, but it needed to be somewhere I could keep my temptation at bay.

**Can I come to your place?**

There was another quick reply from her.

**Jake and the boys will be home.**

That couldn't have been any better if I'd planned it. I sent my reply and pocketed my cell again.

**Perfect. I'll be there at 2.**

I stood on the doorstep for a moment, gathering my thoughts. Now that I was here, I had no idea if I was even ready for this. I turned to see one of the neighbours eyeing me suspiciously as he weeded the flowerbed in his front yard. If I left now it would look even stranger. I swallowed deeply, turned back and pressed the doorbell.

Bella pulled the door open. She looked fucking great in a tight tee and skinny jeans, her dark hair loose. As I looked at her she tucked one side behind her ear.

"Hi," I said with a small smile.

"Hi," She replied shyly, shifting her weight from one leg to the other .

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous about bumping into the Hulk, but as I entered the house there was thankfully no sign of him. Bella's office was the first door. The window looked out at the street, but I was relieved to see that my front step procrastination would not have been visible from the room.

It felt airy and open, despite not being all that large. The color scheme was neutral but you could see it was undoubtedly a feminine space, from the extra touches and trinkets. A large glass vase of cut flowers in pinks and purples stood on the desk.

_Hmm, interesting choice for a woman with a pollen allergy severe enough to affect her in October_, I thought.

My eyes scanned over the two large bookcases that were crammed with books and across the wall next to the desk, where a large print that I recognised as a Vettriano hung. It showed a dark-haired woman lying back on a couch, heels on her feet and a cigarette in the hand that was lowered towards the floor.

The desk was set halfway down the room, one of the shorter ends against the wall so it faced the door. As well as the vase, it held a laptop and a pile of papers. A photo frame stood with its back to me, but as Bella walked around the desk to sit down and gestured for me to follow and sit in the chair next to hers, I could see that it held two pictures; one of a man with hair and eyes the same color as Bella's, in a police uniform, and one of a woman taken on a beach somewhere hot and sunny. I guessed they were her parents.

As I sat down next to Bella, I automatically pulled my chair in closer. I noticed immediately that Bella glanced down to the barely-there space between our knees. I'd have scooted away again, only I knew it would be an obvious move now that she'd noted our proximity. She looked quickly away and began flicking through the notes she had in front of her on the desk, but made no attempt to speak. I was uncomfortable with the silence and needed something to distract me from my closeness to Bella.

Preparing to speak, I cleared my throat…and Bella jumped a fucking mile in the air. I immediately felt bad; she was obviously as on edge as I was. I decided it was best to keep the conversation strictly book related.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," I told her. "So…uh…what are your ideas for this project then?"

She seemed to cringe a little, but then looked down at the page in front of her and began to read from her notes. I was only vaguely aware of her words as I took the opportunity to stare at her unashamedly while she was distracted. Some hair fell in front of her face as she spoke, blocking my view of her face. I hadn't even realized that I'd reached it out to tuck it behind her ear until she looked up at me. I couldn't fucking look away as she gazed back at me. Finally the spell broke and I pulled my eyes away at the same time as my hand, breathing deeply as I did.

_Shit, shit, shit. Too much, too much._ I mentally backed off and tried hurriedly to pile up the blocks to rebuild the wall I'd constructed in order to survive this.

"I'm sorry…I…" I had no idea how to finish the sentence. Bella reached for my hand and lifted it back up.

"Don't be, it's fine," she whispered to me.

Pulling my hand away, I shoved my chair away some distance.

"No, it's not." I looked into her face, taking in the looks of awkwardness and upset that flashed across it. I hated that I'd caused them, so I decided to be up front with her about the situation. "It's nothing you've done Bella, trust me. I'm…uh…taking some time to focus on myself. I've quit chasing women for now."

There. I'd done it, and it hadn't been nearly as difficult as I'd thought I would be.

Bella appeared to be rendered speechless by my confession and made no comment; she just nodded her head.

"So…uh…back to the synopsis," she said, turning her attention back to the papers in front of her.

She read through the outline of her story, while I sat entranced by both her voice and her words. When she'd finally finished reading through, she looked at me. I could tell that she wanted to hear what I thought, from the eager spark in her eyes. She need not have worried.

"I love the idea, Bella. I think it'll really help kids who are going through it. I had nothing like that," I confided.

"Well, when Jake's wife Emma was ill, we struggled to find anything to help the boys outside of our own explanations and books about bereavement in general." The way that she described what she'd been through with people who technically weren't even her family, left me moved and pretty fucking impressed with her. "Losing a parent is so much more devastating."

"I know," I told her.

"I'm sorry," she said. I shrugged.

"Thanks. It was a long time ago though; it gets easier as you grow."

"Not just about your mom." My heart started to beat faster in my chest. "For not being upfront about Jake and the arrangement we have here. I knew what you thought and I did try to tell you when we were at your place, I honestly did, but you interrupted and then…Well, you know."

I couldn't look at her as she spoke about it, concentrating on following the lines on my hands as she spoke instead. Part of me was screaming to run out again; it was all getting pretty damned uncomfortable for me. Another part though, made sure that I stayed. Maybe it was the part of me that instantly felt better just by being within ten feet of Bella. I had no idea, but whatever. It was working.

"Yeah, well maybe it was the shock I needed. Something was bound to jump up and bite me on the ass eventually. I wasn't exactly living like a monk."

She didn't comment straight away, but I could tell that there was something she wanted to say. I didn't really want to stay on this topic of conversation any longer. I'd said all I wanted to say on the subject and I really didn't want pushing any further right now. I'd been stupid coming here so soon; I obviously wasn't ready for it when I'd thought I was.

"Edward?" I couldn't look at her, instead I tried to pretend I hadn't heard her; picking up some of her notes and pretending to study them intently. Sadly she was undeterred but my pathetic fucking avoidance tactics. "Why did you run out like that? I mean, I know I wasn't honest with you, but was it really so bad that you needed to leave? I like you, I thought—"

"So, what sort of style of illustrations did you have in mind for this? Human? Animal?" There was no way I was going there with her.

"Edward? I said—" I was getting angry at her persistence now. My head flew up and I fixed her with an angry glare.

"I heard you, Bella, I was choosing to ignore you," I snapped. She shoved her chair back, further away from me, a look of shock on her face. I couldn't stop the words tumbling from my mouth now. This arrangement was going to be impossible for me if she was going to push these issues with me, but I was damned if I was going to be separated from her. "Look, I'm committed to your idea for the book, but if you're going to keep pushing with the personal details then we won't be able to work together. As far as you're concerned I have no personal life. This is purely a business arrangement, OK?"

She recoiled, a stunned look on her face. I immediately felt guilty, but wasn't about to show it. I averted my eyes to try and ease my guilt.

"I…I understand," she said. "I think I need some time to think this over. I made you a copy of my notes; you can take them and look them over so you can work on some ideas." She picked up a blue file and held it out to me. I took it.

"Thank you," I said.

"I don't think there's anything else to discuss today, Edward. Let me know when you want to meet again to discuss it further."

I gave a small nod and then stood. I couldn't blame her for wanting me to leave. She made to rise, but I spoke first.

"I'll see myself out. I'll be in touch."

I turned and left the room without a backward glance. In the hallway I looked to the side to see Jake watching me. I ignored him, pulled the front door open and slammed it closed.

**BPoV**

It was a good half hour before I'd composed myself enough to leave my office and face Jake and the boys. I grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and then went through to the living room where I flopped down on the couch next to Joshua. There was a football game on the TV and Billy was sitting on the floor. Every so often he'd forget about everyone else, and engrossed, would bob up in front of the screen. Joshua would then yell at him and Jake would have to tell Josh to calm down.

"Cullen didn't hang around long," Jake observed. I turned to look at him where he sat slouched in one of the armchairs, his eyes fixed on the TV. I looked away again.

"No."

"Did things not work out?" I detected a hopeful tone in his voice.

"No, it wasn't that; we just had differing opinions on where we were starting out from. He's taken a copy of my notes and we're going to reschedule."

"Hmm."

I turned to face him, one eyebrow raised in challenge.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that I think it's a shame that you didn't tell him to stick his differing opinion up his ass," he said with a smirk. I turned to make sure the boys hadn't heard him. They were still engrossed in the game.

"Back off, Jake," I told him as I faced him again. "It's strictly a business arrangement; he made that crystal clear."

"And there it is."

"What?" I was getting a little pissy at his attitude now.

"The note of regret in your voice that says you were hoping for more." The look of concern on his face tipped me over the edge. I flipped him off, stood and stalked off to sulk in my room, exactly like the mature woman I liked to think I was.

I remained civil towards Edward when I saw him in the schoolyard twice a day. By which, I mean I said hello and then pointedly ignored him. This was actually harder than you might think, given that both of us insisted on waiting with Jasper. Twice a day the poor guy stood looking bemused as Edward and I attempted to engage him in separate conversations.

Ignoring Edward would have been a lot easier, did I not have an unhealthy obsession with staring at him. I'd tried not to, but apparently that was asking too much of myself. Of course he was partly to blame too, for the sole reason that he always showed up looking inhumanly beautiful. A couple of times I'd caught him staring back at me. Awkward. We'd both quickly diverted our eyes and pretended it had never happened.

Thursday morning. I'd said hello to Edward and had then begun my usual spell of pretending that a) he didn't exist and b) that I wasn't thinking about the fact that I'd had the most amazing sex of my life with a man standing not six feet away from me.

"Bella?" a velvety voice said. I turned in surprise to find Edward standing right beside me. "I was wondering if you were ready to schedule our next meeting?" He looked at me expectantly, his face completely serious.

A part of me had been convinced that I wasn't going to hear any more from him about the book, so it took me a moment to process what he'd said.

"Uh, sure," I replied. Opening my bag I reached in and felt around for my diary, sliding it out when I finally found it.

As I fumbled to find the correct page, my hands trembling slightly, something on the page for Tuesday, two days earlier, caught my eye.

I froze, and the rest of the world faded away as my gaze fixed on the unassuming circle. I always marked the page with one when my period was due. I hadn't even given it a thought with everything that had been going on.

"Bella? Is everything ok?" Edward's voice broke me from my trance, and I looked up into his concerned face, knowing that I wore a horror-struck expression but unable to do anything about it. "You look kind of pale, do you need to sit down?"

I shook my head slightly and managed to regain some level of coherent thought.

"No, uh…I'm fine. Sorry, I…I just realized I missed a friend's birthday, that's all." He looked down at me, openly amused now.

"Well, if it's a friend, I'm sure they won't mind. I thought that somebody had died from your reaction." I tried to laugh, but it was hollow sounding.

"Yeah, I just really hate forgetting things," I told him truthfully, silently adding _like condoms during sex and when my period is due._

I snapped my diary closed and dropped it back into my bag.

"Actually, can I get back to you, Edward? I have some things I need to double check before I can really make any plans. I'll let you know next week." He looked at me strangely, and I could have sworn he looked disappointed.

"Yeah, sure. Call me." He stepped back to his usual position on Jasper's other side, and I sighed with relief as the bell sounded and it was time for the kids to go inside.

I hurried home and slammed the front door behind me. In the kitchen I dumped my bag on a chair and rooted around for my diary, pulling it out and throwing it onto the table. Pulling another chair out, I found the page I wanted and sat staring at it, my knee bouncing up and down nervously.

A wave of nausea suddenly washed over me, and I raced from the kitchen and upstairs to my bathroom. I crashed through the door and barely had time to lift the toilet lid up, before I vomited. I stayed there for ten minutes, my head hanging over the porcelain, before I finally felt that my stomach was empty.

Hauling myself to my feet, I stood at the sink and filled the bowl with tepid water. Looking into the mirror I took in my reflection; my eyes were watery and my face flushed; a sheen of sweat covering my forehead. I washed and dried my face and headed back into my room to make myself look presentable again. I was going to have to go out.

I'd walked right around the drugstore twice already and had finally located the pregnancy tests. I gave myself a pat on the back for not having to ask the assistant, who I was convinced would possess the psychic ability to instantly know all the details about the events leading up to this moment if I had to speak to her.

I looked around and jumped nervously when I found one of the moms from school standing right beside me. I quickly grabbed the first thing my hand touched from the shelf right in front of me and turned to move away. The woman looked down at my hand and then back at my face, raising her eyebrows and smiling at me.

"Those are fantastic," she confided, leaning in. "You won't regret that purchase!" She walked away and I glanced down to see what I'd picked up. It was a vibrating cock ring. I baulked and quickly shoved it back onto the shelf. Deciding I'd put it off long enough, I reached up to pick one of the pregnancy test brands that I'd heard of from the top shelf and hurried to the cash desk.

It was funny how that small rectangular box, that weighed so little, could make my bag feel like it weighed a tonne as I made the walk to Alice's place. I prayed she'd be in; there was no way in hell that I could do this alone.

It took her twenty minutes to answer the door. Well, that may have been a slight exaggeration, but that's what it felt like as I stood there, convinced that every person who passed by me was staring at me, knowing exactly what was in my bag and why.

"Hey, Bella!" she greeted me, pulling me into a hug. "This is an unexpected surprise. Come on in!" She opened the door wide and ushered me inside. When we reached the living room she finally turned and took a good look at me, placing a hand across her chest in shock.

"Oh my God, you look like hell! What happened? Is everyone ok? Are _you_ ok?"

"Everyone's fine, Alice," I assured her. "I'm…ok. I just needed to find out the answer to a question and I didn't think I could do it alone." She looked puzzled.

"Oh. Ok. So, what's the question? Is it an important one?" I scoffed.

"Just about the most important one you could think of."

I pulled the paper bag containing the test from my bag, and set it down on the coffee table. Alice looked at it, brow furrowed, and I could all but see the lightbulb flash on above her head, as her eyes suddenly widened and her mouth formed a perfect 'o' shape.

"You think you're…?" her voice trailed off and left the question unfinished.

"I have no idea. My period was due two days ago and I've never been late in my life. I mean, I'm like, punctual to the hour, you know?" She nodded.

"Just wait until I see Edward. If you knew how many safe sex lectures he's given me over the years…unnecessarily may I add—"

"No!" I cut in, panic-stricken. "You can't tell him about this, Alice. I need some time and space to think, if…" I looked up at her tentatively, and to my relief she nodded.

"Ok. For you. Now go and get this over with, I can't stand it!" She pushed me towards the staircase and I obediently climbed them and crossed to the bathroom off the landing.

Locking the door behind me, I took the box from the bag, tore it open and pulled the contents out. I set the foil-wrapped test down while I unfolded and spread out the instructions. Once I was sure that I knew what I was doing, I ripped the foil and slid the test out, uncapping it.

Holding the test, I sat down and prepared to pee. I needed to go; my bladder felt fit to burst, but would it come when I was sitting there on the toilet, urging it to? Yeah, right. After what felt like an age, I finally managed to pee on the goddamned stick. I recapped it and put it down without looking at it.

Closing the lid on the toilet, I checked my watch as I sat down, my elbow on my knee and my head in my hand. How could I be so stupid? No wonder the teen pregnancy rate was so high when supposedly intelligent women like me couldn't even manage to be responsible about sex. I'd never taken the risk before. Ever. And besides that, who knew what else Edward might have given me, especially with his reputation. It wasn't as if he'd been shouting up about being safe either.

I watched the seconds ticking by painfully slowly on my watch. Alice was being unusually patient; I'd have expected her to have been banging on the door by now.

Finally the waiting time was up. I took a deep breath, stood and reached for the test. I prepared myself to look at it and…

I couldn't do it.

I slid the bolt back on the door and headed downstairs to find Alice. I carried the test like it was a bomb or something. I guess in a way it was; holding the ability to blow my world to pieces.

"Alice," I called out as I reached the hallway at the bottom. "I need help here, I can't look. You'll have to do it for..." I pushed the living room door open and froze. "…me," I finished in a small voice.

Alice looked at me, mortified. Sitting across from her in the chair, staring in my direction but eyes fixed firmly on the traitor piece of white plastic in my hand, was Edward.

I closed my eyes, hoping against hope that I was dreaming. This couldn't be happening.

I took a deep breath and opened them again. It was.

"Bella?" His voice was rough. "You're…?" He stood up and took a step towards me.

"I…uh…" I stuttered. "I don't know. I…I couldn't look." I gestured with the test, still resolutely refusing to look at it. He reached out his hand .

"Shall I…?

I gave a slight nod and extended my arm to hold the test out to him, never taking my eyes from his face. He was strangely calm; I guessed that's just how some people were in a crisis.

I noticed Alice edging out of the door.

"Alice, please stay," I begged. She stopped and gave me a tight smile.

Edward took the test from me and looked down at it. I noticed him swallow deeply and then he raised his head to look at me. I couldn't stand it. I tilted my head back, raising my eyes to the ceiling. Still Edward was silent.

I locked eyes with him again, but he didn't speak.

"For God's sake, Edward, just tell me!" I begged.

He lifted a hand, ran it through his hair and opened his mouth to let me know what our future held.

**A/N Ok people, this is where things get interesting! You tell me what you think the result of the test is in a review, and when I do the review replies, you get the teaser showing the situation going that way. You won't know whether you're right or wrong though until the next chapter is posted!**

**It's still November, which means that if you make a min $5 to the March of Dimes and then forward your receipt to the awesome peeps at fandomforpreemies (dot) blogspot (dot) com then you can get a fantastic collection of 103 pieces of fic, including an Alice x Jasper outtake from EY – find out what happened when they left Bella's dinner party a few chapters back!**

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	14. Your Star Will Shine Again One Day

**Ok, apology time. I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long, but just after the last update, real life threw me a majorly nasty wicked curveball that has been taking all my energy. I realise that I promised a teaser to everyone who reviewed, and my plan was to get them sorted while this chapter was with my beta, Mrs. P, but then she got it back to me within a couple of hours. I debated what to do, but decided that you'd all waited for long enough, so I've added the chapter.**

**I said that there'd be two teasers, one for both possible pregnancy test results. I will still be finishing the alternative result 'teaser' and posting it on the 'Elusively Yours Outtakes' story that I've added on here.**

**Today I've added the Alice x Jasper outtake that I submitted for the Fandom for Preemies fundraiser. You can find it by clicking on my profile, selecting my stories and looking for EY Outtakes. Please remember to sign up for Story Alerts if you want to know when I add new outtakes (including the teaser).**

**I've also signed up for the Domestic Violence fundraiser and would love to hear what you'd like to read for that. Let me know in a review, or in a direct message.**

**Ok, time to see what the result was. I hope you're all happy with this…**

**Chapter 14 ~ Your Star Will Shine Again One Day**

_Edward took the test from me and looked down at it. I noticed him swallow deeply and then he raised his head to look at me. I couldn't stand it. I tilted my head back, raising my eyes to the ceiling. Still Edward was silent._

_I locked eyes with him again, but he didn't speak._

"_For God's sake, Edward, just tell me!" I begged._

_He lifted a hand, ran it through his hair and opened his mouth to let me know what our future held._

"It's negative."

I huffed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto the arm of the chair next to me.

"Oh, thank God," I half-whispered. Alice crossed the room to put her arm around me, rubbing my back comfortingly. I gave her a relieved smile and then turned my eyes to Edward. He took a step forward and offered the test to me. I held my hand up in refusal. "No thanks, I believe you. I never want to look at another pregnancy test again," I told him. He regarded me, strangely.

"Never? You don't want kids?" The intensity in his eyes was immense. If he'd had superhero powers, I was fairly certain that he would have shot lasers into me as he waited for me to answer the question.

"No, one day I do, it's just…" I looked to Alice for help. She jumped in.

"Edward, do you really think this is the right time for this conversation?"

He looked down again at the test in his hand and then back up at us.

"No. I guess not. I'll see you later."

He dropped the test down onto the coffee table and strode out of the room. The front door slammed a moment later.

"If that's how he does relieved, I'm glad it wasn't positive," I said to Alice, trying to lighten the situation. She was staring thoughtfully at the door.

"I don't know what the hell that was_,_ but I'm pretty sure it wasn't relief, Bella."

The doorbell rang and I looked at Alice. She shrugged her shoulders and went to answer it. I heard muffled voices and a moment later Edward walked back into the room, closing the door behind him. He was the last person I'd expected to see and I immediately felt defensive.

"What's up, Edward? Did you forget to ask me about my views on marriage, or maybe what my plans for my retirement are? Or perhaps there's something else that's none of your goddamned business that you were wondering about? " I looked away, still annoyed at him.

"I'm sorry. Running has been my first reaction for so long now…I guess old habits die hard." I looked up as he sat gingerly down on the couch. "I…fuck." He pushed his hand nervously through his hair. "I owe you an apology, Bella. My behaviour recently has been…unacceptable."

I cringed as I thought of how I'd kept the truth about me and Jake from him, and the guilt I felt thawed my icy exterior a little.

"You weren't the only one at fault. If I'd been honest—"

"No!" he cut in. "If I wasn't so fucked up in the first place it wouldn't even have been an issue. I think I need to tell you about my past; I mean, I _want_ to tell you. I'm not asking you to forgive me, but hopefully you'll understand a little more."

I nodded. I knew the story that was coming; it was the one that Alice had told me as he lay in bed upstairs from us sleeping off his anxiety attack.

"I was engaged to this girl; Tanya. I loved her and I would have done anything for her. She found out she was pregnant and everything seemed perfect. I was really excited about having a family with her." He sat back in his seat and rubbed his forehead. "Anyway, we went for a sonogram and found out that she'd got her dates wrong; she was four weeks further along than she'd realized. I came home after that to find her packing her stuff up to leave me. It turned out that she'd been having an affair with some sleazeball from work and the baby was his."

"I'm sorry," I told him. "And…I kind of already knew." I looked down, feeling a little awkward but wanting to be honest with him.

"Alice," he stated simply. I nodded.

"So, what did you do?" I was curious to know more from his side of the story.

"I got drunk and then went to his house and fucked his wife." I flinched as I looked back over at him. He looked tired as he shrugged his shoulders. "You asked," he told me.

"Yeah, uh, not quite the answer I was expecting. I guess I meant more along the lines of how you felt."

"Then that's what you should have asked me. Now stop looking at me like that," he said with a hint of a whine in his voice.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to look at you like anything." I diverted my eyes away from him again, wondering how he managed to look impossibly prettier when he was obviously filled with angst.

"When you walked in here with that pregnancy test, it brought everything crashing back down on me. I grieved for a long time over losing the baby. I know it's crazy, but for a moment there I was almost hoping that you _were _pregnant."

I leapt to my feet, anger bursting inside me.

"Yes, that's crazy! That's the craziest thing I ever heard, considering that you were the one who wanted to keep things strictly business between us. As far as_ I'm_ concerned, _you_ don't have a private life, remember? And that's the kind of relationship you were 'almost hoping' to bring a new life into? Shit, Edward, you're even more fucked up than I realized!" I turned and paced the room.

"You're right, and you know what's even more fucked up?" His voice was raised to match mine as I moved around to face him. He was on his feet too, and was leaning forward as he yelled. "The only reason that I said all of that to you in the first place, Bella, is because I really fucking like you and I'm scared shitless that you'll end up tearing me apart, just like she did. To go through that again would fucking kill me; I couldn't do it again."

He collapsed onto the couch, his head in his hands. As I watched, his whole body begin to shake and in horror, I suddenly realized that he was crying. I crossed the room and sat down next to him, gently rubbing his back and making soothing sounds.

"For the record, I really like you too," I told him. "And I'd never hurt _anybody _deliberately, much less somebody that I really cared about. Once I care, loyalty is my thing, Edward." I continued rubbing my hand on his back as the trembling ceased. He slowly lifted his head looked at me, his eyes red and watery.

"You seem too good to be true, Bella, and it worries me that you are."

I smiled.

"Are you kidding me? I spent the first few weeks keeping the truth from you about my relationship with Jake. I mean, granted it was so that you wouldn't run away from me, but still. That hardly makes me perfect."

"I think you're pretty damn close," he whispered. The glint in his eyes as he said it made my heart jump a little.

"You want to know what I think?" I asked him, taking his hand in mine. "I think that you have two responses to everything; dive in head first, or take off running. Did you ever hear of taking things slowly?" He smiled slightly and shook his head as he looked to the ground.

"You have insight too. I told you; perfect." He turned his face back to mine again. He looked like a vulnerable little boy and my heart ached for him.

"There's no such thing, Edward. If you're looking for perfection then you're going to be disappointed all of your life." I reached out with one hand and cupped his face, stroking the tears from his wet cheek with my thumb. "And you deserve more than that."

He leaned towards me, his eyes on my lips. As he got close, I turned my face and he kissed my cheek. I leaned back slightly,

"You're trying to dive in again," I scolded him gently. "Let's get to know each other a little. You never know, you may even discover I have a flaw or two." I smiled and he returned it, squeezing the hand that still joined us.

"Can I have a hug? Friends hug, right?" He let go of my hand and held his arms out. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his body as he folded his around me, enveloping me in a warm embrace. I inhaled deeply, my nose right beside his neck. He smelt wonderful; manly and…just Edward.

He squeezed a little tighter and I felt one of his hands begin to smooth circles on my back, before it moved down to my waist. My heart-rate increased slightly as the feel of his hands on me and the smell of him brought memories back of exactly how close we'd been. The way his hands were moving now, I suspected he was probably having similar thoughts.

"Bella?" he whispered huskily next to my ear.

"Hmm?"

"You heard of 'friends with benefits' right?" I smirked, knowing where he was going with his line of questioning.

"I heard of it. I did it and it rarely works out. Forget it." He sighed.

"Ok."

Suddenly he pulled away quickly. I looked at him, puzzled, taking in the frown on his face. "Wait, you tried it? Who with? Was it Jake?"

"Ew! No, it was _not_ with Jake, he's like my brother. And it's none of your business who it was…" I suddenly realized what the interrogation was about. "Hold up. Are you _jealous_?" I giggled. The idea of Edward, with his reputation with women, being jealous of _me_ with my limited experience seemed ludicrous.

"Jealous? Uh…no! Don't be ridiculous, Bella." He gave a fake laugh, but also ran his hand through his hair nervously as he did.

"Would you still be jealous if I told you it was with a girlfriend?" His eyes went wide and he coughed and shifted in his seat, before he looked quickly back at me.

"Really? You and another girl?" I shrugged.

"That actually worked out better than it did with a guy. She didn't have a jealous streak." I nudged him.

"So, uh…what happened?" I shot him a shocked look.

"I'm not going into detail for you," I teased him. He seriously looked like he thought he'd offended me.

"Oh God, no, that's not what I meant!"

I giggled, putting him out of his misery and he narrowed his eyes momentarily as he realized I'd known all along what he'd been getting at, then he grinned.

"I meant why didn't things go further with her?"

"We weren't gay, it's that simple. She met a guy and fell in love with him and we stopped." He nodded in understanding.

"You mentioned a guy too?"

"You can't help yourself, can you?" I asked, smirking, but answered him anyway. "He turned out to be a jerk. He was a great guy to be friends with, but as soon as we started sleeping together I saw a different side to him. He interpreted the situation as meaning that he got to have sex with me and also with anyone else he wanted, while I hung around waiting for him. He hated me having anything to do with other guys and kept starting fights. I didn't stick with it for long."

"You lost your friendship over it?"

"Yeah, mostly. He stayed friends with Jake, but we didn't spend a lot of time together after that. I still see him sometimes; he's been threatening to come to Forks and visit us soon."

I took Edward's hand again.

"So…friends?" I asked. He looked pained for a moment. "If you don't want to—"

"It's not that," he cut in hurriedly. "When you say friends, do you mean 'friends and that's it', or 'friends with a view to more someday'?"

"I mean 'friends but ask me on a date and let's take it from there'. Is that ok?" I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"That sounds…perfect," he said. I nudged him playfully. "So," he continued. "Would you go on a date with me?"

"I'd love to. I haven't been on a date in…" I stopped to think and cringed when I calculated it. "An embarrassingly long time, actually." Edward laughed at me.

"Me neither. Maybe it's what we both need."

**~*~EY~*~**

"I'm so pleased that you two actually made some positive progress," Alice told me later after Edward left. "I really had thought he was a hopeless case."

"Yeah, you're not the only one," I admitted, smiling. "I still keep thinking that I dreamt it. I've never seen that side of him before."

"Well I hope you liked it, because that's the true Edward; the brother I used to have." She looked wistful. "I actually hadn't realized how much I missed him."

I couldn't believe how the day had gone since I'd got out of bed that morning. Edward had left after we'd agreed to an as yet unarranged date soon. Alice had pounced as soon as he left, demanding every detail of what had happened. Seriously, the girl could have had an astounding career as a detective if her interrogation skills were anything to go by.

~*~EY~*~

"Man, what a day," I stated tiredly as I sank down on the opposite end of the couch from Jake as he watched TV. He'd bathed the boys and got them settled in bed, while I got some work done. I'd been a little lax with it lately and knew that I needed to start putting more hours in again.

"Tell me about it," he grumbled, casting a glance my way. "I don't mind reading to the boys at bedtime, but I really wish Billy didn't choose the same story every night."

"The Three Little Pigs?" I asked. I did the bedtime routine occasionally if Jake had to work late, but if he was in he insisted on doing it himself.

"Yep. If I have to read about the Big Bad Wolf one more time…"

"You'll huff and you'll puff?" I teased, laughing. He just raised his eyebrows and smiled at me.

"So, what made your day so bad?" he asked, reaching across to where my feet were pulled up on the couch next to me and sliding them onto his lap. I turned my body so that I was facing him, and my legs were stretched out in front of me. Jake moved his hands skilfully, rubbing my feet in just the way that he knew I loved. I sighed and felt myself relaxing as I closed my eyes blissfully.

"Trust me, Jake, you don't even want to know." I felt his eyes burning into me, and cracked my own open slightly to see if I was right. I was, of course. That was the kind of relationship that Jake and I had, I knew him as well as a brother. "What?" I asked him.

"Nothing. I was just under the impression that I was your best friend, Bells. I'm wondering what sort of thing you'd feel you couldn't tell me?" He was silent for a moment, continuing his manipulation of my feet as we looked at one another. "Are you pregnant?"

"Oh my God, Jake! How do you do that?" I exclaimed. His hands stilled on my feet.

"You _are_ pregnant?" He asked again, his eyebrows rising in incredulity, despite him being the one who had mentioned it in the first place.

"No!" I replied quickly, hearing the panic stricken note in my own voice. Still his deep brown eyes remained fixed on my own. "Really, I'm not!" I exhaled noisily and pulled my eyes away from his. "I realized this morning that my period was late. I thought I might be, but I did a test and I'm not."

"Cullen," he stated, his eyes narrowing and his fingers beginning to work tentatively on me again. "Bella, what the hell is this hold he has on you? You're not _that kind _of girl. A pregnancy scare? Really?"

"Hey, I'll have the sympathy with a side order of hugs and hold the judgement, please."

He sighed.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I just don't want to see you having a hard time because of this guy." He lifted his arms and held them out to me. I scrambled along the couch and shifted into his side, where he wrapped his huge arm around me. Jake gave world-class hugs.

"It's fine. He was at Alice's when I took the test. Not how I would have planned it at all, but actually it helped us clear the air. We both really like each other." I moved my head away so I could look up at Jake. "We're going to date."

Jake was silent for a moment and then he nodded his head.

"You want me to buy you some condoms?" He asked. I gawked at him for a moment before I noticed one side of his mouth turn up a little into a smile and I elbowed him in the ribs.

"Hey! You obviously need help remembering, Bells!" His face turned serious again. "Seriously though, I know the guy has a reputation. Please get yourself checked out, make sure you're ok.

"I will, I promise," I sighed, knowing that he was right and planning on making sure Edward did the same before I let him anywhere near me again.

~*~EY~*~

Despite the fact that we hadn't actually been out on a date yet, I found myself looking forward to seeing Edward twice a day at school. It was actually nice to be able to hold a conversation with him without the heavy sexual tension that had existed between us previously. Don't get me wrong, there was still more than a spark of attraction there, but it had shifted slightly now that we had openly admitted our feelings to one another.

I'd become accustomed to the multiple death glares that were directed towards me. It had become common knowledge that Edward was no longer living the playboy lifestyle that he'd been maintaining prior to me really knowing him; although from the snippets we all overheard and put together between us, none of the women was quite sure why.

Jasper had thought up this game that he was making us play with him; each time we all met up at school, we took it in turns to share a fact about ourselves that the others didn't know. I was surprised when Edward demanded my fact as soon as I showed up to collect Josh and Billy.

"Shouldn't we wait for Jas?" I asked, trying desperately to think of something. Edward shook his head, smirking.

"Uh-uh. Charlotte's coming back with Grace this afternoon, he's not coming."

"Oh, uh, right…" I hesitated. He was still watching me expectantly, his tongue poking out between his lips slightly and the scruff on his face shining reddish-brown in the late autumn sunshine. "I get really turned on by dirty talk," I admitted. His eyes bulged slightly and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed. I smiled inwardly. "The dirtier the better," I added for good measure.

The school bell rang at that exact moment, just as Edward began to cough violently. The children began to pour from the building and things got chaotic enough for him to miss the smirk that adorned my face.

As I began to walk away from the school building, Edward caught my arm.

"Hey, we never arranged that date," he said, a noticeable blush still coloring his cheeks. "How about this Saturday?"

I opened my mouth to say yes, and then groaned as I remembered something.

"Dammit, I can't this Saturday. Jake has a friend coming to stay and he's already asked if I'll watch the kids while they go out." Edward's face fell and I gave him an apologetic smile. "Hey, how about Sunday instead? We could go and catch a movie in Port Angeles or something?" He smiled.

"Sure, I'd like that."

I looked up in time to see one of the moms lingering in hearing distance, her eyes narrowed at me.

"A friend of yours?" I asked Edward loud enough for her to hear, as I nodded in her direction. The woman had the shame to look quickly away and hurry out of the schoolyard. He shrugged and looked a little embarrassed. I nodded in understanding.

"Aah. Notch on your bedpost. I get it." He looked ill at ease, so I nudged him. "Just kidding. I knew right off from her reaction. You have made quite an impact here, haven't you?"

Before he had a chance to answer, a loud cry I recognised as belonging to Billy, met my ears. I spun around and saw him lying on the ground where he'd fallen.

"I have to go, I'll see you soon," I called to Edward as I moved quickly towards Billy. Other than a grazed knee he was fine, and we were soon making our way home.

~*~EY~*~

As soon as we were within view of home, I saw a car that I recognised parked in the driveway. _Here so soon? Fantastic,_ I thought to myself sarcastically.

"Hey kids, it looks like Paul's here," I told the boys, knowing that they idolised all of Jake's friends. They'd been raised with a large extended group of 'uncles' around them, and being all boys together, had revelled in it. Unfortunately when Emma got sick, most of them hadn't known what to say to Jake, and had made the mistake of just staying away instead. I'd noticed that they'd started to stay in touch a little more now that things had begun to settle down again, but I wondered if Jake would ever forgive them for keeping their distance when he needed them. Knowing Jake, I guessed that he probably would.

The boys took off running towards the car, and as they got closer, a figure all too familiar to me opened the door and stepped out, bending to catch the boys in a hug as they threw themselves at him.

"Hey, Bella," he greeted me, smiling as he straightened up and ruffling the boys' hair with a hand on each of their heads.

"Paul," I replied with a curt nod. Paul was the 'friend with benefits' that I'd told Edward about. I hadn't seen him in months, which was fine with me. I'd considered him to be a great guy and a good friend for years. How it was possible to suddenly discover you have been wrong about somebody for so long, was still a little unbelievable to me. That had been a couple of years earlier, and things were still frosty between us.

When Jake had told me that Paul was going to be visiting, I was torn. On the one hand I was pleased for Jake that he was renewing lost friendships, but on the other hand I wasn't looking forward to spending time under the same roof as Paul. I'd pretty much managed to avoid him, other than a few minutes here and there. _And you accused Edward of running away from his problems? Congratulations, Bella, you just earned yourself an A in hypocrisy._

I was determined not to make things awkward for Jake and the boys, and so I promised myself that I would make an effort for their sakes.

It was actually amazing what a difference a little positive thinking could make; as the front door slammed announcing Jake's arrival home from work, Paul and I had rediscovered a little of our friendship again, laughing as we prepared dinner together.

Jake walked into the kitchen and I watched his eyes widen a little in surprise as he took in the unexpected sight of Paul and I getting along. The two men exchanged excited greetings as they met up and embraced, thumping one another on the back.

"How you doing, man?" Paul asked Jake. "You're looking good!" He punched him in the stomach, to no obvious reaction from Jake.

"Yeah, we're surviving, aren't we Bells?" He looked over at me and I smiled at him.

"Yep. It's not been easy, but we're getting there."

Paul looked from one of us to the other, and I suddenly realized what was going through his head, just an instant before he said it.

"Are you two like, _together_ now?"

"No!" Jake and I exclaimed simultaneously.

"No," Jake continued. "Bella has been the best, I really have no idea how I'd have got through everything without her. We're best friends still; nothing more. Right, Bells?"

"Right," I confirmed, smiling.

"Shit, man," Paul laughed, sagging slightly. "I thought for a moment…"

"That you were going to have to pin him against the wall by his throat like you did the last guy you thought I was having a thing with?" I asked him, only half teasing. He cast a guilty look at me.

"Look, about that…"

"Forget it," I told him, turning to continue chopping the vegetables for dinner. "Ancient history, I shouldn't have mentioned it." There was silence for a moment.

"Well, for the record, I'm sorry. I miss your friendship; have since I messed up. So…yeah, that's it."

"Apology accepted," I told him. "I promise not to bring it up again." He smiled gratefully at me and Jake came and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Want a hand with that?" he asked me, nodding towards the chopping board.

"No, I'm good. You guys go and catch up, I'll give you the evening off." I smiled and he returned it, squeezing my shoulder gently and then leaving the room with Paul, grabbing a couple of beers from the refrigerator on his way past.

~*~EY~*~

I returned home from lunch with Alice on Saturday, to discover that Billy had fallen sick while I'd been out. It didn't worry me, I'd taken care of both Joshua and Billy when they'd been sick before, but Billy was adamant that he didn't want Jake to go out and leave him that evening.

"I'm sorry, bro, but I just can't go out and leave him when he's sick and wants me," I overheard Jake explaining to Paul as I neared the kitchen doorway.

"Hey, I understand, dude, it's cool. I might head down there anyway; I've been looking forward to seeing the band for a while now. If you don't mind?"

"No! No, you totally should. It's not going to be much fun here." Jake glanced up and noticed me passing. "Bella!" I stopped and backed up a couple of steps.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you take my place at the gig tonight? Paul was going to go alone, but there's no point both of us being stuck at home."

I hesitated.

"Uh…"

"Oh, come on, Bella," Paul urged me. "It'll be like old times." I gave him my best bitch-brow. "Well obviously not _exactly_ like old times…ah, you know what I mean." He gave up, exasperated. I chanced a look at Jake and he was nodding at me in encouragement. I huffed.

"Ok, ok, I'll go. But you," I pointed a finger at Paul. "No funny business, got it?"

Paul clapped his hand over his heart.

"I swear."

"Ok, I'm going to go grab a shower and get ready."

~*~EY~*~

Paul pushed open the door of the bar and we both ducked inside out of the rain. The heat generated by the number of bodies packed into the place hit me. I pushed my hood off my head and ran my fingers through my hair, fluffing it out a little. The band was doing a sound check on the small temporary stage at the far end of the room and I fought the urge to cover my ears as the sound of microphone feedback screeched through the speakers.

My eyes scanned the room and I spotted one last small table in a corner. Somebody had removed the chairs from around one side of it, but there was a small, high- backed bench seat against the wall on the other side. I put my hand on Paul's arm and pointed it out to him, the music playing combined with the sound check, making sign language easier than speech.

We made our way over and shrugged out of our wet coats, placing them tentatively across the arm at one end of the bench.

"I'll get the drinks, Bella. You still a beer drinker?" Paul yelled above the music. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up and he disappeared into the crowd in the direction of the bar.

The beer flowed and the band played. Paul and I laughed together as the alcohol relaxed us. It was almost as though the problems between us had never existed. I'd never go _there_ again, but I could appreciate the good times we'd shared as friends.

A particularly loud song was playing when Paul leaned in to say something to me. It was impossible to hear him, so I slid further along the bench so I was pressed up against him. He flung his arm casually around my shoulder as I leaned my ear towards his mouth to try and hear what he was saying to me. This time I caught it, and laughed, but as I moved my head away again, I caught sight of someone and froze.

There, frozen in place, his hand poised to push open the door to the men's room and his eyes fixed firmly on Paul and I, stood Edward.

**Please review and let me know what you thought!**


	15. Smile Like You Mean It

**Hi! Well, here's an update for you to put you out of your cliffy misery a little faster than last time!**

**It's only around half the length of my usual updates, but things are getting a little hectic around here with Christmas looming, as I'm sure they are for many of you too. I thought that you'd rather have a little of something rather than nothing at all :o)**

**Chapter 15 ~ Smile Like You Mean It**

**Edward PoV**

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to the bathroom," I yelled into Jasper's ear as we stood against the wall near the stage. He nodded and then returned his attention to the band, tapping his fingers against his beer bottle in time to the music.

I set my bottle down on the thin shelf that ran along the wall, and headed for the back of the bar, pushing my way through the throng of bodies. As I reached the door to the men's room, I glanced up. For some reason I looked twice at a couple cosied up on a bench seat in the corner. He had his arm around the girl and was saying something into her ear. As she moved back and tucked the hair that had hidden her face back behind her ear, I realized that it was Bella. Her eyes looked up into mine and we stayed locked like that for a long moment.

As I looked on, Bella's face broke into a huge grin and she slid out from behind the table and ran to me, throwing her arms around me.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed, fairly certain from the weight that was now around my neck that she must have her feet off the floor. I put my arms around her too, supporting her enough to ease the strain on me. She smelled of beer, and looking at the collection of empty bottles on the table where she had been sitting, I could see why.

I looked over her head, at the guy she'd just been sitting with. He was big, and had the same dark skin and black hair as Jacob. He was laughing at Bella, and tipped his bottle to me in greeting. Bella let go of me, and I reluctantly loosened my hold on her. As I'd suspected, she had been hanging from me, and she dropped the few inches to the floor.

"Edward!" she yelled above the music, a grin still plastered on her face. "I can't believe you're here!" She stretched her arms up and around my neck again and pulled me down to her. She planted her lips on mine and they lingered there for a moment.

I hesitated before I dared to look up. Either the guy with Bella was just a friend, or I was about to get my ass kicked. Before I had time to worry about it further, Bella pulled away, grabbed my hand and towed me behind her over to the table.

"Edward, this is my friend, Paul. Paul, this is Edward." The man smiled up at me and extended his hand.

"Good to meet you, man," Paul said, as I grasped his hand in mine and shook it.

"Yeah, you too."

Bella stood beside me with both of her arms wrapped around one of mine. She smiled up at me, definitely drunk, until a small frown puckered her brow.

"Are you here alone?" she asked loudly, above the noise.

"No, Jasper's over there," I told her, pointing in the general direction of where I had left our friend.

"Cool!" she exclaimed excitedly, jumping a little. "Go tell him to come over."

"Ok, let me just…uh…" I jerked my thumb towards the bathroom.

"Oh! Sorry, I forgot! Sure, go ahead." I extracted my arm from her grip and headed for the door where I'd come to a halt before.

My inner monologue was at war with itself about what to do. Stay or go? Stay or go? And if I stayed? Bella was cute as hell when she was drunk, but her extra friendliness was going to make the whole taking it slow thing torturous. I was determined not to fuck things up with her, which meant using every ounce of my self-control to prove to her that I could do something other than dive in or run away.

When I exited the bathroom, the band had finished playing and the quieter tones of the jukebox filled the bar. People had begun to leave and I saw Jasper sitting at Bella's table in one of two chairs that had been pulled up, although there was no sign of Bella or her friend. I sat down on the bench, facing out into the room and scanning the faces for Bella.

"They've gone to get more beers," Jasper told me, immediately knowing what I'd been wondering. "Are you ok?" he asked, his concern obvious.

"Sure," I said, turning my attention back to him and smiling a little. "She introduced him as her friend, and he didn't have a problem with her throwing herself at me when she saw me."

Jasper looked at me steadily for a long moment. I huffed and looked away, running a hand through my hair before addressing him.

"Ok, ok. I'm trying, alright? I'm doing my best not to listen to the voice in my head that's fucking screaming at me that she's here on a date with him and I should get the hell out now."

"Edward, she's not with—"

"I know that, Jas!" I cut in. "I believe her, but I've spent so long acting impulsively when these fucked up ideas enter my head, that fighting them is not easy."

"I know. For the record, I think you're doing great, man." Jasper pushed my beer across the table towards me and picked his own up, holding the neck out towards me. "Here's to strength of character and new beginnings." I picked up my bottle and clinked the neck against his.

"Amen to that," I said and we both took a drink.

As we set the bottles back down on the table, Paul appeared with Bella following behind. He set a bottle in front of Jasper and then sat down in the empty chair next to him, clutching his own beer. I looked up at Bella and my heart began to beat faster in my chest as I saw just how happy she seemed to look for me to be there. She placed a bottle down on the table for me and I held out my hand to her. As she took it, I pulled her around the table and onto the bench next to me.

Our hands remained entwined on my leg as we smiled dopily at one another.

"So, I thought you were babysitting tonight?" I asked her. "I hope that wasn't just an excuse?" I was only half-joking, but hoped that she didn't pick up on that. I really was trying, but the road to learning to trust again would be a long one.

She laughed, a genuinely happy sound that made my skin tingle.

"Do I look like a person who just ran into somebody they'd been making excuses not to see?" she asked me, reaching over with her free hand to stroke my thigh lightly.

"No, I guess not," I admitted, smiling like I meant it at last; because finally I did.

"Billy got sick and didn't want Jake to leave him. Paul was going to come out anyway and Jake said there was no point us both staying in, so I tagged along. It was kind of a last minute decision."

"Ok, I believe you," I told her. "You can make it up to me tomorrow night on our date." She leaned in close and put her lips right next to my ear, her breath tickling me slightly.

"I'm more than happy to make it up to you tonight, you know?"

I inhaled shakily and images that were not helping my resolve to take things slowly, filled my head. I turned my head slightly so I could speak to her without Jasper or Paul overhearing.

"Bella, I promised you that I wasn't going to run away or go too quickly. I'm still here, but you're not helping me control my urge to dive right in, you know? In fact, I'd say you're driving my urges kind of crazy, here."

We both shifted slightly so that our eyes could meet. Hers were slightly hooded, and as I looked into them I was aware of her tongue darting out and licking her lips.

_Oh, God. How was I going to fight this?_ I wondered. And then Jasper's words came back to me. _Strength of character_.

I squeezed Bella's hand, smiled at her and then backed off slightly, turning to Jasper and Paul. They were deep in conversation and didn't appear to have noticed that Bella and I had been in a world of our own for the past few minutes. Or more likely, they were just politely pretending not to have noticed; I was learning that not much got past Jasper.

We kept up conversation with Jasper and Paul after that, but it would be a lie to say that I was really into it; the proximity of Bella distracted me far too much. Each time she moved even a little, and brushed against me somewhere, my body was on immediate alert. I held her hand, only letting go when she needed to leave the table, and grabbing her again as soon as she sat down.

It was only a short while later that Paul announced he wanted to leave. I checked my cell phone and was shocked to see that it was past midnight; it really didn't feel that late. The bar was open a while longer, and Bella was pouting about leaving, but Jasper and I insisted that we should be leaving too. Jas had left Charlotte and Alice having a girls' night in. He didn't say as much, but I had the feeling that Charlotte was appreciating having a female role-model in her life. It had been just the two of them for so long.

Thankfully the rain had stopped when we left the bar, but it was bone chillingly cold and damp nonetheless. I was grateful for the alcohol in my system that meant that I didn't feel it as severely as I would have done sober. I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her in against my side as a natural instinct to take care of her kicked in.

Alice and Jasper still hadn't actually admitted to us that they were a couple, so as we drew close to where Jasper would part ways with us towards his house, I discreetly nudged Bella, winked and nodded towards Jasper. She looked up at me, puzzled.

"Hey, Jas." He turned to look back at me. "Shall I walk back to your place with you so I can make sure Alice gets home ok?"

"Uh, thanks for the offer, but it's fine."

"But you won't be able to walk her home, Charlotte will be in bed. I don't want my sister out alone at this time of night," I told him. I heard Bella sniggering gently beside me.

"I appreciate that, but she won't be, don't worry."

"Oh?" I asked innocently. Jasper turned and smiled.

"Ok, you can stop being an ass now. She's staying over. Satisfied?"

"You're screwing my sister?" I asked in mock shock. "Dude!" He flipped me off and Bella and I collapsed in giggles. Paul looked back and smirked at us.

We said goodbye to Jasper and walked on towards Bella's house; it was only a few minutes out of my way and I'd already decided that I would see her to her door, even though Paul was with her.

When we reached the sidewalk outside her house, Paul said good night and disappeared inside, while Bella made no attempt to move indoors. She stepped in front of me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"You know, you could always ask me to come back to your place with you," she told me as she raised an eyebrow and shot me a suggestive smile. I laughed and wrapped my arms around her in turn.

"I know I could; believe me, I've been considering it all the way from the bar." I bent down and placed a small kiss on her lips before straightening up again. "But I'm not going to. I'm going to do this right, Bella. I'm taking no risks with you from here on in. There's too many good possibilities between us for the future to chance screwing things up."

I was worried that Bella would be offended by my refusal to invite her home with me, but my concern was unnecessary. She looked up at me, her eyes darker than ever under the glow of the streetlights.

"Wow," she whispered. "You're serious, aren't you?" I nodded. "You're really trying. For me."

"No, for _us_," I corrected her. "So help me out here a little, ok? No more drunken flirting and trying to get yourself invited back for…" I didn't finish because my mind had wandered and was currently flashing images of Bella at me. Bella on my desk; Bella in my shower; _Bella in my bed. _ "Fuck," I growled, moving my hands up quickly into her hair to hold onto the back of her head as I urgently bent forward quickly and claimed her mouth with my own.

We kissed one another greedily. I knew that I was enjoying it, and from the gasps and moans emitting from Bella, I guessed that she was too. Her hands were in my hair now and I found it impossible to believe how little time we'd spent together like _this_, because it all seemed so familiar; every touch, every moment, the way our mouths fit. Everything.

Bella walked me blindly backwards a couple of steps, until I was backed up to her truck. She leaned her body against mine and shifted, entirely fucking deliberately I was sure, so that her stomach rubbed across the solid bulge in my jeans. I moaned and she did it again.

I took a deep breath, moved my hands to Bella's shoulders and gently but firmly pushed her away a little.

"Too much," I gasped. She smirked as she licked her lips.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I won't do it again." She tried to step close to me again, but I kept my hands firmly on her, preventing from closing the small gap between us.

"I should be going," I told her. "I have a fuckton of work to do tomorrow."

Bella pouted again and I pushed her bottom lip back in with my thumb before bending to kiss her.

"Are we still going out tomorrow night?" she asked as a look of concern fleeted across her face.

"Of course, we said we would didn't we?" She nodded and I pulled her close into a hug, before pressing my lips gently to hers and kissing her tenderly. "Ok, come on, I'll walk you to the door."

"Well, I had no idea that you were such a gentleman, Edward," Bella teased. I turned her around and pointed her up the driveway towards the front door.

"Just get up there," I told her, playfully slapping her ass. She ran to the door and I jogged after her, catching her around her waist as we got there.

"I'll see you tomorrow, beautiful," I told her, brushing her hair from her face.

"Hmm, I'm trying to decide if that sounds nice or just cheesy," she said. I smiled and kissed her gently again. When we pulled apart she was smiling too. "Ok, you convinced me," she told me. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Bella."

She unlocked the door and slipped inside with a small wave, closing it gently behind her. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket to check the time. Only sixteen hours until I would be back here. I smiled again and headed for home, feeling the cold even less now.

Roll on date night!

~*~*~EY~*~*~

**Merry Christmas! I sat on Santa's knee and told that reviews from my readers were better than any shiny gift he could leave wrapped under the tree for me – don't make me regret it ;o)**

**Please leave a review – and remember, I've signed up to write a piece for the Fandom against Domestic Violence fundraiser. If there's a particular outtake you'd like to see then please let me know in a review. Don't forget to go to my profile and check out the EY outtakes already posted!**


	16. I Know You Understand

**So, apparently RL has issues with me having enough time to write *tut*. So, usual apologies for the delay. Every time I post I hope the next update will be faster, but unfortunately I can't make any promises, other than that I will do my best. I hope you're all still with me, I really appreciate your support so far, and reaching 500 reviews just blew me away :o)**

**The title of this chapter is taken from 'To Love Again' by Alesha Dixon. Listen to the whole song if you get chance, because it was this song that inspired me with this story.**

**Disclaimer: All of Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Chapter 16 ~ I Know You Understand**

**BPoV**

"So, there's a new man in your life, huh?" Paul was leaning against the kitchen counter when I walked in grinning like an idiot and sat down at the table. "Coffee?" he asked, turning to grab the pot.

"Sure, I think I need it." I closed my eyes for a second and the room began to spin a little causing me to groan quietly. I snapped them open again quickly and gripped the edge of the table for stability. "Yeah, Edward's…I don't know, he just touches something in me." Paul snickered at my words. "Yeah, very funny," I snarked, grabbing the dishcloth that was balled up on the table and throwing it at him. He caught it mid-air, before it had a chance to hit him.

"Sorry," he said, still smiling. "I'm pleased for you, Bella. Really I am."

I mock-gasped at his words.

"Was that actually Mr. Jealousy giving me his blessing?" I asked as Paul looked at the floor and scratched the back of his neck.

"Uh, yeah. I behaved like a total ass-hole with you. You deserved better." Paul turned to pour the coffee, but looked at me over his shoulder.

"Yes, I did. But it's in the past. Forget it." I waved my hand to show that it really held no interest for me any longer.

"Jake's worried this guy's going to hurt you," Paul confided, placing a cup down in front of me and then sitting down with the other one for himself.

"I know," I told him as I sipped at the hot liquid. "Let's just say that Edward has a bit of a reputation. One that he no longer deserves!" I added hastily as Paul began to chuckle. I huffed in exasperation. "What is it with guys and sex? If it was _me _who had earned myself the same reputation, I'm damn sure you wouldn't be sitting there laughing about it. And I _know _that you wouldn't be worrying about any man that got involved with me. Hypocrite."

"Jake's only looking out for you," Paul told me as he covered my hand with his own.

"I know that." I could hear the edge of annoyance in my tone. Raising my cup to my mouth I took a long swallow of the still too-hot coffee, flinching at the burning trail it left in my mouth and down my throat. "'K, I'm going to bed." Yanking my hand out from beneath Paul's, I pushed my chair noisily back and pushed myself slowly to my feet, hoping that the room would not spin again. Once I was sure that nothing was moving, I crossed to the sink where I tipped the remains of the coffee away and filled a clean glass from the drainer with water. I placed my hand on one of Paul's wide shoulders as I passed behind him. "Goodnight."

"Yeah, goodnight Bella. Sweet dreams," he replied.

His words instantly conjured up the sweetest of visions in my mind. Edward. I smiled happily as I made my way to bed, reliving the feel of his lips on my own and his promises to try.

**~*~*~*EY*~*~*~**

I was just running the brush through my hair for the final time when there was a knock at my bedroom door.

"Come in!" I called, turning from the mirror to greet whoever it was. A small head topped with thick black hair poked around the edge of the door. "Hey, Joshua," I greeted the boy, noting the grimace on his face. "What's up?"

"Did you know Edward's waiting downstairs? My Dad keeps asking him questions and I don't think he likes it." Joshua bit his lip nervously as he watched me roll my eyes and grab my jacket off the chair that stood in the corner of my room.

"Thanks, dude," I said, ruffling his hair as I squeezed past him in the doorway.

As I neared the living room, I could hear a heated conversation going on inside. My heart started beating faster in my chest at the sound of my best friend and the man who affected me like no other, on the verge of an argument.

"…best of intentions when it comes to Bella." My heart took an extra leap at the sound of Edward's voice speaking my name, even though it was tinged with annoyance. The next sound I heard was Jacob scoffing at Edward's words.

"Sure, sure. I bet you said that about—"

I rushed forward and pushed the door open, eager to put a stop to their conversation before it turned nasty. I was pissed as hell at Jake; he was _not _my father and had no right to behave like he was.

I deliberately ignored Jake sitting in an armchair, and let my eyes find Edward. He was sitting awkwardly on the edge of the couch, but rose as I entered the room. Dressed casually in jeans and a grey t-shirt underneath his jacket, I wondered how he managed to look so damn sexy.

"Hey," I breathed, a huge smile pulling at the corners or my mouth. I walked over to him and reached up to plant a kiss on his cheek, as he placed a hand on my waist. The whole display was as much for Jake's benefit as it was for Edward's. I spun around and scowled at my best friend. "I have no idea when I'll be home, Jake," I told him, before Edward cut in.

"You don't need to worry though big guy. I'll take good care of her. I promise."

Jake's face had darkened and I watched his fists clenching and unclenching. I shot him a look of warning as I grabbed Edward's arm and pulled him with me towards the door.

"Goodbye, Jacob," I told him as I left the room and closed the door behind us. My chest heaved with a sigh of relief and I shook my head as Edward's green eyes shone in amusement at me.

Looking up I saw that Joshua and Billy were playing near the foot of the staircase.

"I'm going out boys. Who wants a kiss?" They both leapt to their feet and ran to me. I bent down to hug them together and then planted noisy kisses on first one tousled head and then the other. "You be good boys for your dad, OK?"

"OK," they chorused together. I straightened up and smiled at Edward but he was just looking at me.

"What? I asked. "Do I have something on my face?" I reached up but he lifted his hand and placed it on mine, twisting his fingers around my own. He laughed lightly.

"No, you look perfect," he told me, causing me to glance down shyly. I'd never been good at accepting compliments. "I was just thinking how good you are to those boys. And to Jake. You're some friend, Bella, they're lucky to have you."

"Thanks," I told him. "Believe it or not, Jake can be pretty great too." I raised an eyebrow as I made this comment, knowing that given the stand-off the two of them had just had, he'd find it hard to acknowledge that side of my friend.

"Yeah, I'll have to take your word for that. He's yet to reveal that side of himself to me." Edward chuckled softly. "Come on, let's go or we'll miss the movie." Keeping hold of my hand, Edward guided me to the door where we called a last farewell to Joshua and Billy before closing it quietly behind us and walking into the twilight of the autumn evening.

Edward opened the door of his car as we reached it. I climbed inside, admiring how clean and tidy it was. It definitely lacked the evidence of children that Jake's car had; the cookie crumbs, the odd missed candy wrapper and discarded toys.

Edward got in, fastened his seatbelt and drew away from the kerb. I glanced at him as he drove, admiring the way his jaw was set and his brow frowned slightly. Feeling my eyes on him, he looked my way and smiled a little.

"What movie are we seeing?" I asked.

"I thought we could decide when we got there, is that ok?"

"Sure." I smiled and leaned back in my seat.

A comfortable silence filled the space inside the car, as the relaxing classical piece that played through the speakers rose and fell gently. I closed my eyes, overcome by the music, the warmth from the heater and the purr of the engine.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked quietly. I opened my eyes and still leaning my head back, turned it to look at him.

"I was just wondering if it will feel strange being in Port Angeles. I've not really been back since we moved to Forks," I told him honestly. Edward smiled.

"It will feel as though you never left," he told me.

"You sound as though you know the feeling," I commented. He tilted his head to the side in acknowledgement.

"Yeah, we used to move around a bit. My dad's a doctor; he was always looking for the next challenge."

"You know, that's kind of sad," I told him, knowing it was a difficult thing for any school-aged kid to go through. "What about friends?"

Edward shrugged.

"I made friends wherever I went, they were pretty dispensable. As long as I had Em and Alice, I was fine." We descended back into a comfortable silence for a moment and an image of the three of them together as children filled my head.

"Where are your parents now?" I asked, suddenly curious to know as much about him as I could cram into my head.

"They live in Seattle. They have an obscenely large and luxurious house on the waterfront." He took his eyes off the road to turn and look at me briefly. I raised my eyebrows. "Oh, they're not pretentious. They wanted somewhere big enough for family gatherings and Esme likes nice things. She's an interior designer."

"Aah." I nodded in understanding.

"What about your parents? I've never heard you mention them."

It seemed that Edward was as curious about me as I was about him.

"I don't really talk to my mom much. She has this crazy idea in her head that I'm secretly in love with Jake and that I'm helping him out to try and get him to fall in love with me too," I explained. Edward laughed and I couldn't help smiling at the absurdity of it. "Anyway, she lives in Arizona with her new husband so it's not really an issue as long as I only answer her calls when I'm in the right frame of mind to deal with her."

"What about your dad?" he asked cautiously. I sighed.

"Yeah, I miss Charlie. I lived at home with him until I moved in with Jake and Emma. Plus he's a good guy. He's tried telling my mother that Jake's not taking advantage of me and my 'romantic notions', but she won't listen. He said that she never listened to him when she was married to him, so there's no chance of her doing it now."

I smiled at the memory of my dad that day. My mom had upset me to the point of tears when she called. He knew that she'd been making me unhappy for a while and this was the last straw. Pushing up from his seat at the table, he strode across the room to snatch the phone from my hand. It was the first time I had heard him lose his temper with my mother and I restrained the urge to fist pump and cheer as he actually stood up to her for once. He still harboured that 'first love' thing for her, for reasons I'd never understood. I could only assume that her strange ideas had come across as an endearing kookiness in her youth. Charlie slammed the handset back onto the cradle and wrapped his arms around me.

"I know what you're doing and why, Bells. I want you to know that I have enough pride in you to make up for your mom," he told me.

"Thanks, Dad." I hugged him back for a moment. "Ok, I have to get going. I promised I would watch the boys while the doctor checks Emma over."

Was that day really only a few months ago? It felt like a lifetime.

"So do you visit him often?" Edward was asking me.

"Uh…" I shook my head to try and shake the memories to focus on the present. "No, I haven't yet." I could hear the guilt in my voice as I looked at my hands in my lap. "I have been meaning to, but time has just sort of slipped away. There's always something going on."

"I'm sorry." This time it was Edward's voice that I detected guilt in. I looked at him, puzzled.

"What do _you _have to be sorry for?"

"Well I know that I've been one of the things that has been eating into your time," he said tentatively.

"Oh, please!" I admonished him. "Trust me, Edward, you've been a very welcome distraction." He smiled now and I was sure I could see a hint of a blush coloring his cheeks. It was cute and I had to fight the urge to lean over and kiss the nearest patch of reddened skin.

In an unspoken agreement we dropped the personal stuff then. The conversation got on to favorites; music, movies, all the usual 'getting to know you' crap. Kind of ironic as physically we'd seen every inch of one another. Edward noticed my sly smile at this thought.

"Why do you have that look on your face?" he asked, unconsciously mirroring it as he smirked. I laughed a little.

"I was just thinking how we seem to be doing everything backwards. Most people start with this stuff and then move on to the point that we started at." Yeah, that's right. I was not too embarrassed to _do _that stuff with him, but actually talking about it to him was a whole different matter. Edward seemed to find my sudden prudish streak amusing.

"You mean that most people work towards sex but we started with it?" He chuckled at my mortified expression. "Plenty of people have sex on their first date you know, Bella."

"Yes, but most people don't then try to resist doing it again," I muttered, letting my frustration peek through my prude-armor for a moment.

"What was that? Did you just say you wanted to have sex with me again?" He was teasing and I knew it. That did not make me feel any less embarrassed though. I covered my face with my hands.

"Ohmigod."

The car slowed. I hadn't even realized that we had reached Port Angeles. Edward backed perfectly into an on-street parking space.

"Would you be offended if I caught a cab home after the movie? I'm really not sure that I can ride home with you after that conversation," I babbled. I looked up and Edward was just sitting looking at me, his body turned towards me now that he had unbuckled his seat-belt and a small smile playing on his perfect lips.

"Well, you could do that, but I think it would be a shame." His voice was low and husky. The atmosphere inside the car changed in an instant. I was transfixed and every last trace of the embarrassment drained away as my body became completely aware of Edward's.

"Why's that?" I whispered, shifting slightly in my seat.

"Because," he began as he leaned forward and placed his hand on the back of my head. His face was only inches from mine now. "I was hoping you'd consider coming home with me tonight." He closed the gap then and placed his lips gently on mine. I stifled a groan of pleasure. It grieved me that I had been too drunk the night before to appreciate and recall the precise sensation of his mouth. I had been hoping that I would get the chance to be reminded, but now that chance was here there were entirely too many things running through my head to commit each and every detail to memory.

By the time we parted, I was breathing so heavily that I was almost panting. I was just considering moving back in towards him when there was a loud bang on the window and a group of kids walked past jostling one another as they laughed, pointed and yelled obscenities at us.

"Fuckers!" Edward exclaimed, scrambling to exit the car.

"Hey," I said gently, placing my hand on his arm. He either didn't hear me or was ignoring me. "Hey! Edward." This time he stopped and turned to look at me, irritation at the interruption still burning in his eyes. "They're just kids. Forget it." I smiled as he paused and then relaxed a little.

"Yeah, you're right." His mouth turned up at the corners. I guess I'm getting old."

"You're not quite middle-aged just yet, Mr. Cullen."

"Maybe not, but I feel it now you called me that, Miss Swan," he shot back.

"Ack, now I feel as though I work for you!" I cringed at the way he had addressed me.

"Come on, we're going to miss the movie." Edward opened the door and climbed out of the car. I decided that the man was truly a sadist. How else could he do that to me and then expect me to sit through a movie right next to him, waiting for him to take me home to his place for more? Motherfucker.

I could say that I enjoyed the movie we watched, but it would be a lie; I actually had no idea what on earth it had been about. Edward had spent the whole time, his hand holding mine and his fingers and thumb doing mind-blowing things to me through the simple, yet loaded, patterns that they drew on my skin. My mind was somewhere else altogether as I struggled to keep from jumping on him there and then. Every so often I would see him turn towards me in the near-darkness and watch my reaction to what he was doing.

The moment the credits started to roll, before the lights even came up, I was on my feet and dragging him behind me as I headed for the exit.

The street was quiet as we reached his car. I turned to face him and backed up to the cold metal, pulling him to me and attacking his mouth eagerly with mine. He submitted for a moment, but then pulled away, a smile on the lips that had just touched my own; the lips that I was missing the feel of already.

"Hey, what's the rush? I hope you're not trying to dive in, Bella." He was mocking my own assessment of his issues now and turning it against me. If I thought I could get away with it without putting him off inviting me home with him, I would have been stamping my foot on the ground by that point.

"I hate you right now, you do know that?" I asked him, my frustration as evident in my voice as in my words. The fucker just laughed at me.

"Oh, Bella. Sexual frustration really doesn't become you, you know?"

"Then put me out of my damn misery, Cullen," I growled at him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him to me again. He bent his face close to mine and I parted my lips in anticipation. I could feel his sweet breath on my face…and then he was gone again.

"What the hell?" I demanded. I may even have succumbed to the embarrassing foot-stamp. He smirked as he unlocked the car with a beep and a flash of the lights. Reaching around me, he pulled the door open, forcing me to move. I looked at him for a moment, but when he failed to move, I let my shoulders slump in disappointment and let out a quiet moan before climbing into the car. He reached in and fastened the seatbelt around me, pausing with his face close to mine as he prepared to straighten up again.

"You know, there's no need to look so disappointed, Bella," he told me, his voice husky. "You'll get what you want. I promise." And then he kissed me. Slowly and luxuriously.

I didn't complain when he pulled away this time; I was too dazed.

**~*~*~*EY*~*~*~**

Edward had driven home agonizingly slowly. I may have complained a little. OK, I complained a lot, but he said he was performing an exercise in self-control on himself. I argued and said that the only thing he was practising was torture – on me – but he just laughed again. I had never thought that I could possibly tire of hearing his laugh, but right now if he did it again, he was likely to come to harm. Never mind not crossing a woman scorned, it seemed to me that denying a woman horned could be far more dangerous.

We finally arrived at Edward's house. He'd held the car door open for me as I climbed out. Chivalrous, yes, but I would much rather he'd have been unlocking the door and clearing my route to his bedroom.

He closed the front door behind us and took my coat from me, hanging it with his own on the hooks on the wall. As he began to walk towards the kitchen doorway, I cleared my throat loudly. He turned and I gestured with my head to the staircase. Slowly he stalked towards me.

"Bella, did anybody ever tell you that patience is a virtue?" His face was serious and glorious, all chiselled perfection and just the right amount of scruff to drive me wild. I had stepped backwards as he approached, and was now pinned between his body and the stairs.

"Edward, do I look like my main concern right now is virtue of any description?"

His eyes narrowed and he bent and nipped my neck between his teeth, causing me to suck my breath in noisily. Before I had time to let the breath out again, he had slipped his hand around the back of my thigh and hoisted my leg up. I held it there shakily, as he slid his hand back, moving it across my ass and then forwards, pressing on as he pulled his hand upward, following the seam of my jeans and making me gasp loudly at the sensation, as I tried to press myself onto him for more.

He took a quick step backwards again and my whole body mourned the loss of his nearness. I lowered my leg back down.

"What about 'good thing come to those who wait'? Are you familiar with that saying?"

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, leaning my head back against the side of the staircase and casting my eyes to the ceiling. "I thought you were a bastard when you couldn't keep your dick in your pants, but I think that you might be an even bigger one now that you refuse to get it out."

That amused him and he laughed loudly.

"Just give me a second here, OK?" He turned and made his way to the kitchen, where I heard the refrigerator open and close. He reappeared just a moment later holding two uncapped beers. "Was I fast enough?" he asked me, smiling as he approached.

"Definitely better," I replied, approvingly. I took one of the beers from him and took a drink from the bottle.

"OK, shall we…" Edward trailed off but looked pointedly towards the top of the staircase. I pretended to consider his suggestion for a moment.

"You know what? I'm good for now, let's go watch TV instead."

His eyes widened and he stared at me.

"You're good?"

"Yep." I smiled, trying desperately not to laugh at the expression on his face.

_Two can play at this game, Mr. Cullen._

"But you were just…I mean, you got mad at me for…"

"I know." I shrugged. "I was just thinking though, you're right. There's no rush. I can wait."

"I was only teasing you. I don't _really_ want to wait, I mean, now's good for me." Edward took a step towards me, but I held up my hand and stopped him.

"It's kind of you Edward, but really, you don't have to change your mind for me. TV is fine, now lead the way." I gestured down the hallway, and with one confused glance back at me, he let out a loud sigh and then walked away with me following, allowing myself a sly smile.

As we entered the living room, Edward headed straight for the large TV and switched it on. I deliberately sat in an armchair across the room. I saw him cast another puzzled look in my direction, but pretended not to have noticed.

"Hey, it's a little cold in here. Do you think you could put some heating on?" I asked him. In fact, it wasn't all that cold; just too cold for what I had in mind.

"You're cold?" He shot me such a look of concern that if only it was possible to bottle that and the way it made me feel, I would be happy forever. Seriously, hospitals should look into that shit, I was certain it would increase recovery rates. "I'll light the fire," he told me.

I watched as Edward crossed the room and handed me the TV control, before going and kneeling in front of the woodburner. I watched as he laid the fire and then reached up to a shelf for a lighter. He lit it and then blew gently on the flame to encourage it to grow. As the fire caught, he gently closed the doors to and watched the flames for a moment, the orange glow dancing across his face.

There was something within the act of him lighting a fire for me that touched me on a very basic human level. It was all part of the protector role and was so intrinsically masculine that I couldn't help but be turned on by it. Oh, and also the fact that his face was breathtakingly beautiful in the firelight.

He turned to look at me and smiled.

"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked. I was dazed again – dazzled by him – and I simply nodded. He stood and went to sit down on the couch. I looked longingly at the space next to him, but I was determined to have a little revenge for his earlier teasing.

As Edward turned his head to look at the TV screen, my eyes followed too. I'd been flicking through channels as he lit the fire, but then I got distracted and I had no idea what I had actually stopped on.

I was mortified. It was a porn channel.

Not a sex scene within a TV show or a movie, but actual porn. I was frozen to the spot as I watched the male star of the show pull his dick from the woman's vagina and then proceed to cum all over her face. Of course, she then hungrily licked every bit that she could reach with her tongue as though it was the most delicious thing she had ever tasted in her life. Actually, looking at how skinny the girl was, that may have been a distinct possibility.

I didn't know whether to be grateful for the fact the sound was down, or not. On the one hand, if the sound had been turned up then I would have been alerted to the fact that I had paused on a porn channel a lot sooner, but on the other hand there was definitely something that made me cringe in the sound that accompanied these films. And yes, I had watched them before, I wasn't a total prude, I just would not have chosen to sit and watch one with Edward. Yet.

I looked across at Edward. He was looking right back at me, that infuriating smirk on his face again.

"Well," I said, lifting my bottle to my mouth and taking a mouthful of beer before quickly swallowing it. "That was over faster than I was expecting, let's hope the next performance is a little less disappointing." Yep, there was nothing like brazening embarrassment out. I pointed the remote at the TV and turned the sound up on the next programme that was starting. A woman in a very short skirt, very low blouse and very high heels, was just doing some housework. "Excellent!" I enthused. Edward looked at me strangely again. I tipped my bottle towards the TV. "This one has a story to it." I smiled and settled back as though this had been my intention all along.

I did my best to appear as relaxed as possible as I sipped my beer and watched events on screen progressing. I also covertly observed Edward as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat; casting glances my way when he thought I wasn't looking. He got up to put some logs on the fire, and a short while after that the room really began to heat up.

"I'm sorry, it's a little too warm in here now, would you mind if I took a layer off?" I asked.

"Why would I mind?" he asked, shaking his head as he turned back to the TV. I peeled off my sweater, folding it and draping it neatly across the arm of the chair. When he turned back to me again I thought he was going to spit his beer out, such was the look of shock on his face as he took in the sight of me sitting there in my black lace bra and jeans.

"Holy fuck, Bella! Are you trying to kill me here?" he gasped. He looked at the TV and then back at me, narrowing his eyes. "This is a set-up isn't it?" I giggled as he pointed a finger at me. "You did all of this on purpose to get back at me!" I giggled and held my hands up.

"Not all of it. The porn was a mistake, but I decided to roll with it," I confessed. He still wasn't smiling and I was beginning to wonder if I had really offended him. He suddenly jumped up.

"Right, that's it," he announced, still sounding annoyed. The smile was fading from my face now.

"I…I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Save it," he snapped as he took hold of my arm and pulled me out of the living room with him. I just had time to grab my sweater; I really didn't want to have to walk home without it if he was throwing me out. I could feel tears beginning to prickle my eyes.

In the hallway he swung me around to face him.

"I have had just about enough of your teasing for one night. If you think that I am going to sit in there," he gestured angrily back towards the living room. "As you do some kind of striptease with porn on the TV then you don't know me very well, Bella." His voice had raised to almost a shout, and I cringed away from him a little. "Now get up those stairs."

I paused as his words registered.

"What did you say?" I asked him, watching his face.

"I said get up those stairs." Edward's beautiful green eyes were twinkling. "Oh, for God's sake, Bella. Surely it doesn't take that much imagination to understand what I mean? Oh, and you won't be needing that." He took my sweater from my hand and threw it to the floor.

He was smiling now and I couldn't resist him any longer. I started up the stairs and then as soon as I knew he was right behind me, I turned, sitting on one of the steps with my legs parted. Edward leaned in so that his body was between my knees, and went straight for my breasts. Pulling the lacy cups down, he freed the flesh beneath and began teasing my nipples with licks and nipples. In the distance I could still hear the moans and groans of the porn on the TV, and the noises I was making myself blended in pretty well with them now. I reached behind and removed my bra altogether, flinging it down the stairs. Reaching down, I cupped Edward's face with my hands and brought it up level with my own. Slowly we moved in and kissed one another. The kiss didn't speed up, despite the desire that burned between us. This was far deeper and more delicious than last time we had been together like this.

Edward shifted his body and pushed himself towards me so that the bulge in his jeans was pressing exactly where I needed it to. We both gasped loudly at the contact and pushed ourselves together again.

Pulling his mouth from mine, Edward began to kiss his way down my body, as I leaned back against the stairs with my eyes closed. As he reached the waistband of my jeans and began to trace lines across my stomach with his tongue, his fingers reached up and popped the button on them and drew the zip down. The promise of what was to come made me groan again, as I lifted myself from the step to allow him to slide them down, leaving me in just my black lace panties.

He discarded my jeans, and as he turned his attention back to me, I grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and lifted it upwards. He wriggled out of it and knelt before me, shirtless. Leaning forward, I stroked his chest, first with my fingers and then with my tongue. The clothing stakes were still uneven, so I reached down and worked on his button-fly.

Edward kicked off his shoes and they bumped down the stairs to the hallway floor at the bottom. Together we removed his jeans so we were now both just in our underwear. The atmosphere was thick and our breathing heavy, as we both soaked up the sight of one another.

This time as he pressed himself to me, there was only the thin fabric of our underwear between us. I cried out with pleasure and he groaned deeply. Reaching down between us, Edward traced his finger across the damp lace of my panties. Slowly, he slipped one finger inside the lace, and ran it slowly across the slick skin there.

"Please!" I gasped, moving to try and force him inside me. He bent and kissed my neck as he slowly moved the finger and slid it inside, pulled it out and then slid two inside. I whimpered loudly as he tormented me, for it wasn't enough, I wanted more of him.

"More…please," I gasped. "I want you." My words caused him to moan gently into the skin on my neck. He looked up.

"Not here, Bella. Let's go to bed."

"What's wrong with here?" I whined. He looked amused and looked me up and down.

"Well, unless you have a condom _very_ well concealed, I think we should go to the bedroom so we can get one. I'll run and get one and come back if you like?" he whispered.

"No, it's ok. These stairs are kind of digging in my back anyway. Why does that never happen in films?" I turned and climbed the rest of the way up the stairs, with Edward nipping my ass with his teeth every couple of steps as I squealed and swatted at him.

I dived onto the bed and Edward quickly lay down with me. Our mouths quickly claimed each other and our hands moved everywhere. It was only seconds before our underwear had been discarded too.

"I've been waiting so long to do this with you again," I groaned into his ear. "Please just let me have you."

He didn't even bother to reply; he just reached out to the nightstand drawer and grabbed a condom. He was about to put it on when I held my hand out for it.

"Can I?"

"Sure," he said, shrugging and passing it to me. I placed it in my mouth and held it between my lips, before placing it over him and rolling it down with my mouth, as he sat gasping at the sensation. I sat back and smiled at my handiwork.

"Not bad for a first attempt," I told him. "Al…a…girlfriend told me how to do it." He looked at me.

"It was my sister, wasn't it?" he asked. I smiled.

"OK, where were we?"

"Well you were just telling me how much you wanted me. I may need reminding," Edward told me as he leaned forward for another kiss. His fingers stroked me all over, but never quite ventured exactly where I longed to be touched. Eventually he got close enough and then slowly pushed his fingers inside me again. "So wet…" he breathed. "It's all coming back to me now."

"I want all of you," I breathed. "Please."

"How do you want me?" he asked.

"I don't care. I just need you inside me now."

We shifted slightly and Edward was on top of me. I felt him just barely there, and then he was pushing himself gently and slowly inside me. I tilted my hips up to try and force him deeper, but he was determined to take his time.

This was nothing like our previous sex had been. This time it was as though we had a bond, something deeper than the physical. I realized that the difference was that this was making love and not sex. I had always thought that they were two words for the same thing, but I knew now without a doubt, that wasn't the case at all.

We clung together, finding a rhythm. No matter how deep inside me Edward pushed himself, I needed more of him; I wanted to absorb his whole being into mine. It was intense and I had no idea how we both lasted as long as we did, but when it happened, we came together.

I realized that there were tears running down my cheeks only as Edward kissed them away and told me that he loved me. There was no doubt at all in my mind that I loved him too, and I told him so.

He fell asleep smiling. I fell asleep worrying that he would panic and push me away when he awoke.

**A/N Hope you enjoyed it ~ Leave a review and I may be persuaded to put another lemon in the next chapter ;o)**


	17. That's What Friends Are Supposed To Do

**So, time has flown by and yet again it's turned into almost four weeks since my last update again. If it were up to me I would spend all day every day writing, but apparently children like to be fed and husbands like clean houses *tut*.**

**Anyway, here it is. I'm afraid I just didn't have chance to reply to all of the fantastic reviews you all left, but I read and loved them all – and as promised, you earned yourselves another lemon ;o). You're welcome!**

**Thanks to beckybrit for pre-reading and encouraging me with this one.**

**Disclaimer: All of Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Chapter 17 – That's What Friends Are Supposed To Do**

**EPoV**

"Edward, it's after midnight," a voice whispered in my ear, nudging me awake.

"So?" I asked sleepily, wrapping my arms around Bella and pulling her tighter to me. She struggled but I held on.

"I have to go home to sleep. Jake leaves for work at six a.m." she argued, still squirming to get free.

"Then stay until five thirty," I mumbled. She stilled and I assumed she was thinking my suggestion through. After a second she relaxed back into my arms and I placed a kiss on her head. "You're so easy," I whispered into her hair. She went rigid in my arms and I realized what I just said. "Shit!" I picked my head up from the pillow and looked at her face, which was clearly stony, even in the near blackness of the room. "Not like that, baby. I meant easily influenced."

As I continued to panic and flap, she suddenly began to giggle.

"I wish you could have seen and heard yourself then, Edward!" she snorted. I flopped back down and she snuggled into me.

"That wasn't funny," I said, pretending to sulk.

"Oh come on, it was a little," she said, tickling my side with the fingers of one hand.

"Nuh-uh."

We were silent for a moment, although I could still feel her body shake gently from withheld laughter.

"It's a good job I love you," I told her, quietly, testing out once again how it felt to say it.

"You really do?" she asked, breathily.

"Uh-huh." I kissed her head again and pulled her tightly to me.

"And you're not freaking out about it?" I could hear the hesitancy in her voice and realized that my open declarations were actually freaking _her _out.

"Bella, you've seen me freak out about shit before, right?" I asked her.

"I guess."

"And did I ever sound, look or feel as calm and content as I do now?"

"OK, point taken," she said, sighing. "I'm just afraid that at some point you're going to wonder what the hell you're thinking and run screaming."

I felt bad for Bella and I hated myself for being such a fuck-up to have made her so insecure about me in the first place.

"Hey, it hasn't been easy for me, you know that. But Bella, I wouldn't have let you into my house, let alone my bed, if I had any doubts about my feelings for you. Can you trust me on this? Please?" I stroked her cheek gently as I asked her. She glanced down and smiled a little, before looking back up at me.

"Ok," she whispered and I shifted to kiss her head. "I love you too."

"Then stay?" I asked her softly. She leaned up and kissed me gently.

"Alright, I'll stay. Set your alarm for me?"

"Sure, baby."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

As I drifted slowly back to consciousness from sleep, my brain tried to work out what it was that I should be remembering. _Bella_.

I cracked my eyes open and the first thing I saw was the L.E.D. display of the radio alarm reading six forty three a.m.

"Shit!" I exclaimed, recalling that Bella had said she would have to be home by six a.m. "Bella, you're late—" I rolled over quickly, flinging the covers back, but then froze. The other side of the bed was empty. I propped myself up on one elbow and strained my ears to listen for any sign that she was still here. "Bella?" I called out. Nothing.

I lay back down, staying still for a second, but then giving into the frankly pretty stalkerish idea that had stuck in my head. I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow where she had slept. It still smelt of her and I couldn't get enough of it. I didn't know what to think about the fact that she wasn't still here in my bed with me; I knew that she had to be home for when Jake went to work, but I didn't know how she could leave without letting me know.

_Unless, _I thought to myself, my paranoia taking over again. _Unless she _had_ got jittery over me telling her that I loved her, as I'd feared she might._

I tried to talk myself down from the crazy ideas that I was having, but I still couldn't find any peace of mind.

The doorbell sounded and my heart leapt at the thought that it might be Bella coming back, but then as it rang again, I remembered that Rosalie had an early meeting. I might not be out of bed, but at least she couldn't give me shit over having a hangover or sleeping with women. I smiled to myself as I realized that I really did think of Bella entirely differently. I'd had sex with her and yet I knew it wasn't something that Rosalie or anybody else could give me shit for. That felt pretty good, in an unfamiliar way. And then my insecurities crept back in.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"You were gone." I confronted Bella in the schoolyard as soon as she appeared with Jake's boys. She gave me a bewildered smile.

"Yeah, I woke up before the alarm so I turned it off before I left. I didn't want to disturb you."

"I wish you had. You didn't run out on me because of what…" I hesitated and glanced around to make sure that there was nobody listening in. "After what I said to you?"

Bella looked appalled.

"No!" You must have known that when you read my note."

"Your note?" I frowned.

"Yeah. I wrote a note and left it on the bed for you…" She stopped and looked intently at my face. "You didn't see it, did you?" she asked.

"No," I admitted. "I didn't."

The school bell rang at that moment and my attention switched to getting Gracie safely into school. I hung back to wait for Bella as she got both boys organized and inside the school building.

"What are your plans now?" she asked as she finally joined me.

"Actually I was going to work on your book," I confessed. I was up to date with my other deadlines and had been planning on spending today on Bella's project for the past week.

"Really?" Her face lit up as I nodded. "I can't wait to see what you come up with. When can I see?" An idea popped into my head.

"What are you doing today?" I asked her. Bella grimaced.

"I have to work."

"Come and work at my place," I said quickly before I lost the nerve. She stopped and turned to look at me in surprise. Taking both of her hands in mine, I leaned back against the wall, ignoring the two school moms who looked pointedly at us as they passed by and then started whispering. "Just for a few hours? I promise to show you everything I've done before we have to leave to come back here again later." Bella looked away as she hesitated, but then she turned back to me.

"Alright. I need to call at home and pick some things up, but then I'll come by."

"How about I come with you?" I asked. Her face dropped a little. "What's wrong?" She recovered quickly and shook her head.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Let's go."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"I'm thinking of telling Jake that I'm moving out." I looked up in surprise as Bella appeared in the doorway of my office and made the announcement completely out of the blue. She'd set her laptop up in my bedroom and we had left the doors between us propped open as I sat at my desk, working more productively than I had in months. Other than a telephone call she'd made, I hadn't heard a sound from her in the two hours since we started working, so I was a little surprised at the sound of her voice.

"Okaaay," I replied, drawing the word out as I registered what she had said. "You want to talk about it?" She wandered into the room and flopped down into the other chair.

"I don't know. I just feel like the dynamics are starting to change between me and Jake. He's starting to act like he's my dad or something…I mean, you saw how he was with you last night. It's like he feels like it's his duty to protect me or something. Very noble, but unnecessary." She sighed and dropped her head back. "And becoming a little annoying if I'm totally honest."

It was clear that she felt like she needed to talk to somebody about how she was feeling. From what I knew of Bella so far, I was guessing that she would be beating herself up over this shit.

"Bella," I began softly. "You have been amazingly good to Jake and his sons, and I'm sure that his gratefulness is one of the reasons why he's trying so hard to protect you. But if you feel that you need to move on, then that's what you have to do. Put yourself first for once. If Jake is half the friend to you that you are to him, then he'll understand and he'll encourage you to do what's best for you."

She looked torn.

"I still want to do everything that I do to help him out with the boys, you know? I just don't want to feel like I'm being watched and judged in my own time." She was quiet for a moment and I sat just observing her. She looked peaceful but I guessed that her thoughts were moving at a mile a minute. "I'll try and find somewhere cheap fairly close by."

"I have an idea," I said quietly, not sure how she would accept the suggestion. "You know, you could always…I mean, I know you probably were thinking of looking for a place on your own, but—"

"No way!" she cut in hurriedly.

"What?" I asked, taken aback by her response to a suggestion I hadn't even finished making.

"It's too soon, Edward!" Bella had a look of horror on her face and I couldn't help starting to laugh. "What's so funny?" she asked me, narrowing her eyes.

"I just realized what you thought I was going to suggest," I told her, struggling to halt the laughter that still bubbled within me. "I wasn't going to ask you to move in with me," I confessed. Strangely, I felt suddenly offended at the look of relief that washed over her face.

"You really had me scared for a moment there," Bella told me, her hand clasped to her chest.

I held my hand out to her and she rose to her feet and wandered over to me to take it. Pulling on it, I guided her onto my lap where I wrapped my arms around her to hold her in place.

"I love having you around, Bella. The last…" I paused to glance up at the clock on the wall. "Sixteen hours have been great. I never thought I'd be able to give as much of myself to anyone again as I've given to you." She moved her face towards me and placed a soft, gentle kiss on my lips.

"Well I for one, am glad that you have," she said, passing her thumb across my bottom lip. We were both silent for a moment as we looked into one another's eyes.

"Would living with me really be that bad?" I teased breaking the silence. She leaned back to get a better look at my face, her eyes widening.

"Who are you and what did you do with the romantically terrified Edward Cullen?" she asked as I stroked a piece of hair away from her face.

"I'm still here, baby. Isn't that what you love about me? The fact that you never know what I'm going to do next?"

"Oh yeah, there's nothing quite like spending all of your time with emotional whiplash," she shot back.

"Nothing like it? No better way you can think to spend your time?" I leaned forward and nibbled at the skin on her neck, feeling her hands tighten on me.

"Hmm, I think there_ was_ something else I liked about you; some way you had of passing the time…" Bella gasped quietly as I trailed my tongue down her chest, pausing and slipping a finger inside her bra to stroke the swell of her breast. "Fuck!" she whispered. "I'm working here more often if this is how you're planning on spending your lunch break."

"I might just insist on it," I replied, my voice low with desire as I slid her sweater up and over her head as she raised her arms. As I discarded her sweater, Bella shifted so that she was straddling me. I gasped as she lowered herself down onto me, deliberately rubbing herself against the bulge in my jeans as she settled. Her boobs were eye level to me now and I took full advantage, quickly reaching behind her to remove her bright pink, lace bra. She slid it quickly off her arms and then held onto my shoulders as I gave my full attention to the delicious display in front of me, teasing, licking, sucking and nuzzling until she was breathing hard and grinding against me even harder.

When we were both gasping, Bella decided that it was time I lost my shirt too. I instructed her to stand and told her that it was time to cut the crap; we both knew what was going to be happening here so why didn't we just remove all of our clothes now? As I said the words, I started to worry that maybe I had given the wrong impression and that she would think that I really did have an aversion to romance. One date in and I was already showing my true colors. I needn't have worried. I had never seen a woman undress so quickly in my life, and as she slammed into me as I struggled to get my remaining sock off, she was already breathing hard again with anticipation. I decided that the sock would have to stay as it was, hanging half off my foot.

We stood pressed together, kissing impatiently as my hand travelled down and grabbed her ass. At the action, Bella suddenly pulled away.

"You like my ass?" she asked huskily. I nodded, speechless at the sudden confidence she glowed with. I leaned in to kiss her again, but she took a step back, one hand on her hip. "Sit down, Cullen," she instructed, pointing to my office chair. I took a couple of steps back and sat down in the chair, feeling it scoot back slightly on its wheels as I did. I wondered what she had in mind, but hoped it was something that would give me some relief from the aching in my dick as it strained to get at her.

I needn't have worried. As soon as I was seated, she walked up to me, turned and bent over right in front of me. I was just reaching up to grab a handful of her perfect ass, when she lowered herself down and took me in her hand. I was holding my breath as she prepared to guide me inside her, when she suddenly let go of me and straightened up. She whirled around to look at me, her eyes frantic.

"Condom!" she exclaimed. "Shit, we nearly did it again! Do you have one?" she ran her hand through her hair as she impatiently waited for my reply. I couldn't help but laugh at her. "It's not funny! If you don't get inside me quickly I'm going to start fucking dripping all over your floor or something! And don't point that thing at me if you're not planning on impaling me with it, it's not helping!" she yelled, pointing to my dick. Fuck me, that all sounded so hot coming from her mouth as she stood in front of me naked. I had to agree with her after that outburst, there was no humor in this, I needed her now.

"It looks like you started ordering me around just a little too soon there, doesn't it?" I told her playfully. "Maybe if you're not up to it, I'll take charge myself, huh?" I looked at her questioningly, but added a quick wink so that she'd know I was playing. She looked at me, biting her lip for a moment before throwing me a wicked smile and nodding. I smiled back briefly before forcing myself to act serious again. "Well OK, if that's how you want to play it. My condoms, my rules."

I stood up, ripped my ridiculous flapping sock off and grabbed her arm, firmly enough to guide her, but not to hurt her. She gasped at the contact as I marched her across the landing, into my bedroom and threw her face down on the bed, her feet on the floor still.

"You want me to impale you with my cock?" I asked her, my voice rough.

"Fuck, yes," she groaned. I slid open the drawer on the nightstand and found a condom. Ripping open the foil, I took the condom out and slid it on in a smooth movement. Fuck, I was hard. I knelt down on the floor behind her and spread her legs, pushing her forward a little so I could see her pussy. She was right about the danger of dripping on the floor, I thought as I took in the sight of her, the pink skin glistening with her wetness. I pushed two fingers gently yet firmly inside of her. She groaned out loud and pushed back against me as I pressed them in as far as they would go.

"Look how wet you are," I told her, turning her head towards me with my other hand. I sucked one of my wet fingers into my mouth, tasting her. Her eyes glazed as she watched me. "And so sweet. Taste," I instructed her, holding my other finger up to her mouth. She opened it and sucked it hungrily inside, moving her mouth up and down the length, deliberately making me imagine it was my cock. "Enough," I snapped, pulling my hand back and yanking her legs back to the edge of the bed. "I'm going to fuck you now." I heard her gasp and whimper a little and my cock strained impossibly more.

I placed my palms on her, spreading her before me and watching as I slid slowly inside of her.

_Jesusholyshitfuck! _She was tighter than usual and I was pretty sure I was harder than I had ever been. I kept the pace slow for the first couple of thrusts, but then I pushed inside of her hard, and was rewarded with the most incredible, animalistic sound of pleasure from her. I drove myself inside her over and over, fighting the urge to close my eyes with sheer pleasure, watching as she fisted the sheets at the side of her body and occasionally looked back at me over her shoulder with her mouth agape and her eyes challenging. It was the single, horniest, dirtiest – in a good way - look I had seen outside of a porn film, and the harder I fucked her, my balls bouncing against her ass, the more she seemed to like it.

"Does that feel good?" I asked her as I gasped for breath. It felt fucking amazing to me.

"Yeah," she managed to gasp out between thrusts.

"Good enough to cum for me, baby?"

"No…too…too intense," she replied.

I slowed a little and reached around her. Feeling the wetness of the place where we were joined, I traced upwards until I hit the spot that made her cry out and tighten around me as I touched it. I was gentler with her now, not slamming into her like I had been, but keeping up enough of a pace to keep her crying out as I touched her the way she liked. It didn't take long until I could tell that she was going to go over the edge. I quickly took a finger on my other hand into my mouth and wet it thoroughly, before bringing it back around and pushing the tip into her ass. She cried out loudly and that was it; she came apart beneath me. Her climax was enough to send me over the edge too, and we pushed into and against one another as we rode out our orgasms together, finally collapsing together.

I put my arms around her and hugged her as I leaned against her gently to get my breath back.

"Baby, you were incredible," I whispered into her ear. A muffled grunt was the only reply I heard and I lifted my head to see her with her face half buried in the covers on the bed. I slowly pulled out of her and removed the condom. I grew concerned as she still didn't move. I sat on the bed beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Bella? Are you ok?" I frowned down at her unmoving form, but then she turned her head towards me. Her hair covered her face and I pushed it back with my hand, to reveal the dopiest grin I had ever seen on her. I chuckled at her expression. "I take it that smile is a sign of approval?" The grin grew for a moment but then abruptly vanished.

"Just one thing. You go near my ass again, Cullen, I'll chop your balls off. 'K?" And then the grin was back. I mock-pouted, but couldn't resist the swelling in my heart as I looked at her, knowing that I'd put that grin there.

As far as I was concerned she could have any damn thing she wanted.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**BPoV**

I was listening to music in the living room when Jake came in after putting the boys to bed and sank down onto the couch. He looked exhausted and for a moment I almost chickened out of what I had been planning to discuss with him. But then Edward's words came back to me.

_Put yourself first for once. If Jake is half the friend to you that you are to him, then he'll understand and he'll encourage you to do what's best for you._

"Jake, can we talk?" I asked, tentatively.

"Is this about the way I was with Edward the other night? Because I was going to apologize to you. I was out of line to speak to him like that, I realized as soon as you left. I just worry about you, Bells. I don't want anybody hurting you." His regret was genuine, that much was clear by the expression on his face. Still, it didn't change anything.

"Apology accepted. And I understood your reasons for doing it, it just didn't make it any better at the time, you know?"

"I know," he replied, sighing. "But we're good, right?"

"Yeah, we're good. But that's not really what I wanted to talk about." I bit my lip nervously. Jake knew me so well that he realized immediately that it was something big.

"What is it then? You look ready to chew your lip off over there," he chuckled but I could hear his unease in the sound. I took a deep breath.

"Jake, I'm thinking of moving out. We agreed this would be a temporary thing and I think that you and the boys have done an amazing job of getting settled and back on your feet so quickly. I just think I need a little more of my own space and I don't think it would be a bad thing for you and the boys either." I looked at him, waiting for his reaction. I really hoped that he wasn't going to be upset. So far, so good; he just seemed thoughtful. "I'll still help out with Josh and Billy the same as I do now so you don't need to worry about that," I added quickly, realizing that that was probably exactly what he was doing.

"Ok," he said, exhaling noisily and running a hand down over his face. "I won't lie, Bells. I'll miss you like hell. I mean you're like a sister to me…" I stood and crossed over to the couch, sat down next to him and wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me back.

"And you're like my brother, Jake. But that's kind of the point. There comes a time when you're living with family, when you need to move on. I'd hate for our friendship to go downhill because of stupid stuff like you leaving the milk out on the side." I nudged him because we both knew that that particular bad habit of his drove me insane. I looked up at him and he was smiling.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess it just freaks me out a little, the thought of being alone."

"You're not alone, Jake, you have the boys. You need to start thinking of them as your friends and not _just_ your responsibility you know. They're actually getting to be great company."

"Yeah, I know. It scares me how quickly they're growing up." He sighed and we sat, still snuggled together and quiet for a moment, both totally at ease with our silence as the music softly filled the room. "So, where will you go?"

"Edward said that Alice is looking for someone to share with her. She wants to drop some hours at work. Now she's seeing Jasper she doesn't feel the need to fill all of her waking hours working any more, but she can't afford to cut her time and keep the house on her own."

"Sounds ideal." Jake liked Alice and I could tell he approved of the idea.

"And it's close by so I'll still be able to come by early when you're working to look after the boys. In fact I'll probably see more of you, because I won't still be in bed when you leave for work," I pointed out, smiling.

"Any chance you could come by early enough to make me breakfast?" he joked.

"Maybe just once a week," I replied, mentally filing it away as something that I would try and do for my best friend.

"So when do you go?" he asked, his tone a little downbeat again.

"I haven't even spoken to Alice yet. I wanted to talk with you about it first. So what do you think?"

"I think it's good to see you thinking about yourself again, Bells. If this is what you want then I'll support you one hundred per cent, you know that."

"I love you," I told him.

"I love you too," he replied, kissing the top of my head.

"Ok, I'm going to go and have a soak in the tub," I said standing up. "It'll give you a chance to start getting used to watching exactly what _you _want to watch on the TV!" I picked up the remote and flung it at him. He snatched it out of the air.

"Excellent! I knew there must be some benefit to your news that I was missing!"

As I climbed the stairs I checked my mental list. Phase one of operation move-out was complete. Next phase –speak to Alice. I prayed she would agree. Jake was right, it did sound ideal.

**A/N Ok, next chapter there will be an unexpected visitor turning up – guaranteed to rock the boat! Please review, I love to hear your thoughts and theories :o)**


	18. We've Spent Our Time Trying To Mend

**Ok, I'm scared about the reactions to this chapter, but it's a plot bunny that has kept nagging at me, despite my attempts to bat it back down.**

**Thanks for your reviews for the last chapter, time is moving on a few weeks now and we're ready to open the door to that unexpected visitor. Let's see if those of you who guessed, were right…**

**Thanks to beckybrit for her encouragement and pre-reading x**

**Disclaimer: All of Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer**

**Chapter 18 ~ We've Spent Our Time Trying To Mend**

**BPoV**

I couldn't believe how Edward had changed, from the frightened, fucked up man he had been the first time I had ever laid eyes on him in the schoolyard, to the confident, loving boyfriend that he now was.

Life had been busy for the few weeks since our first date. I had spoken to Alice about moving in with her, and as soon as she'd finished bouncing off the walls with excitement, she had agreed immediately. She had been desperate to get me in there as soon as possible, but I explained that I needed to make sure that Joshua and Billy didn't feel like I was abandoning them. I spent a weekend away first, painting my new room and moving a few belongings over, then I moved in completely the following Saturday.

I had smiled as I watched Edward and Jake working happily side by side as they helped me move. I was grateful to both of them for their ability to put their previous incident to one side, it was important to me that my two favorite men, besides my father, got along.

Edward and I saw each other all the time now; in fact I sometimes wondered why we _hadn't_ just moved in together, as we spent nearly all of our waking hours, and most of our sleeping ones together. Still, we were both happy enough knowing that we had our own space if we needed it.

Work on my book had been going well too. Edward had been devoting a lot of time to it and his drawings were breathtaking. He had taken it all across to show to his agent and she had set up a meeting with a publisher. All in all things were going better for us both than they had in a long time.

We should have known it was too good to last.

The week before Thanksgiving I was home alone, working. Alice had gone into town for some groceries, promising not to be too long. I was taking a break and had just poured myself a coffee, when the doorbell rang.

Pulling it open I found myself face to face with a stunningly beautiful woman with strawberry blond curls and an equally beautiful baby balanced on her hip. She looked nervous and tucked her hair behind her ear with her free hand.

"Oh!" she exclaimed Uh…I was looking for Alice Cullen. Does she still live here?" she asked.

"Yeah, but she's not home right now. Can I help?"

"I was really hoping to be able to speak with her. Do you have any idea when she'll be back? I'm an old friend and I was just passing through."

She seemed nice enough and if she was friends with Alice then she must be OK; although I couldn't recall Alice ever having mentioned a friend with a baby.

"She's gone grocery shopping," I told her. "She should be back soon though. Did you want to come in and wait?" The woman seemed to relax a little at my invitation.

"That would be great, if you don't mind?"

"Sure, come on in." I held the door and stood back to let her through. She had obviously been to the house before, as she walked straight through into the living room. It struck me as a little rude, but I decided that if she'd been good friends with Alice that maybe she still felt comfortable here.

"I just made coffee," I called as I walked down the hall to the kitchen to fetch my mug from where I had left it. "Can I get you one?"

"Could I just get a glass of water, please?" she replied, her voice a little stilted, which I found odd. I got both drinks and headed back to the living room.

The woman had sat the baby down on the rug, and was standing with a picture that she'd picked up of Alice, Jasper, Edward and I with our arms around one another. Rosalie had taken it one night when she came to babysit Charlotte for Jasper so we could all go out.

"Cute," she said, tilting the picture frame towards me before placing it back down. I smiled as I handed her the glass of water.

"I'm Bella by the way."

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I'm sorry, how rude of me. I'm Irina, and this is Bree." We shook hands awkwardly and I gestured for her to sit down.

"So...Do you know Alice well?" I asked, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence. Irina smiled wistfully.

"I did. We used to be really close, like sisters."

"What happened?" I asked, curious to know. She sighed, heavily.

"Let's just say we had a disagreement on some decisions I made about my future. I moved away and we lost touch."

I smiled sympathetically at the stranger in front of me; there was just something so sad about her eyes. The baby started grizzling, and then crawled over to where Irina sat. I watched as she pulled herself up on the edge of the couch, noting how Irina's gaze passed disinterestedly over her as the little girl held her hands out to her mother as she continued to complain.

"She's hungry," the woman finally stated flatly, reaching into her bag and pulling out a bottle of milk. "Is it ok to warm this?"

"Of course," I replied standing and reaching for the bottle.

"It's fine, I'll do it," she said, standing and walking from the room, leaving the unhappy baby crying properly now as she watched her leave.

The scene disturbed me. This woman clearly had issues with the baby, poor little thing. I sat in the seat that she had just vacated and scooped the little girl onto my lap, speaking soothingly to her. I half expected her to start crying even louder what with me being a stranger, but gradually she calmed until the only sign she had been upset was the occasional hiccup.

I was just considering going to see where her mom had gotten to, when I heard the sound of the front door opening and closing and somebody approaching.

"Hey, Bella, you should see what I got at the store…" she trailed off as she walked in and saw me with the baby sitting on my knee, playing happily with a strand of my hair. "Oh! You have a guest. Who does she belong to?" she asked, dropping her purse off her shoulder onto an armchair and crossing the room for a better look.

"Hi, Alice," Irina said quietly, appearing in the doorway. Alice's face dropped at the sound of the woman's voice and she whirled around to face her.

"_You_?" my friend spat out at her. "What the hell are _you _doing here?" I felt the baby startle at Alice's raised voice, and her face crinkled as though she was going to start crying again. I stood, resting her on my hip and swaying back and forth to try and soothe her.

"Alice," I began, resting a hand on her trembling arm. "I don't think Irina—" Alice's head flashed around towards me.

"Irina?" She let out a near-hysterical sounding laugh as she looked again at the woman and then back at me. "Bella, this is _not _Irina. This is her sister. Tanya."

I glanced down at the baby in my arms and then back up at the woman in the doorway.

_Tanya? Holy shit._

I crossed the room and handed Bree back to her mother.

"I think you should leave," I told her in a steady voice.

"No way!" Alice said sharply, taking a step closer. "I've dreamt of being able to tell this slut exactly what I think of what she did to my brother, there's no way I'm letting this opportunity go!"

Bree's bottom lip was trembling now.

"Alice," I said gently as I nodded my head towards the baby. "I don't think this is the time, honey." Looking up into Tanya's face, I saw that her eyes were filling up with tears.

"Alice, I need to see Edward," she pleaded. My heart sank. It had taken him so long to get over her enough to start leading a semi-normal life again that I couldn't bear the thought of her taking that from him again. Tanya was still looking at Alice, blatantly ignoring me. "James has left me and I can't do this alone. I have to talk to Edward…"

"Why would you need to talk to Edward, Tanya? The baby isn't his," Alice shot at her. Tanya didn't reply, she just stood looking at my friend and then her face crumpled.

"No." Alice shook her head. "NO!" she yelled. "Please tell me you haven'tcome back here to try and convince him that the baby is his after all?"

"I thought I was so sure of my dates, but the doubts crept in and I had to confess to James that I thought he probably wasn't her father after all. He flipped out and left; went running back to Victoria." Her expression changed to one filled with venom. "Of course, that stupid bitch took him back. She believed every one of the lies that he spun her."

"And now you expect Edward to do the same with you?" Alice questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"There are no lies. Not anymore," Tanya replied defiantly.

"Hah! What about the one that she's his baby? Tanya, I am _not _falling for that and neither will Edward. Besides, he's moved on." Alice reached back, taking my arm and pulling me forwards.

"Meet Edward's new girlfriend." Tanya looked me up and down with a decidedly unimpressed look. "He loves her, Tanya," Alice continued. "There's not a hope in hell that he'll come near you again, so you might as well forget it."

"Whilst I value your opinion, Alice," Tanya sneered. "I think I'd still rather hear it from Edward. Did he move?" Alice was silent, refusing to answer. "I'll take that as meaning he still lives there. Don't worry, I'll keep trying until I find him. This is _his _decision, Alice, not a Cullen family one. I won't let you bunch of dysfunctionals screw things up for us again."

Alice moved to lunge for Tanya, but I managed to catch a hold of her before she could. Bree was screaming loudly now, and Tanya cast one dirty look back at Alice and eye before she put her bag on her shoulder, picked up their coats and walked out.

"Bitch!" Alice yelled after her, still trying to give chase.

Tanya was the vilest woman I had ever met. She actually made me feel physically sick, and in all honestly, if she hadn't had Bree with her, there's no way in hell I would have held Alice back.

The front door slammed and I let go of Alice as I felt her relax a little in my arms.

"Of all the goddamn fucking cheek!" she began to rant as she paced the room. "Can you believe that woman? I have no idea what Edward ever saw in her. Mind you, she never did show him _that_ side of herself, although the rest of us had it inflicted on us often enough when Edward wasn't around. He never believed us of course. She had him under some kind of twisted fucking spell or something."

I stood, still stunned at being tricked by the woman and at what had subsequently unfolded. My heart was beating faster at the thought of losing him to her. If she managed to convince him that the baby was his, I couldn't be sure that he wouldn't do what he thought was the 'right' thing.

I hadn't been able to see one scrap of Edward in the baby's features, but neither did she look exactly like her mother. I hoped beyond hope that Alice was right and that Tanya was lying about him being the father just to make things easier for herself.

My musings were interrupted by the doorbell ringing and Alice and I looked at one another.

"If that's her…" Alice began, striding towards the door. I hurried along behind her just in case it was. Alice pulled the door open angrily.

"Hey, what's up with you two?" Edward asked cheerily as he pushed past us and into the house.

_Shit. Five minutes earlier and she would have been here. Thank you God._

We followed him through into the living room, exchanging glances as we went. He sank down onto the couch whilst Alice and I remained standing, shifting nervously.

"Is everything OK?" he asked, looking from one to the other of us with a look of concern etched onto his face. I looked at Alice and she smiled brightly – and clearly falsely.

"Yes," she chirped. "Absolutely fine. You want a drink, Edward?"

"Alice," I cut in, a warning tone in my voice. "You have to tell him."

"Tell me what?" Edward asked. Alice cast me an evil glare and then looked back at Edward. When she looked at me again her eyes were huge and she looked on the verge of tears.

"I can't," she whispered.

"Well, he has to know. Better the news is broken by us, don't you think?" I said, convinced that this was the right thing to do.

"OK, regardless, one of you has to tell me now. You can't just leave me hanging now you've said that much.

I looked at Alice and she gave me a last pleading look. I shook my head to let her know that she wasn't going to get away with not telling him, and her shoulders slumped. I went and sat next to him, taking his hand in mine.

"Did somebody die?" he asked, deadly serious.

"No. Unfortunately Bella held me back." Alice told him. She took a deep breath. "Alright. We don't want you to flip out or run off when we tell you this. We're all here for you, you know that, and Bella loves you." I squeezed his hand and he glanced at me worriedly.

"Go on," he urged. Alice sighed.

"Tanya was here. About five minutes before you arrived. We thought that was her ringing the bell again and that's why we both came to the door."

Edward didn't move a muscle as he listened to the news.

"Oh. Did she say what she wanted?"

"Yes," I said. He turned to look at me. "She wants _you_."

We were all silent as Edward processed the information.

"She…had the baby with her?" he asked, finally. I looked to Alice.

"Yes. A little girl." When she spoke again the words rushed from her mouth, almost as though getting them out quickly would lessen their impact. "Edward, there's more. She back-tracking; trying to claim that the baby isyours. We don't believe her for a moment and we're scared that you _will_ believe her and…and…" She gave up and shrugged. "And that's it I guess. All we can do is hope that you won't be taken in by her. You've got Bella now, and Tanya is—"

"A bitch," I cut in. "Edward, she was horrible. She ignored the baby and she acted as though I didn't exist as soon as Alice got back."

"You were alone with her?" Edward asked. I nodded my head and he looked at me in exasperation. "Bella, what were you thinking, letting her in here?" he demanded.

"Hey, it's not her fault, Edward," Alice jumped in. "She told Bella she was Irina."

Edward sat back and ran a hand through his hair.

"She's crazy. Seriously, she must have lost it. Where's James?" he asked Alice.

"He left her once she told him that she thought you were the father and not him. He's gone back to Victoria."

Edward's leg began to bounce up and down and I could tell that he was becoming increasingly anxious.

"Can I make a suggestion?" I asked, quietly.

"Sure," he replied, taking my hand in his own.

"Get a DNA test. Find out for sure one way or another, because if you don't she's just going to carry on with this for God knows how long. If the baby is James's then you can cut Tanya out of your life altogether. If the baby is yours, then you have responsibilities to her."

"You're right," he sighed. "Fuck it! Why is she doing this? I hate it!"

"Edward? I don't think you should see her alone. I agree with you; she doesn't seem stable." I rubbed his arm comfortingly as he sighed. "And you definitely need to find out if that baby _is_ yours, because from what I could see, I don't think she's coping very well raising her."

**~*~*~*EY*~*~*~**

It was two days later that Tanya finally got in touch again. Edward had stayed over at my place and when he got home he found a note slipped into the mailbox, asking to meet him and giving him the number for her cell.

Alice and I were both up for accompanying him to see her after the last time, but after a group discussion it was decided that since Tanya responded better to men and relationships were Jasper's field of expertise, he would meet with her and Edward.

Edward called Tanya and told her the deal, half expecting her to pitch a fit, but actually she'd agreed pretty easily. We all hoped that she was in a reasonable frame of mind for the meeting itself.

"Wasn't it weird talking to her again after all this time?" I asked him after he hung up the phone. He bent down and kissed me gently on the lips.

"It might have been," he admitted. "If I hadn't had you to look at while I spoke with her." He ran a hand through my hair and I leaned into his touch. "You're worth a million of her, Bella. I can actually be thankful for what she did now, because if she hadn't…" He trailed off and sighed. "I would never have met you."

I pulled away slightly. Something had been bothering me ever since Tanya had reappeared in his life and I needed to ask him about it. As we sat on Edward's couch in the lamplight, the darkness of the winter evening pressed oppressively up against the window. I knew now that I had to voice my main worry.

"Edward, I have to know…" His brow furrowed as he registered my words. "If the baby _does_ turn out to be yours…"

"Then I'll be needing you more than ever," he interrupted me. "Listen to me. She's not creeping her way back into my life like this, Bella. Trust me. It took me a long time to get over her, and I completely understand that you guys are worrying about me, because she _did _have a hold on me for so long. But I'm as over her now as I will ever be, and that's thanks to you. If the baby _is _mine, which I agree with Alice on, is very unlikely, then we'll do our best for her. Until I have lab test results in my hand stating that I am her father, I'll be assuming that I'm not."

This had been the last reaction that I was expecting from him, a full scale breakdown would have been less unexpected. I guessed he was doing better than we all realized.

"I'm so proud of you," I told him. He smiled.

"I'm proud of me too," he admitted. "You know, under this cool and calm exterior, I'm seriously shitting myself." I huffed a sigh of relief.

"Thank God," I murmured. "I was starting to think that you had a secret twin I didn't know about."

Edward let out a low chuckle and wrapped his arms around me to pull me onto his lap.

"You didn't know me before, Bella. I'm just getting better; back to normal. I'd forgotten what 'normal' was for me, that's why I'm damned if Tanya's going to take that from me again."

**~*~*~*EY*~*~***

**EPoV**

I still couldn't believe she'd turned up again, and especially that she'd changed her fucking story about the baby. That fact alone made me more determined than ever that I wasn't going to have anything to do with her again if I could help it. What sort of person could put somebody they supposedly loved through that level of shit and then just turn up again and be all 'Oh, hi. Yeah, about the paternity thing? I think I was wrong, sorry. So how about we give things another go?'

Unfuckingbelievable.

This was unreal, even for Tanya. A selfish, spoilt brat she may have been, but to be quite so heartless – twice over – that wasn't the girl I had wanted to marry.

The thing that scared me the most was thinking that had this happened a few months earlier, before Bella had come into my life and helped me to start healing, I know for a fact I would have welcomed Tanya back into my life in an instant. She'd have sweet-talked me, looked at me with those big blue eyes that I had never been able to resist back when blue eyes were my weakness, and not brown, and been back in my bed before I knew it.

I shuddered. It was strange how the things that you once lived for could suddenly become so repulsive.

The doorbell rang and I jumped. Tanya wasn't due for another fifteen minutes but I had been pacing for at least five already. I was relieved to open the door and see Jasper standing there.

"Hey, man. You ok?" he asked, slapping my shoulder as I stepped aside to let him in.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm a little nervous, I've not seen her since…you know." I glanced at the door. The same one she had walked out of. Shit, maybe meeting her here wasn't such a good idea after all.

I followed Jasper back into the living room and looked around, trying to see it through Tanya's eyes. Alice had done well in a short space of time. As soon as she knew that I intended to meet Tanya at my house, the one we used to share, she insisted that I change every last thing that Tanya may still recognise so she got the message that there was no place for her in my life anymore.

I couldn't say I was sad to see the back of the couch. I loved the new one; the one that Bella and I had picked out together. Usually the store wouldn't be able to deliver at such short notice, so I had arranged a temporary swap with Emmett and Rose for Tanya's benefit, but then by some miracle the store found they had one in stock. We had to change our original color preference because this one was chocolate brown leather. Fine by me though, chocolate brown _was_ my new favourite color after all.

I felt a lot better now that Jasper had arrived. I had no idea how he did it, but he had such a calming influence; he just oozed that shit. I could only hope that it worked on Tanya too. As the doorbell rang again, I realized that we were about to find out, because she was early.

I cursed under my breath all the way to the door. I pulled it open and set eyes upon my ex for the first time in over a year and a half. She looked good, I had to admit it, but every ounce of attraction I had ever felt towards her had disappeared, and for that I was thankful. The relief gave me the confidence boost I needed to see this through.

"Edward!" she gushed, stepping forward with her arms out. I took a step back, further into the house.

"Tanya," I replied formally. She stopped; an expression on her face like a child scolded for doing something they didn't think was wrong. "Come on in." I moved further back, holding the door open and she stepped up into the house. I closed the door behind her and when I turned back she was watching me. She smiled widely again, my earlier rebuff obviously forgotten.

"You look great!" she said. I found her posturing vaguely amusing. The way that she pushed out her chest, played with her hair and tilted her hips was obvious when you weren't affected by it. Had she always done this I wondered? Certainly not towards the end. Well, not for me, that was for sure.

"Thanks," I replied, without emotion. "Go on through." She cast another flirtatious smile at me and turned to wiggle her way towards the living room. I rolled my eyes as I followed behind her.

"Tanya, this is my friend, Jasper. Jasper, this is Tanya." I watched her turn her charm onto Jas now, relieved for the brief respite.

"Hello! I recognise you – you were in a photograph at Alice's place with Alice and Edward and…that girl." She flicked her hand dismissively as she said 'that girl' and I felt a flash of irritation run through me.

"Bella," I cut in, interrupting whatever bullshit she was now spouting to Jasper.

"Sorry, honey?" she asked, turning her head to look at me.

"_That girl_. Her name is Bella." I articulated the words slowly.

"Oh. Whatever." She turned back to Jasper. "Anyway, so I said…"

Jasper was looking at me sympathetically as Tanya rambled on, touching him frequently on his arm as she spoke. I could feel the anger building in me. I didn't want to get fucking angry, I needed to control this fucked up situation so I could get her the hell out of my life again. I cleared my throat and spoke loudly to drown her out.

"Right, let's get this over with, Tanya. What the hell do you want?"

She stopped and turned to look at me, clearly shocked. In all our time together, I had never taken control in this way or treated her with anything but the utmost respect, including talking over her. The thing about respect though, is that once it's gone it can be very hard to claw back.

Now that her attention had moved off him, Jasper stepped back and sat down, leaving us to face one another across the room. She moved towards me.

"Don't be like that, baby…"  
"Don't call me that," I demanded, holding my hands up. She stopped dead and her shoulders slumped.

"Look, Edward. I'm sorry. I know now that what I did was…unforgiveable. I should never have treated you the way that I did. You were never anything but wonderful to me and I was an idiot to walk away from that."

I stared her down.

"He's left you." It was a statement, not a question. Tanya's lip began to tremble and her eyes filled with tears.

"Yes," she whispered. "I told him that I thought I had been right in the first place about you being Bree's father. He didn't like that. He went back to Victoria."

I shook my head and turned away from her, eyes fixed, unseeing, on a painting on the wall.

"She had a baby, you know? He's a little younger than Bree." I froze, my ears pricking at this new information. "She must have gotten pregnant around when James left. He swore it couldn't be his, but come on, Victoria was hardly the type to have an affair was she?" Tanya scoffed, as my ears filled with a loud rushing sound.

I turned slowly around.

"Say that again?" I asked, wondering if I had imagined what she had just said.

"What? That Victoria wasn't the type to have an affair?"

"No, before that. What did you say before that?" My words were frantic, but Tanya just looked confused.

"Victoria had a baby? Oh, so you want to know all about _her _baby, but not ours? Really Edward—"

I could see her mouth moving, but had no idea what she was saying. I thought of Bella, and that day at Alice's house after the pregnancy scare when I had first told her all about what happened with Tanya.

"_I was engaged to this girl; Tanya. I loved her and I would have done anything for her. She found out she was pregnant and everything seemed perfect. I was really excited about having a family with her. Anyway, we went for a sonogram and found out that she'd got her dates wrong; she was four weeks further along than she'd realized. I came home after that to find her packing her stuff up to leave me. It turned out that she'd been having an affair with some sleazeball from work and the baby was his."_

"_I'm sorry," Bella had said. "And…I kind of already knew." I felt sorry for her obvious awkwardness at admitting to having known._

"_Alice," I said. She nodded._

"_So, what did you do?" I debated for a moment, then decided 'what the hell'._

"_I got drunk and then went to his house and fucked his wife." She flinched and I felt bad. I shrugged my shoulders. "You asked," I told her._

I came back to the moment to find Tanya still talking at me.

"I…uh…I don't think I can do this now, Tanya. I'll call you in a couple of days. Jasper will see you out." I stalked quickly from the room, ignoring her as she called after me, and ran upstairs, my head swimming. Of all the shit I was expecting to come out of meeting with Tanya, I didn't see this coming for one minute.

Fuck. My. Life.

**A/N **

***Peeps out from behind fingers*. Please don't throw things at me! **

**Still, I'd love to know what you think. Reviewers will get a Tanya PoV of this meeting.**

**Don't forget, the events referred to here regarding Tanya, Victoria and Edward are all described in my story Unravel Me, the prologue to EY which you can find on ffn too. **

**xx**


	19. Through These Hard Times

**Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter – I am sending out the Tanya's PoV of her meeting with Edward. If you reviewed but haven't received it yet, I promise you will.**

**So, the twist about Victoria brought some VERY strong feelings out. Thank you to the majority of you who stuck with it, despite not being happy with it. I hope this chapter does the twist justice for all of you.**

**Thanks to beckybrit for being my pre-reader and all round hand-holder. If you haven't taken a look at her story 'Dark Wolves & Vampire Delights' yet, then you most definitely should! She's only seven reviews from 200 so I'm sure she'd love to hear from you ;o)**

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6413373/1/Dark_Wolves_and_Vampire_Delights**

**OK, hold on tight, here we go!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I just dream of owning Edward *sigh***

**Chapter 19 ~ Through These Hard Times**

"Edward? Are you ok?" Jasper's voice drifted through the closed door of my office as he knocked gently. I stopped pacing like a caged lion for a moment and threw it open.

"Fuck!" I yelled, turning and kicking the waste paper basket hard, sending it spinning across the room, balls of paper spilling out as it rolled. I looked at Jasper as he stood silently watching me.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked.

"No," I told him, still bubbling over with energy that I didn't know how to channel. I paused for a moment. "Shit. Yes, I guess."

"This is about the other guy's baby?" Jasper enquired gently.

"Ha! Which one?" I asked, letting out a near-hysterical giggle. Jasper looked on patiently as I struggled to hold myself together. I sighed and lowered myself onto the chair. "When Tanya left I went out and got drunk, then went to James's house looking for him. He'd gone too of course. His wife, Victoria let me in and made me coffee. We were both devastated. Grief can make you do crazy things I guess. I had sex with her, passed out on the couch and left before she woke up in the morning. I haven't seen or heard from her since." I looked up at Jasper. He was watching me with something akin to fatherly concern. "You don't think…" I left the question unspoken, certain he'd know what I was getting at.

"Well, I can't say for certain, man. It sounds like there's definitely a chance it could be yours, though," he told me. I shook my head in disbelief.

"Whatever happened to meeting a girl, marriage, kids and happily ever after?" I whined. Jasper shrugged.

"You got me. I think you're lucky to find that these days."

"I'm twenty nine years old, Jas. I've got an ex-fiancee who was having my baby, and then she wasn't, now she's decided she was. I have a girlfriend who I would quite happily spend the rest of my life with, who thought she was having my baby, freaked me out and then found out she wasn't. Now I discover that my ex's, ex- wife who I had a one-night stand with, is also possibly the mother of my baby." I looked up at Jasper and was appalled to find him smiling. "This is not fucking funny!"

"Dude, you really need to learn a thing or two about contraception, you know?"

I jumped up from my seat and got right up in his face, my control hanging by a thread.

"For your information, Tanya and I were engaged and I have only ever not used contraception on two other occasions. So now, tell me? Am I careless or just fucking unlucky?" I yelled. Jasper took a step back, his hands raised.

"Hey, I'm sorry, man. And for the record, I would say both."

I walked away, shaking my head as I took deep breaths to calm myself.

"Ok, do you know where this Victoria lives?" Jasper asked, his voice taking on an authoritative tone.

I sighed, sinking down onto the chair again, exhausted.

"I know where she lived then. I have no idea if she still lives there now."

"It's worth a try. Come on, let's go," Jasper said, pulling on my arm.

"Go where? To her house? Jas…" I stood and Jasper looked me directly in the eye.

"Edward, you're going to pieces here. You need to know one way or the other. You're going through enough wondering about Tanya's little girl and the chances are she's _not_ yours. There's really a chance that you could be this baby's father. You need to clear this up as soon as possible."

He was right. I was already considering how Bella would react to this latest news. Every time I had something new to tell her I worried that this would be it; the thing that would send her running from me. This was big enough for that to happen, and that scared the shit out of me.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

We took my car and before long we were pulling up down the street from Victoria's house. Jasper got out and walked the short distance to the house. I really didn't want to see James so we had decided that Jasper would call at the house and ask for him with some cover story, to discern whether or not he was home.

A couple of minutes later he reappeared, turning to me as he climbed back into the car.

"The coast's clear. He's at work, not due back for hours." I was silent, eyes fixed forward. "You can do this, Edward. Come on. Do it for Bella if you can't do it for yourself."

He was right. I needed to know one way or the other before I broke this news to her. I offered Jasper a tight smile, opened the car door and climbed out.

I made the walk to the house, climbed the porch steps and knocked on the door. A moment later Victoria opened it holding her baby.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Edward? Is everything OK?" She seemed genuinely concerned as she hitched the baby up a little.

"Uh…not really. Could I come in for a moment?" I asked her, looking furtively up and down the street, even despite Jasper's assurances that James would be out for a while yet.

"Sure," she stepped back and let me into the house. I waited for her to close the door behind me and then followed her through the house, my eyes fixed firmly on the baby now that Victoria had her back to me. I couldn't see that he actually looked anything like Victoria, let alone me, but then I'd never been any good at that shit.

Once in the living room she indicated for me to sit down, sitting down herself in the chair across from me.

"I have to say, you were the last person I expected to see on my doorstep. What can I do for you?" She was blatantly curious about why I was there.

"I only just found out about the baby," I confessed. " When…" I just couldn't get the words out. I took a deep breath and tried again. "I mean, am I…Is he…"

Victoria smiled at me.

"You want to know if he's yours?" she asked. I hung my head as I exhaled before meeting her eye again.

"Yeah."

"No, Edward, he's not yours." Her words seemed unreal. I'd been so sure that she was going to say yes. My head snapped up.

"You're sure?"

"Yes. One hundred per cent. Firstly, I took the morning after pill afterwards. I wouldn't have done that to you, Edward, and if I had you would definitely have heard from me when I found out I was pregnant. I wouldn't have kept that from you." I nodded, too relieved to speak. "Secondly, James insisted on a DNA test before he'd accept he was the father."

A sudden thought struck me.

"So you were already pregnant when we…?"

"No." Victoria smirked.

"No?"

"No. Apparently Tanya wasn't enough for him. He still came here to see me, all the time he was with her."

I was appalled that a woman as attractive and intelligent as Victoria would allow herself to be used and treated this way by a man. Still, it wasn't up to me to point it out, I'm sure she knew it herself deep down. Despite that, she seemed happy enough. I watched as she shifted the baby and bent down to talk to him, kissing his face. I had a feeling that her reason for putting up with James's shit, was sitting there in her lap.

"OK. Well, thanks for your time. I'm sorry to have just called in like this, it's just…I needed to know, you know?"

"I understand. It's not a problem." We both rose from our seats.

"Does he know? James I mean, about us?" I asked. She shook her head quickly.

"No. I didn't tell anybody. I figured it was nobody else's business."

"Thank you." I didn't really care whether he knew or not, but I didn't need any more shit coming my way, out of the blue.

"Before you leave, I just want to show you something. Would you mind holding Ben for a moment?" Victoria asked, stepping forward and handing the little boy to me. I took him awkwardly from her. As she left the room, I examined the child in my arms. Hmm, now that I looked closely, I was actually pretty sure that he had James's eyes.

Victoria was back pretty quickly, sliding a sheet of paper from an envelope. She took the baby from me and handed me the paper. There it was in black and white.

**Results:**

James Garner is not excluded as the biological father of Ben Garner.  
This means that James Garner is considered to be the father of Ben Garner because the analysis shows that they share a paternity relationship.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

I couldn't hide my shit-eating grin as I climbed back into the car. Jasper smirked.

"Well, I'm guessing that either he's not yours, or he's actually such a great kid that you can't stop smiling," he quipped. I laughed.

"Sounding good so far, but for fear of sounding cynical, how sure are you about this? Is this another one that's going to come back and haunt you?" Jasper asked.

"Definitely not. She had a DNA test done and he's James's. I even saw the letter confirming it."

Jasper allowed himself a huge grin now.

"That's great news, man. " As I turned the key in the ignition, his cell started ringing. "Hey, Alice," he said as he answered. "Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was ok. She had to leave early so we'll have to set up another meeting." As he listened to whatever my sister was saying to him, he looked at me. "Hold on. Edward? You got your phone on you? Bella's been trying to call you, she's getting worried." I took a hand off the steering wheel and began to pat my pockets down.

"Shit. It must be on silent."

"Yeah, it was on silent. We had to go out. Edward thought he was the father of yet another baby so we just had to go and check it out."

I looked at him, appalled. Jasper laughed into the phone.

"Of course I'm kidding, Alice! Does it sound likely? OK, see you in ten." He pressed the button to end the call.

"Dude, really?" I was shaking my head and throwing him my best disapproving look.

"Sorry," he said, still smiling. "I couldn't resist."

We were silent for a few minutes, the only sound in the car the music emitting from the speakers.

"I'm going to have to tell Bella," I said at last, voicing the thought that had been nagging at me.

"I think that's probably the right thing to do. You've had a close call and you don't want her to think that you're acting off, because of Tanya. Bella must be feeling anxious about that whole situation as it stands anyway."

I sighed and shook my head.

"I just hope she loves me enough, Jas."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

We drove straight over to Alice and Bella's place. Jasper discreetly disappeared with Alice and left Bella and I alone. She was preparing lunch when I walked into the kitchen, so I leaned against the counter, watching her cutting up salad vegetables as she hummed softly to herself, unaware of my presence. A minute or so passed and I couldn't keep my distance any longer. Walking up behind her, I gently snaked my arms around her waist and nuzzled my nose into her hair, inhaling the scent that brought me so much comfort these days.

"Hey," she said gently. "I wondered when you were going to stop staring and say hi."

"You knew I was there?" I asked her. She laughed and turned in my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Edward, I always know when you're around. I always have done."

"Huh." I frowned and she immediately mirrored my expression.

"What?"

"I thought that was just me. You feel that too, huh?" Bella nodded and leaned in to kiss me softly.

"Alice said things didn't go too well with Tanya." I took a deep breath.

"I need to talk to you about that. I didn't resolve things with Tanya today. She kind of threw me a curve ball and I walked out on her." I watched Bella for her reaction.

"Edward," she whined, taking a step back from me and placing her hands on my forearms. "You promised you'd do this. You have to sort this out or she'll have a hold on you forever. You said—"

"Bella," I cut in. "I need to tell you something." She looked at me, concern etched into her features. "It's nothing to worry about, I've sorted it out and I was panicking unnecessarily and it's actually nothing that concerns me but—"

Shit. I was struggling to get the words out and I just hoped that Bella was following what I was trying to say.

"Just tell me, Edward," she asked, anxiously.

"OK. Do you remember me telling you that I had sex with the wife of the guy that Tanya left me for?" Bella grimaced slightly but nodded. "Tanya mentioned today that Victoria – the wife – got pregnant around the time that James left her."

Bella looked horrified as she processed my words, and then took a step back, breaking all physical contact with me.

"You…"

"No!" I told her hurriedly. "No, I mean, I thought the same. Obviously, it was a possibility, but Jas and I went straight over there to talk to Victoria. The baby is definitely not mine. I even saw the results from a paternity test; it was there in black and white. I just wanted you to know everything that was going on, and to explain that if I was acting strangely it's because I just had that jump up and bite me on the ass, not because of anything that Tanya may have said or done."

I finished babbling and turned my full attention to Bella. The color had drained from her cheeks and she was deathly pale as well as silent.

"Bella?" I asked, growing worried about her now. She shook her head a couple of times as if to clear her head, and then spoke.

"Uh, Edward? I want…no, I need, a little time here I think."

I panicked.

"Shit, no! Please, Bella, don't do this. You're the best thing that has _ever_ happened to me. Please don't throw this away because of some…stupid drunken mistake I made almost two years ago! I'll beg; I'll do anything, just…please?" My breathing was becoming shallow and I felt the familiar light-headedness of a panic attack beginning to grow. Bella recognised it too and pulled me onto a tall stool, placing herself between my legs and standing so that we were face to face. As my hands gripped hers tightly, she slowly forced me to concentrate on my breathing and talked me down until I was calm again.

I looked at her from beneath hooded lids, suddenly exhausted and struggling to keep my eyes open.

"Are you ok?" Bella asked me, pushing my hair back with her fingers. I nodded. She crossed to the sink and filled a glass of water from the faucet, bringing it back and handing it to me. As I took a sip she began to talk. "Edward, I'm not sure what I said to make you panic there. I wasn't planning on a break, I just said I need a little time to process everything. All these damn babies popping up everywhere that could be yours. You know, I had no idea that this is what I was buying into. A promiscuous past? Yes. Serial paternity issues? No."

I nodded my head in understanding at the situation she had unexpectedly found herself in.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, too afraid to look her in the eye for fear of what I might find there.

"I have to ask this," she whispered. "Are there likely to be more? Could this happen again?"

"No." I told her firmly and with conviction, forcing myself to look at her. "I swear to God, Bella. Tanya, Victoria and you. Those are the only times that I didn't take precautions. For how fucked up I was on drink and…whatever…the rest of the time I was always careful."

Bella and I had discussed my history before. We'd decided to go to the sexual health clinic to get checked out, soon after we started officially dating. We had held a very similar conversation to this at the time when she questioned my past, although I guessed it put a different kind of pressure on a relationship when the subject is instigated by secret offspring and not the possibility of unpleasant infections.

"Soooo. Tanya?" Bella enquired once she was satisfied that I had calmed down.

"Fuck her," I said. "I don't need to see her again. I could see what she was playing at. I'll call her and say I want a DNA test. Until the results are back, I don't want to hear from her again." I sniffed and wiped my nose on the back of my hand as I felt the threat of tears building.

Bella bent and kissed me gently on the lips. As she moved away again, her eyes searched my face. All trace of horror had been replaced by concern.

"We'll get through this, Edward. Whatever the results turn out to be, we can do this. It's just been a shock, you know? I need to get my head around everything."

"You both need some down time," a voice said from the doorway. As we both turned, Alice walked over and wrapped her arm around me. "When do you two ever really have any kind of fun? You're both young, you need to let your hair down a little; forget about all of the crap for a while."

I looked at Bella and she looked back at me, her face hopeful.

"I think she's right, Edward. It could be just what we need."

"Excellent!" Alice took her arm from around me and clapped excitedly. "It's all arranged. Grace and Charlotte are going to stay with Esme and Carlisle for the weekend while Rosalie and I entertain you, Bella and Jasper and Emmett liven Edward up a little!"

"I'm not sure it's excitement that Edward needs, Alice," Jasper said, smiling as he walked into the kitchen. He handed me a piece of paper with a name and number written on it. "I did some research and found this for you. It's a DNA testing place in Port Angeles. You can have the results back within three days, you just need to call and make an appointment." I nodded.

"Thanks, Jas." I looked between the expectant faces watching me. "I'll go and arrange it now." I grabbed a pen from the counter as I walked to the door to the backyard to make the calls outside.

_Shit, I could really use a cigarette right now,_ I thought to myself as I slid onto the picnic table bench.

As much as I hated to do it, I knew there was somebody I needed to speak to first. She answered on the second ring.

"Edward! Are you OK? I was worried about you earlier, honey, you looked dreadful!"

"Yeah…uh, I'm fine. Look, Tanya, I'm going to keep this straight to the point. I don't have the time or the desire to spend any more time with you casting a shadow over my life. You made your decision when you walked out of that door, there's no going back now."

"But Bree…" she whined, causing me to cringe.

"I don't believe for one minute that Bree is mine. I want the proof in black and white so that I can get you out of my life for good. I've moved on and I hope you can respect that and do the same." I heard the unmistakeable sound of crying. I wondered what had happened to the ice cold bitch that had left me. This Tanya seemed a lot more emotional than the one that I had known before.

"I want a paternity test," I continued. " I've got a number for a place in Port Angeles and I'm going to call them now for an appointment. Is morning or afternoon best for you?" I didn't owe her anything, but I was at least going to offer her the choice for the sake of the child's routine, if she even had one.

Another sniffle.

"Uh…" she sighed loudly. "Morning I guess. Bree takes a nap in the afternoon."

"OK. I'll call now and let you know when the appointment is arranged for."

"Bye," she whispered, before hanging up.

How the hell did she manage to make me feel almost sorry for her, I wondered? And then I realized it was because she sounded so defeated and resigned to whatever was happening. I knew that feeling only too well.

I glanced up and caught Bella watching me from the kitchen window. I offered a small wave and flattened out the paper that Jasper had given me, on the table.

Walking back into the house after the call, I pulled Bella into a hug as Alice and Jasper looked on.

"It's all arranged," I told them. "The appointment is ten thirty tomorrow. I'm going to pick Tanya and Bree up at nine fifteen."

"Excuse me?" Bella asked, pulling away.

"Dude, you don't have to go together, you know. You can have separate appointments." I looked at Jasper, and then at Alice who had moved over to stand beside Bella, her hand comfortingly on Bella's arm. I was more than a little irritated by them all in that moment.

"Well I'm very fucking sorry that none of you approve," I spat at them. "But I'm trying to make sure that she can't back out of this. The only way I could think to make sure she keeps the appointment was to take her myself!" I turned to Bella. "I'm doing this for us, Bella. To resolve this fucking mess once and for all so that we can be sure about our future. Because a future with you is the only thing I _have _felt sure of in a long while. So I'm sorry that you're not happy, but I'm doing my best here!"

We stood looking at one another, her eyes narrowed at me, until she was the one to break the silence.

"OK, I'm going to take that time out now," she said, and turned and left the room.

"Bella!" I called, moving to follow her. Jas stepped across to block my way, refusing to let me past as the front door closed loudly behind her.

"Let her go, Edward. She knows she needs some time, you should let her take it."

I pulled at my hair in annoyance as I turned around, my eyes screwed shut as I stamped my foot in an attempt to vent some of my frustration without actually destroying any part of Alice or Bella's home.

"Fuck it!" I yelled. I turned back to Jasper and my sister. "I'm not leaving," I informed them.

"Fine," Alice replied. "Edward, I'm sorry this has all come to this. For the record though, I just know the test will be negative and you and Bella can get on with your lives without fear of that poisonous bitch rearing her head again with ammo against you. If you can just make it through the next few days…"

A sudden realization dawned in my head.

"You knew!" I said accusingly to Jasper.

"What?" he asked, doing his best to look innocent.

"You knew that I'd ring and probably be getting the DNA results back on Monday. That's why you organized this weekend thing. I thought it was strange that you wanted to do something like that on the weekend before Thanksgiving." I was pointing at Alice now, knowing that she spent at least a full week working on the finer details of her Thanksgiving plans.

"Yes, alright. You got us," she admitted. "You need the distraction though, admit it."

"Definitely," I sighed. "Thanks."

"You want to watch a movie with us?" she asked. I glanced at the clock. It was only one p.m. This was going down as the longest day of my life.

"Yeah, why not?" I said, and followed them through to the living room to pass the time until Bella returned.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

Jasper and Alice collected the girls from school and took them back to Jasper's place. There was still no sign of Bella, but I knew that she would have collected Joshua and Billy and be at Jake's now until he came home from work.

As it grew darker outside, I didn't turn any lights on. Instead I went up to Bella's room and lay on her bed in the twilight, watching the sky through the window as it darkened to a cloudy black. The streetlight outside cast an orange glow within the room. The only other light came from the digital radio alarm on the nightstand. I watched the numbers as they changed every sixty seconds, my eyes growing heavier with every change. Eventually I gave in and closed them.

**~*~*~*EY~*~*~***

Four twenty three a.m. The LED display taunted me as it came into focus. It took my brain a moment to process where I was exactly, but as soon as I remembered that I was in Bella's bed, I rolled over towards her. The other side of the bed was empty. Rubbing a hand over my face, I reached into my pocket for my cell phone, hoping for a message from her.

There was only one new message. It was Alice saying that Grace had stayed over at Jasper's and they would take her to school in the morning. I'd known I should have gone after Bella. I could only hope that the separation was working in my favor.

I scrolled through my contacts until I found her name and then I pressed call. It rang a couple of times before it was picked up by a voice I recognised immediately, despite the fact it was blatantly huskier through sleep.

"I need to speak to Bella," I told him.

"She's sleeping," he replied quietly. I heard the rustle of movement and her voice speaking his name in question. I knew she wasn't fully awake, I recognised the sound of her sleep-filled voice.

"In your bed? What the fuck, Jake?" I exploded, angrily at him.

"She'll call you in the morning."

"The hell she will! I want to speak to her now!" I was on my feet now, already out of Bella's room and halfway down the staircase.

"I said she'll call you in the morning," he told me forcefully. "Goodbye."

The line went dead as he hung up on me. I tried calling straight back but it went to voicemail. I tried again. Voicemail again. He'd turned the phone off.

I scrolled through my contacts again, found the one I wanted and pressed call. It rang and rang. I was just about to hang up when Emmett answered.

"Yo!"

"She's with _him_, Em. I just called her and she's in bed with that fucker!"

"Can't this wait, bro? Only I'm a little uh…busy right nooow fuuuck!" I stopped, pulled out of my rant by the sounds he was making. I moved the phone away from my ear for a moment and screwed my face up, before putting it back tentatively.

"Please tell me that you are _not_ fucking while you're talking to me, Em," I begged. He just laughed. Bastard. "Call me back," I told him and ended the call.

I went to the kitchen and started to make myself a coffee. I had considered going over to Jake's and confronting them both, but it seemed like the wrong thing to do when he had kids asleep in the house. It could wait.

_How could she?_ I wondered. She really didn't seem that mad at me when she left – did she?

My cell started ringing, Emmett had obviously finished what he'd been doing. I pushed the image from my head as I answered the phone without looking at the screen.

"It's me," a small voice said. Definitely not Emmett.

"Bella?" I didn't know whether to feel relief or anger.

"It's not how it sounds, I promise," she said, her voice shaky.

"You were in his bed asleep when I called though, right?" I asked, angrily.

"Uh…more like passed out than asleep, actually. I got really drunk last night and puked everywhere. Jake was worried about me so he put me where he could make sure I was ok."

"Oh, really?" I asked, unable to keep the sarcasm from my voice. "And what was wrong with the couch? Or was that not cosy enough for two?"

"I _was_ on the couch at first. That was where I puked." I heard her groan a little. When she spoke again it was at double speed. "IhavetogoIthinkI'mgoingtobe—" And then the phone went dead.

Shit. What was I supposed to think? Jake was obviously out to antagonize me or he would have just told me the truth in the first place, surely. She must have told him about everything that was going on.

I finished making the coffee as I thought everything through. I was just pouring it as my phone beeped at me.

**Can you pick me up? B x**

I left the drink exactly where it was and headed out of the door. I had a girl who needed me.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**So, how was that? Thoughts on Bella's reaction to it all?**

**Ok people, time for an angst break – next chapter will be all about the good times!**

**Please leave a review!**


	20. It's Okay Not To Be Okay

**Hello! Happy April to you all! **

**Just in case anybody didn't know, you can find outtakes from this story, including When Emmett met Rosalie, by looking on my story profile and looking for 'Elusively Yours Outtakes' – genius naming skills, I know ;o)**

**Thanks for all of the reviews for the last chapter, I read and loved them all as ever. Your theories are always my favourites to read :o)**

**OK, without further ado, let's get this damn paternity test out of the way!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer**

**Chapter 20 ~ It's Okay Not To Be Okay**

I tapped the steering wheel impatiently and glanced at the clock on the dashboard again. She knew I was waiting because she'd waved at me through the window when I pulled up, and yet five minutes later there was _still_ no sign of her emerging.

I was pissed that it was time with Bella that I was missing. I'd left her sleeping her hangover off, although this time it was in _my _bed and not Jake's. Picking her up from his place had been more than a little awkward, but I'd decided I didn't care. I knew that I was doing my best to sort things out for us and I was damned if I was going to ruin things with Bella by getting mad at him and causing an argument. Whatever I thought of him, I knew he cared for Bella too.

My eyes flickered to the clock again, but this time when I looked up, I saw the front door of the house was open and Tanya was heading awkwardly towards me with a child's car seat in her hands. As much as she had pissed me off, I hadn't been brought up to watch a woman struggling, so I threw open the car door and met her on the path, taking the seat from her.

"Thanks, sweetie," she said, smiling as though I were taking her for a fun day out, and not to determine whether or not I was the father of her child. I tried hard not to grimace at her, but couldn't be sure whether I'd actually managed it or not. She turned and headed back into the house and I carried the seat to my car.

It didn't take me long to figure out that there was no way that it was going to fit into the back of the car through the driver's door. By the time Tanya returned, I had finally managed to get it through the rear hatch by folding one of the back seats down.

"Did you manage to strap it in OK?" she asked me.

"No, I…uh…only just managed to get it into the car," I confessed. She smiled at me.

"Here, you take Bree and I'll fix it."

I began to stutter an excuse, but then realized that there was really no other way around it. I'd looked at the seat once I'd got it in place, but the belt guides and clips had all looked too complicated for me to figure out without a set of instructions.

Tanya handed Bree to me and I held her uncomfortably in my arms. I glanced at the little girl, who was staring at me and making me feel as self-conscious as hell. I tried to appear disinterested by turning my attention back to Tanya; right until, that was, she decided to crawl into the car and leave her ass sticking straight up towards me while she strapped the seat in. I diverted my eyes again and spotted Carmen watching us from the doorway. With one hand, I tried to wave to Tanya's friend who she was staying with while she was in town, but soon realized that it was damn near impossible without easing the death-grip I had on the baby to avoid dropping her.

Tanya emerged from the car, looked at me and smiled.

"What?" I asked, self-consciously.

"It suits you," she replied, nodding towards Bree. I held the little girl out to her mother.

"Cut the bullshit, Tanya," I snapped as she took her from me. "Let's just get this over with." I managed to catch a glimpse of her rolling her eyes at me as she turned away. _Better,_ I thought_. Finally a snapshot of the real Tanya_.

Despite the bad start, I was determined to not spend the whole morning fighting with her. I hadn't mentioned it to anyone else, but part of the reason I had wanted to make this trip alone with Tanya and Bree, was to check out the behavior that had caused Bella to become concerned about Tanya's ability to care for the little girl.

"So, where are you living now?" I asked her. She sighed deeply, wringing her hands together in her lap.

"I have an apartment in Seattle. I miss Forks though, I'd love to move back," she told me. I snorted loudly. "What?" she asked, affronted.

"Tanya, you hated Forks. You always said you couldn't wait to get away from the place and the people, so don't give me that crap." I glanced at her. She was pouting at me.

"Edward, your priorities change a little once you have kids, you know?"

"And yours have changed how, exactly? Because I'm yet to see any evidence of these new priorities."

"You've spent less than a half hour in my company, Edward. What the hell would you know?" She had raised her voice now and the baby in the back seat started to whimper a little. Tanya appeared not to notice, which reinforced the point I had just made to her. All Tanya cared about was Tanya.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, but unhappy sounds continued to drift from Bree's mouth. Tanya took out her iPhone and sat with her eyes fixed on it as her fingers worked the touch screen. The little girl continued to moan.

"Is she ok?" I asked in concern. "She doesn't sound too happy back there." Tanya didn't even bother to look up.

"Yeah, she's just a miserable kid. Always whining, you know? I don't really listen anymore, it drives me crazy else."

I looked at Bree in the mirror, noticing that her cheeks were wet with tears now.

"I really don't think she's just whining, Tanya. She's crying, look," I told her. She huffed and turned round in her seat.

"What's the matter, Bree?" She addressed the child in an irritated tone. When the baby continued to cry, she became impatient. "Look, crying isn't going to make any difference and I can't listen to it all day. You have nothing to cry about; now stop." The words only made her cry louder. "Oh, for God's sake!" Tanya spat out in exasperation. She pulled the change bag onto her knee and began to search through it for something. After a moment she held up what she'd evidently been looking for, a triumphant smile on her face.

"Chocolate?" I asked in disbelief. "It's nine thirty in the morning!"

She opened the packet and passed it back to Bree, who took it from her and immediately stopped crying.

"And your point is?" she asked smugly. I shook my head and fixed my eyes back on the road.

_Keep your opinion to yourself, Cullen. It's none of your business now and hopefully it never will be, _I told myself. Despite that though, for the very first time, a small part of me almost wished that Bree could be mine so I could play a part in raising her properly. Was Tanya really so irresponsible that she was unable to raise a child? The woman that I had been engaged to would have been more than capable. What the hell had happened to her?

**~*~*~*EY*~*~*~**

We'd been sitting in the waiting area for five minutes when Tanya announced that she had to use the bathroom. I expected her to pass Bree to me to hold, but instead she put her down on the floor. As Tanya walked away, my eye moved from Bree, to an unsavoury looking stain on the carpet beside her. I wasn't OCD by any means, but _shit_! I shuddered slightly and scooped the little girl up onto my knee.

"Hey, that's better, right?" I asked her. She looked at me for a moment and then began to squirm. "Hey, hey!" I said, trying to calm her. "Do you have any toys in your bag? Shall we take a look?" I reached across for the bag and dragged it across the row of chairs onto the one beside mine. I managed to open it one handed and began to feel around for something resembling a toy.

I got a hold of something and pulled it out. I'd managed to pick up two toys, and as I separated them, something fell out from between them and onto the floor. I bent down and retrieved it. It was a full blister pack of tablets. I turned the pack over to the foil side and squinted to read the tiny writing, but the name meant nothing to me. Knowing that I didn't have a pen on me and that Tanya might return at any moment, I quickly pulled my cell phone from my pocket and snapped a photo of the pack with the name clearly displayed. I'd ask Carlisle about them later.

Tanya returned soon after and eyed the baby sitting on my lap.

"Don't get excited," I warned her. "This floor is disgusting. _ I_ wouldn't sit on it so I didn't see why Bree should have to."

Tanya pouted, picking up on my veiled criticism of her actions as I had intended. She didn't offer to take Bree from me and the little girl seemed quite content where she was, so I kept a hold of her. That left Tanya free to pull her phone from her pocket again and start texting some unknown person, ignoring both me and her daughter.

I mused over the behavior of the woman that I had once been set to marry. She was like a stranger now; almost like a shell of her former self. She attended to everything she needed to, almost automatically, but the brightness and life that was once in her eyes, had gone. As much as I hated her for what she had done to me, it made me sad to see her like that.

After everything was completed at the clinic, we left the building and walked back to my car. I was still carrying Bree; after handing her back to Tanya while I had my cheek swab taken, she had given her back while she signed the paperwork and had never offered to relieve me of the baby again.

We reached the car and I unlocked it with the remote, opening the door and then handing her back to Tanya to put her in her car seat.

"Tanya, do you seriously think that she could be mine?" I asked as she ducked back out of the car after fastening the straps around the little girl. I was pretty sure what the result would be in my own mind, but I wanted to hear what Tanya had to say.

"Of course not, but James is trying to avoid paying me child support. He's using the fact I was with you when I got pregnant to claim that she's yours. He refuses to have a DNA test so I thought that if I couldn't prove that she was _his_, then I would prove she wasn't yours."

Oh, this was priceless! Even for Tanya, this was one superior act of bitchiness.

She moved to get into the car, but I caught her arm, putting my face close to hers and keeping my voice low.

"You have to be kidding me. Tell me that is not the reason you put me through this shitfest." I was struggling to hold it together. Only the presence of the innocent child in the car was stopping me from screaming my true feelings at her mother.

Tanya rolled her eyes.

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic, Edward. I'd have thought a little excitement would be just what you needed at the moment; your girlfriend hardly looks like the most exciting thing to ever happen to you." She smirked and pulled her arm from my grip.

"Just get in. I need to get home," I told her. I walked around the car and climbed in the driver's door. "Just so you know; if you didn't have Bree with you then you'd be finding your own way back to Forks. And for the record, I think you're a shitty mother," I told her as she fastened her seatbelt. Since we were getting things out in the open, I couldn't resist throwing that one out there.

She was silent for a moment. I wasn't able to look at her as I negotiated a busy junction, but soon after I became aware of the sound of soft sobs coming from next to me. It was my turn to roll my eyes now. Man, she'd really been working on her acting skills. I ignored her, but then she spoke out in a quiet voice.

"That was what James said," she sniffled, reaching into her bag for a handkerchief. "That I was a lousy mother and that Victoria was so much fucking better."

I glanced at Bree in my mirror as Tanya cursed, but she was already asleep; peaceful and unaware.

"That little girl back there deserves more than just her physical needs taking care of, Tanya," I told her. "You never hold her unless you absolutely have to. You don't talk to her; hell, you never even look at her unless she's pulling at you. That's not what being a mother is about. It's time to stop putting yourself first and show her some love."

"You have no idea what it's like, Edward," she whispered between sniffles, before falling silent for the rest of the journey home.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**Bella PoV**

I passed the glasses of wine I'd just poured to Alice and Rosalie. We stood in the kitchen, with the distant strains of Grace and Charlotte singing along to a Karaoke game on the Wii in the living room.

"Ok, I cannot wait any longer, Bella. Tell me what the bitch said to him that's so epic!" Alice urged.

I had been waiting back at Edward's place for him to arrive home from the appointment and still couldn't believe what he had told me about Tanya, James and the DNA test. I recounted it back to his sister and sister-in-law, watching as their jaws dropped open in shock. Rosalie was the first to speak.

"She's staying at Carmen's, right?" Alice nodded in reply to the question. We both waited to see what Rose would say next, but she just set her glass down and turned for the door.

"Rosalie! Wait!" I called after her, but she ignored me. I looked desperately at Alice. "Try and stop her, Alice!" I begged. She shook her head.

"Uh-uh. Tanya had it coming." She calmly took a sip of her wine. I snatched it from her hand and pushed her towards the door. "Well, at least go and make sure she doesn't get arrested or anything!"

"OK, OK, Jeez, Bella!" Alice grabbed her jacket from the bottom of the stairs on her way out and slammed the door behind her.

I paced the kitchen anxiously, wondering if I should be making any effort to tell the guys about what was going on. Edward was definitely better off not knowing, I decided. I briefly considered shooting a text off to Emmett, but then I remembered that I didn't have his number in my phone, and I suspected that Jasper would worry too much about Alice to keep it to himself. It looked like I would have to take my mind off everything some other way. With that in mind, I grabbed my wine glass and headed for the living room where the girls were still singing loudly.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

As I took a karaoke break and poured my third glass of wine, I finally heard the door open. Alice walked into the kitchen, followed closely by Rosalie.

"So, I guess you didn't get arrested then?" I said, relieved. Rosalie grimaced.

"No. She just stood there like a zombie or something, while I told her exactly what I thought of her. I thought she'd at least deny it, or argue a little, but no. She didn't say a word."

"Then Carmen came out and told us to leave," Alice continued. "She dragged Tanya back inside and closed the door. It was a little strange to say the least."

Rosalie nodded in agreement as she took a sip of wine.

"Something's not right; she's obviously ill in some way."

"Of course she's ill! Nobody in their right mind would do what she's done to Edward. She's obviously sick in the head," I spat out, unable to keep my thoughts to myself any longer.

"I'm serious," Rose said. "I wonder whether she's seen a doctor?"

Alice was quiet. I looked over at her to find her obviously deep in thought.

"I think I'm going to call my father," she said at last. "I know Edward's been trying to keep this Tanya crap quiet, but I think this is more serious than a wrongful claim that he's the baby's father. I'm worried that little girl could be at risk."

"I agree," I added. "Edward was worried too; he said that Tanya doesn't seem to be interested in her at all." Alice nodded her head decisively.

"OK, I'm going to call my dad, but then we put this to one side for the weekend. We're supposed to be having some light relief here, ladies, enough of the heavy!" She plastered a smile onto her face and raised her glass. We joined her and clinked them all together. "Now get in there and show those girls how it's done!" she told us, pushing us towards the living room.

Alice was gone for quite a while. I was relieved when she came back into the room; Rosalie was busting out some moves as she sang a Britney number, that frankly I wasn't sure were suitable viewing for two ten year olds.

"How did it go?" I asked her, trying hard to speak loud enough to be heard above Rosalie's singing, but so Grace and Charlotte wouldn't hear.

"Apparently Edward called and told him all about it earlier," she told me. "He'd found some pills in Tanya's bag and sent a photograph of the pack to Dad to find out what they were. Dad is pretty sure she has post-partum depression. Edward said the pills were unopened, so it's likely she's not taking her medication."

"Oh. Not good," I sighed.

"No," Alice agreed. "He's going to look for the office number of a friend of his who could help her. I said I would pass it on to Carmen; maybe she can persuade Tanya to get some help. Anyway!" she said brightly as she prepared to change the subject. "What do you think of Rose's moves?" She laughed and I snorted.

"They're great…for a strip joint. I'm not too sure Grace and Charlotte need to be seeing them though." Alice narrowed her eyes as she watched Rose gyrating.

"Did she have vodka?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah. She threw back a large one after you went upstairs. She seemed pretty upset by what happened."

"That explains it then; she always gets like this when she has vodka. I think we should get the girls upstairs before she gets worse."

"Worse?" I asked, eyes wide. I obviously didn't know Rosalie at all.

"Yes," replied Alice, smiling knowingly. "She still has all her clothes on." She winked at me and went over to where the girls sat giggling at Rose. As the song ended, she burst into wild applause and whooped, to Rosalie's delight. "Come on, girls. Let's go and get your beds set up and then I'll put that movie on that you wanted to watch. Charlotte, you grab the snacks from the kitchen and Grace can bring your bags up." She marched from the room.

"'Night, Mom," Grace threw her arms around Rosalie's neck and she gave the girl a kiss.

"Goodnight sweetie." As she released Grace, Rose pulled Charlotte in for a hug too. I knew how hard it was, growing up without your mother there, and I felt sorry for the girl. At least she had us now though; we were quickly forming our own version of a close family. It was nice to have a group of people on who I could rely and trust.

Once the girls had gone upstairs with Alice, Rosalie switched the Wii off and settled down on the couch with her glass and the TV remote.

"What's on?" I asked her as I sank down next to her.

"True Blood," she said, looking at me with a smile as she raised her eyebrows. She turned back to the TV and searched for the channel. "I cannot get enough of those vampires. Man, Eric Northman could bite me, any time."

"I've never seen it," I confessed. "I'm not sure vampires are my thing." Rosalie began to laugh at me. "What?" I asked her, confused.

"OK, Bella. Watch this, and then tell me that vampires aren't your thing."

The title music was just beginning when Alice came skipping into the room and sat down in the chair.

"Ooh, yay! True Blood. Vampires are _so_ hot!" she said. Rosalie looked at me with a smug smile.

"Told ya," she whispered.

An hour later Rosalie's smug smile returned as I admitted that actually, maybe they did have a point about the vamps.

"It's one of mine and Emmett's favorite role plays," Rose told us.

"Ewww, OK, too much information, Rose," Alice cut in, her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Nobody wants to think about their brother having sex, thanks." She shuddered a little and I laughed.

"That's a shame because I was just about to tell you about the time that Edward and I—" I began, teasing her.

"Noooo!" she yelled, slamming her hands over her ears.

"Well, since sex is what a lot of girls talk about when they get together, and as Bella and I aren't allowed to talk about _our _sex lives, then it's over to you Alice. Spill. What's Jasper like in the sack?"

I giggled girlishly, relieved that I was off the hook. Poor Alice! She seemed unaffected by Rosalie's demands for information though.

"I have to say, I don't know how you manage with having a child in the house all of the time. Sex is so much better when Charlotte stays over with Grace and we stay here," she told Rose. Rose frowned as she took a drink of wine from her glass.

"She's a screamer," I informed Rosalie, deadpanning. The wine now sprayed back out of her mouth as she fought and lost to keep her laughter in.

"Oh my God! Look what you did to my cream carpet, Rose!" Alice chastised as she looked down at the floor. "Thank God you're drinking white and not red." She hurried out for a cloth and Rose slumped back, giggling.

"Is she really?" she asked me.

"A screamer? Nah. Jas is though." I winked as Alice came back in with a cloth, and Rose burst out laughing again as she dabbed at the carpet, throwing her sister-in-law an evil look. This just made Rose laugh more.

"Right, it's bedtime," she announced as she straightened up.

"What?" Rose and I questioned in chorus. We glanced at one another, puzzled.

"I have a busy day planned for us tomorrow, ladies. I want you both feeling refreshed, not tired and hungover."

Both Rose and I complained, but we got up and followed her out nonetheless, switching everything off as we went.

"It's like being at boarding school," Rose hissed to me as we tried to stifle our alcohol-induced giggles on the stairs.

"I heard that, Rosalie Cullen," Alice scolded her.

"Sorry Ma'am," Rose shot back.

We got ready for bed and then climbed in; Charlotte and Grace were in Alice's room, so we slept in my room; Alice and I in my double and Rose on the guest bed to the side. We watched in amusement as Alice pushed ear plugs into her ears and pulled a mask over her eyes. Five minutes later she was snoring softly, while Rosalie sneaked back downstairs and came back with the vodka and two glasses. Three hours later we finally passed out.

~*~*~EY~*~*~

**EPoV**

"Fuck's sake Em! Is that you _again_?" I asked, leaning away from him on the couch.

"Yeah, sorry dude, I think it was the food. Rose doesn't let me eat from Subway any more, it always affects me the same way."

"I don't fucking blamer her. Jesus, Emmett, I really think you should see a doctor about that!" I wafted my hand in front of my face, finally giving in to my futile efforts to fan the smell away and moving to the empty chair on the other side of the room instead. Emmett chuckled and I scowled back at him in return as I took the beer that Jasper held out to me and unscrewed the cap.

"OK, guys. What do you want to watch on TV" Jasper asked, settling into the other armchair and picking up the remote.

"Porn!" Emmett bellowed. Jas and I laughed.

"Sorry, no can do, big fella. I don't have any porn on the TV," Jasper told him. Emmett's mouth dropped open and he leaned forward, concern etched onto his face.

"No porn? Dude." He shook his head as though Jasper had just told him that he didn't have long left to live.

"Yeah, I do have a laptop though, no need to overdo the concern there!"

"Whoa! You better not let my sister find it!" Emmett started chuckling again.

"What do you mean?" Jas asked. "She put most of it on there." Emmett had just taken a mouthful of beer and began choking. "Do _not _spit that out on the carpet, Alice will go crazy," Jasper warned him. Emmett managed to swallow his beer down without a drop escaping his mouth.

Having silenced Emmett at last, Jasper flicked through the TV channels, until a movie came up that Emmett wanted to watch. We put it on to keep him quiet and I reflected that in a lot of ways, spending time with Emmett was a lot like baby-sitting. I wondered how he ever managed to take care of Grace when Rose was out.

"How did it go at the clinic today?" Jasper asked me as Emmett laughed at the movie, oblivious to our conversation. I shook my head.

"That depends on how you look at things," I replied. He looked at me quizzically. "Well I got Tanya to admit that Bree wasn't mine after we had the test done, so that's made me feel a little better about waiting for the results."

"Really? She admitted that?" He looked surprised as I nodded a confirmation. "Then why go ahead with the test?" I laughed without humor.

"Well, that's the other side of it. She told me that James was being an ass about the child support. He started saying that he was convinced that Bree was mine, but refused to take a paternity test himself. Tanya thought the only way to prove to him that she was his was to get me to take a test proving that she wasn't mine."

"She did all of this just to try and prove something to somebody else?"

"Uh-huh." I lifted the bottle to my lips and took a drink from it. Jasper was stunned into silence. "I found some pills in her bag when we were at the clinic," I continued. "I was looking for a toy or something for Bree. I called my father and asked him about them; apparently they're an anti-anxiety and depression drug. When I told him about her behavior he said that he thinks it's likely that she's suffering from post-partum depression." Jasper nodded.

"Yeah, I'd say that fits. I've worked with couples where the woman has experienced it. You wouldn't believe how common – and devastating – a condition it is. But if you say you found medication then that's a good sign; it looks like she's doing something about it…"

"The pack was complete, Jas. There wasn't a single pill missing from it. And her behavior is nothing like normal for the Tanya I knew. I don't think she's doing a thing about it."

"Are you seeing her again when the results come back?" he asked. I shrugged and picked at an invisible thread on the fabric arm of the chair.

"I didn't want to have to see her again at all, but I'm worried about the baby. I think I'm going to have to try and persuade her to get some help. I should at least talk to her friend Carmen about it." He nodded in agreement.

"Hey, girls," Emmett called out. "What say you two stop gossiping and we head down to the bar instead? This movie is craptastic."

"You were laughing a moment ago," I said accusingly.

"Yeah, at how bad it was." He stood up. "Come on, I'm buying. I need to get really shit-faced." I stood too, and looked at him strangely. Sometimes he came out with the strangest things.

"Because tomorrow, Dad's coming over and he wants to take us fishing."

"Oh God, no," I groaned. "OK, I'm in, let's go."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

The insistent ringing of the doorbell, roused me. I tried to move but everything hurt, particularly my head. I opened my mouth to tell either Emmett or Jasper to get the fucking door, but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. I heard somebody move; then there was a clatter as they tripped over some shit or other on the floor, before they cursed. It was Jasper. Only fair I guessed, it _was_ his house after all.

The front door creaked as he yanked it open and he greeted somebody. Footsteps came striding down the hallway towards, a lot brisker than they had on the way to the door. I guessed that this wasn't the sound of Jasper's feet.

"Good morning boys!" Carlisle's cheery tone rang out as he flicked on the light, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut again. Fuck, that hurt. "Oh! And ladies!" he added. "Sorry, I didn't know they had company." His voice was slightly less cheery now.

_Ladies? What. The. Fuck?_ I braced myself and prepared to open my eyes.

**I'd love to hear your opinions as ever. **

**Please leave a review – those that do will get an outtake of what happened when Edward collected a hungover Bella from Jake's house!**


	21. Love Is Like The Sea

**An update at last, yay! Thanks for all of the reviews for the last chapter; your outtakes will be on their way to you as soon as RL stops kicking me in the arse, you will get it though, I promise :o).**

**Did I promise a break from the angst? Oops! ;o)**

**Thanks to BeckyBrit for her support in writing this, as ever.**

**Disclaimer ~ All things Twi belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**Chapter 21 ~ Love Is Like The Sea**

"_Good morning boys!" Carlisle's cheery tone rang out as he flicked on the light, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut again. Fuck, that hurt. "Oh! And ladies!" he added. "Sorry, I didn't know they had company." His voice was slightly less cheery now. _

_Ladies? What. The. Fuck? I braced myself and prepared to open my eyes._

I stretched a little and realized that I was sitting across the armchair; shoulders on one arm and legs draped over the other. I winced as I twisted my body to sit upright, feeling my muscles and joints resisting the movements. Turning my head to the couch, my eyes travelled up from stockinged-feet and legs, to the the hitched-up hems of two mini-skirts. They slouched with their heads together; one blond and one dark, their hair obscuring their faces.

Emmett was half-lying at the end, arm across one of them, his face on her shoulder. As yet he was undisturbed by my dad's entrance.

"Em," I croaked, giving my dad a half-assed wave of my hand in greeting. "Em!" I called a little louder, reaching for a pillow from the floor and throwing it at his head. It hit its target, causing him to stir. The girl he was leaning on raised her head, her long hair remaining trapped between Emmett's head and her shoulder. As her face came into view, her hair slipped from her head, revealing a short crop beneath it.

"Oh, thank fuck for that," I murmured quietly, as 'she' revealed herself to in fact be Ben Cheney, Angela's husband. He squinted up at my dad.

"Oh! Hey, Doctor Cullen, long time no see," Ben greeted him. He nudged the figure next to him in the ribs. "Tyler, it's Doctor Cullen; look."

Tyler Crowley raised his head, wig still in place and make-up smeared across his face.

"Hey, Doc. I don't suppose you have anything on you for a hangover, do you?" he asked, groaning and flopping his head back down. My dad chuckled.

"Hey, guys! You had me worried for a moment there; I thought I'd stumbled upon some sort of den of iniquity for a moment. And actually, yes I have a wonderful hangover remedy, although I doubt you'll cope with the riverbank in those shoes." He nodded to the discarded over-sized high heeled shoes on the floor.

Oh fuck. The riverbank? There was no way…_no way_ that I could cope with fucking fishing today.

"Listen, I know we had plans and I'm sorry, but—" I began.

"Forget it, Edward," Emmett said, awake enough to speak at last. "How many fishing trips have we tried to get out of over the years? And how many times has it worked? Just try not to puke, OK?"

I looked up into my dad's smiling face.

"You're loving this, aren't you?" I asked him. He laughed quietly and I scowled. "It's a fallacy that you doctors are caring, you know? You're all sadists really." I heaved myself out of the chair and groaned as I stood, teetering unsteadily before I made for the bathroom to try and freshen up a little.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

Somehow I had wound up in the front seat beside my dad, while Emmett and Jasper sprawled out on the back seat of the Mercedes SUV. As we set off, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes; soon drifting off to sleep, to the relief of my sore head. The damn painkillers hadn't even touched my headache.

A sudden assault of noise invaded my head, jolting me painfully awake.

"Fuck! What the…?" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up to grip my pounding head. Emmett yelled similar profanities from the backseat, while Jasper audibly groaned.

My dad, meanwhile, was rocking out behind the wheel to AC/DC's Ace of Spades.

My hand reached out and hit at the power button for the stereo, instantly silencing it.

"What the hell was that?" I spat out, rounding on him. He turned his head and glanced at me pseudo-innocently, before turning his attention back to the road in front of him.

"What? The music?"

I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head in disgust.

"You know very well, you evil son-of-a…" I didn't finish my sentence, my respect for my father getting the better of me. He just laughed.

A short while later my dad pulled off the highway and onto a track surrounded by trees. He drove for another moment or two more and then stopped, cutting the engine.

"You have _got _to be kidding me!" Emmett exclaimed from the back seat. I groaned. We both recognised where we were; this was one of our father's favorite places to fish.

_After the hour's hike to the river._

"Come on!" Dad exclaimed gleefully. "Where's your sense of adventure, guys? We have an opportunity for some real male-bonding time here, let's make the most of it!"

As we set off along the track, loaded up with everything we would need for the day ahead, I walked up behind Emmett and spoke quietly in his ear.

"Next time, he comes to the bar with us too, OK?"

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"Jeez, girls! Look at the state of you two! It's a good job that my plans for today involve some major beauty treatments!"

It was with those words this morning that I had begun to question Alice's position as a good friend. Two hours later as I stood arguing with her in a beauty salon in Port Angeles, I was more or less certain that this woman had no place in my life.

"Forget it Alice, I'll puke. I'm struggling to hold my stomach contents in as it is."

"Oh, for God's sake, Bella. Stop being such a drama queen and get your ass on that bench."

"No."

"Yes." I could see that she had gritted her teeth now.

Holy shit, this wasn't fair. With the size of the hangover I was suffering from, there was no way on earth that I was in any fit state to stand my ground against a determined Alice.

"I hate you, I hope you know that," I told her as I shuffled to the bench.

"You'll thank me after!" she declared, smiling now that she had gotten her own way.

"Huh. We'll see," I griped back. Rosalie sniggered as she sat reclined at the sink, the hairdresser rubbing shampoo into her hair. "Hey!" I called to her. "It's your fault that I feel like hell, Rosalie. I haven't forgotten that." She just laughed again and I wondered if it was possible for her to be any less intimidated by me.

Alice sat watching me closely as she sat down for her manicure. The beauty therapist cleaned my feet with a solution and then instructed me to roll my trousers up, before I spun gingerly around to dangle my legs over the opposite side of the bench. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I slowly lowered my feet into the tepid water. I remained tense as I felt the bubbles from the water filtration begin to tickle my feet, and waited for the mini-piranhas to begin to work their alleged wonders.

Who had invented fish pedicures anyway? It had to be somebody with some weird fetish, I decided, otherwise how would anybody ever come up with such a goddamn sick idea?

I cracked my eyes open to see what the hold-up was, and was shocked to see that, actually, the tickly bubbly feeling was coming from the fish themselves; they were already at work on my feet. I still wasn't convinced that my queasy stomach could cope with the idea of being eaten, so I closed them quickly again and tried to go back to pretending that it was just bubbles that I could feel.

"So?" Alice demanded over lunch. "I was right wasn't I? The fish were awesome." I swallowed the mouthful of burger that I was chewing and cringed.

"Please, can we just not talk about it?" I asked. Alice opened her mouth to speak, so I jumped in first, addressing Charlotte and Grace. "What about you two? Did you have a good time this morning?" I asked them. They looked up at me from the conversation they'd been engrossed in. They'd both gotten their hair and nails done while I was first consumed alive, and then massaged roughly by a woman who seemed determined to try and force my muscles out through my skin. I wouldn't be hurrying back to that place; that was for sure.

"Yes, thank you," Charlotte answered shyly. I smiled at the girl, trying to put her at ease.

"Bella? There's something that Charlotte wants to ask you," Grace piped up. Charlotte turned to look at her friend, puzzled. She clearly had no idea what Grace was talking about. Grace continued, unaware of her Charlotte's confusion. "I mean, actually I think this is gross because he's my uncle…"

Poor Charlotte gasped loudly and grabbed Grace's arm, begging her to shut up, but Grace continued. "But Charlotte thinks he's hot and wants to know if he's a good kisser."

"Grace Cullen!" Rosalie chided her daughter. Grace turned to look at her mother, her face innocent.

"What?"

I burst out laughing, grateful that I'd just swallowed my mouthful of juice.

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, gesturing to Grace as I looked at Rosalie. "She _is _Emmett! Only smaller and more feminine of course," I giggled. Alice was laughing now too.

"That _was_ actually a little scary, Grace! Has he been teaching you how to do that or have you just inherited his lack of brain filter?" She looked at us, wide eyed and confused, helping us to conclude that it was the latter.

As Rosalie continued to scold Grace for embarrassing Charlotte, and Alice teased her for being her dad's mini-me, I noticed that Charlotte had her head down, picking through her food.

"Hey," I whispered, trying to get her attention. It worked and she looked up at me. I smiled, trying to put her at ease. "I think that Edward's pretty hot too. And don't tell anybody, but he's an awesome kisser." I winked and Charlotte smiled at me. On her left, Grace was now the one with her head down. I felt for her. It didn't matter how many times Rosalie chastised her for this, it had been obvious that she hadn't done it intentionally, and with Emmett as her father it went without saying that it wouldn't be the last time she stuck her foot in her mouth.

I checked my cell phone for the hundredth time. Nothing. I hadn't heard a thing from Edward since the previous day.

"Hey, has anyone heard from the guys?" I asked, suddenly missing Edward more now I'd stopped to think about him.

"Jasper sent a text to check on Charlotte at some ungodly hour; even I wasn't awake. Apparently Carlisle had just arrived to take them fishing."

"That'll be why we haven't heard anything from them then," Rosalie added. They won't have any signal, you know what those fishing places are like."

I sighed. Since when did I become so needy and reliant on a man?

"So, what are we doing tonight?" I asked.

"Well, the guys are coming over when they get back. We don't have any definite plans though," Alice informed me. I shrugged.

"That's OK, just chilling actually sounds great right now." I rubbed my head where it still ached from my hangover and thought how nice it would be to spend the evening curled up with Edward. The weekend had been a good idea for taking our minds off the pending paternity test results, but I wasn't so sure about having spent a large chunk of it away from him.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

I had been first to the door when the doorbell rang. I stood aside to let Emmett and Jasper past me. They looked like shit and I couldn't help smiling. Edward was last through the door, and how he managed to look as good as he did when the other two looked so bad was a mystery to me; not one I was about to complain about though.

He looked at me for a second and then pushed me roughly against the wall behind the door, finding my mouth with his own. He kissed me hard, making my stomach flip as I responded. It was lucky that he was holding me up, because the way that he had managed to turn my legs to jelly would have seen me landing in a heap on the floor.

I heard the front door close and a man clearing his throat as he passed. The moment was interrupted, although Edward was reluctant to end the kiss. By the time I had managed to push him away a little, the person had disappeared out of the hallway.

"Who was that?" I whispered. Edward smoothed my hair back from my face as he smiled down at me, looking for all the world like a child who had just been given his favorite teddy back.

"That was my dad," he told me.

I was mortified.

"You let that be the first encounter with your dad?" I asked, already feeling the blush that was spreading across my face. "Edward! How could you?" I was on the verge of being angry with him now, but he just laughed it off.

"It's fine, Bella. Don't worry about it." But I _was _worried.

"I don't want him to think I'm _that _kind of girl," I whispered in annoyance.

"What kind of girl is that? The kind that finds her boyfriend attractive and misses him when he's not around? I'm pretty sure that he isn't going to be offended by what he saw," he chuckled lightly again.

"What? You can read minds now?"

He pushed his body tightly up against mine again and ducked his head so that our faces were level. Staring into my eyes, he licked his lips and slowly leaned in closer to me. After an agonizing age, his lips finally touched mine, gently parting them until his tongue slipped out to meet my own. I pulled him closer and tried unsuccessfully to stifle a small moan. Edward pulled away.

"Well I'm pretty sure I know what _you're _thinking right now," he told me, winking. His kiss had removed my ability to speak. As he pulled me along to officially meet the man who had been his guardian, I prayed that it would return before we reached the living room.

Edward stopped just inside the doorway, his arm around me as I stood slightly in front of him.

"Dad. I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Bella Swan. Bella, this is my father, Carlisle Cullen," he said, introducing us. Carlisle got up from the chair where he sat. He was over six feet tall and looked in good shape. His hair was blonde and his face handsome. He looked good for his age, which I guessed must be over fifty given how old Emmett, Alice and Edward were.

"Aah! So that's what her face looks like!" he exclaimed as he stepped towards us.

"Oh my God," I muttered, my embarrassment returning. I looked down momentarily, but then he was in front of me and holding out his hand. I shook it awkwardly.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella. I've heard a lot about you. It's a shame that more of it wasn't from Edward, but he never has been one for sharing what's going on in his life. Isn't that right, son?" He slapped Edward on the shoulder and I saw him wince slightly.

"Yeah…uh…something like that."

Carlisle turned to face everybody else.

"While you're all here, Esme wanted me to tell you all that you're all invited to our home for Christmas this year. We have plenty of space for you to all stay with us, and would love to get to know Jasper, Charlotte and Bella a little better. So, what do you say? Can I tell Esme that you'll be there?"

Jasper accepted straight away, to a wide smile, shake of the hand and slap on the back from Carlisle. As he turned to look expectantly at me, I shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"I…uh…" I struggled to find the words. "I'm not sure how much you know about my situation, Dr. Cullen—"

"Call me Carlisle," he interrupted, smiling.

"Carlisle," I amended. "But I moved here with a good friend who has recently lost his wife. He has two little boys and this will be their first Christmas without their mother." I felt Edward's arm tighten around me at the mention of Jake. I ignored him and continued. "I have no idea what Jacob's plans are yet, but I would need to check with him first."

"Oh, Bella; that poor family." The sympathy on his face was without doubt genuine, especially given the fact that his own family had been through the same thing. He reached out a hand and placed it on my upper arm. "Of course, you do what you have to do."

I thanked him and turned to look at Edward. The smile faded from my face as I saw his stony expression. His arm hadn't loosened on me, so I fidgeted, forcing it to give a little.

"I'm going to see if Alice needs any help in the kitchen," I told him, annoyed at his subtle show of possessiveness. I'd thought that things had improved with him and Jacob, but since I'd stayed over at Jake's it seemed like they were back to square one.

"Well, that went down like a lead balloon," I said quietly to Alice when I reached the kitchen. She stopped what she was doing and turned to face me. She'd left the room once Jasper had accepted the Christmas invitation and missed my reply to her father.

"What?"

"I just told Carlisle that I would have to check with Jake to see what his plans are before I can accept his invitation." I pulled a grape from a bunch in a bowl on the counter. Alice looked puzzled.

"Why would that upset my dad?" she asked.

"No!" I hastened to correct the wrong turn her train of thought was taking. "Not your dad; Edward. It obviously pissed him off."

"Yeah, well Christmas has always been a big deal for our family. Edward didn't come last year after the whole Tanya thing. I guess he was hoping to try and fit back in this year," Alice said with a shrug.

"Yeah, well, whatever. As much as I feel for him, his ego will have to take a bruising; Jake and the boys come first on this one, for this year at least."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"Edward, I know you have a problem with my relationship with Jake, but think about what he and the boys have been through this year. I promised Emma I would do my best to look after them."

He sighed deeply.

We were in my bed. Rose and Emmett had gone home, taking Grace, Charlotte and Carlisle with them. Alice and Jasper were in her room on the opposite side of the landing.

Edward had remained a little pissy with me all evening after the Jake thing. We'd come to bed and argued a little over it, before having mind-blowing angry sex. Desire stirred in me again at the memory of it, but I needed to clear the air with him first.

"I get that," he told me. "I just don't understand the whole best friend thing."

It was my turn to sigh now, only mine was fuelled by exasperation.

"What's not to understand? You must have had friends who were girls before," I put to him. He snorted.

"Not that I didn't want to bone."

I shook my head.

"Well, you're just going to have to trust me on this. I'm not Tanya, Edward. I have no interest in anybody else." I sat up and turned over, onto my knees. Throwing one leg over him, I straddled him, kneeling up as I leaned forward for a kiss. "You are more than enough for me," I told him, pulling back a little. "You're all I want." I leaned in again, kissing him more hungrily now. He moaned and pushed his hips up towards me, his skin brushing mine. He was hard again. I arched my back and slowly lowered myself onto him.

The frantic pace of our last time was gone, replaced with slow, deep thrusts and long, throaty groans of pleasure. Edward's eyes rolled back in his head as I rode him, lifting my body right up, and then sinking back onto him as far as I could go. I rolled my hips as I did so, getting as much friction against my clit as I could, and gasping as it momentarily eased the throbbing there. It felt so good.

"I could do this forever," I gasped, leaning in to kiss his throat.

"Good, because I have no plans of stopping anytime soon," he told me, causing me to hum with pleasure at the prospect.

Eventually I wanted more. I pushed my chest forward and Edward took the bait, holding onto my breast and leaning up to suck my nipple into his mouth. The sensation ran straight down my body to where we were connected and I felt myself begin to clench around him.

"You carry on doing that and you'll make me cum," I told him, breathily. He carried on, of course.

We came together, more slowly than the first time, but with more intensity.

As our bodies finally stilled, Edward held onto me and rolled us over so we lay side by side. I pulled my legs from around him and in turn he wrapped me in his arms. With whispered 'I love you's , we fell asleep.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

I was woken by the shrill sound of Edward's cellphone ringing, although it took me more than a moment to register exactly what it was. Before I could move it had stopped and I drifted back to sleep.

I didn't sleep for long before I floated back up to the surface of consciousness. I reached out for Edward, but my hand found only a space in the bed where he should have been. Frowning to myself in disappointment, I rolled over to his side of the bed. The sheets were still warm, so I knew he hadn't been gone for long.

Suddenly, he stormed into the room, enough light filtering in from the landing to see that his eyes were wild as he looked around.

"Edward? Are you OK?" I sat up in alarm, pulling the covers up to my chest against the slight chill of the room.

"No." He pulled open the dresser drawer where he stored clean clothes for when he stayed over. Pulling out a t-shirt, he pushed his arms through and yanked it roughly over his head. "It's Tanya. She's run off somewhere and Carmen thinks she might be going to…" he slowed and looked directly at me and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed deeply. "_Do_ something. She left a note."

He grabbed his jeans off the chair in the corner, pulled them on and buttoned the fly. My brain was racing at a hundred miles an hour.

"You don't really think…? Does she have Bree with her?"

"No," he said as he sat down on the edge of the bed to out his socks on. "She left her with Carmen. Carmen only knew she'd gone because Bree woke her up, crying. She found the note beside the crib."

"Holy shit. So where are you going? What are you doing?"

"I have to find her, Bella. Tanya hasn't been behaving like herself at all. If it is depression then…I don't know," he said, shaking his head.

"I'll come with you," I told him, throwing back the covers and scrambling to get out of the bed. He turned and put his hand on my arm, causing me to stop.

"I think it's best if I go alone. If I _do _find her then I might be able to talk her round. I'm worried that if she sees you…" We were both silent for a moment.

"Yeah, ok. I get it," I said at last.

And I genuinely did. It didn't stop it from hurting though.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**EPoV**

As I drove towards Carmen's house, a sudden image popped into my mind.

_Tanya stood beside me on the cliff top, tendrils of her strawberry blond hair blowing out in the wind. She turned to look at me. Her cheeks were flushed and her blue eyes bright as she smiled widely. The fact we'd been together for two years seemed irrelevant in that moment; she took my breath away with her beauty and the way she looked at me. It was just as intense as the first time our eyes had met. _

_Sheer impulsivity made me drop to one knee._

_Tanya's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in surprise as she realized what was happening. I took one of her hands in mine as I gazed up at her. All of my abilities to string a suitably touching sentence together for the moment disappeared. Luckily I was still able to find the most important words that I needed._

"_Tanya. Will you marry me?"_

_Her mouth slowly changed from the surprised 'o', pulling up into a small smile that gradually grew wider._

"_Yes," she whispered, wiping a tear from her eye. I stood up and wrapped my arms around her in joy._

_We laughed as I picked her up and spun her around, and when I finally set her back on the ground she looked even more beautiful and vibrant than in the moment that had prompted me to ask in the first place. I kissed her and we both became lost in the moment. _

_A sudden shout caused us to break apart. Further along the cliff a group of boys were cliff-diving, whooping and hollering as one by one they launched themselves into the air, before cutting smoothly into the water below._

"_That looks like a rush," I commented. She laughed and looked at me before tiptoeing to the edge and peering over._

"_Yeah, if you have a death wish. The only way you'd find me jumping from up here is if was trying to kill myself."_

Her words echoed in my head as I took the next turn off the empty street to head in the direction of the coast instead.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

I'd parked my car as close as I could, and took off running on the path that led to the top of the cliffs. Dawn was breaking; the sky lightening gradually and casting just enough light to see by as I picked my way over the rough ground of the path.

Finally I reached the top. As I neared the exact spot from my memory, my heart stopped as I took in the sparse pile of possessions placed on a rock near the edge.

_Shit._ My instincts had been right, but it looked like I was too late.

I walked slowly to the edge and looked down. It was nothing like it had been on the day we'd watched those kids diving. Today the waves crashed wildly on the rocks below and the biting wind blew so ferociously that I could feel it fighting to push me off balance.

There was no sign of anybody down there.

I was numb for a moment, but then reality slammed into my chest with the force of a thousand sledge-hammers. Despite what Tanya had done to me, there was no way I would wish this on anybody, and especially not her poor daughter.

"Why?" I whispered into the wind, before anger and grief took over. "WHY?" I yelled loudly, kicking at a rock. It flew over the edge and I stepped forward to watch as it plunged through the air and then vanished into the churning surf below, gone forever.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**A/N Oh noes! Poor Tanya! Right? Please take a moment to leave a review, they really do mean a lot to me, I read them and try to reply to them all.**

**I have an AWESOME rec for you now. I just discovered this story, Why it doesn't have hundreds of reviews I have no idea, but you must check it out and please leave her some love!**

**www**** (.) fanfiction (.) net (/) s (/) 6872879 (/) 1 (/) Mind_the_Gap by LuckyStar815 (Remove brackets & spaces), you'll love it, I promise :o)**


	22. I'm Meant To Be Free

**Hello *waves*. This update I owe a huge thanks to beegurl13 who mentioned this story in the A/N of her update for What Hurts the Most www( ).( )fanfiction( ).( )net/s/5648126/26/What_Hurts_The_Most. I don't know what gave me the biggest thrill, the surge in people putting the story on alert, or reading her tweets with BarbaraStaff on Twitter as they discussed it! Anyways, I owe her big time, so go and check her fics out. It's my first stop as soon as the Black Dagger Brotherhood release their hold on me!**

**Thanks also, as ever to BeckyBrit for her help and encouragement. She's continued her Jasper/Edward slash one/shot Just a Coffee, Please so go and check it out! www( ).( ) fanfiction( ).( )net /s/7048214/1/Just_a_Coffee_Please **

**We're getting very close to the end now, I'm thinking it should all be wrapped up by chapter 25. Ok, you've been waiting long enough, let's get some answers!**

**Disclaimer – All things Twi belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**Chapter 22 – I'm Meant To Be Free**

_There was no sign of anybody down there._

_I was numb for a moment, but then reality slammed into my chest with the force of a thousand sledge-hammers. Despite what Tanya had done to me, there was no way I would wish this on anybody, and especially not her poor daughter. _

"_Why?" I whispered into the wind, before anger and grief took over. "WHY?" _

I could feel myself beginning to lose control. I managed to pull myself back from the brink of a panic attack, concentrating on my breathing as Bella had taught me. As I took a deep breath in, the wind carried a sound to my ears. I froze as I listened to see if I was mistaken. No; there it was again.

I turned around slowly. There at the tree-line, crouched in a ball at the foot of a huge fir tree and with her fingers clawing at the trunk, was Tanya. She didn't look at me; she was completely closed in on herself.

The relief I felt was instantaneous. I rushed to her side and placed my hands on her face, turning it towards me. She blinked a couple of times.

"Edward?" she choked out.

"Oh, Tanya. What were you thinking?" I asked her sadly, not expecting an answer.

"I couldn't do it," she said, reaching up and grasping my hands. She hung her head. "I couldn't even manage to kill myself."

I thought of the strong woman who I had once known.

"Listen to me, Tanya. You're not well, but this isn't something that you have to live with. We'll get you some help and you'll get better. Trust me. You need to get better; you have a beautiful daughter who needs you."

She let out a huge sob. "I can't…I can't cope. I don't love her…I don't feel _anything_ for her. She'd be better off without me."

"That isn't true, trust me. You'll hurt her more in the long run if she thinks you abandoned her. It's just a symptom of your illness. Get some help and when you feel better you'll be able to see things much more clearly," I told her. She began crying hard again, letting go of my hands and curling back up into a ball. I watched her warily as I stood, vigilant for any sign that she may still try and throw herself off the cliff.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and was relieved to see that I had reception. I quickly dialled 911 and asked for an ambulance, giving as many details as I could. As soon as I ended that call, I dialled Carmen's number to let her know that Tanya was safe. I could hear the relief in her voice as she thanked me through her tears. I promised to call her as soon as I knew where Tanya was being taken.

As I ended the call, I noticed that Tanya was shivering from the cold. I pulled my jacket off and tucked it around her, before turning to my phone again.

"Hey," the voice on the other end greeted me. I was filled immediately with warmth.

"I've found her," I said. "We're just waiting for the ambulance ."

"Where are you? Is she—"

"She's fine…well, not _fine _obviously, but I mean…she hadn't done anything…to herself."

"That's good."

"Yeah." I paused. "Look, Bella. I'm sorry I insisted on coming on my own, I was just panicking and I thought that if I found her and she saw you…Anyway, for the record, I wish I'd let you come with me. I really wish you were here right now."

"You want me to drive over now?" she asked.

"No, stay there and I'll pick you up once the ambulance gets here. Will you come with me to the hospital? It's only until her sister gets here. Carmen has called her, she should only be a couple of hours."

"Of course I will."

"OK, I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

I ended the call as I saw red and blue lights flashing, travelling in our direction. Crouching down next to Tanya, I placed an arm around her to try and offer her a little comfort until the EMT's arrived.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

I looked up for the hundredth or so time, as the door swung open. This time my eyes saw exactly what they had been searching for. I stood and wrapped my arms around her as she reached me, burying my nose in her hair and inhaling the familiar and comfortable smell of her and blocking out the stifling sterility of the hospital for a long and welcome moment.

"I'm sorry I asked you not to come with me," I whispered to her. "It was the wrong thing to do and I'm also sorry if it gave out the wrong message." Bella took a step back and I smoothed her hair back from her face.

"It's OK. I understand why you did it. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. You found her and I'm here." We walked over to the row of chairs where I had been sitting before. "What's going on?"

"I'm not sure, they wouldn't tell me anything because I'm not her next of kin. We should know more when Irina gets here." I glanced at the clock on the wall again. She shouldn't be too much longer. I couldn't wait to leave; as much as I didn't want anything bad to happen to Tanya, I didn't really want to get involved either, there was too much water under the bridge for me to even consider a friendship with her. Strained civility was about all I could summon up for her from hereon in.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"You think my luck has taken a turn for the better?" I asked Bella as I held the envelope up between two fingers. "I can't take much more drama after this weekend."

After we'd waited for two hours at the hospital the previous day, Irina had finally arrived as dawn was breaking. We hung around while she was briefed by the staff, and then she came to update us. Tanya was going to be transferred to the psychiatric unit in Port Angeles. Irina was going to care for Bree in the meantime and Tanya would come and live with them once she was released from hospital. At last somebody was stepping forward to look after them.

Bella grabbed my arm and pulled me gently towards an empty bank of chairs.

"Come on, let's get it over with."

We sat down together, Bella pressing herself tightly into my side as she looked over my arm at the envelope containing the potentially life-changing results. I glanced at her, gaining a little comfort from the small smile she offered me.

Ripping the envelope open, I pulled out the paper and unfolded it. My eyes struggled to focus and I had to blink a few times, until finally the words were clear before me.

**The DNA tests exclude paternity. Edward Cullen cannot be the father**

**of Bree Garner as he lacks the genetic markers that must have been**

**inherited by the child from the biological father.**

I sighed with relief as I looked up at the ceiling and dragged my hand down my face. I grinned widely, entirely unable to stop myself. Leaning in to Bella, I planted a kiss on her lips and then wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"It's just you and me, baby." She squeezed me back, hard.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too. Only you."

We left the clinic building and walked back to the car.

"You know, I never thought I'd see the day where I was actually pleased that the baby wasn't mine."

"Well it just goes to show, everything happens for a reason," Bella said, looking up at me and squeezing my hand, which was wrapped around mine. "I'm just sorry that you had to go through so much crap before we could find one another."

Reaching the car, I turned her so that her back leaned against it, and pressed myself up against her.

"Well, you know," I began, putting my face close to hers. "Sometimes when you look back at how things worked out, you can't help thinking that, although it was hell at the time, it was all worth it in the end." I closed the distance between us and kissed her softly on the lips. "And you were definitely…" I kissed her again. "Definitely…" And again. "Worth it."

This time when I moved in, her hand found the back of my head, holding me to her as she opened her mouth and welcomed me inside. It felt like forever since we'd been able to be together with nothing to worry about, and I savored the feeling of having no weight resting on my shoulders.

Bella pressed herself against me and I felt myself growing hard. Shifting slightly I gasped into her mouth at the sensation and she groaned back quietly in response. Breaking the kiss I nuzzled my face into her hair and whispered into her ear.

"Your place or mine?"

"Yours," she murmured back. "Jasper has the day off, remember? He'll be home with Alice. I think we need a little privacy."

I pushed away from her and opened the door quickly, ushering her inside. I all but ran to the driver's side and dropped into the seat, cursing loudly in pain as I did so.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, her eyes wide in alarm. I pulled the door closed and glanced around, before lifting my ass off the seat and sticking my hand down the front of my jeans to rearrange myself. Bella was giggling now that she knew the cause of my outburst. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You'll pay for laughing at me," I warned her.

"Oh yeah?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow in challenge. "Bring it on." A noise close to a growl escaped from my mouth as I left the parking lot and eased my foot down onto the gas.

"Did you say your dad was a cop here?" I asked her.

"Yeah, why?"

"You'd better pray he doesn't pull me for speeding, baby. I don't think he'd like me telling him the reason I'm in such a hurry." I winked at her and she laughed again.

On the way home, Bella was extra torturous towards me. She ran her fingers up and down my thigh, ghosting over the bulge in my pants before pulling away again and then repeating it.

"You know, you're really doing yourself no favors," I warned her. "At this rate you're gonna be lucky if I manage to get inside you before it's all over." She shrugged and smiled.

"That's OK," she said.

"Uh, no, it's not," I told her, a stern edge to my voice.

"Why? Do you have anywhere better to be today than in bed with me? It's a real shame if you do…" Her hand wandered up my leg again and rubbed across my crotch, with more pressure this time.

"Holy fuck, Bella!" I exclaimed as I panted slightly, struggling to keep my eyes open and on the road in front of me. "You really have to stop doing that now." She smirked, but she did her hand. I didn't know if I was relieved or disappointed at the loss of contact.

Knowing it was at least another half an hour before we reached my house, and knowing the area well from my misspent youth, I suddenly slowed and turned off the highway.

"Edward…where are we going?" Bella asked. I smiled at her and raised my eyebrows. "What? In public? But it's daylight!"

"Oh, it's hardly public! Look, there hasn't been a car through here in years," I said, gesturing as branches swept past the windows, catching on the wing mirrors and tapping on the roof.

I'd never brought anyone here myself, but I knew that it was one of Emmett's old haunts. When the track narrowed too much to drive down, I killed the engine. Undoing my own and Bella's seatbelts, I launched myself at her, capturing her mouth with my own and kissing her deeply. She groaned loudly and I knew she was as turned on as I was. Reaching down, I pulled the lever and slid her seat as far back as it would go, and then pulled another one that caused the backrest to drop back. She squealed as she fell back, but then pulled me on top of her.

Damn, I'd forgotten how fucking awkward car sex was.

"Shall we get out of the car?" I asked her as I kissed her neck.

"No. What if someone comes past?"

I laughed. Who's going to come past out here, and what are they going to see that they couldn't see by looking through the window anyway?" Her hand shot out and she pressed the catch to lock the doors.

"I just feel safer in here, ok?" She reached down and pressed her palm against my jeans, where my cock was trying to push its way out.

"You know what? I don't fucking care. I just want you now." I pulled her shirt up roughly and freed one of her breasts from her bra, wrapping my lips around her hard, pink nipple as she arched her back and groaned loudly. She reached between us and I could feel her fumbling about. Finally she managed to get her jeans undone and off one leg, before popping the buttons on my fly and reaching in. I groaned as her hand moved lower, smearing my wetness across the head as she slid her fingers down to grasp my length. She squeezed firmly yet gently and adjusted her grip. I hissed loudly and reached down to push my jeans and boxers over my hips.

Bella hadn't let go of me, and as soon as there were no barriers left between us, she lifted her hips and brought me to her, placing my tip at her soft, wet entrance before dragging it upwards and circling her clit with it. We both gasped and I could wait no longer. She moved her hand and I plunged into her, crying out as finally I found the sensations that I had been craving.

We exchanged no words, it was totally primal; just grunts, gasps and groans as she wound her legs around my waist and dragged her nails down my back, beneath my shirt.

There wasn't even time for us to become uncomfortable in the small space before Bella began crying out as loudly as I'd ever heard her. Her muscles tightened rhythmically around my cock as she bucked beneath me, and with a loud cry of my own I joined her and we came hard, together.

Panting and spent, I rested my head on Bella's shoulder while I caught my breath. A shuddering movement beneath me made me raise my head to make sure Bella was OK. Before her face came into view, she let out a loud snort and then began giggling loudly. So that's what the movement had been; her trying to hold her laughter in. I eyed her suspiciously, while my mouth couldn't help but raise into a half smile at her mirth.

"Dare I ask what's so funny?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Man, that was like being a teenager again! I haven't had sex in a car since…" She trailed off and I raised my eyebrow yet further at her. "Yeah, uh…well, nevermind."

Reaching up, her hands found the back of my neck and pulled me down, her lips finding mine. She kissed me slowly and her eyes were shining when we broke apart.

I pushed off her, and after a few moments of struggling, I managed to get myself back into the driver's seat. As I buttoned my fly I looked across and smirked. Bella was wriggling back into her jeans, her hair a little wild and her cheeks pink. My stomach suddenly flipped, the reaction taking me by surprise. By the time Bella looked back at me, the smirk had vanished and I was looking at her with an intensity that was almost palpable.

"What?" she asked, her voice low. I sighed, unsure how to put what I was feeling into words.

"You're beautiful," I told her, my eyes scanning her face, watching how the color in her cheeks deepened further, before my gaze came to settle on her lips. She glanced away bashfully, but looked back, her eyes fixed on my mouth as I slowly leaned in. We were barely touching when my cell phone rang out shrilly. I tried to ignore it, but as I pressed my lips to Bella's, she placed a hand on my shoulder and backed away, creating a gap between us.

"Answer it," she said. I pushed back against her.

"They can wait." She backed up again.

"Answer it, it might be important."

"There's nothing more important than you," I replied, moving my hand into her hair in an attempt to capture her head and halt her damn retreats. Suddenly she pushed herself hard against me. I gasped, but then she was gone again, my phone in her hand; she'd only been reaching past me for it. I sank back into the seat, huffing.

"Hey, Alice," she greeted the caller. I might have damn well known. If this was about Thanksgiving… "No, it was negative. He's definitely not Bree's father." She was quiet for a moment as she listened and then she broke into a wide smile and turned to look at me. "Yeah, us too. We're on our way home…no, we're going to Edward's place."

Shit. I'd completely forgotten that everybody else had been almost as keyed up about the paternity test as I had been. I felt bad for not letting them know sooner, but then I looked back at Bella, one foot up on the seat as she scratched absently at the fabric on the knee of her jeans, and I smiled again. Ah, hell. It had been totally worth the delay.

As she said her goodbyes and ended the call, I started the car up and put it in reverse, wrapping my arm around the back of Bella's seat, turning to look out the back windshield as I backed down the track. I glanced at Bella, only to find her watching me intently.

"What?" I asked, self-consciously.

"You know, you look kind of hot when you drive."

I laughed.

"Well, that's good to know, but if you keep looking at me like that, I'm going to be doing more crashing and less driving." I tried to concentrate on what I was doing, fighting to forget the image of the woman I loved, still sporting a post-coital glow as she looked at me as though I was something to eat.

_Uh, yeah; not helping yourself here, Cullen,_ I thought as I felt my jeans growing tight across my crotch while images of Bella pink lips wrapped around my cock, filled my head. Before I could become even more distracted, the track widened out and I found the space to turn around, before re-joining the highway.

"I wonder what Tanya will do now you have your proof?" Bella wondered aloud when we'd been driving along in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. "Will she go to James do you think?"

I shook my head, sadly.

"I don't think it'll make any difference to him. He's already proved what a low life he is to have left her and denied that Bree is his in the first place. I would guess that he'll probably accuse her of having gotten pregnant by somebody else."

"How could he do that? Leave his daughter and deny she's even his?"

"I have no idea," I replied, even though I knew her questions were rhetorical.

As we got closer to home, I allowed my mind to wander back to images of all the things I wanted to do with Bella once we got there. Fate, however, had other plans for me. As we pulled up into my driveway, Alice waved excitedly at us from where she stood, next to Jasper's car.

I'd barely got out of my seat, when she was wrapped around my neck.

"I'm so pleased for you!" she sing-songed in my ear. I gently removed myself from her embrace.

"We're all relieved, Alice, but can we tone down the celebration? There's a little girl out there whose mother is in hospital following a suicidal episode, and whose father refuses to accept her as his own." My sister cast her eyes downward and cringed.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess I was just letting my hatred for Tanya rule my emotions when I heard the news."

Jasper stepped up and put his arm around Alice.

"Hey, we understand that. She hurt your brother; nobody expects you to forget that. Don't worry about it, sweetheart." She smiled up at him and then he turned to me and held his hand out for me to shake. "You're right though, man. It has to be a big relief, right?" My annoyance had passed and I couldn't help a small smile.

"Yeah, I can't say I'm sorry to have Tanya out of my life for good."

"Alright, people, listen up!" Alice jumped up and down and clapped her hands to bring us all to attention. I rolled my eyes at Bella and she smiled. "It is T minus three days to Thanksgiving, we have work to do!" She skipped back to the car and opened the trunk. "Jas! Come and help with these bags, would you?"

I leaned in close to Bella and whispered in her ear.

"I guess that blow job I was thinking of on the drive home, is out of the question now?" She set off towards the front door.

"I have no idea, I guess you'll have to ask Alice if she's got it written on her agenda for today!" she called back, loudly. Alice straightened up when she heard her name mentioned; a clipboard in her hand.

"What do you want to know Edward? I'll see if I have it written down here," she told me, seriously. I laughed.

"Nah, it doesn't matter, sis. It was nothing." I winked at her as I grabbed a bulging bag from her other hand and made my way into the house.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**BPoV**

"So, Jake, Joshua and Billy are definitely coming, right?" Alice asked. We were two hours into the Thanksgiving preparations, Alice style. Edward and Jasper had managed to drift away from the pile of apparently essential items that Alice needed, on the floor, and were now watching some sports round-up programme on the TV. I was taking one for the team, forcing myself to appear far more interested in what she had planned, than I actually was.

"Yes, they're definitely coming," I told her, watching as she scribbled something down on her notes.

"OK, good. So with the four of us, Emmett, Rose & Grace, that makes ten for definite. I'm still waiting to hear back from Leah."

"Who's Leah?" I asked. I was sure I'd never heard the name before.

"Oh, we were really good friends until she met Sam and moved away. Anyway, I bumped into her last week. She's moved back to town; apparently Sam was cheating on her with her cousin!"

"No way! That's terrible," I said, feeling appalled on behalf of this girl that I had never even met.

"I know, right? So, she was telling me that she's refusing to go to her family for Thanksgiving because Sam and Emily will be there, and worse still, they just announced their engagement."

"What? How long ago did they split up?" I asked her, thinking that sometimes truth could be stranger than fiction.

"Only six weeks. How awful is that? So, anyway, I invited her to join us but she said she'd have to think about it. I'll give her a call later and try to persuade her again." Alice jotted a reminder down in her notes.

"Definitely," I agreed. "That poor girl."

"Leah Clearwater?" Edward asked, his attention drawn away from the TV by our conversation.

"Yes, can you believe it?"

"Huh. I can believe anything of anyone these days, Alice. That's a shame though, Leah was always a really nice girl." I began to smile over at him, until he continued. "Apart from when she turned me down at that party at Crowley's house. Do you remember that, Al?"

"Yes I do and I don't blame her." She turned to me. "You should have seen the state of him, Bella. He was drunk, as high as a kite on God knows what and she'd just watched him vomiting all over Mrs. Crowley's chrysanthemums. Would you have said yes?"

I snorted, picturing it in my head.

"I was not high!" Edward argued back.

"You were so! You and Em were into all kinds of shit back in high school."

I smirked as Edward squirmed slightly in his seat and glanced nervously at me.

"Drugs, huh?" I shook my head in mock disapproval. "Edward Cullen, I thought better of you."

"Yeah," Alice sighed. "That's what my mom said when she caught him with his finger on the doorbell, trying to light the wrong end of his cigarette when we got home." I snorted.

"I never had Emmett down as a rebellious teen," I said.

"Oh, well he was just typical Emmett. He never actually intended any kind of rebellion; he always just went where his 'fun' radar was pointing and worried about the consequences later."

"Wait," Edward interrupted. "So you had _me_ down as rebellious?"

"Edward, you were still playing at being rebellious a couple of months ago when I first met you, remember? You obviously have it hidden away in you somewhere."

He was silent for a moment.

"Yeah, ok," he finally relented.

Alice leaned a little closer.

"The stories I could tell you about that boy," she whispered. I had a feeling that with a little alcohol inside her, it wouldn't take much encouragement to make her do just that. Suddenly I was looking forward to Thanksgiving a little more.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**A/N Thanks for reading! Look how close this story is to 1k reviews *wink* I'd love to make it before it's complete. Please leave one and let me know your thoughts :o)**


	23. I've Been Mended By You

**Chapter 23 ~ I've Been Mended By You**

**Hello *waves*. We're getting ever closer to the end here :o(. There will be 25 chapters, although at the moment I'm not sure whether that includes an epilogue or not.**

**Thanks as always for your reviews. RL for me is pretty hectic most of the time, and although I always intend to reply to them all, sometimes the weeks just run away with me. Please know that I appreciate them all and smile every time I get a review alert in my inbox. It would be lovely to reach 1000 reviews by the end if possible so keep them coming! I *still* haven't had time to write the Jacob PoV (apart from a spoof one that popped onto the screen and upset my Team Edward friends!), but I'm aiming to get it written and out next week.**

**Also, I have posted up my Tsunami one shot Below the Belt on my ffn account, so please pop by, have a read and let me know what you think. There have been so many requests for it to continue, that once EY is wrapped up, I may be tempted :o).**

**I need to thank BeckyBrit for her encouragement as always – go and check out her stories, they're fab :o). Also Dani for pre-reading and suggesting embarrassing stories about brothers, some of which may or may not have happened in RL!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight.**

**BPoV**

_This is nice,_ I had thought to myself as I'd looked around the table at the people that I now thought of as my family. Who'd have thought just a few months ago that, that my life would have changed so drastically? To go from living with just my father, to now being a part of _this_; and not as an outsider either.

Dinner had been a success, even more so thanks to the fact that Alice and Jasper had insisted that they were cleaning up and that everybody else had to go and relax. I suspected that it was mostly to grab a little one-on-one time, and that was pretty much confirmed as I pushed open the kitchen door with the intention of forcing my help on them.

Jasper had Alice pressed up against the counter, as he bent down to kiss her, her sud-covered rubber gloves resting on his shoulders. They hadn't noticed me, so I backed out of the room, closing the door gently behind me as I smiled to myself.

Moving back into the other room where the others were watching the football, I pulled out a chair at the dining table and sat down, watching them all, my contented smile still playing on my lips. I replayed the last few months in my head. There had been some really difficult times, but there had definitely been a lot to be thankful for too.

My eyes found Edward, sitting on the edge of his seat, his hands linked between his open knees and his eyes fixed on the screen. I swore he grew more beautiful by the day, and the smiles he now regularly wore, only enhanced that. When I thought back to the scowling bad boy he'd been when I first laid eyes on him in the school yard, the turn around was even more incredible. Although, there was definitely something about the brooding that had done bad things to me in the beginning; before I knew that it was the result of so much hurt anyway.

He glanced across at me, as though he'd felt my gaze on him. My stomach flipped and I bit my lip as I felt a surge of desire flowing through me. He raised an eyebrow suggestively as though he knew exactly what I was thinking, although actually, by the flush of color on my cheeks, he probably did.

A sudden roar from Emmett distracted him and his head spun back round to the TV, where he caught up with what he'd missed and jumped up to high-five his brother, laughing as he did.

Finally things came to a close, Alice and Jasper drifting back in just in time to catch the end of the game. Rosalie flicked the TV off and put some music on instead and Grace and Charlotte disappeared up to Grace's room while Emmett went to fix drinks for everyone.

A while later I wasn't sure I would ever move again with the combination of all the food, the drink I now held in my hand and the relaxing music. There was just one thing that was starting to annoy me a little.

"Billy! Come here!" I called as he tore past the back of my chair again. What was it with boys and running around in circles? He was making me dizzy just watching him. Of course, he didn't slow at all, and I watched as he approached me again, ready to repeat myself. Before I could open my mouth however, Edward appeared and scooped the little boy off his feet, bringing him shocked and giggling onto his lap as he sat down next to me.

"Slow it down, buddy, you're wearing a track in the floor," he told him, smiling.

"Hey!" Billy protested, squirming against Edward's hold, but still laughing. Across the room I saw Josh look up and notice what was going on. He got to his feet, his determined frown watered down by the smile on his lips, and charged at Edward, a war cry emitting loudly from his mouth.

"Uh-oh!" I laughed as Edward sat oblivious to what was about to hit him. Literally.

Joshua slammed into Edward and began fighting to unwind his arms from around Billy.

"Let my brother go!" he demanded, still laughing. Edward's beautiful face shone as he laughed too, holding onto Billy tighter, the harder that Josh fought. Just as Edward looked in danger of losing, a huge shadow loomed over them.

"Hey, guys," the owner of the shadow boomed, immediately getting the attention of the two young boys. Their eyes opened wide as he rolled his sleeves up, revealing huge, muscled forearms. "You and _your_ brother, against me and _my_ brother." He indicated towards Edward. "Right here and now. What do you say?"

Silently Joshua fell away from Edward and backed off a couple of steps, his eyes never leaving Emmett's. Billy quickly wriggled out of Edward's loosened grasp and slid to the floor, moving quickly to stand next to his brother.

"Uh…I think I hear Grace calling us," Joshua said. "Maybe another time." He turned, grabbing Billy's arm and dragging the younger child with him out of the room.

"You are so mean," I told Emmett, hitting him playfully on the leg as he stood next to my chair. "Those poor kids will have nightmares tonight." I tried to duck out of the way of his hand, but was too slow. He ruffled my hair, leaning in.

"Relax, Bella, it's character building," he said, chuckling loudly.

"Where's Jake, anyway? I haven't seen him for a while," I commented. It was unlike him not to step in when the boys were playing like that at somebody else's house.

"He's in the kitchen," Emmett said in a conspiratorial tone. "With Leah." He winked and grinned and I rolled my eyes in response.

"So, clearly from your dramatic response there Emmett, I'm guessing they must be…what? Making out? Having sex on the counter?" Sadly my sarcasm was lost on him.

"No!" he exclaimed loudly, before glancing around, leaning in and lowering his voice. "They're talking."

"Aah." I nodded as though everything had just become clear. "Talking. Well, I can see now what sparked the excitement there, big guy." I pushed my chair back and turned to Edward. "I'm going to go and say hi."

"OK, baby." I stood and then leaned down and planted a kiss on his lips before walking towards the kitchen. Looking around I was pleased that Rosalie had offered to host the celebration at their place; Alice's house would have been far too crowded with all of these bodies in at the same time.

As I reached the kitchen doorway, I stopped. Somehow I now got what Emmett had meant with the 'talking'. Jake and Leah were standing side by side; a respectable distance apart, but mirroring one another exactly. Both had one hand leaning against the counter, a drink in their other hand and their bodies angled towards the other. Leah had her back to me, but I could see Jake's face clearly. For the first time in months there was no care-worn shadow behind his eyes and the worry lines on his forehead were smoothed out. He was smiling as he spoke, a big, wide genuine smile that showed off all his teeth and made the corners of his eyes crinkle. Leah said something that I couldn't hear, and he threw back his head and laughed. My eyes were on the verge of welling up at seeing him enjoying himself, when he glanced up and saw me.

It was as though I had broken a spell. The smile faded into the one I was more accustomed to seeing these days and the shadow returned to his eyes. Not only that, but a look of pure guilt fixed itself to his face and he took what I was sure was an unconscious step away from Leah.

"Hey, Bells," he greeted me.

"Hey, I was just wondering if you were OK, I hadn't seen you for a while," I told him. _Shit._ The guilty look deepened at my words. Leah turned, a genuine, warm smile fixed on her face.

"Jacob was just telling me about the time you two fixed motorcycles up," she said. I felt my cheeks heating up at the memory, even though it was so many years ago now.

"Yeah, actually it was Jake who did the fixing up, I sort of specialised in the crashing that created the need for further fixing," I confessed.

"Hey, Leah!" Alice called from the living room. "I've got my old photo album out here!" she sing-songed teasingly. Leah smiled and rolled her eyes. Focusing on Jake, she pointed over her shoulder as she backed away towards the door.

"So, I'm just going to go and…uh…yeah. Anyway, I'll catch you later." I watched as her cheeks blushed gently and she lowered her head a little bashfully as she turned and left. I looked up at Jake as he watched her leave.

"She likes you," I pointed out to him.

"Yeah, I like her too, she's nice," he replied, turning his attention back to me now that Leah had left the room.

"No," I said, in the tone you'd use to try and get a child to understand something. "I mean she _likes _you, likes you." He sighed, his body sagging as a pained expression settled on his face.

"Bella, I can't even think about it. It feels as though I'm betraying Emma. I forgot for a moment there, you know? Forgot about Emma, and when I saw you standing there I remembered and I felt so bad, so _guilty_."

"Hey, hey," I picked up one of his hands between both of mine. "Jake, it's OK, you know? Emma wouldn't have wanted you to never smile again; she loved your smile, you know that. You'll never forget her, but there's nothing wrong with being able to enjoy happy times too.

"I can't get involved with anyone else, it's too soon and—"

"Nobody's suggesting you should. Leah seems nice though, if you do like her, there's nothing stopping you from being friends with her."

I could tell that he still wasn't convinced. "Stop with all the guilt, would you? You deserve some happiness, Jake. Now, why don't you have another beer…" I paused to open the fridge, grabbed two bottles and handed one to him. "And come back in there with me. I'm dying to see if Alice has any photos of Edward in that album."

I linked my arm through his and pulled him into the living room. Leah was sitting in the middle of the couch, Alice to her far side as they both sat laughing at a page in the photo album. As we walked in, Leah looked up, her eyes landing directly on Jake and her smile growing wider. I nudged him towards the empty seat next to her, and pushed him, gently enough for nobody to notice, but hard enough that he didn't have a choice but to either sit or fall down. He scowled at me but I smiled sweetly back.

"Bella!" Edward called out from across the room. "Did you get a chance to ask Jacob about Christmas?" Jake looked up with interest as he heard his name mentioned. I silently cursed Edward for putting us on the spot like that.

"No, I haven't yet," I replied through gritted teeth.

"What's that?" Jake asked.

"It's no big deal," I replied, shaking my head. "Edward's family have invited me to spend Christmas in Seattle with them. I said I'd let them know when I'd checked what your plans were."

"Ah, well we're going away with my dad for the holidays, he asked us to go with him on a fishing trip for a few days."

Leah turned to him again.

"Really? That's so cool, I used to love fishing when I was younger," she exclaimed. Jake grinned and I exchanged a look with Alice as I heard him offer to take her sometime.

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"So, that's settled," he said quietly into my ear. "Christmas with the Cullens it is."

"Not so fast, there. If Billy's going away, that means that my dad will be alone—"

"Bella, you should go," Jake cut in. "Charlie can come with us, it's fine. You know he'd love it."

I definitely did; outside of work, fishing was his next big love.

"OK," I sighed with resignation. "I guess I'm out of excuses. Looks like I'll be coming."

"Hey, try and leave some of that enthusiasm at home though, I'm not sure my mom could cope with it," Emmett added, chuckling as he tossed a fistful of peanuts back into his mouth.

"Ignore him," Edward whispered. "Nerves, right?"

"Yup," I confirmed. "I've never really done the big family Christmas thing, and I haven't even met Esme before. What if she doesn't like me?"

"Relax, she'll love you," Edward reassured me.

"He's right, Bella, she will," Rosalie added as she entered the room, catching the end of the conversation. I smiled at her gratefully; she had no reason to lie.

A sudden cackle from Alice and Leah grabbed my attention.

"Oh my God, Edward," Leah gasped between laughs. "How did those legs ever hold you up? Look how skinny they were!"

"Of course," Alice added. "I don't think the neon pink speedos are helping with the entire look, to be honest."

"Oh! This I have to see!" I exclaimed, making a move to cross to the photo album. "Hey!" I yelled, as Edward's arms tightened around me, preventing me from moving.

"Alice, you give me that photo right now," Edward demanded. "Or I'm going to tell everybody about the time that you and Eric Yorkie—"

"OK, OK!" Alice hurriedly slid the photograph out of the album and stretched out her arm to Edward. He took it from her and slid it into the back pocket of his jeans before releasing me.

"Spoilsport," I told him. "Alice, you have copies of that, right? I have to see Edward rocking neon pink speedos," I begged.

I saw Edward shoot her a piercing look of warning and she shook her head apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Bella. There are just some things that I can't risk becoming public knowledge."

Leah snorted knowingly on the couch next to her.

"Damn, I'd forgotten about the Eric Yorkie incident. Alice, that was epic! I still can't—"

Alice shushed her quickly and glared at Edward.

"Thanks a lot, Edward. I won't sleep tonight now, replaying it all in my head." She shuddered and I wondered what could have happened to elicit that reaction.

Leah turned the page and began to laugh again, pointing at the album.

"What the hell?" She laughed harder and Alice giggled along with her.

"Oh, come on Leah, you must remember when Emmett had his wafro?" Alice said, looking at him slyly.

"Huh?" He looked up. "Hey, I did not have a wafro!" he insisted.

"Let me see," I said, hurrying across and leaning over Alice's shoulder. Laughter burst from my mouth. "Sorry, Em, but that is _so _a wafro!"

The next photograph was one of Alice and Leah in the garden with t-shirts and shorts on. They looked around nine years old. There was nothing to laugh at in this one, so we cooed over how cute they were instead. I mmhmm'd knowingly as Jake made a comment about Leah's dimples.

"What?" Alice asked, curious about the sound I'd made.

"Jake always used to have a thing for girls with dimples," I announced. Alice smiled and Leah blushed. Jake opened his mouth to protest but then closed it again when I fixed him with a challenging look. He knew it was true, so he relented with a smile and a shrug. Josh and Billy came in at that moment, laughing. "See?" I asked, nodding towards the boys. "They didn't get those from Jake." Both boys had a pair of perfect dimples in their cheeks. I smiled at them, but then became aware of Jake getting up from the couch.

"Excuse me," he mumbled as he strode from the room. I cursed under my breath; I should have known better. A silent exchange passed between Edward and me, and he nodded in understanding as I took off after Jake.

I found him in one of the guest bedrooms, his hands planted on the sill as he leaned forwards, gazing through the window.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, not wanting to startle him. I walked closer, but sat down on the edge of the bed before I reached him. He sniffed loudly and cleared his throat.

"It's OK," he said, his voice thick with emotion.

"No, it's not. I know better than that, I just…didn't think."

He stepped backwards and sank down onto the bed beside me.

"It's just today, you know?"

I stretched my arm out and began to rub his back soothingly.

"I know."

A quiet voice broke the silence.

"I had a brother. Seth." I turned to see Leah hovering in the doorway. "He would have been twenty-five now. It does get easier, but holidays, birthdays, anniversaries; they always suck ass."

I gestured with my head for her to come in and she crossed the carpet and sank down next to me on the bed.

"I'm sorry," I told her.

"Thanks."

"How long…?"

"Six years. He was nineteen. Lost control of his car and hit a tree. I think you'd have liked him; Jacob reminds me of him." She smiled as she leaned around me to look at Jake. "If you ever want to talk to somebody, you can always call me," she told him. "We'll exchange numbers before we leave…if you want to?"

Jake looked up at her.

"Thanks, Leah. I'd like that." He gave her a small smile, just as the sound of Billy yelling for him, drifted up the stairs. He cursed and rubbed a hand over his face, trying to make himself presentable for his youngest son. I knew he hated the boys seeing him upset. I stood and placed my hand on his arm.

"Hey, I got it. You take a moment. Leah will keep you company, right?" I looked at her questioningly.

"Sure," she said, smiling reassuringly at me.

Downstairs I managed to deal with Billy easily enough; it was the usual sibling disagreements. As he went back to his game with Joshua, I found Edward on the couch. I sat down on his lap and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Everything OK?" he asked, planting a kiss on my cheek.

"Well, I managed to upset him, but he'll be alright. I still can't believe I was such as ass not to think before I spoke." Edward swept my hair from my face and kissed me again.

"Try not to worry about it. Jake will understand."

"I know. Leah's with him now. She came to find him and told us about her brother."

"Yeah, Seth was a good kid. We were all pretty devastated by it." We both sat in what I guessed were silent reflections of the losses in our lives, as Edward absently stroked my hair.

"Well! Aren't we a happy pair?" Emmett boomed as he appeared in front of us, clapping his hands. "Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure," Edward answered. "What are you going with?"

Emmett grabbed a case from the side table.

"Rosie wants _Iron Man_," he said, clearly perplexed. "I have no idea why, I thought she hated all that super hero stuff." He shrugged. "Not that I'm going to argue, it's better than the usual chick-flick crap she wants to watch."

"I heard that, Emmett," Rosalie said as she came through from the kitchen with more bowls of food. My stomach groaned at even the thought of eating anything else, but Emmett grabbed one from her as he settled back. "There's just something about this movie that I really like, OK?" She caught my eye and winked and I smiled, knowing exactly what the attraction was.

Rosalie dipped the lights and I leaned back against Edward as he snaked his hand underneath my shirt and began stroking the skin beneath it. I shivered gently as his fingers sent delicious sensations throughout my body. Somehow, knowing that we were in a room full of people and none of them, except Edward, knew how he was making me feel, made it even better.

An hour into the movie, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. It was a genuine need, but I also appreciated the break; I wasn't sure how much more of Edward's touch I could take before I just jumped him, regardless of where we were.

I took my time, but eventually I was done and I unlocked the door and pulled it open.

I gasped.

Edward was standing right in front of it, his eyes full of hunger as he began stalking towards me, a small smirk on his lips. I giggled with anticipation as he pushed the door closed and locked it. I met him, lips first, in the middle of the room, moaning with relief. He pulled away and put his mouth close to my ear.

"There are people up here, Bella. You're going to have to be quiet; do you think you can do that for me baby?" He pulled back and looked at me and I somehow managed to nod my head. His eyes were intense and my stomach flipped again. I had no idea how I managed not to whimper. "Oh, and we need to be fast too so we're not missed." His hands moved down and he slid them beneath my skirt. "I hope you're ready for me," he whispered, as one of his hands palmed my ass, and the fingers of the other skimmed frustratingly lightly across the front of my panties. He hissed quietly as he felt the dampness of the fabric beneath his fingertips. "Fuck, Bella," he gasped as he pushed the flimsy fabric down my legs.

I stepped out of my panties and then reached forward and fumbled with his jeans. I finally managed to get them undone and pushed down past his hips, my arm brushing against his cock, which left a glistening wet trail on my skin.

Edward turned me around to face the wall. I was trying to control my breathing; to stay as quiet as I could, but the anticipation of having him inside me, made it almost impossible.

"Bend forward and open your legs for me, baby," he whispered, his hands nudging impatiently under my skirt, at the back my thighs. I leaned forward, bracing my hands on the wall and moving my feet out to the sides. With a small gasp of breath, Edward yanked my skirt up above my waist, positioned himself and then pushed himself into me. Our breath caught at the same time, as he began to move in and out of me, my hips pushing back to meet him again each time.

He slipped one arm inside my shirt and wrapped it around me, so he was cupping one of my breasts, and slid the other downwards, his fingers circling and rubbing in just the right place. I straightened up as much as I could, and pressed my shoulders back against his chest to ease my craving for more contact with him.

He'd said it would have to be fast, and it wasn't long before his quickened stroked caused me to tighten around him, forcing his own orgasm from him.

"Holy fuck!" I panted, my legs trembling beneath me as Edward pulled out of me.

A sudden knock on the door startled us both.

"Bella? Are you OK in there?" Alice's voice called out. I turned and looked at Edward wide-eyed as he stifled a laugh.

"Uh…yeah, I'm fine, Alice."

"Are you sure? It wasn't the food was it? I didn't want to use the other recipe for the pumpkin pie, but Jasper said it would be better and—" I could tell Edward was really struggling to hold his laughter in, so I cut her off.

"No, it wasn't the food, Alice, it was all wonderful. I'll be down in a moment."

"Oh. OK, if you're sure…"

"I am. Two minutes, I promise."

We heard her footsteps retreating back down the staircase and I slumped against Edward. "We'd better go, I have a feeling if I'm not quick enough, she'll be back."

"I know," he mumbled sleepily into my hair.

"By the way," I told him, looking up into his face. "You were great." One side of his mouth curved up into a smile as he pushed my hair back from my face.

"So were you," he told me, and kissed me.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

I was already sitting back on the couch when Edward came back into the room. We'd decided that reappearing together would make it too obvious.

"Did you find what you wanted, Edward?" Rosalie asked as he sat down. I wondered what his cover story had been.

"Yes, thanks," he replied, shooting me a playful smile.

"You'd better not have been having sex in my bathroom, bro," Emmett suddenly said.

_So much for nobody noticing._

"Emmett!" Rosalie chastised him, obviously horrified, while Jasper snorted and Alice flicked her head around to look at us, shocked. Thankfully there was no sign of the kids and I could hear Leah and Jake talking in the kitchen.

Edward just looked at his brother, as I wished the ground would open up and swallow me and my burning cheeks.

"Bella, did I ever tell you about the time that Em had sex _in my bed_?" he said. Oh God. "Oh yeah, and he didn't even change the sheets after. I might not have noticed, but the damp spot was still damp."

A collective _ewww_ went around the room and Rosalie blushed. Emmett, however, just chuckled. "Do you remember that, Rose? Good times, hey, baby?"

"Emmett Cullen, that is gross," Alice said, her face screwed up in distaste.

"Really, Alice? Worse than the time that you ate poop?" Emmett demanded.

"Yes! I was a baby and it would never have happened if you hadn't pooped in your pants in the first place." She huffed as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Edward laughed loudly and both Alice and Emmett switched their gaze to him.

"Hey, Emmett, do you remember the time that we dressed Edward up as a girl for Halloween? We used one of mom's bras, which was huge! It took every pair of socks we owned to fill up the cups. I used make-up and nail polish and gave him a beauty mark and everything. He walked around with a purse and called everyone _dahling_ and said that he was be-yoo-ti-ful!"

I snorted loudly and the whole room cracked up laughing. Edward had his head down, but I saw that he was smiling.

"Yeah, I do remember that. At least he had clothes on though; do you remember how he used to get naked at every opportunity and how mad Mom used to get when he'd stand up on his chair and flash us all after dinner?"

"How old were you then?" I asked, my mouth dropping open.

"Sixteen!" Alice and Emmett yelled together. He narrowed his eyes at them before he looked back at me.

"I was like, five or six."

"Yeah, he didn't improve with age though. He didn't even care when we took his clothes and hid them when he went skinny dipping in the pool at Cheney's party!" Emmett said, his voice loud with excitement.

"I remember that!" Leah exclaimed as she wandered back in with Jake. "He just walked around as normal!"

"Yes, until Mrs. Cheney came home and just about had a heart attack!" Alice added. "I don't think Ben ever did have another party after that," she mused.

Edward was laughing along with everyone, but threw me a nervous glance all the same. I smiled, wishing I'd know him when he was young and carefree. He leaned in close to me as the laughter and anecdotes continued around us.

"You know, when we have kids, I'm locking them up for their teenage years. Just in case they take after me." He winked, but my mind was on the first half of his sentence.

Not '_if I_ have kids', but '_when we_ have kids'. I smiled.

"Yeah, the more I'm hearing, the more I think that's a good idea," I told him. "Especially if they're girls." He grimaced.

"Definitely. The things I could tell you about Alice…" he said, glancing across the room at his sister.

"Oh, yeah. So what exactly was that Eric whatshisname thing about?"

He laughed again and then leaned in close.

"Let's just say, she found out exactly how sensitive her gag reflex is." I flinched and giggled.

"Poor Alice."

"So, Jake," Emmett's voice boomed. "You got any good stories about Bella?"

Jake laughed.

"Oh, plenty. I'd rather keep my balls intact though."

"Correct answer, Jake!" I congratulated him. "Although actually, he's probably just worried that for every story he has about me, I have two worse ones about him."

"You know me too well, Bells," he laughed.

As the chatter continued, Edward pulled me close to him.

"I want us to make memories. I want to sit around on every Thanksgiving to come, and share little stories about our life together."

"Me too," I told him, smiling as I held onto him.

"Is that a yes?" he asked. I shifted slightly so that I was just inches from his face, my eyes searching his.

"A yes to what? You didn't ask me anything." My heart was beating loudly in my chest, drowning out the noise from the rest of the room. Edward paused and a look of panic ghosted briefly across his face.

"Nothing. Nevermind."

He pulled me back against him, but my brain was whirring. After a moment I sat up and looked at him.

"Did I just imagine that or did you…were you going to…?"

He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"What?" he asked nervously.

I shook my head.

"Nothing. Nevermind."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**A/N Eeek! Where the hell did that come from? No point asking me because I wasn't expecting it either!**

**I would love it if you'd leave a review and let me know what you think! There's a Jalice kitchen outtake in it for anybody that does ;o)**


	24. She Is Love

**Sincere thanks go out with this chapter, to the people who pre-read for me when I was a bit stuck this week: Twi-Weasel, Mel, HKP Jen and of course BeckyBrit (who has dared to go off on holiday and not be on the other side of my IM screen where I need her!)**

**Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter and I hope you all enjoyed your Jalice outtake. If you didn't review last time, there's still time, or review this chapter and ask for it. I still have a couple to send out, so if you haven't had it yet, I apologise, it will be with you soon.**

**This chapter is a little shorter, but it came to a natural end, so after much debating I decided to leave it where it was.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer**

**Chapter 24 ~ She Is Love**

**Last chapter…**

"_I want us to make memories. I want to sit around on every Thanksgiving to come, and share little stories about our life together."_

"_Me too," I told him, smiling as I held onto him._

"_Is that a yes?" he asked. I shifted slightly so that I was just inches from his face, my eyes searching his._

"_A yes to what? You didn't ask me anything." My heart was beating loudly in my chest, drowning out the noise from the rest of the room. Edward paused and a look of panic ghosted briefly across his face._

"_Nothing. Nevermind."_

_He pulled me back against him, but my brain was whirring. After a moment I sat up and looked at him._

"_Did I just imagine that or did you…were you going to…?" _

_He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat._

"_What?" he asked nervously. _

_I shook my head._

"_Nothing. Nevermind."_

**EPoV**

There were two things about Thanksgiving that I still hadn't gotten my head around. The first was that I'd sort of, almost proposed to Bella. The second was that she'd seemed to realize that I'd sort of, almost proposed to her, and yet she hadn't called me out on it. This had me really fucking confused. Did that mean that she was relieved that I hadn't done it because she didn't want to marry me, or was she so pissed at the shitty way I'd done it – or not – that she couldn't bring herself to raise the issue? Truthfully, neither option really gave me the confidence to try again.

I didn't even know where it had come from; one minute we were laughing and discussing having memories of our own to share at future Thanksgivings, the next I'd got myself in this damn knot of words and thoughts that I was trying to fumble my way through. Marriage hadn't even consciously crossed my mind. I just couldn't imagine that here would ever be a part of my future that Bella didn't feature in.

A week after Thanksgiving, I'd gone for a beer with Jasper.

"So, what are your long-term plans with Bella?" Jasper asked me as we sat back down at our table after I'd kicked his ass at pool. I froze, bottle halfway to my mouth as I wondered if Bella had said something to him.

"Uh…I'm not sure. Why do you ask?" I took a pull of beer from the bottle and licked my lips nervously as I set it back down on the table, my fingers picking at the label. His actions mirrored my own.

"Alice and I are thinking of moving in together," he told me. I noticed his leg bouncing up and down a little, causing me to wonder if it was nerves or excitement.

"That's great news, man," I told him, a genuine smile appearing on my face.

"Thanks." He smiled back and I noticed his leg had stopped with the bouncing.

_Nerves at telling the older brother?_ I pondered, amused.

His face became serious again. "We're just not sure how to handle it, because we don't want to leave Bella stuck for somewhere to live. The rental market's not so great around here, so Alice thinks she'll have to sell her place." I nodded in understanding, and then my brain made the connection between his conversation opener about my plans with Bella and the news he'd just shared.

"Hold up," I said quickly, fixing him with my best interrogator-esque glare and leaning forward across the table. "Are you about to suggest that I ask Bella to move in with me, to solve my sister's tenant problem and ease your guilty consciences?" Jasper looked away, cleared his throat and then looked directly back at me and shrugged.

"That's not exactly how I would put it, but, um, yeah, I guess I am."

I leaned back against the hard, wooden back of the chair and let my head fall back so that I was looking up at the ceiling. I lifted a hand to rub my forehead, as it all sank in.

"Will you do it?" Jasper asked, displaying no shame at being caught out. I dropped my head back down, sighed and took another drink from my bottle.

"Yeah," I told him, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "Of course I'll ask her."

_I'll ask her everything I've been meaning to,_ I thought. _If only I can find the balls._

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you since Thanksgiving," I told Bella two mornings later. I was sitting up naked in bed watching Bella through the bathroom doorway after her shower. She really did have the best taste in underwear I decided, as she brushed her hair in front of the vanity in just her bra and panties. If we hadn't already had sex before she got out of bed, I would definitely be pouncing on her right about now.

She slowed her brush stroke as she heard what I said, and then stopped as she reached the ends of her dark, wet hair.

"What is it?" she asked me, a cautious tone to her voice.

_Shit,_ I thought as I realized that _she_ was probably thinking that I was going to try proposing again. _As if I would, like this. _Although now that I thought about it, I could just blurt it out and that would be it. No more mental torture, it would be out in the open; done.

"I'd like to meet your dad," I told her, sticking to my original plan. "I thought maybe we could take a ride over and visit him. What about this weekend?"

"Oh!" Bella turned to face me. It was obviously the last thing she'd been expecting me to ask her. "Ok, I'll call him today and set something up." She smiled and walked over to the bed, sitting down sideways, facing me. "That's actually a really great idea. It feels like forever since I saw him." She leaned forward to kiss me gently on the cheek. "Thank you," she whispered. I placed my hands on her waist, savoring the feel of her smooth skin beneath my fingers.

"You're welcome," I murmured back, my eyes rolling back in my head a little as I breathed in the scent of her. She pulled away and stood up again, causing me to pout like a petulant child. She laughed softly at me and reached out to ruffle my hair. Seeing my opportunity, I grabbed her arm and pulled her down onto the bed. She squealed as she toppled onto me. I quickly rolled so that she was lying beneath me, the sheets frustratingly blocking any direct contact between her skin and mine.

"Are you sure you have to leave?" I asked, as I peppered her neck with kisses.

"Yes!" she giggled, squirming. "Jake has to be at work."

"Fine." I pushed myself off her and sat back up, watching her with amusement as she attempted to right herself again. "You know, my place is closer to Jake's than yours," I said, testing the water a little.

"Yes, I have managed to work that out, genius," she told me, smirking as she crawled away from me on all fours. It was too tempting, and I swatted her ass with my hand before she could get out of range. She squealed again and cursed at me as she rubbed the rapidly reddening patch of skin.

"Well, I was just thinking. We hardly spend a night apart as it is, and when we do I hate it. Why don't we…" Shit. I could do this. I could ask her, it really wasn't that big of a deal. She was looking at me expectantly now, her eyebrows raised.

"Yes?" she urged.

"I mean, why don't you move in here? With me?" I swallowed nervously, waiting for a reaction.

"Fuck!" she exclaimed, squeezing her eyes shut. I looked at her, alarmed at her outburst.

"Sorry?" Confusion took over as my alarm faded.

"She was right again. It's like she knows the future, or some shit." Bella stood and crossed to the dresser where her phone sat and grabbed it, typing out a message and sending it.

"Is it me, or do we have some, like, parallel fucking existence going on here?" I was getting a little pissed that after all my panicking about asking her to come and live with me, that her reaction had been to say 'fuck' and then start texting without actually honoring my question with an answer. I threw the covers back and stood up, turning to face her.

She looked over at me and then shook her head as it registered with her that I had no fucking idea about what was going on.

"Alice," she said, as though that answered every question I had running through my head. When my face stayed as blank as it had been before, she elaborated. "I thought that it would take you longer than a week to ask me, but Alice said it would be less."

"You knew? About Alice and Jasper moving in together?"

"Of course I knew!" she laughed. "It was actually her idea for me to move in with you, but I told her I wouldn't be the one to ask."

"You put me through two days of hell…" I stalked towards her, watching the playful panic rising on her face as she realized she was being hunted. "Knowing about it all along…" She began to edge into the corner on the opposite side of the bed, giggling. "And refused to end my misery." She made a break across the bed as I lunged, but she wasn't fast enough and my arms were long enough to reach her easily. I brought her into a wriggling heap on top of the rumpled covers, as I pinned her down and tickled her. Abruptly I stopped, my face only a couple of inches from hers, and both of us breathing heavily. She was still smiling. "I'll be needing that answer now," I informed her, my voice low and husky.

"Yes. I'd love to move in with you. I thought you'd never ask." I bent down to kiss her, but she stopped me. "No, _really_, I literally thought you'd never ask," she said, teasingly. I silenced her with my lips.

"I promise you, baby," I told her between kisses. "I'll be worth the wait."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"Are you OK?" Bella asked me as we closed the last couple of miles to her father's house. I glanced from the road, to her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"I don't know; you just seem quiet. Are you nervous?" Concern was etched across her face. I tried a dismissive laugh, but really it just came out sounding a little strangled.

"A little, I guess."

"Well don't be."

Yeah, easy for her to say. Not only was I meeting my girlfriend's dad for the first time, we were about to break the news that we were moving in together. On top of all that I was fully intending to get a moment away from Bella to ask for his blessing in asking his daughter to marry me. At least, that was the idea. I guessed the question of whether I'd have the balls to go through with it depended on how well the first two parts went.

In all seriousness, how likely was he to say yes when he'd only just met me? This was a bad idea; what the fuck had I been thinking?

Bella broke me out of my round of mental shitting-it, with the last few directions, until we pulled up behind Charlie's police cruiser, in the driveway of a fairly normal looking, average sized house with an immaculate lawn.

"Don't step on the grass," she warned me in an ominous tone as I unbuckled my seatbelt. "He's like, really anal about his lawn."

"Ohh-kay," I said, worrying even more about meeting the guy now. Surely OCD-type idiosyncrasies weren't a good thing in a potential father-in-law?

I opened the door of the car and stepped out, trying to keep my feet on the narrow strip of driveway that I'd left between my car and the lawn. Why the hell couldn't she have warned me before I parked up_? _ I wobbled a little, grabbing onto my car for support, just as the front door opened and a dark-haired man wandered out.

"Hey, Bells!" he greeted her as he walked down the steps to fold her into a huge hug.

"Hey, Dad."

Bella had her back to me, so her father was facing me. His eyes were closed as he hugged her, but the moment he opened them, his eyes travelled down to my feet. I glanced down, relieved to see that I was a good inch clear of having anything green beneath my shoes. When I looked back up, he was releasing Bella and smiling at me.

"You must be Edward." He stepped forward, his hand extended.

"Yes sir, it's good to meet you," I replied, grasping his hand firmly.

"Well, come on inside, kids…" His eyes fixed on a spot on the ground behind me. "Godammit, is that moss?" He walked slowly over to the edge of the lawn and leaned forward. Bella rolled her eyes behind him, but I turned away and feigned interest in what he was doing. I figured it wouldn't hurt to try and build some sort of relationship, even if it _was_ based on lawn care.

"Do you have a lawn, Edward?" he asked me as his fingers gently stroked the offending plant.

"Uh, yes sir—"

"Charlie."

"Charlie," I confirmed. "I do, but it's nothing like yours. This is a work of art." I tried to ignore Bella's quiet snort behind me, as Charlie straightened up, his face serious.

"Well, let me tell you son, I put hours into looking after this baby every week. A lawn like this is a serious commitment. Can you handle commitment, Edward?"

_Oh, God, a test. It's a test question, I just know it. Sneaky fucker._

I stood straight, pushing my shoulders back and chest out a little, inexplicably satisfied that it put me at an inch or two taller than him.

"I can," I told him, my voice steady.

"Good. Then next year I'll come over and give you some pointers."

"Excellent, I look forward to it," I said, lying of course. As long as the grass was below ankle length, I was satisfied.

As he finally led us into the house, I was satisfied to see that the lawn appeared to be his only obsession. Not that the house was _untidy_, just that it was _normal_ tidy; not everything was immaculate.

Bella had offered to cook, but Charlie had insisted that he was taking us out for dinner. We had an hour to kill before our reservation, so Bella brought us all a coke and we sat in the comfortable living room, the TV on low in the corner.

"How are Jake and the boys doing?" Charlie asked Bella.

"Yeah, they're good," she replied with a smile. "Jake has a new friend," she added, smirking at me.

"Oh yeah? What his name?"

"Leah."

"Leah?" Charlie questioned, before realization dawned on his face. "Oh! He has a _girlfriend_?"

"No, she's just a friend, but they get along great. I wouldn't be surprised if it turned into more than friends in the future. They've spoken almost every day since Thanksgiving and she's been round to hi place twice."

Charlie nodded.

"Well good luck to him. Poor guy's been through more than enough this last year or so. It's about time Lady Luck paid him a visit."

"Totally," Bella agreed and I nodded too. I may not always have seen eye to eye with Jake, but there was no doubt that Charlie's words were true.

"So are you settled in your new place with Alice now?"

_Here we go._

"Actually, I'm going to be moving again. Alice is moving in with Jasper and is going to be selling her place, so Edward has asked me to move in with him." I could hear the slight tremble of nerves in her voice as she told her father of her plans.

"I see." I could see that he was processing the news. "I guess it would be naïve of me to assume you mean in the spare room?"

"Dad!" Bella blushed.

"Sorry." He let out a loud sigh of resignation. "If you're happy, then I'm happy, Bells, you know that."

"I am, Dad. Edward makes me happy." Charlie smiled at her, but I didn't miss the flash of a warning he sent in my direction too.

At the restaurant, Bella and Charlie together were fascinating to watch. They looked pretty alike with their identical hair and eye coloring anyway, but seeing Charlie displaying many of the mannerisms I knew so well in Bella, was pretty weird. They didn't overdo the talking, but there was nothing uncomfortable about the frequent silences as we ate.

Charlie asked me about my work. I was aware that it probably wasn't all that easy for him to relate to a career illustrating children's books when he spent his days as a cop, but he didn't show it in any way. When we started discussing Bella's book and the processes involved with completing it and getting it published, pride lit up his face. I could tell that by helping her with it, I'd definitely scored some valuable brownie points for later. I hoped it would be enough.

Over the next couple of hours, Charlie surprised me with his humor too; especially after the lawn introduction. At least twice during dinner I choked on my food, because I was laughing so hard at his anecdotes from the police station. Bella came into her own when Charlie was storytelling. They bounced easily off one another, both quick-witted enough to throw one-liner after one-liner out, and a raft of what I guessed to be in-jokes from over the years.

When the conversation invariably turned to sport, Bella rolled her eyes good naturedly. I was pretty sure I scored some extra points with the mutual interest in football, although I knew Emmett would have done better given his complete passion for the game. We were still discussing it when the waitress returned to take our dessert order. Both Charlie and I declined, but Bella looked at us both and then back down at the menu, frowning.

"If you want something, go ahead," I urged her, already knowing what she wanted to order. She looked down at the list in her hand again. I glanced across and Charlie and he smiled and mouthed 'apple pie' at me. I smirked, just as Bella looked up at the waitress.

"I'll have the apple pie, please," she said.

"Cold," I said.

"With cream," Charlie added.

"And ice cream," Bella added, raising her eyebrows at us both defiantly. We laughed as the waitress walked away. "Smart asses," she said, flicking each of us in turn with her napkin.

We saved coffee until we got back to Charlie's place. Bella left the room to make it and I seized the opportunity.

"Charlie, I have something that I need to ask you," I said, my eyes darting nervously to the doorway in case Bella should reappear without warning.

"What's that, son?" He looked at me with interest, and not for the first time, I wondered if I was brave enough to go through with this.

"Well, here's the thing. I know that Bella and I haven't been together all that long, and I know that you and I only just met today." I twisted my hands nervously. He was looking _really _interested now; but not in a good way, I decided. More like when he spotted that patch of moss growing on his immaculate lawn.

"Go on," he said. I took a deep breath.

"I love Bella. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long while. Maybe ever. I can't imagine living without her, Charlie. I want to ask her to marry me and stay with me forever. And I'd like to do it with your blessing."

Charlie was silent, not moving a muscle. I had no idea if this was a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand he hadn't exploded at me, which had to be good. On the other, he hadn't welcomed me to the family with open arms, which could be considered…not so good. Finally he spoke.

"I'm going to be honest with you here, Edward. I can't say that I'm thrilled at the thought of Bella _moving in_ with someone she's barely known for five minutes, let alone marrying them. But," he sighed. "I can see that you make her happy and I know that whatever I say won't really make any difference. Seems you kids just go out and do what the hell you want to these days, anyway."

I fought the urge to correct his use of the term 'kids', given that we were both in our late twenties and at my age he had an only slightly pre-teen daughter.

"So, if the only difference that I can make is to offer you my blessing, then I guess you have it," he finished.

I began to heave a sigh of relief, but he cut me off. "I have to warn you though, Edward. You hurt that girl of mine, I'm hunting you down and cutting me a nice pair of Cullen issue Bumper Nuts for the back of that cruiser out there. You hear me?"

I gulped and nodded, no doubt in my mind that he meant every word.

"I do. Thank you, sir."

The tension eased from the room and I sagged back in my seat.

"So, does she know?" he asked.

"No. I mean, I think maybe she knows that I've been thinking about it." I briefly thought back to Thanksgiving. "I'd like to ask her at Christmas when we stay with my parents in Seattle," I said, making my mind up as I said the words. "They have a beautiful house by the water. I know I can make it special."

"Good. Make sure you do," Charlie said, and winked at me. I laughed, just as Bella walked in with a tray.

"Hey, it's nice to see you guys getting along," she said, smiling.

"Yeah, Edward was just telling me about his plans for Christmas," Charlie said. My heart skipped a beat.

"Oh?" Bella asked, looking at me questioningly as she handed me my coffee.

"Yeah," he continued. "I told him it sounds great." He looked at me and smiled, and I returned it.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

**So, what did you think? Epi aside, the next chapter will be our last! Do you think he'll ask her? Any hopes or suggestions for how you'd like it to go?**

**If you can cope with your fic not having a central Bella, then check out Just the Three of Us by einfach mich, it's only three chapters in, but it pwns me right now. Leah is really likeable and her boys are fantastic – I want to live with them *pouts* :o) www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net /s/7236751/3/**


	25. Stay

**Disclaimer – Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**Chapter 25 ~ Stay**

**BPoV**

It had been a strange month. Hell, scratch that; it had been a strange _few _months since I'd moved to Forks. I would never have guessed that so many things in my life would have changed, simply by moving towns.

Things had been going really well with Edward since the whole Tanya shit-fest had been laid to rest, and Thanksgiving had been some sort of turning point. I'd been pretty sure during one conversation that he was about to ask me to marry him, but it had obviously surprised him as much as it had me, and when I tried to push him to admit it, he denied everything. Still, as much as I loved him and definitely hoped for togetherness in our future, I was willing to wait until he was absolutely ready. It wasn't as though I was desperate to walk down the aisle either; just waking up next to him was enough for me, for now.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked me as he walked into the bedroom. I was pulling the zipper on my case.

"Physically? Yes. Mentally? No." He pulled me to him.

"You'll be fine. You're going to love Esme and she'll love you."

"How do you know?" I asked, looking up at him. I knew that I was whining like a child, but my nerves were running the show now, not my head.

"Because I know you both so well, and because you're both amazing people. Just trust me, OK?"

"OK," I agreed, as I let him lead me from the security of our home and to the car. Not only were we going to stay with his family, but it was the day before Christmas Eve and we were staying with them for the holiday. Why on earth had I agreed to this?

Even the beauty of the drive couldn't distract me from my nerves, and eventually Edward gave up commenting on how quiet I was and asking whether I was OK. I wasn't fooling either of us with my affirmative head nods each time.

I had no idea why, but when we finally arrived at the large, waterfront house on the Puget Sound, I actually felt relieved in a strange kind of a way. I guessed that anticipation could be the real killer at times.

"Looks as though we're the first to arrive," Edward commented as he pulled onto the driveway behind his father's car.

"Is that good or bad?" I asked, my stomach rolling again.

"That depends on how much you like overwhelming chaos and noise," he replied, smiling.

As we were opening the trunk, the front door opened and Carlisle and Esme appeared. Carlisle strode forward.

"Bella, it's so lovely to see you again. Welcome to our home." He kissed my cheek as he embraced me briefly, and then hugged Edward. As they broke apart, Edward turned to retrieve our bags from the trunk.

"Here, son, let me," Carlisle said, reaching in and grasping a handle. He lifted the bag out easily and then left Edward to bring what remained. He ushered me towards the front door where his wife was standing, hands twisting a little in front of her, belying the confidence of the beaming smile that was fixed to her face.

"Esme, this is Bella. Bella, this is my wife, Esme," Carlisle said.

"Bella, I'm so pleased to meet you at long last!" she greeted me enthusiastically, as she embraced me, squeezing me tightly.

"Yes, you too," I told her, feeling a little emotional about the warmth of the welcome I'd received.

"Edward!" she greeted him, hugging him as she had me.

"Hi Esme,"

"How are you, honey?"

"I'm good. Really good." They smiled at one another and just for a moment I felt as though I were intruding, until Edward curled his free arm around my waist and walked me inside.

Alice, Jasper and Charlotte were next to arrive, and it was a relief to be able to share newcomer status with someone else. Esme was as warm in her welcome to them as she had been to me. Edward had been completely right, I had taken to her straight away; she was a genuinely lovely person.

By the time Emmett, Rosalie and Grace arrived, the men and women had split up. Carlisle had taken Edward and Jasper down to his boat house to show them his new boat, while Esme, Alice and I talked in the kitchen as we prepared dinner for everyone. As soon as Charlotte and Grace saw one another, they began to chatter excitedly, before drifting out to watch TV in the living room.

"Esme's lovely," I said to Alice when her step-mom left the room.

"She really is," she agreed.

"Everybody told me so many wonderful things about her, I was terrified she wouldn't like me," I confessed, my cheeks turning pink as I admitted my insecurities to my friend. Alice glanced up at me and giggled.

"Bella, there's no way in the world that Esme was ever going to not like you. You've given them Edward back; that makes you some kind of hero in her book. Nobody else managed to do what you did."

~*~*~EY~*~*~

"So, what does Christmas Eve involve in the Cullen household?" I asked Edward as I lay wrapped in his arms in bed the following morning.

"Well, this year will be a _little _different to normal, because I've got you. Last year it was mainly about drinking too much, smoking too much and upsetting my Dad and Esme with my obnoxious attitude."

"Edward!" I scolded him. "A little old for that kind of behaviour, weren't you?" I raised my head so that I could look into his eyes. He had the decency to appear embarrassed.

"Yeah, just a little," he admitted, looking away from me to watch his fingers playing with my hair. "So, I have some making up to do. I'm going to be the perfect son today. And boyfriend," he added, looking back at me and then bending to kiss my forehead. "Breakfast in bed?" he asked.

"Hmm. Maybe later," I told him, running my hand down, over his chest. "I have an appetite for something else that needs satisfying first.

"Oh, really?" He rolled over on top of me and bent to kiss my neck. "And what might that be?"

"I think you know," I gasped, as I wrapped my legs around his waist, causing him to come to rest right next to where I wanted him most.

The sudden sound of footsteps in the hallway outside the door made me freeze.

"It's OK," Edward murmured in my ear to reassure me. "The door's locked. You'll just have to make sure you're quiet." There was something about his words that made the heat between my legs burn hotter than ever. I exhaled shakily, before he was suddenly there, nudging inside me and making me gasp quietly.

I'd done this before with other guys; sex with parents in the house, but it had only ever been stressful. Edward managed to make me forget that there was anybody else within miles, to the point that he had to whisper his reminding 'ssh, baby', all too often.

When it was over, we lay in a sweating, panting pile of crumpled sheets and entangled limbs.

"Oh, my God, you're amazing," I told him, a post-orgasmic paralysis leaving me unable to move.

"You too," he mumbled, his face pressed into my neck, where he had collapsed. He turned his head a little, and I could hear him more clearly. "I have absolutely no idea why we don't spend more time doing that," he told me.

"Me neither," I replied, as I shifted a little. Edward took the hint, and rolled off me, pulling the covers back up and then wrapping himself around me again.

"I love feeling cared for," I told him, snuggling into his side, my eyes closed and a satisfied smile on my face.

"That's good, because I love caring for you." I felt him kiss me on the head and then we both drifted back to sleep.

~*~*~EY~*~*~

As he'd promised, Edward was on his best behaviour for the whole of the day. He helped his dad chop wood for the fire, peeled vegetables for Esme, and paid me constant attention in between times. Rosalie even cornered me to ask if I was pregnant at one point, he was being so attentive.

After dinner he disappeared for quite a while. It was probably more noticeable because he'd been around me for most of the day, but I definitely missed him. When he eventually reappeared by my side as I watched TV with Alice, Jasper and Emmett, he had a secretive smile on his face.

"Come with me," he said quietly. I looked at him questioningly, but he just smiled more more as he pulled me off the couch and led me from the living room, up the stairs and into our bedroom, closing the door behind us.

"There's something I want to show you," he told me, the muscle in his jaw flexing as he backed away across the room.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, suggestively raising an eyebrow. He smirked.

"Not that," he said, before a mischievous look took over his features. "Although I absolutely _will _show you that if you like. Afterwards."

He picked up my jacket from the chair and held it open. I walked to him and turned around, slipping my arms inside. Placing his hands on my shoulders, Edward turned me back to face him and wrapped my scarf gently around my neck, adjusting it until he was happy. He fastened my zipper up, before pulling my hat from my pocket and nestling it onto my head. I just stood there feeling like a five year old, in a totally cared-for way; smiling at the tender concentration on his face as he dressed me up against the cold.

Only when he was satisfied that I would be warm enough, did he pick his own jacket up and slip it on.

Ducking behind the thick, heavy drape, he vanished from view for a moment. I heard the click of a key turning, a handle being pushed down, and then the sound of hinges protesting quietly as a door opened. Edward's hand appeared on the fabric, pulling it back until his face came into view.

"Come on," he urged me. He was smiling, but there was something else in his face; almost like a nervous energy. I wondered what on earth it was that he wanted to show me that had this effect on him.

As I followed him behind the drape, I emerged into a beautiful, twinkling fairyland. Everything had a thick, frosty covering that glittered where the light touched it, and all around the terrace, coloured fairy lights were trailed. It was magical.

"Wow. It's beautiful out here." I wandered slowly over to the railings at the edge of the terrace and looked out through the night, across the sound. The moon was bright enough to cast a glow over everything, so it wasn't quite dark. In the distance I could see boats lit up on the shining black water, multi-colored bulbs defining the lines of the vessels.

I felt Edward come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, pressing himself against my back.

"I'm glad you like it," he breathed into my ear, his head nestled down next to mine. "I thought it was kind of perfect."

I smiled and let go of the rail, holding onto his arms instead as he hugged me.

"It is," I whispered.

"Bella, I want you to know how I feel about you," he began. I sensed a slight change in him as he spoke this time, and my heart speeded up slightly in response. I hated it when he was anxious.

"Edward, you don't have to—" I tried to turn around to face him, but he held me in place.

"No, I do. I mean, I _want _to."

I sighed, knowing that arguing with him was futile.

"This was the last thing I was looking for when I met you; a relationship. I'd had my heart broken and I knew that I was never ever going to give another woman the ammunition that would let her do that to me again. And then you…" I felt tears threatening to form in my eyes as he spoke, just as he squeezed me a little tighter. "You came along like some fucking…" he laughed "Love ninja or something—"

"Bella Swan – Ninja of Love," I joked. "I like it."

"I don't," he said, kissing me gently on the neck. "You know what I prefer?"

He was still kissing me, his warm lips heavenly against my chilled skin. I closed my eyes, revelling in the sensation.

"Bella _Cullen_ – Ninja of Love," he murmured.

As his words registered, I opened my eyes quickly and gently turned around. This time he took his arms away to allow me to move. As I faced him, I looked up into his face questioningly, wondering if I'd misinterpreted his words. His eyes were bright, but his jawed flexed nervously. He smiled a small, hopeful smile at me and then he stepped back and…dropped down onto one knee.

I swore that my heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second, and this time there was no stopping the tears that welled up in my eyes as the enormity of what was happening, hit me.

"Bella. There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind, that when you came into my life, you saved me. I don't know how I ever lived without you, but I know that I never want to again. I love you more than I knew it was possible to love somebody. Will you marry me?"

My mind was so overcome, that when Edward produced a small box, opened it and held it up to me, I had absolutely no idea where he had produced it from. The light glinting off the diamond ring that nestled within the dark blue velvet lining of the box brought me back to the moment, and I realized that Edward was looking at me expectantly, still waiting for an answer.

"Yes," I said, smiling. "I'd love to." We both broke out into relieved laughter, and he stood and swept me off my feet in a hug, spinning me around before he set me back down and kissed me. As we pulled apart, he took the ring from the box that he still held in his hand. I watched as he slipped it onto the trembling third finger of my left hand.

"I thought that only happened in movies," I said, smiling as I admired how it looked.

"What?"

"The ring being a perfect fit. I'm not the kind of girl that happens to!" I told him, delirious with happiness.

"I guess you are now," he told me, smiling back as he kissed me again.

I cradled my left hand within my right and brushed my thumb gently across the ring.

"I love white gold," I told him. He smirked.

"It's platinum." He lifted my hand and looked from the ring to my face. "It was my mother's," he said. I gasped quietly. That was some responsibility. "It looks beautiful on you."

"Thank you," I whispered. I stood staring at the ring again, lost in my thoughts, until finally Edward broke the silence.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to burst in a moment. Can we go and tell everyone?"

He was grinning like a child; there was no way I could have said no, even if I'd wanted to.

"Come on then, I can't wait to see Alice's reaction," I said, giggling.

Edward guided me back inside and closed the door behind us. I began taking off my extra layers. When I'd finished, I turned to find him looking at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing really. I was just kind of hoping you were going to keep going with the striptease."

I sashayed up to him and stood as close as I could get.

"Well, there'll be plenty of time for that later, Mr. Cullen," I told him, stretching up to kiss him.

"I can't wait, _Mrs. Cullen_."

I rolled my eyes as I took a step back.

"I won't be Mrs. Cullen until _after _the wedding, duh!" He stepped closer and wound his arms around my waist, pulling me back to him.

"I know that, I was just practising. I can't wait." We kissed again for a moment, before I broke away.

"Do you mind if I call my dad first and tell him?" I asked.

"Of course not," he said, settling on the bed, as I pulled my phone out and began to dial.

"Dad? It's me," I told him when he answered.

"Oh, hey, Bells. Everything OK?"

We talked for a moment, catching up, before I broke the news to him. He said all the right things and congratulated me in a tone that sounded genuine enough, but something was bothering me.

"Well?" Edward asked as I ended the call.

"He was pleased for us," I told him. "He didn't seem very surprised though." I was puzzled by this as I sat on the bed, but Edward was smiling.

"That's because I wanted to do it properly," he said, sidling up next to me. "I asked his permission when we visited."

"You did what?" I asked in surprise. I shook my head and flinched at the thought. Poor Edward. "That must have taken some balls."

"Yeah, literally if things go wrong," he said, raising his eyebrows at me. I looked back, not quite following what he was saying. "Your father threatened me with castration if I ever hurt you," he clarified.

"Oh my God, he didn't?" I snorted.

"You don't believe me?" he asked.

"Oh, no, I definitely do; I just wish I'd been there to see both of your faces!"

"Come on, let's go and do this." He stood and offered me his hand, pulling me off the bed.

The living room came into sight as we descended the staircase. I took a moment to soak up the image of the people in front of me. Where had all of this come from for me? I'd always wanted to be part of a large family, and now I was; although even if Edward had come along entirely alone, I would still have felt that I was the luckiest person on earth.

Nobody really looked up as we reached the living room, and we'd been standing there for a moment or two, Edward's arm around my waist, before anybody took any notice of us.

"What are you two smiling about?" Esme asked us, smiling too as she walked into the room with a tray of snacks.

"We have an announcement to make," Edward said happily. A couple more heads turned our way and I heard someone give an impatient 'ssh' to whoever hadn't noticed us and was still talking.

Eventually everyone was looking at us expectantly. I'd normally have been mortified at being the center of attention like this, but for once I was too happy to care.

"Bella has agreed to marry me; we're engaged!" Edward announced, the excitement audible in his voice, I grinned up at him as the room filled with 'ooh's', 'aah's', cheers and applause…and then the physical onslaught began. We were hugged, kissed and had our hands shaken. The congratulations flowed, and then so did the champagne. If I'd felt welcomed before, that was nothing compared to how I felt now.

A while later, after the fuss had subsided, I went to the kitchen to help Esme clear up.

"Bella, I can't thank you enough," she said, taking both my hands in hers and looking at me affectionately. "I'm not exaggerating when I say that Carlisle and I thought we'd all but lost Edward. I have no idea what you did to turn him around, but I want you to know how grateful we are to you." She pulled me into a hug, and when she moved back I could see tears glistening in her eyes.

"I really didn't _do _anything." This attitude that his family had that I'd saved him somehow, still seemed strange to me. "And any changes are purely down to Edward. He's worked hard; I'm proud of him."

"Me too, honey."

Esme let go of my hands and we carried on clearing up. I glanced up as Emmett walked in.

"Hey! There's my favorite sister!"

I looked at him in horror.

"Oh my God, Emmett, do _not _let Alice hear you saying that!"

"Too late," a voice behind him said. As I was about to panic, Emmett turned around and scooped Alice up in a bear hug.

"I knew you were behind me all the time, Squirt, I was just kidding. I have _two _favorite sisters now." He winked at me and I laughed.

"OK, guys. I'm really going to puke in a moment. You think we can tone down the love a little?" Rosalie asked as she walked in.

"She's a softie really," Em told us, letting go of Alice and tackling Rose instead. "You should see her when I…" his voice tailed off as he whispered the end of the sentence to Rosalie. She squealed and hit out at him playfully.

After breakfast on Christmas morning, Edward had another question to ask me. I'd just finished drying my hair after my shower when he came and put his arms around me.

"Bella, would you come with me to visit my mom's grave this morning? It's kind of a Christmas tradition we've got going."

"Of course I'll go with you. Do you all go, or..."

"I missed it last year; refused to go as part of my grand rebellion. I…haven't been since; I missed her birthday too. Emmett and Alice usually come, but they're going to stay and help Esme with dinner this year." I began to protest, but he stopped me with a small kiss. "It's important to me that you come too. I need you with me."

"Ok," I whispered, stroking some hair off his forehead and hugging him.

~*~*~EY~*~*~

It was only a half hour's drive to the cemetery, and although we had chatted happily in the car on the drive there, as soon as we drove through the gates, a sombre mood descended upon us.

Edward parked the car and we opened our doors. We climbed out and he took my hand as he led me slowly along a pathway between the graves. We didn't walk far before we left the path and crossed the grass, finally coming to a stop next to a bright white headstone which declared itself the last resting place of Elizabeth Cullen, loving wife and mother.

Edward inhaled deeply and I squeezed his hand to let him know I was there for him. He offered me a small smile and then let go of my hand to bend and lay the small festive wreath that we'd brought along. As he straightened up again, he took a step back and put his arm around my shoulders as he cleared his throat.

"Mom, this is Bella. But of course, you already know that because you said you'd watch over me, and also because I'm pretty sure you handpicked her and made sure she found me." He looked down at me nervously, so I smiled to reassure him. He was still looking at me as he continued.

"She's funny and clever, and caring, and I would say one of a kind," he said, looking back at the headstone. "But then, she reminds me a lot of you so I guess that can't be true. You'd have loved her just as much as I do. She's going to be the next Mrs. Cullen, which is quite a task to take on, because it means she has you, Rosalie and Esme to live up to. But…I know she can do the title justice."

Edward's little speech was overwhelming, and I was unable to speak for a moment as I swallowed back tears. He carried on, telling her all about the latest news on his brother and sister, and how he had a new friend in Jasper, that he was thankful for. He encouraged me to speak, and I did, a little. I thanked her for bringing Edward into the world, because I really didn't know what I'd ever do without him. I told her how much I loved him, and why, and how wonderful the rest of her family were.

Edward finished off by saying that he wished his mom was there so she could give us her blessing for the wedding.

As he finished speaking, he turned to look at me again and froze. "It looks as though she just did," he added, as he reached forward and pulled a fluffy white feather from my hair.

We both stood looking at it in his palm for a few seconds. I was more than a little freaked out, but he just tucked it into his pocket and smiled at me.

"Come on," he said. Everybody will be waiting for us at home. Let's go and celebrate your last Christmas as Miss Swan."

We glanced back just once, as we began to make our way back to the car, and into the future.

~*~*~EY~*~*~

**So, there's the last chapter :o). I think there will be an epilogue, so please feel free to review and mention if there's anything in particular that you'd like to see in it.**

**For anybody who read my Boxerward one-shot 'Below the Belt', Part Two has just been published in the Fandom Against Famine compilation, and will be up on my profile in December.**

**I'd also like to take this opportunity to introduce Fandom for Heroes, a new fandom fundraiser that I'm involved with. If anybody would like to sign up as an author, contribute to one of our causes to receive the compilation or help to spread the word, then please take a look at fandom4heroes(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Thank you xx**


	26. Epilogue

**We're finally at the end. I'd like to thank everyone who has read, reviewed and rec'd this story. I love you all. I know I'm rubbish at replying to **

**reviews, I usually have no time or no computer to do it on, but please know that I have read and been grateful for every one of them.**

**Thanks to beckybrit for reading through this for me.**

**If you've enjoyed this story, please make sure you place the Elusively Yours Outtakes on alert, just in case I ever get the urge to add an update in the**

** future :o).**

**Disclaimer – Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

**Epilogue**

"There is no way this can be happening." Bella was freaking out big time. I just couldn't stop grinning.

"But it is."

"But it's impossible!"

"Well…clearly it's not."

"Will you stop smiling like that, Edward? It's not funny!" I wrapped her up in my arms.

"I'm sorry, baby." I told her, stroking her hair. "I'm just happy, I can't help it."

"But the wedding's still four months off, I'll be showing by then," she wailed.

"So you're panicking, not because the test was positive, but because you'll be walking down the aisle with a bump under your dress?" I stepped back a little and looked at her. A tear was running slowly down one of her cheeks as she nodded. "Well that's a problem we can solve easily enough, we'll just bring the wedding forward."

"We can't bring the wedding forward! Everybody knows what our plans are. They'll all guess something's going on." She slumped down onto the bed and I sat down next to her.

"Well, we'll just tell them we decided that we couldn't wait." She sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"It would still be too much of a rush. We couldn't possibly get it all prepared in time."

"Then we'll put it back," I tell her, shrugging.

"No! I'm doing this in the right order. There's no way I'm putting it back to afterwards."

Bella twisted her hands anxiously in her lap, as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and stroked her arm up and down.

"Baby, I'm doing my best here, but I'm pretty sure that's all of our options covered. You're going to have to give a little, one way or another."

"I just wanted everything to be perfect." She wiped her hands across her eyes. I moved off the bed and crouched down on the floor in front of her, cupping her face so

that she was forced to look at me.

"And now it is. Nothing could be more perfect than this. I love you." I leaned forward and placed a small kiss on her lips. She relaxed for a moment and then stiffened again.

"Oh my God! The book launch!" she exclaimed. I sighed.

"Why are you worrying about that?" I asked her, struggling to understand.

"Because it's next Wednesday morning, and all I do is vomit until noon." She began to cry again.

I stood up and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

"What are you doing?" she asked curiously, sniffing as she looked up at me through wet lashes.

"I'm calling Alice."

"No! You can't tell anyone! It's too early!" She jumped up and reached for the phone. I held it up, out of her reach.

"Bella. You're worrying about everything here, and it isn't good for you or the baby…" I paused as I said the word, half aware of the goofy smile that had spread across my face again. "If anyone can sort out everything we have going on here, it's my sister. Come on, we can't possibly do this alone."

Bella relaxed and sat down again.

"Fine, tell her. But swear her to secrecy, ok?"

"You expect her to keep this from Jasper?" I asked. She sighed in exasperation.

"Ok, ok, she can tell Jas. But that's it. Nobody else."

"Agreed," I told her as I dial Alice's number.

Alice answered on the second ring and I told her that I had some news. She guessed immediately what it was, and I saw Bella flinch as Alice's squeal reached her ears from where she was sitting.

"The thing is, Alice, Bella's feeling a little overwhelmed. Could you spare some time to help us out? I think we're going to have to reshuffle things. The Christmas wedding is definitely out."

So much for the twelve month engagement. We'd done everything so quickly; getting together, Bella moving in with me, and then the engagement, that we'd decided to wait a full year to get married. With this new development though, we were more than likely going to be married with a baby on the way by our first anniversary.

I wasn't sure who was the most excited, me or Alice. I glanced over at Bella. It was definitely not her, anyway. I knew that she was in shock though, and I was positive that once it passed, she'd be looking forward to the prospect of our new arrival too.

Alice promised to come over that evening to make a start on the re-organization that needed doing. She actually offered to come right over, but I was floating in my happy place and intended to share it only with Bella and the microscopic life we had created inside her. I ended the call and turned to Bella.

"I'm going to take such good care of the both of you," I told her, kneeling down in front of her again. "Would you like to take a bath? I'll run one for you if you like." She reached out, fisted the fabric of my t-shirt and drew me to her, kissing me lightly on the lips.

"Only if you'll come in with me," she said. "I'm not sure I can cope with being alone right now."

There was something adorable about her vulnerability. It wasn't something I'd seen much of from her, and I liked it.

"Of course I will," I told her, kissing her again. "Give me thirty seconds to turn the faucet on. I'll be right back."

I almost ran to the bathroom, pushed the plug in and set the water running, adding a dash of Bella's favorite bath bubbles to the water, before rushing back to her.

Once back in the bedroom I relaxed again, as I removed my clothes. As soon as I was naked, I pulled Bella to her feet and undressed her tenderly, starting with her top half. As I unfastened the zipper on her skirt and let it fall to the floor, I dropped to my knees. I couldn't resist stroking the soft skin of her belly and planting a soft kiss just below her belly button. I looked up into her face and saw that she was watching me with a slight smile on her lips. She reached a hand out and stroked my hair.

"You're going to be a wonderful father, Edward," she told me.

"If my fathering skills are even half as good as I know your mothering ones will be, then I'll be happy," I told her, standing again. "Come on." I took her hand and led her to the bathroom. She slid her underwear off as I leant over to shut off the water. I climbed in first, and then held out my hand to her to help her in. She settled down between my legs, reclining with her back against my chest.

Gently I ran my finger up and down her arm, trying to relax her. She hummed contentedly, so I guessed that it was working. I closed my eyes, revelling in the peace and calm of the moment. When I opened them again to comment to Bella that she was very quiet, I found that she had her hands on her belly. Another wave of happiness saturated my being, and I cast my eyes over her, trying to commit the contented image before me, to memory.

As I looked, I realized that there were already subtle changes to her body. Her breasts were a little fuller and her nipples were slightly larger and darker. I knew that things were going to get a little more dramatic than that in the course of the next eight months or so, but the fact that she already had visible signs of the changes going on inside, was pretty incredible. I couldn't wait to see what the future held.

By the time Alice arrived that evening, Bella was already much calmer and accepting of the situation. Excited might be taking things a little too far, but I think it was safe to say that she was showing definite signs of happiness.

"Oh my God, you two! I can't believe it, I'm so happy for you!" Alice gushed when I opened the front door to her. She threw her arms around me and then all but ran to the living room to do the same to Bella. "Jasper sends his congratulations too, naturally. He's really pleased for you both."

"Well, tell him thank you, would you, Alice? We appreciate it."

"I will," she said, smiling. "Right." She was all business-like now, as she removed her jacket and pulled a pad of paper and a pen from the bag she had with her. "So no Christmas wedding I hear?"

"Definitely not," Bella said. "There is no way I'm being a pregnant bride."

We both looked at her.

"Ok, so I _will _be a pregnant bride," she said in exasperation. "But I don't want a baby bump underneath my dress."

"Ok," said Alice, pulling her pocket diary from her purse. "So I'm thinking we have, three months at the absolute maximum, to do this. Two if we want to be sure."

"I do want to be sure. _Can_ we do it in two months?"

"On one condition," I told her. "That you let Alice and I arrange it all. I don't want you getting stressed."

"I'm going to be even more stressed if I have to leave it all to you two," she said. She looked horrified. "I want this to be small and understated, especially now."

I looked at Alice. Bella looked at Alice. Alice just didn't _do _small and understated when it came to events.

"So, tell me what you _do_ want," Alice told her.

"I want to get married outside. Somewhere beautiful, with just our families and a few friends."

"Outside? You're sure? You do remember that we live in the Pacific North West, right?" I said to Bella. She gave me a withering look.

"Yes. We'll just add umbrellas to the list of things we need for it, just in case." She turned to Alice and pointed to the notepad. "Write that down."

Alice smirked.

"Yes, ma'am."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"Nearly done. Come on, Bella, I said breathe in…"

"I _am_ breathing in, Alice," I said through gritted teeth. "Please don't tell me that it won't fasten, I _will_ cry."

I felt her tug at the fabric and a few moments later she stood back.

"There! All done. You might not want to sit down though. Or eat anything."

I turned and looked at her in dismay.

"You promised you'd let it out after I tried it on last week."

"I…uh…" She looked at me and bit her lip. "I did. You must have grown again." She flinched as she told me.

"How is that even possible?" I demanded. "This baby's going to weigh twenty pounds by the time it's born if it keeps growing at this rate."

"Look, it'll be fine. You have that wrap you can use to cover your back if you want me to unfasten a couple of the buttons before the wedding breakfast."

I blinked back tears and nodded. Moving in front of the mirror, I gasped in wonder at my reflection. Alice had done an exceptional job on me; my hair and make-up were flawless, and the dress was perfect. Or it would have been were it a little larger around the waist and chest to make it more comfortable. I turned sideways and looked again.

"Is it obvious?" I asked as I examined myself carefully. I was painfully aware of the swell of my stomach beneath the dress. "Oh my God, it is, isn't it? Everyone's going to know…" I was becoming panicky.

"Bella, calm down. It's only obvious to you because you know. Trust me, nobody else will notice anything."

I raised my eyebrows at her, but she just looked steadily back at me. I huffed out a breath.

"Ok, fine. I believe you."

There was a knock at the door and Alice glided across the room to answer it. How the hell did she 'glide' in heels? I wished I had her grace, especially today when I was to be the center of attention.

"Hey, Bells." It was my dad. I turned to face him and his mouth dropped open a little as he looked at me properly for the first time. "You look beautiful, honey."

"Thanks, Dad," I whispered.

"Ok, Bella. I'm going out now," Alice told me. "I'll see you outside,."

"Thanks, Alice." I held out my arms and she stepped into my embrace for a moment.

"You'll be fine," she whispered. I hoped she'd be right.

Once Alice had left, I caught my Dad looking at me strangely.

"Is everything ok?" I asked him, my heart beating a little faster.

"You look different. I…I can't put my finger on what it is, though." He tilted his head to the side. I attempted a light-hearted laugh, but it came out sounding kind of strangled.

"It'll just be the hair and make-up. Alice _is_ amazing at it," I told him, trying to wave his observation off.

"Yeah, I guess," he said, although I could tell that he wasn't convinced.

"Jeez, look at the time!" I exclaimed enthusiastically. "We'd better go."

I turned for the door, but then realized that my Dad wasn't following.

"Bells, now you're sure about this aren't you? Because it's not too late. I don't want you thinking that because you've got this far, that people will be mad if you back out."

I laughed.

"Dad, I'm sure. Absolutely one hundred per cent sure. I love Edward." I paused as I looked at him. "Are _you _not happy about me doing this? Because you know, I was under the impression that Edward asked for your permission and you granted it," I said, a little confused. My Dad offered me a sad smile.

"If you're happy, then I'm happy, Bella. I just don't understand why you're in such a hurry."

"Well, I have to say, you pick the best moments to raise your doubts," I told him, smiling. He hung his head for a moment, before he looked back up at me.

"I'm sorry. So, just to be sure; you definitely want to do this?" he asked me. I kissed him on the cheek.

"Yes. I definitely do."

Five minutes later I was standing at the pier, my arm entwined with my father's. I looked straight ahead, ignoring the people lining the space between me and Edward. Almost as though he knew I was there, he turned. The light on his face as he found me was enough to cause tears to form in my eyes. This was despite the promises I'd made to myself that I wasn't going to cry. He smiled his dazzling smile at me and I smiled nervously back.

Beside him, Emmett also turned and clapped him on the shoulder when he saw me, which I took to be a sign of approval. Somewhere off to the side, a string quartet began to play and my dad nudged me – that was our cue. Together we made our way along the strip of pale blue carpet that had been laid along the length of the pier.

It seemed to take forever before we reached the end. When we finally did, my dad placed my hand in Edward's and took a step back. I looked up into Edward's face and marvelled at how beautiful he looked in the autumn sunshine. Mother nature appeared to approve of our union enough to hold the rain off, at least.

As the music ended and the minister began to speak, I diverted my eyes from Edward for the first time, and our perfect surroundings struck me. The sky was a flawless blue and there wasn't a ripple on the lake as it nestled at the foot of the surrounding hills. The water was fantastically clear right in front of us, but changed to a vivid blue the deeper it got. It was perfect.

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

"I want to tell them," Edward whispered to me as we sat side by side eating our dessert. I looked at him; he was glowing. How could I possible deny that face? He was like a child at Christmas. I smiled.

"Alright. Go ahead." He stopped. It had evidently been the last response he'd been expecting.

"Are you sure?"

"No. I'm freaking out at what everyone will say, but we've had the sonogram and I've passed twelve weeks now. I guess it's as good a time as any. At least my dad won't cause a scene here!" I said, only half joking. Edward paled a little as he shot a look across at my father and winced.

When it finally came time for the speeches, Edward watched nervously as Emmett pulled a folded sheet of paper from his pocket. I put my hand on his knee and leaned in to whisper to him.

"Relax. I had Rosalie promise me that she'd check it over beforehand." Edward smiled at me gratefully. It turned out fine and Emmett had found the perfect balance between funny and sweet.

My dad went next and predictably made me, himself, and all of the women in the room cry with his open declarations of his love for me.

Finally it was Edward's turn. As he stood, he looked at me anxiously. I nodded and reached out, squeezing his hand to reassure him. He stood tall, letting his eyes roam over the small group of close family and friends gathered to celebrate with us.

"If anybody had told me this time last year that I'd be standing here married to the most beautiful woman in Forks, I'd never have believed them. Well, actually I'd probably have cursed at them and thrown a punch, but that just shows what a difference the love of a good woman can make. And Bella _is _good. She's about as damn near to perfect as you can get." A couple of whistles sounded around the room, and he smiled at me.

"I know a few of you thought that our original plan for a Christmas wedding was rushing things, and that even more of you thought that moving it forward to October was plain ridiculous. Well, hopefully you'll appreciate why we did move things forward when I announce that Bella and I are expecting our first baby in the spring!"

Edward grinned down at me and I beamed back at him as a collective gasp and a series of surprised murmurs went around the room. It only took a moment for the cheers and applause to begin and Edward pulled me to my feet, kissed me and hugged me tightly into his side. As I risked a look at the faces in the room, I was relieved to see smiles all around. Carlisle was grinning widely, Esme was virtually bouncing off her seat with excitement, and even my dad was smiling, although I could see the promise that we would discuss this announcement later, on his face.

I looked across to Jake, who was sitting with his arm around Leah, and he raised his glass to me, a huge sunny smile on his face. I returned it, grateful for his support. Of course, he had been the only person we had told aside from Alice and Jasper. He was still my best friend, alongside Edward. It seemed fair to share some good news with him after everything we'd been through together.

"Thank you," Edward said to our guests. "Just before I ask you to raise your glasses for a final time, I have one last announcement to make. I wanted them to make this public themselves, but they seemed to think it would take something from mine and Bella's day. I disagree. In my opinion the more reasons to celebrate, the better, right?" A mumbled agreement went round. "So, I'd like to congratulate my little sister, Alice and my good friend Jasper on their engagement! It looks like we'll be getting to go to a Christmas wedding after all."

I grinned again as Alice and Jasper graciously accepted the congratulations coming their way, with big smiles.

"Please raise your glasses to Alice and Jasper."

"Alice and Jasper," the crowd replied as they raised their glasses in a toast.

"And to my beautiful wife, Bella."

"To Bella."

**~*~*~EY~*~*~**

_Oh God, oh God, oh God. _

I was going to die, I was sure of it. There was no way that a person could experience this much pain and live to speak of it.

"Ok, Bella, that's the head out. As soon as you get the urge again, I need to you to push as hard as you can for me and your baby will be here."

"Baby, you're doing really well," Edward told me, pushing my hair back off my forehead with the hand that I wasn't crushing. He shifted for a moment, but was quickly back. "I can see the head!" he whispered excitedly to me, his voice thick with emotion. Or I imagined it probably would, in all honesty I was pretty lacking in awareness by this point.

I was past the point of cursing at him and vowing to rip certain parts of his anatomy from his body; I just wanted this over with now. For the past ten minutes I'd been tackling this with a new level of determination, and when I needed to push again soon after the nurse's words, I told myself that this was it, that baby was coming out this time.

As my body reacted naturally to the urge, I gritted my teeth and bore down as hard as I could. Suddenly all of the pressure vanished and there was the sudden sound of triumphant voices in the room, followed by a baby's cry filling the air.

"Congratulations, you have a son!" the nurse told us, smiling as she lifted the purple-colored wet, wriggling child onto my chest. I cradled him to me and gazed down into his face. He looked…squashed. I laughed a little as I gently stroked my finger over his face and greeted him. Looking up, wondering where Edward was, I saw the nurse walking him through cutting the cord. As soon as it was done, Edward came back to me…or rather, to us. He kissed me softly on the forehead.

"I'm so proud of you, Bella. Look what you did!" he said, bending over and kissing our son's head too.

_Our son_. It sounded so strange.

"We have a son," I whispered, testing how it sounded out loud. We had another minute or so together, both murmuring in wonder at how blessed we were, before the nurse came and took our baby to the other side of the room to clean him up and weigh him.

"What day is it? I asked Edward, my head flopping to the side to look at him as soon as my arms were empty again.

"Tuesday. It's eight forty-five in the evening."

"No wonder I feel exhausted," I told him. "I've been awake for over thirty-six hours. I should have known I wouldn't be lucky enough to have a six hour labor," I grumbled. "Not that it matters now he's here of course," I added quickly.

"And he's perfect. Just like his mother," Edward said softly. I guffawed and shifted a little, wincing as the movement reminded me how sore I was.

"Are you ok?" Edward asked, his face full of concern.

"About as ok as anybody would be having squeezed something that size out of their most delicate area," I informed him, raising my eyebrow.

"He weighs eight pounds ten and a half ounces," the nurse announced from the other side of the room. I winced again at the thought of it. That was pretty big, especially considering my frame. "And he's twenty two inches long."

I looked at Edward.

"He's going to be tall like his daddy," I told him, smiling. The nurse crossed the room and handed our cleaned up little bundle back to me.

"Have you decided on a name?" The nurse asked. I looked at Edward and he smiled at me and gave a small nod.

"Yeah. Uh…Max. Max Masen Cullen." I'd been keen to have 'Edward' as our chosen middle name for a boy, but Edward had really wanted to pass on one of his middle names instead. I could understand it entirely when he explained that it was his mother's maiden name.

"That's lovely. It suits him," she said, smiling as she looked at Max's little face for a moment, before going back to her paperwork across the room.

I pushed the pale blue blanket back off his head and lifted his tiny hat a little. A tuft of downy hair poked out. As it caught the light, I smiled at the coppery tone that suddenly illuminated from within. "He has your hair too," I said, thrilled at having a little boy so much like his handsome father.

"His beauty is all you, Bella," Edward told me as we both watched him in wonder. Looking at the dazzling man with his arm wrapped around me, even with the dark circles beneath his eyes and the scruff on his chin, I had to disagree. I was beyond lucky to have two such adorable men in my life.

"I guess this is the beginning of a new chapter for us," he said, holding our son's tiny hand between his fingers. "Do you think it will be easier than the last one?" I snorted a little and Max grunted as he squirmed in his blanket. I looked up at Edward who laughed softly at me.

"Oops!" I whispered. "And in answer to your question, no, I don't think it'll be easier. I think we just began the biggest challenge of our lives; I hope you're up to it, Cullen."

Edward smirked.

"Bring it on, Baby. I can't wait."

**The End**


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